I Don't Care....

You know?
at the moment? the things i've been thinking about?
i just wonder if i really do care with what's going on?
people say this or that
and then i end up thinking about em later on
i wonder if yeah it actually got to me?
or just the fact that well there's nothing better to do
but sit/stand there and think
about the day/week's worth of conversations and happenings
yep. sometimes i dont have enough conversations to surfice
so end up thinking about the week

in doing that i sorta sort through the rest of my mind
and yet sometimes it just feels as if im going over the same thing
all over again
thinking about well maybe has this come up before?
or just a passing comment someone else had made
but at the same time that the similar comment come up
could it be true?

should i publish this anyways?
dunno..
thinking thinking
more of mind just blanked over msn and forgot bout this huh?

but thinking about whether or not i care bout things
i think back to the days
when i just say i dont care bout things
just the things that go around
would i just be running away from something?
or just the fact that well i basically DIDN'T care
and that was the end of the story
i guess with the changes taht go around for everyone
its just that your thoughts just change
what you didn't care for before
may become something so much more later on

or...
it was just a case of laziness
that i couldnt be bothered
with caring enough to do anything about some things
lol talk about me being vague??

bleh
topic atm = pointless
i lost my point
and i dont have a view anymores at the current moment
so end it here
nite nite
*hugs*

Worlds of Existence

Note: this post is a result of a number
of scattered different writing times
therefore the reference of "world of existence"
or sphere or whatever it is
manages to vary on what it represents
or means and such
so if you dont understand its ok..
coz i havent read this thing from top to bottom before
so i dont even know if it makes sense :)
and also that its something i've thought quite alot bout lately
so really makes it into a multilevel thing possibly?
ah well read however you like if you dare to read
or waste your time :)

Hmm..
and yet again i think i've gained
ANOTHER few multitudes
of draft posts
no i dont write em for just noting.
just that what happens is i never fully get over
finishing what i wanted to say in the first place
it just gets stuck under "drafts"
so yep

and well what with work
you suddenly realise.. why the heck
does there seem to be so much time during work?
and none at home?
ah well i did wanna get outta the house
im not getting paid and that really leads to
me just standing around and doing minimal crap
from reading newspapers to mags
to spending my time cutting up cigarette cartons
so that we recycle the cardboard for pricing of fruit n veges.

you know
thinking over and over
there's this same topic i keep wanting to talk bout
but it spans over so many things
but i think i've finally sorta found a title
to encompass it all..
so that's pretty good
just gotta get it down in words and finished too..

its just that there was once a quote i got
before year 8 from the lady at ALW

Whether you think you can,
whether you think you can't,
You're RIGHT!

the idea of believing in yourself
that if you think that its possible for yourself
anything is within reach
but live the life of a pessimist
nothing may happen
even if its in your wildest dreams
its not attainable

but in the idea of belief and your own thoughts
it turned my thoughts to different people
the fact that whether you believe you ARE right
you think you're right
what you WANT to believe is presented before you
you're most likely to believe it
that you believe it because that's what you want to believe

the supporting evidence whatever it maybe
whether or not is true or not
you'll take it as solid evidence
because it gives you a reason to believe
and what person likes to be wrong?
that what they want to think
could be possibly outside of their own ideals
of their "sphere of existence"

guess that's how misunderstandings
and well arguments arise really
the fact that both people's
lil sphere's of belief clash
the supposed supremecy over the other
that each believe they in their own right
are well..
yeah can say im also a victim of that too :P

what exists around you
you believe right?
you're more aware of what happens to you
you care bout what happens to you
you're blinded by what you know
coz you believe that the world that revolves around you
is the only one that exists?
after all that's what's the most important
in everyone's own interest
your own survival, or the survival of your own
you care for what's around you
its what's the main thing that happens in your life
your world, your small scale existence..
the greatest things that change even if to others
that its on such a small scale
the change in itself can rock your world

and when you just feel as if you wanna let it out
or just wanna share your thoughts
but no matter how you express it
the exact same occrences within one world
just wont equate to the same thing in the next
they say that the whole transcention of expression
through music and such but the degree of
the emotions actually felt through
the actual experience
its seomthing taht everyone knows
from the single slight of
"my parents dont understand what its like"
to the emo ideal of
"you dont know what its like to be me"
you can try to explain
you can bitch
you can write it down
do wahtever you like
but its not the same
what ever happened in the last second of your world
is irretrievable
what you choose to do with the time lost is up to you

but no matter what you do to try to understand
from the hearing point of view
you'll never actually get the exact same sensation
you can sympathise
and have had a similar occurence
but for every single person it'll be different
the different series of events in your lil lifeline
means that you'd be more prepared for somethings
than other things
what you've been exposed to in your own world
shapes your thoughts on things
and from a slight bump of worlds
i just spend my time wondering how the heck
that some people mindlessly doing what they do
and spend my time wondering..
where the hell has the concern for others gone?
or more of the world that we live in
and the fact we face a water shortage
(the lady had it on highest the tap would go
and just stood there whilst the water ran down the sink
whilst she spent her time ripping up bits of paper towel
the reason to later be that she wanted to dry her hands
with ripped up bits of paper towel and to turn it off
using those bits of paper towel..
but she coulda ripped it up and put it on the dry bits of the sink
BEFORE HAND of which yes there WERE dry bits of sink)

funny this
my very very very main point of this
was the very point that wasnt included so far
i guess for me
what it was was a recount of an occurence
which for me was something that i found pretty much
an ignorant comment on the commentator
but still soemthign that i found pretty damn offending
i guess when you dont realise what you're saying
and dont take into the fact that there are situations
surrounding everyone
the baggage of their lil bubble world which they carry
everywhere they go with them
the mental baggage that affects what they do and think
and when the extra stress of the passing of a loved one
that's something that well
its soemthing that you cant really in a passing comment
joke about the reactions of someone to the loss
its something you cant compare
what with different relations between different people
i understood the reasoning behind the comment
for the usual sakes of comfort
in the dealing of grief
but when you first meet someone
should that really be the thing really said from the start?
and something to joke about?
the reactions of any single person to pain??
so really these days
i wonder where the compassion has gone in some

nite..
*hugs*