Weekend at LAST!!!

its FINALLY the w/e
yay!!!

mm my week's gone by pretty crappily
i had both a lit oral and a h bio Common Task on thurs..
on wed nite i was up getting them done
(I could bring in an A4 sheet into my h bio CT)

and then
i woke up at like 5:30 am on thurs to get more done..
sent all the work to school..
and at school... in the morning..
the printers STUFFED UP..
i had a near major stress attack !
but yeah.. in the end they printed out the stuff

my h bio CT turned out ok.. i didnt even use the notes..
-.-" the fact that i woke up early to get em done sorta annoyed me..
i was running on lack of sleep..
then due to other groups taking more time than expected..
me and my partner didnt have to do our lit oral on thurs
SO much relief..
but i had a voice lesson after school..
and was told i was TOTALLY UTTERLY off tune..
and was due to tiredness and stress..
so i was like OMG !!
ah well..
guess tip for singing is no stress and tiredness
so got nowhere for that lesson..

then.. left the lesson..
went in search of my sister..
walked round the whole school
and even up to the boarding house and couldnt find her...
5 mins later i was heaps annoyed
and find her on the total opposite side of the school
with mum -.-"

so i was annoyed.. PLUS i was late for an orthodontal appt..
mm and got in a mini argument with mum over my sister and routine..

but ah well..
its ok now..

tho funnily today..
i was reading blogs..
my mum walks into the room..
and she was like "why arent you doing ure hw?"
i was like "im jus reading ppl's blogs"
and she went off on a tangent..
saying how not to read too much
saying that i could become
part of a suicidal cult from depression and reading self degrading material

so much for my mum's belief in my self esteem!!

hmm i havent talked bout today
since the lit oral was delayed..
i was sure that i had to present it today..
went into class
teacher asked what was wrong..?
coz i was fully stressed..
and i was like " i HATE orals.. im totally scared and can barely deal with em"
then teacher goes off on a patronising role liek she's meant to..
to comfort etc..
cept for me..
all that did was make me tear-y eye-d..
and im not sure if she realised it..
as she talked..
more tears welled up..
so she keeps talking...
then i sorta rudely walked out on her talking..
i HAD to go to the bathroom to wipe away the tears...

my god..
i gone from total stress and near break down..
to literal tears and crying.
talk bout instability/stress and nervous/mental breakdowns..

*sigh*
i went back to class all good..
then teacher who doesnt realise it..
went off AGAIN -.-"
i ended up CRYING ALL over again

my god..
im not sure if she realised she was partly triggering it..
i tried self composure again..
and she put in a few comforting words again..
And tears came again..

which in the end i was feeling really frustrated..
coz i wanted her to stop saying things so that i would stop crying..
cept she didnt get the point..
-.-"
so all the frustration..
i just ended up getting MORE stressed..
and got a blood nose
my day just was CRAPPY...

and these days..
i think i tend to have stress induced blood noses..
there doesnt seem to be any other possible factor other than weather..
i had a blood nose during chem test..
in the MIDDLE of the test..
and then some times when im stressed..
or tensed up.. or over excited.. tho rarely..
mainly occur due to stress..
tho only started this yr really..

ah well..
all i can say is THANK GOD for the weekend !!

Reflection and possible Vent

Sittin here..
and i hear fireworks outside :S

i was lookin thru some of my posts throughout the 3 yrs..
or nearing three yrs..
but realised how much my style has sorta changed..
jus the fact that its changed from a total diary...
a recount of what ive done each day/week
to something that's practically my
mental dumping ground..
or at least emotional venting place..

and seriously..
some of the things that i had done as quizes..
like quiz results..
i guess some of them are really applicable..

you know..
a thought that really sorta bugs me atm...
and i havent typed out..
well hopefully not..

its the fact that in both lit and RE..
they're like
"yes" we encouage you to think, challenge and interpret"
but they're like
"no, but you see..."
when you do make some interpretation..
and changing ure interpretation
-.-"
ugh..
where is the freedom of reading what you wanna read?

ugh..
realised im flooding my own board..

scar...
you said that feminine guys are hot...?
ure referring to those who are metro?
or just those who are in touch with their feminine side?

======================================================
And yet again..
a left over post from the previous day..
that was the 18th..
today's the 19th..

hey thats freaky..
scar you mentioned church on my tagboard..
and from yesterday's post
i was slightly talkin bout RE (Religious Education)...
which is now officially called CE (Christian Education)
since some BLOODY person had to be so bloody specific..
even tho we dun have much of a Christian orientation
int the subject anyways..

ok far from the whole making links between stuff..

why is it that..
if i look depressed that the assumption over the sadness
is either school or guys?
you know ppl..
you could just ask what its bout...
instead of randomly stabbing blindly in the dark..
trying to find the answer..
and if i choose to tell you then..
YAY you get to know..
other wise stuff u..
well not exactly stuff you..
but if i choose not to tell you ..
then you can either stay concerned..
OR
dont worry..
ppl get over things sooner or later..

but then again somehtings never change..
well unless ppl choose to and will to change..
its the whole choice thing then..

anyways..
continuing on with the vent..
questioner continues..
Quote: You're hot, You're rich.. wat else could be wrong?
whether im hot..
well up to each individual..
coz im not gonan argue bout pplz tastes...
but rich?
im not rich..
my parents bloody work their asses off..
its just that we have enough just to get by..
and what else could be wrong?
a whole bloody ton of things..
i dont wanna be perceived as taking everything for granted..
but there can be things that can be wrong..
and it doesnt have to be related to wealth, boys or education
well some of my issues do revolve around guys and education..
but that wasnt the reason i was sad..
well more of looking pissed off and annoyed..

anyways..
on to happier note..
yeah i agree with you scar..
feminine guys are really appealing..
tho depends to what degree..
:S
im jus picky i think with things..
well picky or pedantic bout randomt things..
and if not that..
im feeling guilty or regretful over one thing or the other..
*sigh*

hmm where did the happy note go to?
off with the fairies..
since it was happy and didnt really coexist
with my current mental state..
well im not sad atm
but im not happy either....
tho in away..
i was happy most of today..
which is goood :D

anyways..
chem test tomoz..
and i really cbb studying..
well im writing out some notes atm for revision..
and guess ill be doing revision qs early tomoz morning..

ugh..
this is just another reason for distraction..
kk gonna go study now..
nite
*hugz*