I'm a Big Shot Baby!! :P What are you..?

Since del is currently existing in a world of assessments
and is counting on whatever is left of her brain to survive..
she has a lacking of an ability to form a decent blog post..
therefore the following has been used as a substitute..
sorry for any inconveniences..
and to scarlet.. yes im nothing but a rip off of you :P

Birth Test
Our Birth Date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our
inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the
challenges we are facing. To figure out your Birth Number, add all the
numbers in the Birth Date together, like in the following example, until
there is only one digit.

A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it
will just color your choice differently and give you a little
insight.

Example: March 20, 1950
3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973
1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20
2 + 0 = 2

Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. 2 is the Birth
Number to read for the Birth Date in the example.

#1 THE ORIGINATOR
#2 THE PEACEMAKER
#3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
#4 THE CONSERVATIVE
#5 THE NONCONFORMIST
#6 THE ROMANTIC
#7 THE INTELLECTUAL
#8 THE BIG SHOT
#9 THE PERFORMER
===============================================
# 1 - THE ORIGINATOR -
1s are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them labeled as being stubborn and arrogant. 1s are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn: Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.
{Famous 1s - Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett,
Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.}

#2 - THE PEACEMAKER -
2s are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy, they sh ould learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off.
{Famous 2s - President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopie Goldberg, Thomas
Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.}

# 3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY -
3s are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.
{Famous 3s - Alan Alda, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster}

# 4 - THE CONSERVATIVE -
4s are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fu lly understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.
{Famous 4s - Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina
Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey}

# 5 - THE NONCONFORMIST -
5s are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.
{Famous 5s - Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent
Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hail.}

# 6 - THE ROMANTIC - 6s
are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy.
A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence
their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to
help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6s should learn to
differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.
{Famous 6s - Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep,
Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn}

#7 - THE INTELLECTUAL -
7s are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is "slow and steady wins the race." They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable
and what is not in the world at large.
{Famous 7s - William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez,
Princess Diana, Vince Ricciardi}

# 8 - THE BIG SHOT -
8s are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good jud gment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to base their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want.
{Famous 8s - Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda,
Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostradamus}

#9 - THE PERFORMER -
9s are natural entertainers. They are very caring and
generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they
have
no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so
many different personalities that people around them have a hard time
understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and
blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes
in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving
foundation.
{Famous 9s - Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy
Carter, Elvis Presley}


-Del-

Somethings just never change...

*sigh*
first day back..
term 2..
and find out its bout 19 days till exams..
of which i did zero hw over the hols..
and have a 2 week cram period of assessments..
follow by not so amneste-ic amnesty..

anyways..
so yeah it was first day back..
but bleh..

=============================================

funny..
i go and open up the blog..
then other than a single draft ^ (look up)
i literally disappear off from any posts..

yeah and really like scar mentioned before..
i do have a few drafts..
tho they always end up to only be like 5 lines long only
coz i find that they seem to be like pointless to publish
but i never get back to finishing em..
-.-

think it was like on anzac day evening..
or the nite after..
was stuck at the resto so started watching today tonight
since there was nothing on..
and they had some thing on how turkish guys were sneaking
into aust legally
bout how guys "lure" the aussie girls into believing that
they love em then get married to them to gain a spouse visa to live in aust..
or something along those lines
and have these women go on bout how they feel cheated...
and how their husband walked out on them
a few days after their spouse visa was approved
and for some they had kids before they were married
so the aussi wives are left with a pending divorce
as well as children to look after..
and a hubby who apparently gets to keep the spouse visa..
or wahtever..
but i just found it really too "coincedental"
that they chose to show that particular story..
just before their next which was..

the inclusion of turkish ppl in the anzac march this year for the first time ever

that those died in gallipoli on the other side of the war lines
get honoured as well under the anzac day..
and just the previous story hads to be a negative story..
followed by the positive one..
whether or not it was intended that the
first story cast a dark light over the next..
or the second story to cast a more positive view over the negative one..
i just find it a bit suss...
with the whole majority of stories on the show
either full on adverts on which household thing is better?
or the scary affect of some thing or the other on kids
or schooling stuff..

on the whole lack of posting..
really ive been up at 430 last thurs and fri morning..
rushing to get belated holiday hw done..
which ended up in me with awakeness in the day..
and physically tired all this w/e
:S and shaky today.. ><

i was just thinking the other day..
wolfwhistles...
would ppl take it as a compliment or insult..?
like if ure confident of ure own body image and all
you could jus say yay! someone thinks im hot..
yet again theres those out there its like
"im not some object or animal.. treat me decently as a fellow human"
like it can be an insult i guess..
depends how you take it..

ah well random thought from a random day...

life statment..
still go that for RE..
ive done bout like 1 and 1/4 pages..
but it slightly seems pointless since half of it is like
random talk..bout nothing but my like context and what ive done recently..

tired..
g2g
nite nite
*hugz*

ps. no promise on posts till like after exam period..
so sometime in June...
or in the week pre exam...

My nutrigrain has finished, so I'm munching on a carrot right now...

Because Adella is damn lazy and has like a million draft posts which she to date hasn't completed yet, I shall enlighten this blog with my presence. (Yes it is the wondrous Scarlet again)

Well today Adella had a great day, she set off wanting to rent a dress, but she ended up buying one! Go Adella! I'm sure you'll look dam fine in it! =) (God knows who can be actually bothered reading this, but still...)

Last night I was aggravated as hell, because unexpectantly my phone decided to die. Well actually it didn't exactly decide as such, however it just went *BEEP* with an alert flashing on the screen every 5 seconds 'WARNING -- LOW BATTERY', and decided to suicide exactly approximately one hour, forty-seven minutes and 15 seconds later.

I shall post an exclusive DRAFT-post from my xanga here:

I'm so bored right now ><

I did my Chem test today instead of next Friday, because I don't exactly want five tests next week. So yeah =) I have geog on 15 May (Mon), --> day after Mother's Day. That weekend I'm not going to get any study done so I have to do it next week =/

Today I got exam timetable. I don't like it man! Yes its all very good and yadda yadda, but I wanted a five day weekend! Arghh stupid physics.

Yes, I do not approve of abusive behaviour, however at times, the yr 8's just send me running off a cliff. They STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LOCKER ROOM AND TALK! Bl**dy Hell, can you PLEASE go OUTSIDE if you want to talk? You are obstructing the free flow of students -- namely Year 12s. Effing hell, your lockers are so damn big, put your schoolbags INSIDE your locker. All I ever see is the lockerroom lined with schoolbags.
Yes I admit, not everyone is like this, but I'm just aggravated at the majority, because they obviously need to learnt that mummykins is NOT going to come and pick up after them.

I was going to post it on my xanga last night, forgot about it, and then found it on my computer just then. Sorry about my 'angry' feelings, but quite often I am quite aggressive, abusive, abrasive at times. =)

Tonight, I shall like to express my anger at tourists. Ok, this after noon I was at Fremantle (or sometimes named with more passion; 'Freo', with a huge O sound at the end), and suddenly some tourist trots up to me, and in a heavily accented english asks me "Where is ______?" (Insert some random place which is most probably located in Iceland). My in...
Wait, it shall be easier to read if I wrote it in script format...... tada--> *REWIND* *PLAY*
Tourist1: *trots up to Scarlet* *heavily accented english* Where is ____________? (Insert some random place which is most probably located in Iceland)
Scarlet: *blinks* Um, huh, hey, yeah, uh, .........Sorry I don't think I know
Tourist2: *faces Scarlet* Oh, dear, are you a tourist as well? *faces Tourist1* I went there yesterday dear, here, its in that direction *points*, its next to ____Building
I got mistaken as a %%&^$*&^% tourist!! >< Sorry for using gross colours for the above, eating this carrot has impeded the function of my brain.

Anyway, that's all from me for now -- I got to make some instant noodles now. Byee --

Opening up...

Well after much thought..
well not really...
just had a random urge the other day just to open up to everyone..
so..

welcome to my blog of 2 years..
of which for the last year has been password prompted..
and really..
since it contains so much stuff.
there's bound to be some stuff that may offend some readers
and really the point of this post is to say..
that when written...
past posts were written in the belief that there were a selection of people who would only be able to read it and since ive removed it..
if you come across any post that you may find offensive too bad..
its your choice if you choose to read
and comment at your will
but im not gonna bother going through and changing any part at all
just for the sake that people will be offended..

anyways..
enjoy..
i hope at least some of these "scribblings" provoke some logical thoughts

nite.
*hugz*

I am eating nutrigrain right now...

I know you must have been filled full of excitement when you start reading this post, thinking that it is Dearest Adella updating her fantastic blog. Well my friends, sorry to disappoint you, but this is actually Scarlet. Yes I took over her blog! (I can actually see a frown coming onto your face, and you beginning to cringe this very moment, and your preparation of weapons of mass destruction to rid this world of creatures/beings such as Scarlet)

Anyway, lets start getting to the point. Why am I invading in private thinking space? Well I am a lazybum, and can't be bothered finishing the blog post I started in my xanga, so yes, here I am, trashing Adella's little blogging haven.

To make this somewhat sad and secluded post 1% meaningful and worthwhile I've decided to be a good samaritan and post some pictures, because Adella never does so!!

Last Day of School '05

MLC Ball '06

House Singing & Drama Day

Pelican Point

Geog Excursion

Doesn't Adella look so hot?

PS. The author of this post was 999% insane when writing this post. The above post is not is based on real characters either alive or dead. The author holds no responsibility for any deaths, marriages, pregnancies, births, graduations, bankrupcies as a result from the above post.

PPS. Adella, I suggest that you change the template a bit, by where it says the author nickname, put the tag <$BlogItemAuthorNickname$> in instead of 'DELLA' =) so that people know when I invade your blog.

Opening up to the world...? oh and quiz.. :P

hmm..
you know those [x]quizzes..
strangely enough im liking em more and more...
tho could partly be because it starts off a post..
and i dont have to say much but put in an "x"
^^
so here's another one..
this time from an email i received..
tho it seems a bit familiar... :S

Put an x by all the things you've done in your life and send it to
[ ] smoked a cigarette
[ ] crashed a friend's car
[ ] stolen a car
[ ] been in love (hmm.. not sure bout this one.. i think i'll leave blank)
[ ] been dumped
[ ] shoplifted
[ ] been fired
[ ] been in a fist fight,cat fight or swearing fight
[ ] snuck out of your parent's house
[x] had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
[ ] been arrested
[ ] gone on a blind date
[x] lied to a friend
[x] skipped school
[x] seen someone die (on t.v)
[ ] had a crush on one of your internet friends
[x] been to Canada
[x] been to Mexico.
[x] been on a plane
[x] purposely set a part of yourself on fire
[x] eaten Sushi
[ ] been skiing/snowboarding
[x] met someone in person from the internet
[ ] been moshing at a concert
[x] taken painkillers
[x] love someone or miss someone right now
[x] laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
[x] made a snow angel
[x] had a tea party (lol with toys when i was lil.. and with my sister)
[x] flown a kite
[x] built a sand castle
[x] gone puddle jumping (funny i hate the rain now)
[x] played dress up
[x] jumped into a pile of leaves
[x] gone sledding
[x] cheated while playing a game (in cheat? ^^)
[x] been lonely
[ ] fallen asleep at work
[x] fallen asleep at school
[ ] used a fake id
[x] watched the sun set
[ ] felt an earthquake
[x] touched a snake
[x] slept beneath the stars (well either a tent or hoochie)
[x] been tickled
[x] been robbed
[x] been misunderstood
[ ] petted a reindeer
[x] petted a goat
[x] won a contest (yep.. those chinese school ones ^^")
[ ] run a red light (still cant drive -.-)
[ ] been suspended from school
[x] been in a car accident
[x] had braces
[x] eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night (well dunno if it was a pint but it was a helluva lot ! damn american different standard measurement system -.-)
[x] had deja-vu. (too many times)
[x] danced in the moonlight
[x] liked the way youlook
[ ] witnessed a crime
[x] questioned your heart
[ ] been obsessed with post-it notes
[ ] squished barefoot through the mud
[x] been lost (both in the physical and mental sense)
[ ] been to the opposite side of the country (no but the opposite side of the world)
[x] swam in the ocean (its called the beach -.-)
[ ] felt like dying (cherish life too much..)
[x] cried yourself to sleep
[x] played cops and robbers (yep when i was lil ^^)
[ ] recently colored with crayons
[x] sang karaoke
[x] paid for a meal with only coins
[x] done something you told yourself you wouldn't
[ ] made prank phone calls
[ ] laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
[x] caught a snowflake on your tongue
[ ] danced in the rain
[ ] written a letter to Santa Claus
[ ] been kissed under the mistletoe by your significant other (can i say i wish? :P)
[x] watched the sun rise with someone you care about
[x] blown bubbles
[ ] made a bonfire on the beach (bonfire yes:P.. beach no :( )
[ ] crashed a party
[x] gone rollerskating
[x] had a wish come true
[x] worn pearls
[ ] jumped off a bridge
[ ] ate dog food.
[ ] ate cat food.
[ ] told a complete stranger you loved them.
[ ] kissed a mirror
[x] sang in the shower (lol.. notice PAST TENSE :P)
[x] had a dream that you married someone (a dream i really wanna forget >< )
[x] glued your hand to something (yep..glued my hand to my hand.. as in itself >< when i was lil)
[x] got your tongue stuck to anything
[ ] kissed a fish or a frog
[ ] sat on a roof top
[x] screamed at the top of your lungs
[x] have done a one-handed cartwheel
[ ] talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
[x] stayed up all night
[x] didnt take a shower for a week (the word "camp" mean much ? :P)
[ ] pick and ate an apple right off the tree
[ ] climbed a tree
[ ] had a tree house
[x] afraid to watch scary movies alone
[ ] worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others would say
[ ] gone streaking
[ ] gone doorbell ditching
[ ] played chicken (what the hell is chicken? its the second time ive seen it asked)
[ ] been pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on (no but the swannie river incident was quite recent ><)
[ ] been told you're hot by a complete stranger
[ ] broken a bone
[x] been easily amused
[x] caught a fish (net wise not fishing with rod n string n bait)
[x] ate a fish (well not a WHOLE fish.. but ive eaten fish before)
[ ] caught a butterfly (:( they always fly away from me)
[ ] laughed so hard you cried
[ ] cried so hard you laughed
[x] cheated on a test
[x] have/had a Britney Spears CD (well it was a tape)
[x] forgotten someones name (happens too often :( )
[x] Braided someones hair... (well plait..at least if not braid)
[x] gone skinny dipping in a pool/lake
[ ] been threatened to be kicked out of your house (no im a good girl ^^)
[ ] been kicked out of your house
[ ] been pushed into the snow w/ shorts on
[x] wondered if the person you like still likes you

anyways..
after that..
you know what im wondering?
im just wondering if i should just take off the password thingy..
yeah the age-ish old question :P
ok...
first of all the main reason of its presence was once a go..
i wanted privacy from my sister..
but i realised now on her computer it just doesnt show up..
so there goes that reason..

but its really the vents that really affect ppl..
the fact that some maybe offended..
but i just dunno..

in a way its the "thing"..
the whole what ppl think i guess..
the fact that you guys get to read this..
its that yes i trust you guys enough
and invite you to read my thoughts..
an open invitation to my mind..

and really today..
ive just been thinking if i open up and take it off..
well really there's the potential that more ppl could read..
but then again..
for me it can get more restricting on what i could say
in trying to avoid offending people..

any opinions on whether or not to remove the password thing?
just feel free to tag away...
honesty is all i really want..

nite nite
*hugz*

Quiz n Talk

Scar you've prob seen this before..
got it off arnina's xanga

[x] I am shorter than 5'4. (probably?)
[ ] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance. (at times when ure a fish outta water)
[x] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger(well yes if "pretty" counts?)
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears
[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life

[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work

[x] I'm in school.
[ ] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[ ] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[x] I've stolen something from my school/job
[ ] I've been fired.
[x] I've skipped school.

Embarrassment

[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[ ] I've snorted while laughing.
[ ] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[ ] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public

Health

[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[ ] I've gotten stitches.
[ ] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor's office with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.

Travelling

[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences

[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[x] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've been an abuse victim.
[x] I've gone skinny dipping. (when i was little)
[ ] I've played spin the bottle
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing
[x] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've met someone in person from the internet.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern Lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[ ] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten Sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.
[ ] I've been bungee jumping.

Relationships

[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've had someone cheat on me.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[/] I have a fear of commitment. (unsure at the current moment)
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality

[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] I love to flirt.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime

[x] I am a terrible liar.
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my/someone's house.
[ ] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[ ] I've shoplifted.

Drugs/Alcohol

[x] I've consumed alcohol
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed.
[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I'm a stoner.
[ ] I've snorted cocaine.
[ ] Eaten shrooms
[ ] Popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I've been anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it
[ ] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I'm addicted to self harm.
[ ] I've woken up crying.
[x] I've cried myself to sleep.
[ ] I see/have seen a therapist/counselor

Death and Suicide

[x] I'm afraid of dying.
[x] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism

[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I own something from Hollister Co.

Political/Social Attitudes

[ ] In general, I don't like people.
[ ] I'm a feminist.
[ ] I'm outgoing.
[ ] I listen to political music.
[ ] I'm Democratic.
[ ] I'm Republican.
[ ] I'm liberal.
[ ] I'm Independant
[ ] I don't like Bush because he is dumb.
[ ] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[ ] I am for Bush.
[ ] I'm religious.
[x] I dress fairly modestly.
[ ] my attitude is "If you've got it, flaunt it."

Random

[x] I can sing well.(in my head :P )
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily.(at times)
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly (well at least i did.. and now its more of i curse esp when under stress)
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[x] I'm a snob about grammar.(if i can be bothered to be)
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have/had "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day.
[ ] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[ ] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[x] I know how to shoot a gun.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[ ] I laugh at my own jokes.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I believe in aliens.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate
[ ] I bite my nails.
[ ] I play video games.
[ ] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.(if i fail at what my parents want)
[x] My answers are totally honest.

you know what?
these days the most thought provokign thoughts i get
are from reading either times magazine
or from reader's digest
in the waiting rooms of medical clinics
or the hospital

namely coz i had to go to one again
coz of my sister

and dated 2004
you know how diamonds are made outta carbon atoms
strongly bonded together in a covalent network?
and we living organisms
at death have a carbon ratio of
1:10^12 C-14:C-12 ratio?
there was this thing that was talking bout
a service who with cremated remains of your loved ones
will turn it into a diamond..
therefore you literally are wearing ure own well loved one..
in a freaky sense its sorta comforting
but really..
the body of someone real close as a form of jewellery?!?!
in a spiritual sense
ok if ure a woman.. and you love diamonds..
and well think that will be a way to remember ure loved ones..
and have a twisted sense that ure loved one is always with you then fine..
but hello?
materialistic world?
what if it were stolen?
hmmm great thing to have resting on ure conscience..
"my loved one was stolen and is now probably on some black market
being sold for real cheap price"
or really gods know what has happened to it?

OR

after you die.. how much would the next possessor cherish it?
like would they just sell off ure "loved one" in a desparate need for money?
after all to them it may just be a "thing"

ah well..
and on to another thing i read...
there's a virus that makes ppl fat?!? O.o
its like adonene-36, AD-36
well either 36 or 30 cant remember any more
where it multiplies fat cells..
therefore with the virus you would just be getting fatter and fatter
its just such a scary idea..
in a world where stick thin to females = beauty..
well that is the majority im speaking of..

and there was another thing..
hmm..
think it was like yeah..
male and female perception of beauty...
that female its stick thin..
the thinner the better..
where as it tends towards teh voluptuous for male view of beauty..
ah well..
beauty is beauty..
and really confidence ups beauty..
i think that really you need both figure and the whole radiant like aura..
and all you can say is each person to their own form of beauty..

hmmm some of that was useless..
since i didnt care bout some of what i was writing..
ah well..,

after all i wrote before..
doesnt really hit much as anything that i feel like..
much about..,
well maybe the loved ones and diamonds a bit..
but really its just i dunno..
bit closed off today?
:S
not sure..

ah well
nite nite
*hugz*

Quiz n Vent

Bored so did a few quizzes...
well and i also noticed the nice quote area on this template :P
so yeah

You are a Healer.
About Healers...
You are a rare individual. Idealistic almost to a fault, the Healer is known for his or her selfless and caring nature. Oftentimes a quiet sort, you have a hidden passion for life that no one else can understand. You want to -- and you can -- make such a difference in this world. The question you often find yourself asking is, "Why can't other people see this side of me?" Unfortunately, that's just your nature. Lots of people (who you may resent) go out seeking attention, but you'd rather have it come to you. That doesn't always happen because its just not a perfect world.

People who don't know you might first think "boring" when speaking with you. You know better, though -- even if you are tempted to believe them at times. To those that know better, you can be an incredibly special friend. Seek out these kinds of people and you'll find life to be much richer -- let the others miss out on the hidden treasure that is you.

Throughout your life, you may face an awkward internal fight between good and bad. Your desire to do right is balanced by an equally-powerful need to avoid wrong. Everyone makes bad decisions -- that's just a part of life. But when you do something you know is wrong, that stupid conscience of yours makes you feel terrible. Oh, the horrors of being a Healer.

Possible Careers: Social Worker, College Professor

social worker...
well that seems a possibility but college professor?!?! O.o

lets jus conclude on no and i cant teach?

returning to last time..
or really whatever..
i wonder..
with the whole sperm race thing..
if the proposal actually ended up becoming reality?

you know what?
i dont feel like talking bout that...
well not anymore..

for those who read this following stuff
and from the hinting know of this following stuff
plz dont inform the actual person
i still personally believe that i do have a right to my opinion
and since ive put the password thingy back up
im assuming he wont have a chance to find this out
so do me a favour and dont let him find out
my opinion remains the same
and this is my vent

*sigh*...
why the BLOODY HELL CANT YOU LEAVE ME ALONE
yes i know blah blah and blah
but seriously..
i know you need time..
but what of me!?!?
hello im NOT over it yet..
if you havent bloody realised?
i keep avoiding you..
oh and the fact that i was congratulating cindy on kicking you?
hmm fine my mum's like you should be nice to ppl..
whether you like em or not..
fine but you know i do have my limits
and atm
its at i still cant bloody stand ure fucking presence..

sometimes like ppl say..
if you try expressing any feelings it really can end up
stuffing the whole bloody thing up
some say
"how can you turn back when you've seen the world?"
true...
but in reverse
i find out the truth
and no i dont want anything to do with you
i dont understand it but seriously

you once asked why some ppl cant look past some things
cant turn a blind eye to some things
but seriously
it really depends on each person's principles
each person relates to another in different ways
and for some
really i cant relate in that kinda way
sometimes
when ppl turn things around
it can turn a single person's point of view..
a whole idea of some one's world can turn upside down
well for me
in some things i cant really accept it..
it really is like strange
and its outta my world and concepts
and my ideas
it just cant make sense to me

some of these things i just really cant process
like it just doesnt sink in
and really i feel disgusted..
it just sickens me on such a strange level

the only way i can seem to deal really is to turn away
but what can i do?
wen its something i am forced to face frequently
and i dont want it
i dont want to have to accept anything
i just find this all TOO WRONG

everything you bloody DO annoys me
the air you breath sickens me
dont you get it?

i even was as forward as i wanted to be
i literally said
and have said many times
GO AWAY

and i still remain on the same stance
i cant help it
and its not doing good

oh and the talk?
oh its lovely
you know now how much i agree with that dude we heard of in lit?
something along the lines of
its better that women are not talked of or good or bad?
atm i totally agree
i dont want to HEAR of talk of me
im GO to a girls school'
there's bound to be plenty of bitching around

NO
i dont want to hear more outside of school
i really dont want to hear of ppl
telling me how i should treat a particular single person
coz this person has been talking to others bout the way i treat them

i am a person
i DO have the right to do what i choose
whether or not i conform to the constraints of a bloody bitch
or a player
or a ditz
or a good daddy's lil girl
or any bloody stereotype

i do as i choose
bloody hell
fine its true when i say and do things
i sometimes or even most times dont think of reactions

and really i thank scarlet to for reminding me of somethings that i say outta line
i truely thank her frankness for telling me these things
which is good
but the talk im talking of
is something which is way more diff

i dont want to hear of talk from this person
to another who then later relates it to me
i dont want ANY more guilt over this bloody person
who wont leave me alone

for christ's sake LET GO
oh and the fotos done help much now do they
let go
go away
and stop pix whether or not you take em still
i dont want to have any more run ins with cameras
OR camera fones
the dvd with all the pix sorta
up-ed the not so happy with you

you know what?
im camera paranoid at times now?
fine ive taken to taking pix of myself
but hey..
thats whenever i have random up times
wen i actually do feel comfortable with my own self esteem and body image
really
non consentual pix dont help
oh and camera fones?

dont you just love em?
why is it that every time i tend to have
run ins with fones that have cameras who also take pictures?
damnit
i really really hate them
yes they are a convenient gadget which is good
coz you dont have to bring a camera with you everywhere
but seriously
these things also have their bad side
i cant stand the site of camera fones
teh fact taht ppl using em
can potentially be taking a foto
it just is scary...

oh last note?
LET GO
the more you think about it
less likely you are to let go

oh for those who think im harsh?
think bout it
the fact that i had to be the one who had to START the whole
"face-it-i-don't-like-you-in-that-way" talk
my god
really i am disgusted i even had to go through with it
well
and teh fact that HEY it had to come from me
being FORCED by a teacher to face up to something
which i dont need to deal with
coz it wasnt a prob to me before

and really?
apparently you've had 4 years to get over it?
you said ure trying to let go?
hello i dont SEE any signs..
yes ure around less often
the pictures from before?
they still bug me
that there is that slight chance that he has them
its just way to freaky
its creepy
and its scary
and i dont want want to know

you know you can vent but HELLO?
venting to others who in turn turn around and tell me to stop doing what im doing?
i dont restrict anything you do
i avoid and if you do stuff then fine
i try my best to ignore
bloody hell

dont you get the idea of i at the current moment REALLY HATE YOU!?!?

damnit

anyways..
after the long vent..
and impossible "enter's"
(my enter key is stuffed on the laptop
nite nite

*hugz*

Ps. you know..
i think i could turn this in to a whole sectionalised topic name
QV - Quiz result AND vent :P

H-O-L-I-D-A-Y-S !!!

Yay-ness!
its the hols..
well..
that is the first halfday of the hols..
since we only had half a day of school ^^
thank god for Holy Thursday

but what am i doing?
im sitting at home..
Online.. on msn.. and well typing a post
which i guess can be a good thing..
coz i feel like posting..
or at least talking
which means im in a good mood ^^

or at least i think i am :S..

anyways...
guess i lost my wordiness..:S

=====================================
ok..
that was a whole week and a day ago..
and seriously..
over the time that i've had..
my god now i feel like i've gotta do a major mental dumping of thoughts..

first of all..
as you can see i finally gave in to reader pressure
and changed the template ^^ hope u can read this one
i sorta put in minimal effort..
cos really i feel like talking more than i do editing..
and both ways i cant do much to the template anyways..
*unskilled when it comes to IT*
and cbb with the tagboard colour..

anyways..
easter break..
dad spent the whole time with us ^^
well as much time as he could..
which was MUCH appreciated
no time like family time :P

Good Friday -
went boating..
well the plan was to actually clean the boat..
then go boating..
but ended up just cleaning boat..
i bought a spare change of clothes..
since i sorta couldnt work in a mini skirt and shirt..
so therefore i had working clothes and dry clothes..
with all the cleaning i got the working clothes wet..
so i really was lucky to bring a spare change of clothes..
but as we finished..
and found that the battery for the starter was flat..
we decided to go home..
so doing up all the flaps and stuff..
i was standing on the side which is like 30cm wide..
using the silver rail to keep me on the boat..
but my dad zipped up the flap so i no longer could hold it..
so without anything to balance with..
i fell backwards into the swannie river..
and the fact that the boat was still on the jetty..
and well using the side of the boat as leaverage..
i got up outta the water..
and got my legs cut on the barnacles on the side of the boat..
pain ><

went to watch ice age 2 and had dinner at sizzler

saturday -
really cant remember what happend on this day..

sunday -
cant remember either

monday -
cant remember

tues -
went to city with gar kat mona and nith
and well steven since he tagged along with mona..
had lunch at the food court
and then went to alexander library..
did a bitta reading there..
but didnt end up having much done..

and well
on to what i really wanted to talk bout..
well not really..
since i still have to talk bout other days

wednesday -
went to mercy hospital with mum n sister..
and spent 8 hours there waiting with sister..
coz she was having her wisdom teeth extracted.

really what trigged thought on that day really was from times mags i read
yep..
i read times magazines but too bad they were from like 2004
:(

what really caused intrigue was a letter to the editor
and an article on the Donor insemination ethics

ill talk about them later...
after i finish the talk on the week..

yep
and thursday -
stayed at home the whole day watching movies
namely hzgg since it was my sister's choice in viewing..
since she was in recovery

friday (today) -
woke up this morning
walked to dia's house
first time ever! and my god i never thought it was that far...
100 houses away..
well technically 4 blocks..
anyways..
for lunch i went back to the resto
a whole half hour walk along the hwy
afterwards went out to nb
and played pool with ron n jemmy
came back to the resto and went home all over again

ok..
now that its over time to talk bout what i wanna talk
ethics :P
well just discuss..

there were talking bout the proposal for a tv show called
"Make me a mum"
something like that
well reminder this was round 2004
where it was proposed that it would be a big brother like show..
but a race of sperm racing for the ulimate price of life..

ugh..
have 2 go
nite nite
*hugz*
continue some other time

Jealousy.and Envy.

Yep.
my attempt at a post.
anyways..

"people are changing every single second of their lives..
for everything you do out of the norm you have in a way changed yourself."

that's waht i have for my personal msg on msn..
really..
just a thought i had when i was filling in the quiz before..
im really tired but i wanna type this post up..
its like i havent had any form of like output
or expression of thoughts recently..
need the outage..

um..
well
yeh..

anyone got any ideas bout the stopping or removal of jealousy?

you'd think.
with all the things we in a western society..
and being in the upper working class..
attending an school where the affluent are a plenty..
and having material possessions which round 75% of the world's population
dont even know how to use or know if it exists..
ppl would be content..
but WHY THE HELL..
does the jealousy still bite...?

if its not this..
then its that?
even..
sometimes it occurs within families as well
WHY???

is it really the feeling of inadequacy of oneself?
or just the fact that there is greed lurking in the minds of all?
basic animal instinct to want what others have?
or just the fact that everyone is a harsh judge of themselves?
or just the fact that the world revolves
around every single person..
and they just think that hey..
"if its meant to revolve around me why dont i have that?"

And what of envy..
where is the line of difference
which divides jealousy and envy?

and if its not material jealousy..
then what of relationships and emotions??

why are there mind games..?
the idea that there is a need for cunning.
an animalistic/instinctive push forwards to outwit to outsmart..

god im so god damn tired..
and its only 11:21pm

i dont get why the hell
im so god damn exhausted these days as well -.-

i really wanna write more
and do a total mental dump..
but maybe later i guess..
since seriously
sleep is over coming me..

oh and last note...
THANK GOD school lasts only for half a day tomoz..
it means NO CHEM!!!
yay!! DONT have to deal with my NEW CRAPPY chem teacher..
who cannot teach and drives ppl outta taking the subject..

anyways..
nite nite
*hugs*

Quiz and Grumpy Del

*sigh*
even my mum thinks ive been grouchy recently
-.-
maybe i just have..
but i dunno..
i just cant help it..

had house singing, mime and drama yesterday..
we didnt get into the finals
:(
but gl to all those who've competed tonight..
to all those in mimes, drama and choirs..
of which most likely scar is the only one who this will really
apply to since no one else really checks..

hmmm...
i sorta wanna post..
but i really dont feel like typing..

umm..
the formal ball fotos have come in..
and everyone looks SO pretty ^^

my sister sent me an email quiz thing..
mite as well do it..
might put me into a bloggin roll/spree later

------------------GENERAL INFO------------------Starting Time: 10:17pm
Name: Adela
Star sign: Aquarian >
School: Disclosed.
Location: House dwelling creature
Colour of eyes: Brown
Hair colour:Black
Shoe Size: What the? somewhere in the range of 7-9
Brothers/Sisters: One word says it all? Lina
You live with: my family

------------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------
Missed school because it was raining:
Nope.

Put a body part on fire for amusement:
Not lighting on fire no.. but ive done the whole
swishing finger over flame for fun..

Been skinny dippy:
Maybe when i was little and i may have forgotten..
but most likely no.

Thrown someone in a bonfire:
am i that evil?
no course not 0=)
mm plus the fact that we're sorta lacking the presence of
bonfires round here.

Been in a car accident:
Yes.. when i was lil..
and NO i wasnt the one driving ^^"

Been hurt emotionally:
think about it?
who hasnt?
i mean if you think you havent.. then either
A) in denial
B) havent really loved anyone enough to care bout what they think
C) had a really lucky life..

Kept a secret from everyone:
Who doesnt have their own secrets?
tho for me more likely that somethings have leaked out before..
and i mean really..
this question should be asking have i ever told someone a
secret that i kept from everyone else..
i mean how ambiguous?

Cried during a Movie:
Yes!!!
and sometimes too often.
what i really dun get is why..
that when i was lil
when i cried.. my sister laughed and teased me.
:(

If so what film:
Too many to count
cant even rememember em anyways..

Ever thought an animated character was hot?
Nope.
havent really watch many animes..

Been on stage:
Too many times.. -.-"
as much as i hate it
i think i still slightly love the thrill of it..
well as long as there is any talent there that is..


---------------Favorite------------
Shampoo:
er.. why would you wanna noe?
tho really for your info i use a whole range..
since i keep alternating or mixing whatever is left..
^^"

Soap: hate soap

Fav colour:
B-L-U-E!!!
and i will stab anyone who by know STILL doesnt know that ^^
and well on occasions pink and purple are nice

Fav deodorant:
um.. what the once again?

Summer/Winter:
bitta both..
i prefer autumn and spring ^^
the transitional seasons

Cartoon Characters:
pass..

Movie:
*shrugs*
cant think of a particular one atm

Ice Cream:
MEH.
its all icecream anyways ^^
and i LOVE IT ALL!!!

Actor/Actress:
-No Comment-

Subject:
Strange as it may sound..
Religious education
and well..
i like voice but its not really a school-wise subject..

Animal:
Dogs..
Well.. in general most animals ^^

People:
Friends. Family. Aquaintances.
Need i say more?

---------------RIGHT NOW------------------ >
Eating:
No. But hungry ^^"

Drinking:
No. Thirsty, but.
Note to self:maybe after this get something to eat AND drink

Thinking:
Bout what the hell to write in order to asnwer these
simplistic but sorta thought provoking questions
tho other than that..
the depressing life im leading of which how the hell..
im gonna escape it and what the hell to do all these hols..

Wearing:
Blue shirt n Jeans

Met someone new:
Over the weekend yeah meant some new ppl at the wedding reception..
otherwise nope not recently..
not much of the social person..
i like to keep to close-knit groups
where its all familiar...

Cleaned your room:
I guess you could say its a work-in-progress ^^
sorta messed it up recently

Been pissed off:
quite a bit..
tho not aggressive pissed off..
sorta more of not happy nor "grr" angry
but slight things can really aggrivate me

---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------
Yourself:
What do you mean by that?
atm i think not..
tho really depends on what mood im in..

santa:
not exactly...

tooth fairy:
nope.

angels:
as cliched as it sounds..
yes.
not the whole babies in diapers playing harps with wings..
but
they are in the people around you
who spend time with you.
those who manage to be with you at all times..
if not in person but at least in spirit
who have been there for you in times of good and bad..
they are the angels on earth without the wings

some say..
friends are the angels who walk among us..
ok.. that was totally paraphrased..
but anyways you get the gist..
friend=angel

elves:
No.

intelligent life in space:
Completely no idea or stance on this.

ghosts:
If they dont exist then at least there's bound to be
some spiritual presence..


--------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------ >
Do you have a soul mate?
Would you say so?
depends on your interpretation really i guess..
the soul mate as in a destined life partner..
or just someone who understands what you're going through
and knows what you're thinking..
personally im just too confused to know an answer for this..

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
No.

Who have u known the longest of your friends?
Of which i still talk to constantly?
i would say scarlet..
met her on the first day of school..
lol yr 8 class rivals we were..
and look what we've turned out as?

Who's the shyest?
i wouldnt know..
and sometimes i dont want to give a damn.

Who's the weirdest?
Everyone.
Everyone has their own degree of weireded-ness..
and really. everyone tot themselves.

------------------------------------------------------------
ABOUT GUYS FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT

Boxers or briefs:
Wouldn't know.. :S
and im not going to even decide or think bout it..

Long or short hair:
Short.
well really as long as it doesnt go past the ears..

Six pack or muscular arms:
Im thinking both would be better? :P
nah dun really care..
just as long as he isnt bulging with fat..

Good or bad guy:
I want both :P
really..
thing is people can be both
and for me..
i really wouldnt settle for just either...
but then again..
lets just see..
what happens in life

Hat or No Hat:
would it matter?
they'd have to take it off sooner or later..

Tan or fair:
Either? dun care..

Rugged or sporty:
*shrugs* what's the diff?

Accent or not:
Prob depends on the person and degree of accent..
coz really the language barrier goes to a certain extent..
i dont want some guy talking and me..
of which i have to spend 99% of the time asking them to repeat
coz their accent is heavy i cant even understand them

Funny or not funny:
For once an easy choice ^^
Funny!

Cute or sexy:
Can i be greedy and say yet again..
Both!?! :P

short or tall:
DEFINATLEY TALL
otherwise i cant wear my beloved heels :P

straight or curly hair?
straight.

---------FOR EVERYONE TO FILL OUT----------
Silver or gold:
Gold

Diamond or pearl:
Both? it depends on my mood..
but i like both ^^
jus not together.. then it gets TOO much..

Sunset or sunrise:
Both, other than the actual motion..
they look the same..
and personally..
without one there is no other..

Do you sleep with stuffed animal:
yeah some lil stuffed animals that i got when i was lil ^^

Have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone:
No.

Do you have any piercings?
Yep. Just earring holes.

If yes, what?
See Question Above

Rain, sun or snow?
Sun AND Snow?
well snow then sun?
well either sun or snow..
i dont like rain

What is the weather right now?
Night time weather?

Do u like cookies?:
Yep.
Have you got one for me?

Finishing Time:
11:06 pm

hmm..
strange the quiz seemed so familiar..
i remember doing it i think..
yeah bak in eitehr yr 8,9 or 10..
tho most likely in yr 8 or 9
anyways..
ending this one..
and we'll see if i get another post in..
if not
nite nite
n
*hugs*

[x] i have or [ ] i haven't?

[x] I have eaten more than 5 meals a day.
[ ] I have read a lot of books.
[ ] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[ ] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[x] I have been to Canada.
[x] I have been to Europe.
[x] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[x] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[x] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[ ] I have been snowboarding/skiing.
[x] I have played ping pong.
[x] I swam in the ocean.
[ ] I have been on a whale watch.
[x] I have seen fireworks.
[x] I have seen a shooting star.
[ ] I have seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I have almost drowned.
[x] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
[x] I have listened to one cd over & over & overagain.
[ ] I have had stitches.
[ ] I have been on the honor roll.
[ ] I have had frostbite.
[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[x] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects.
[ ] I currently have a job.
[x] I have been ice skating.
[x] I have been rollerblading.
[ ] I have fallen flat on my face.
[x] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[ ] I have been in a fist fight.
[x] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight.
[ ] I have passed out from being drunk.
[x] I have watched power rangers.
[ ] I do attend Church regularly.
[x] I have played truth or dare.
[x] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[x] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[ ] I've lost weight since one year ago.
[x] I've called someone stupid. And meant it.
[ ] I've been in a verbal argument.
[x] I've cried in school.
[x] I've played basketball on a team.
[x] I've played baseball on a team.
[x] I've played football on a team.
[x] I've played soccer on a team.
[x] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[x] I've played softball on a team.
[x] I've played volleyball on a team.
[ ] I've played tennis on a team.
[ ] I've been on a swim team.
[ ] I've been on a golf team.
[x] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[ ] I've bungee jumped.
[x] I've climbed a rock wall.
[x] I've lost more than $20.
[x] I've called myself an idiot.
[x] I've called someone else an idiot.
[x] I've cried myself to sleep.
[x] I've had (or have) pets.
[ ] I've owned a spice girls cd.
[x] I've owned a britney spears cd.
[ ] I've owned an N*Sync cd.
[ ] I've owned a backstreet boys cd.
[x] I've mooned someone. [mooned as in yearn for someone]
[ ] I've sworn at someone in authority.
[ ] I've been in the newspaper.
[x] I've been on TV.
[ ] I've been to Hawaii.
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
[x] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[x] I've watched all of the Harry Potter movies.
[ ] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[x] I've watched the 3 stooges.
[ ] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
[x] I've watched Looney Tunes.
[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker.
[ ] I've been called a geek.
[ ] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[x] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
[x] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[x] I've met a celebrity/music artist.
[x] I've written poetry.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[x] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
[ ] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[ ] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[x] I've had/have siblings.
[ ] I've been to a rock concert.
[x] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've been picked last in gym class.
[ ] I've been picked first in gym class.
[x] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.

Poems...

sitting in my room..
i sorta was a bit on the deflated mood..
searched round thru my documents..
and came across some of these poems
which i saved ages ago..
just poems that i really like
and postin em here..
something i just chose to share with you guys ^^
anyways..
some of my fave poems..
they should be on the other blog.
but i really cbb..
*edit: i ended up postin em up there as well*

i carry your heart
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

~e e cummings


Always for the first time
Always for the first time
Hardly do I know you by sight
You return at some hour of the night to a house at an angle to my window
A wholly imaginary house
It is there that from one second to the next
In the inviolate darkness
I anticipate once more the fascinating rift occuring
The one and only rift
In the facade and in my heart
The closer I come to you
In reality
The more the key sings at the door of the unknown room
Where you appear alone before me
At first you coalesce entierly with the brightness
The elusive angle of a curtain
It's a field of jasmine I gazed upon at dawn on a road in the vicinity of Grasse
With the diagonal slant of its girls picking
Behind them the dark falling wing of the plants stripped bare
Before them a T-square of dazzling light
The curtain invisibly raised
In a frenzy all the flowers swarm back in
It is you at grips with that too long hour never dim enough until sleep
You as though you could be
The same except that I shall perhaps never meet you
You pretend not to know I am watching you
Marvelously I am no longer sure you know
You idleness brings tears to my eyes
A swarm of interpretations surrounds each of your gestures
It's a honeydew hunt
There are rocking chairs on a deck there are branches that may well scratch you in the forest
There are in a shop window in the rue Notre-Dame-de-Lorette
Two lovely crossed legs caught in long stockings
Flaring out in the center of a great white clover
There is a silken ladder rolled out over the ivy
There is
By my leaning over the precipice
Of your presence and your absense in hopeless fusion
My finding the secret
Of loving you
Always for the first time

~Andre Breton

somewhere i have never travelled
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

~e. e. cummings

Reluctance
Out through the fields and the woods
And over the walls I have wended;
I have climbed the hills of view
And looked at the world and descended;
I have come by the highway home,
And lo, it is ended.

The leaves are all dead on the ground,
Save those that the oak is keeping
To ravel them one by one
And let them go scraping and creeping
Out over the crusted snow,
When others are sleeping.

And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,
No longer blown hither and thither;
The last lone aster is gone;
The flowers of the witch-hazel wither;
The heart is still aching to seek,
But the feet question 'Whither?'

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?

~Robert Frost

anyways..
back to study..
or may come back for a decent post..
dunno really..
depends how i feel..
but hope you enjoyed reading em ^^

Post #290

hmmm...
nearing the 300 mark..
my bloggie's getting old...
anyways..
im waiting for a song to download before i sleep..
so thought id type up a post..
that after a long time..
that is on a happier note..
tho no guarantee..
since its sorta like my mind dumping area...

i received an email forword earlier...

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart,
are really are weak and most susceptible?

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others
are the ones that really need someone to protect them?

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are:
I love you, Sorry and help me

Did you know that those who dress in red
are more confident in themselves?

Did you know that those who dress in yellow
are those that enjoy their beauty?

Did you know that those who dress in black,
are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?

Did you know that when you help someone,
the help is returned in two folds?

Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face?
But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?

Did you know that if you ask for something in faith,
your wishes are granted?

contemplating it..
it just seems so real..
tho whether or not it is or isnt true
is yet another thing..

im not really trying to argue those statements...
but just wondering to what degree that it is true to everyone..?

i guess..
really to people..
it can be believed to be true..
if one or another thing applies to ureself..
i mean of all those things..
how would you know if they were true..
unless you experience it in some way..
damnit..
seems like im reinforcing the degree of truth in those statements
ah well...

you could be in total denial of being weak..
and not realise it yourself..
or
you could just be saying that i wear black coz it
makes me look slimmer or i like that colour
ah well each person to themselves...

the weekend's past by..
AGAIN..
and ive done NOTHING..
-.-
god damn procrastination..
but i watched legally blonde 2..

i wanna watch she's the man and scary movie 4..
anyone care to go to the cinemas with me over the hols??

True colours...
what are each person's true colours?
who are they?
i mean for those who carry their hearts on their sleeves..
is that who they really are?
or just a mask yet again?
actually
im gonna diverge from that..
since by the looks of it seems to be dipping into a low..

yay i used a physics term
"diverge"
god..
i dun even know why im still taking physics

and im updating my ipod atm..
its taking FOREVER..
since i think i recently added some pix
from the ball on to the comp..
so its being sent on to the poddie..
just taking so bloody long..
i just hope i dun get caught soon..

damnit..
my sister came in
tho thank god she didnt stay..
am i even mean to my sister?
lol
by the looks of the blog
and most posts about her you'd think i completely hate her..

mm
today's been an ok day..
sat seeemed great..
cept for the guilt..
of being caught playing mahjong at a temple..
no we weren't gambling..
but still
i feel bad bout it everytime i think bout it..

i went to my grandparents' house on sat..
for rememberance of my great grandpa...
no wait..
my great great great grandpa..
yeah thats rite..
tho i dunno anythin bout...

some of the family met up..
i got to see my nephew ^^
aww he's so damn cute..
he's 2 and half..
but he doesnt talk that much..
tho he was running round the house
holding a baton like ballon and hitting everyone with it..
and him and i had a mini "sword"/ballon baton fight..
was so funny..
the only things i heard him say clearly were
"i want to kick" and "NOOOOOOOO"

mm
and i saw my lil baby cousin
she was so cute as well
and then jackson (my nephew)
got jealous coz his dad was holding our cousin
and not him ^^
which would make it jealous of his aunt... :S
yeah our family tree sounds bit stuffed up..
but its complicated..

and today..
went shopping for next sat's wedding..
and i forgot my harp concert -.-
which was a good thing i guess.
i really wasnt in the state to be performing..
ah well have to face the teacher tomoz
><

wow..
quite an unintentional long post..
that took bout 20 mins..
anyways..
time to go to bed..
school tomoz ><

nite nite
*hugz* to all

End of Week 9... 1 Week and 2 and half days LEFT!!!

well according to the title..
its left till the holidays...
which really means more study..
if i can get myself to do it..

i really feel like saying something..
and really i did indeed have something
that i was gonna write for this post..
but i guess i sorta forgot it..
as per usual..

you know..
think ill jus go for a typical day/week post..
and see how things turn out..

had the chem test..
the geog..
and lit oral..
(the presentation actually happend this week on mon)
and the lit long essay..

all the tests sorta turned out ok..

the lit long essay..
i started last nite..
and was due today..
i slept at 12 last nite..
and woke up at 5 am this morning..
to get it done..
FINALLY finished and handed in..
i felt so ELATED!!

like there was this great sense of acheivement..
over a simple LONG essay..
i cant believe how much i missed the feeling..
of being at least slighly carefree...

but then..
as day went on..
back to the drop again..
like it feels like theres no reason for anything.
i dont feel sad..
but i dun feel happy either..

yeah i got in the 80's for my chem test..
i was happy bout that for like 2 mins..
then that disappeared as well..
the av for our class was in the 60's..

yeah..
and a whole list of test coming up next week..
><
ah whole set of consecutive test days...
ah well
at least they're not all on mon ^^

why is it..
that i find that i can talk easily to some..
and sometimes there just seems to be such a gap between others...

and seriously..
even in lunch today..
i was sitting there..
all that happend was a whole series of diff small convos..
and i joined in like a bit..
but i jus felt so detached...
why do i feel this way?
ok i guess i do have to admit..
i dont find it as easy talking bout things to some ppl..
and for some ppl..
i cant even have a decent convo without an argument *cough*
but im not like that all the time..

and like..
why cant i talk..
i dont sorta say i dont trust them..
but i just dont talk to em..
like its just this gap..
i sorta cant really relate to em..
even if i did talk to some of them when
they first started sitting with us

why...??

*sigh*
isnt it amazing the ability to exclude??
but what can you say?
there will always be ppl..
who you find..
that theres like this gut feeling
that you cant talk openly to
or like you jsut cant connect with em as well

and i dont want this..
but i cant help it..
i can..
ive tried..
sometimes.. if im with one single person..
its seems possible to bridge the gap..
but with too many..
it seems like too many to deal with...

ah well..
im lacking sleep and well..
its gettin late and i have chinese tomoz
nite nite
*hugz*

3rd post in one day... WOW !!! O.o

Hmm..
on a total blogging roll today...
or blogging spree..
but i guess it gives me a voice...

you know..
reflecting on today...
and some days of last week..
i really pity those..
who are so low in self esteem..
and are so insecure of themselves..
that they need to put ppl down in some way
in order to make themselves feel slightly better..
*for once not relating to sister*

like how low MUST you be..?
that you feel the URGE to bitch...
and judge..?
lol
and yet..
i myself am judging just on this fact..

yeah scar.. its true..
everyone bitches..
whether it its more open in public in comparison to private..
i wouldnt know..
tho obviously there's tends towards the continual backstabbing...

hmm..
i guess i sorta lost track of what the hell i was on bout..
sorta just lost the point..
of what i was talkin bout...

anyways..
nite nite
*hugz*
(in much better state than i was at the start of the evening)

Emotional Survey..

Hmm.. found this quite appropriate..
Survey I stole off Kura's blog who stole it off Al's blog

EMOTION SURVEY

1. what do you do when you're really mad?
Keep it in usually..
if not.. then vent in some way or the other..
but usually keep it in.. goes away soon enough

2. what's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?
Can't really remember..
tho i think i threw a hissyfit at my sister sometime last yr..
and scared teh shit out of her ^^"

3. ever hurt someone verbally when you're mad?
my sister when i threw that pissed of agro fit?

4. ever hurt someone physically when you're mad?
not anything that caused any extreme bodily harm ^^"
tho really i rarely take things out on ppl..
unless they seriously deserve it..
or im jus prejudiced *cough*

5. do you curse when you're mad?
at times.. not always...

Crying Section

1. last time you cried your heart out?
sometime last yr most likely..

2. ever cried yourself to sleep?
Yeah it happens..

3. ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
Nope.. when i really get that emotional..
usually not really anyone round for a shoulder to cry on..

4. ever cry when you get an injury?
Yeah when i was lil...

5. do certain songs make you cry?
Definately some songs definately evoke V strong emotions..
some songs can make me cry..
but really depends on the memories linked to the song
AND the emotional stability at that time..

Pain Section

1. what's the worst thing you've done to somebody else?
Something that happened recently..
of which some ppl know of..
and seriously im scared..
its such a small thing..
its not entirely my fault but then again..
theres that whole guilt..
where yes i contributed to it..
WHY should i have to care?
i dont understand..
thats the real confusion..
the self-centred side says why should i fucking give a bloody damn...
but then sympathetical side just bloody feels guilt.
that its ALL my fault but its NOT entirely my fault
AGGGHHH BLOODY PROBLEM ISSUE THAT FUCKING BUGS ME
and if you do know bout this issue..
and wanna comment..
plz request just to email me..
and not cast it into the open..
i dont want to go thru explainations over it and dig it all up

2. how depressed can you get?
quite a lot..
put in the right surroundings guilt and being alone
can drive the mind into hard thinkign depression
-.-"
damn..
*must think happy thoughts.. think happy thoughts*

Happy Section
1. are you normally a happy person?
Yeah sure..
a few yrs back..
minus the complaints..
wasnt that long ago ^^"
but genuinely..
i can be happy..
just when i can cast aside the imperfections of life..
and concentrate on the present

2. what can make you happy?
Just being around ppl in general...
well that is..
being round ppl i know well
and just having a general talk is all i need ^^

3. do you wish you were happier?
Well being happier really depends on ure self doesnt it?
so in general..
wishing can come true..
Just have to put in the effort..
so i think you should rephrase the q and be
"do you WANT to be happier?"
yeah i'd like to be..
jus need to out and bout bit more..
and ill be happy as larry..
how ever happy that is :S

4. what about being with your friends makes you happy?
DEFINATLEY !!

Love Section

1. have you ever loved someone so much, that you'd die for them?
Not likely.. not atm at least..
and coming from an attitude that says..
i dun need boyfriends..
highly unlikely

2. what happend to number two! ? ! XD
huh? what type of q is this?

3.have you loved someone so much,it made you cry?
not quite sure bout this q..
doesnt really make sense to me..

4.has anyone besides your friends and family ever said 'i love you' to you?
Nope...

Hate Section

1. have you ever been on a hate list?
could be.. no idea really..
and i doubt anyone other than elle has admitted to me they HAVE a hate list

2. have you ever hated any one that broke your heart?
Truthfully...
i have liked and possibly loved but no one has broken my heart..
well maybe my sister :P

Self-Esteem Section

1. is your self-esteem extremely low?
not extremely.. but it has its downward dips..

2.do you believe in yourself?
not really.. sorta lacking in the motivation dept..

3.when people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you deny you are?
i dunno..
really depends who says it..
like i said before..
strangely i can accept such a compliment from an elderly person..
but not from anyone else really..
like ppl my mum's age may say it..
and i just say thanx...
but my peers say it and i totally deny.. :S

4. are you one of those idiots that think they are ugly, dumb, and fat?
no i dun think im TOTALLY ugly dumb and fat..
but im still imperfect..
i still manage to do completely STUPID things..
and i am slightly on the chubby side :P

5. ever wanted to kill yourself cuz you thought you weren't good enough?
how can you ever be good enough for anything?
i mean this world is filled with imperfections..
so why should you ureself be a discount and be utterly perfect???
its impossible..
and seriously
i hate those simple cowards who turn to death..
as a simple outlet..
there are ppl out there dying everyday..
wishing they had just one more day of their life..
where as there many teens jus committing suicide..
not taking a slight thought to the value of their own life..
where later on in their life they could make a change in the world..
and if not..
it would just be brave to go on in consideration of their loved ones..
just to strive on for the sake of their loved ones..

and yeah you can argue they may not have any loved ones
who care for em any more..
but is it still not being a cowardice..
just the fact taht they dotn have anyone who loves them..
arent they still taking a cowardice route..
escaping in the easiest way they think possible?

6.are you happy with who you are?
-no comment- in general..
tho i thank god and my parents for everything i have ^^

who i am..
i really am yet to decide if im happy over..

Emotional Weekend..

GOD...
what is up with me..?
im going from crappy to being closed to f***** up..
with total random fluctuations of crappy moods..
to nearing happy to crappily ALL OVER AGAIN...

WARNING..
emotional out burst session..
does not neseccarily mean ill be in the same mood by the end..
hopefully all this ends up with me finishing happy :D
and back to crappy hw..
and for any **** if you really choose to..
in ure reading insert a vulgar term you know of..
may be more fun for your reading or wahtever..
i dont bloody give a damn..

now where to ...... start...
my main point?
im going bloody insane at home..
on the upside i spent practically the whole w/e
playing mahjong..
on the down side im practically going insane..
i reapeat insane...!!
there is absolutely NO one to talk to..

yeah there's msn.
yeah there's the fone..
but its not the bloody same..
STILL trapped in the same bloody surroundings..
OH and the fucking fact that
i COMPLETELY HATE talking on the FUCKING fone..

HMM..
and my bloody shitty sister..
my great crappy good-ness..
dont you bloody get the fact that
yes i take what you bloody say to heart?
and seriously it HURTS like F-ing hell when you say things?
yeah i like to hear the truth..
yeah i prefer honesty..
but sometimes..
you dont bloody understand do you???
couse you dont..
your so much younger..
so god forsakenly arrogant and selfcentred.
dont even bloody to take into account what you do actually say
it FING cuts some times

oh and the bloody fact that ..
SINCE YOUR my bloody sister..
that you dont seem to be able to get into your head..
that what you say
PPL TEND TO TAKE SERIOUSLY
why?
coz ure my bloody sister..
some ppl dont take into the account the fact that ure joking ...
coz of the fact that ure a KID
and the fact taht ure my sister..
they bloody fuking believe it..

oh waht else???

hmm.. NOT every BLOODY SIDE of me that you see.
IS ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF ME..
what do you want me to do?
completly turn???
i have my limits to..
everyone has em..
and there is a certain degree of everything ppl can take..
and take at a certain amount of time..

just coz i dun do this at home..
jus coz i dont do that..
just coz YOU dont seem or hear me doing something.
does not mean that i may or may not do or say it..
god damnit!!

why is it that everyone seems to bind some kind of bloody FUCKING
ideal to every bloody person????
i mean i openly admit i have quite a few fucking sides..
and really
i know some others who have confided in me
that they themselves have more than one side..
now why cant everyone i bloody know accept that i DO
yes indeed i HAVE more than ONE FREAKING side..
i have EMOTIONS TOO!!!
i have the right to bloody react in whatever i choose like doing
i dont want to bloody fit the fucking constraints
of ideals you have of me coz thats only what you fucking see

and what of all the bloody *********** ********* and **********
who bloody stare..
what the bloody hell is wrong with you?
what is bloody wrong with me???
i walk past..
who bloody cares?
look at whatever you like..
but where the fuck is the need for total open staring?
i dont belong in some bloody zoo where ppl pay to come in
and openly stare and gasp at..
i aint trapped and confined to some bloody cage..
so leave me the well alone..

i wear what i choose so what the fuck is wrong with you?
this is a free country..
i wear what i like..
and really i dont bloody give a damn
if what i wear is totally out of fashion
and for the record..
i was NOT wearing anything skimpy..
just a simple tank top and jeans..
so what the hell is wrong?!?!

piss off and keep ure bloody eyes to ure self..

i really shouldnt be fucking aiming my vent at my sister..
but most of it is..
centred that way..
dont you bloody see that what you do really matters to me???

dont you bloody get the fucking stresses and pressures i get?
i seriously dont need shit from you as well!!

dont you bloody ppl see?
that yes..
it seems so much easier just to smile..
than to go thru anything and explain..
just as K's msn nick states???

and of everything..
how bloody easy it is just forget and ignore..
but still when you get home..
the problems will still rise..
if they are problems that seem to slightly come up at home
tho really they arent anything major..
totally minor..
yet why the hell do they bloody affect me like this?

yesterday..
i asked my mum...
if i could work out in the resto..
during the holz..
coz i was going insane at home..
and the only reply i got..
was ill talk to ure dad..

last nite..
was told by my dad
"you dont need friends
you should be concentrating on study
reaching the aims and goals.."

UGH..
i NEED OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE
the HOUSE is driving me insane..
ive been stuck in these bloody fucking walls for so bloody long..
the only settings i only bloody ever see is either school or home
and occasionally
if im lucky the shop or resto...
this literally is TOO MUCH
im SICK OF IT..
i NEED OUT-AGE..

oh..
and then
"if you need to talk to any one..
talk to mum or your sister..
im sure they'll listen"

hmm..
i dont mind but HELLO!!
mum nearly NEVER at home..
and my sister?
sometimes the bloody cause of things..
yeah great that talk that'll end up being...
PLUS the fact that even if i tell her anything?
she'll either twist it totally out of shape and broadcast it..
OR
broadcast it and use it as blackmail for something or the other..

yep..
my dad SO understands the conditions of how much i can talk to ppl..

on the question
WHY THE FCUKING hell am i writing this up?
getting bit too personal..
but *sigh*
i think ill leave it at this..
a part vent is better than none..

nite

Weekend at LAST!!!

its FINALLY the w/e
yay!!!

mm my week's gone by pretty crappily
i had both a lit oral and a h bio Common Task on thurs..
on wed nite i was up getting them done
(I could bring in an A4 sheet into my h bio CT)

and then
i woke up at like 5:30 am on thurs to get more done..
sent all the work to school..
and at school... in the morning..
the printers STUFFED UP..
i had a near major stress attack !
but yeah.. in the end they printed out the stuff

my h bio CT turned out ok.. i didnt even use the notes..
-.-" the fact that i woke up early to get em done sorta annoyed me..
i was running on lack of sleep..
then due to other groups taking more time than expected..
me and my partner didnt have to do our lit oral on thurs
SO much relief..
but i had a voice lesson after school..
and was told i was TOTALLY UTTERLY off tune..
and was due to tiredness and stress..
so i was like OMG !!
ah well..
guess tip for singing is no stress and tiredness
so got nowhere for that lesson..

then.. left the lesson..
went in search of my sister..
walked round the whole school
and even up to the boarding house and couldnt find her...
5 mins later i was heaps annoyed
and find her on the total opposite side of the school
with mum -.-"

so i was annoyed.. PLUS i was late for an orthodontal appt..
mm and got in a mini argument with mum over my sister and routine..

but ah well..
its ok now..

tho funnily today..
i was reading blogs..
my mum walks into the room..
and she was like "why arent you doing ure hw?"
i was like "im jus reading ppl's blogs"
and she went off on a tangent..
saying how not to read too much
saying that i could become
part of a suicidal cult from depression and reading self degrading material

so much for my mum's belief in my self esteem!!

hmm i havent talked bout today
since the lit oral was delayed..
i was sure that i had to present it today..
went into class
teacher asked what was wrong..?
coz i was fully stressed..
and i was like " i HATE orals.. im totally scared and can barely deal with em"
then teacher goes off on a patronising role liek she's meant to..
to comfort etc..
cept for me..
all that did was make me tear-y eye-d..
and im not sure if she realised it..
as she talked..
more tears welled up..
so she keeps talking...
then i sorta rudely walked out on her talking..
i HAD to go to the bathroom to wipe away the tears...

my god..
i gone from total stress and near break down..
to literal tears and crying.
talk bout instability/stress and nervous/mental breakdowns..

*sigh*
i went back to class all good..
then teacher who doesnt realise it..
went off AGAIN -.-"
i ended up CRYING ALL over again

my god..
im not sure if she realised she was partly triggering it..
i tried self composure again..
and she put in a few comforting words again..
And tears came again..

which in the end i was feeling really frustrated..
coz i wanted her to stop saying things so that i would stop crying..
cept she didnt get the point..
-.-"
so all the frustration..
i just ended up getting MORE stressed..
and got a blood nose
my day just was CRAPPY...

and these days..
i think i tend to have stress induced blood noses..
there doesnt seem to be any other possible factor other than weather..
i had a blood nose during chem test..
in the MIDDLE of the test..
and then some times when im stressed..
or tensed up.. or over excited.. tho rarely..
mainly occur due to stress..
tho only started this yr really..

ah well..
all i can say is THANK GOD for the weekend !!