Altruism...?

so.. yep
altruism is sorta i guess a warm-ish topic? :P
mm well listened to about it in phil
as of late
well sometime earlier this week
i think it was mon..
i just cant figure anymore
but yeah

thoughts that came to me?
i guess come to me when im in a huff..
annoyed at something or the other
and well for once..
you know today?
strange.. it was triggered by rain..
mm yeah well getting caught in the rain
can be an agitative thing

anyways
after a double phil session
(yep lecture n tute)
followed by trekking through the rain
in an attempt to meet up AH
since he called TWICE during my phil tute
after my phone battery died
i decided to walk through one of the walkways
in search of cover from the drizzle
and in my grizzly mood
(hmm grizzle n drizzle?
looks like im just replacing consanants
for my vocab these days -.-)

in the midst of my walking
i sorta realised strangely
i was sorta walking against the general walking direction
like what the?
its 5pm and people are walking TOWARDS the uni?
OR.. i just cant remember properly
anyways

i still yet to manage to notice the 3 people standing there
and as one was wearing theose graduation robes
sorta staring at the crowd as they trekked past
then looking at them
the assumption that came to my mind
was that they'd need a photo taken
walking over i meekly asked if they needed a picture taken
took it and returned their camera
tho they asked if i wanted to take a picture with their daughter
:S
anyways
was off on my merry way
when i started wondering...
i had a sore arm..
sore leg
entirely tired
weighed down by the load of books
phone dead
slightly rained on
and in a hurry to meet someone up

WHY THE HECK DID I STOP TO TAKE A PIC FOR SOMEONE?!

hmm probs not in an angered insane tone of voice
but thinking about it..
what made me in my annoyed state
bother to even care enough to take it for em?

so walking through an underpass
i began to think about the existence of altruism
gees.. you'd think after 2 hours worth of listening
i'd be sick of phil?
well truly not..
mainly coz i didnt contribute at all
coz i had no interest in darwinianism
i still have little interest in darwinianism
we are what we are.. next topic

tho the altruism on the other hand
it interests me
well possibly coz it conincides
with the whole charity recognition deal
but other than the fact you feel good
after doing something that helps people?
why would you do something nice?
and would anyone just do anything for the sake of feeling good
isnt that in itself a benefit?
why do we then not really like doing chores?
i for one HATE the dishes
im thinking we do it coz we'd like it
if someone did the same for us when we need help
but not everyone may tick that way

i like it..
the feeling of helping someone
but then i just realised that
how do you know you actually in the end helped?
or was it just an impulse pang of guilt or pity
that in the sight of someone in need
that you feel obligated to do somethign
so in the end its just the self-interest
of removing the pang
YOU feel better for doing something
but just that it may not help at all

or is it for the fact that
it raises your own self confidence
that you in yourself have the power and ability
to DO something
it raises you up.
makes gives you a notch of superiority
a confidence boost even
that you helped a "weaker" person
or a person in need of a hand
if its confidence boost then yeah
i'd say it'd explain why i enjoy it so much
its something for those who lack the confidence
the reassurance
that yep they did something supposedly right for once
they didnt stuff up
they didnt trip up
they didnt embarress themselves
it was right
or to the degree of their belief they did something right

anyways
i shall leave it at that thought
im actually sleepy
like near falling asleep at the keyboard
nite nite
*hugs*

Let Me Go... Lost To Me...True Blue..

you know
i blogging is just so therapudic
(spelling? dunno sorta looks funny)
yep now that's been restated..

memories..
(sound familiar?
dw reason behind this one SHOULD be different
actually the reason for this post is completely different
so its ok.. but a lotta the content will/may possibly
be similar to previous material
so if you've lotsa study to do. its ok :D
and im not intending for this stuff
to be entirely understood so yep if its fuzzy strange?
its ok its just my thoughts atm)

the current..
the present
everyday flicks and flitters away from us
the second moments ago already gone
hmm just like a fast trackked clock
or those movies where the days of a desk top calendar
just tear of and float away
disassociate!!
-.-

what's new.. whatever seems to stay
day after day turns towards a predictability
predictability you know what's gonna happen
and in terms of time.. it soon becomes always there
a constant..
somethign that you begin to internalise
no longer new but then again always there
somethign you know you turn away from
and turn back and you assume to still be there
it neutralises
and you internalise it as a norm
its normal
its everyday
you feel as if it'll be everpresent
changing but still in its basic self
it should still be there
changing but at the same time constant
somethign that you know that will be stable
you suppose.. no matter what
you can think even
of the future with this constant still present
everpresent that it'll keep going on
you just cant think of an alternative
that there's possibilities
that there are alternative endings
from the forever ongoing days shall work out the same

and then
the inevitable
tho you choose not to think about it
your norm is no longer there
that for some reason
or the other
its not going to be possible
either sacrificed
or something else

for anything lost
its either by sacrifice for another thing
as a choice as we cant commit any longer
or you just realise..
its no longer there..
for some other external reason
nothing seems to be able to remain forever
otherwise we just wouldnt be able to appreciate it
but then again
of the things we already have
what do we take for granted?
too many god damned things
and you just dont realise it
not until its lost
lost to you
out of your reach
and the only way you can find it again?
seek comfort in familiarity?
or just plain pulling out of memories
the memories with their faded edges
where details have become hazy

and even as you seek
the familiarity
the memories
the most vivid
will still be tarnished
and of the vivid
you pull em out and you realise
that they would be the closest to the most recent
or the most cherished memories you have
for the most cherished you revisit more often
the memory is well maintained
you bring it up and you dust off the haze
the dust on the memories and once again
its closer to new than the older ones
and the most recent?
you just made it..
the time has yet to lay its hands on it..

and so..?
changing a 5 year constant
something that's been there
for so long?
its too much to actually have to think about
an absence of somethign that you thought you would always
think that would be there
or something more?
what of the last 13 years?
that's basically most of my existence
taking that way
thats just well
something thats inconceivable
and you think
that for something that you had no choice in
for so long
that you felt a lil dislike for
just because of its presence
it was the root of your problems
the root of restrictions..
taken away
what does it leave you with?

what is there left?
what you base everything aruond
or at least
somethign that you identify yourself with
gone..
poof..
vamoosh...
GONE

oh the choices
the chances
the changes
opportunity lost
can rarely be regained
so is this what you want?
is this what i want?
do i even have a choice at all?
of course!!!
NOT..
i have no hand in this
and so i just sit
sit and watch
as the world goes by
as my constant is taken away
but at the same time
in its absence
what is there to do?
but search for new?
to take the other matter into your own hands?
just take it
change what you can
leave what you cant
and deal with what is within your own limits
for thats as much as you can really do

pointless?
yes
helpful?
yes
del shall do it again some other time?
mm as usual.. blogging is good
so YES

nite nite
*hugs*

Must...Study...

Looking at the date
and actually trying to date-ise my notes
i realised.. OMG
the time really has past so quickly
with one test done and two coming up
i just cant believe that well
omg.. everything seems to have been fast tracked
something such as evolution
which took like a term to cover in h bio last yr
has just been over and discarded in like 2 n half weeks
that's less than 9 lectures..
less than 9 HOURS!?
well more work on our behalf if we dont get it at all
could be why i didnt do that well in the online test thingy.
not enough self-initiated study..

and social wise
for some people its like i see them everyday
and others
its so strange not seeing them daily anymore
and sadly it feels as if i may just slightly
leaving them behind in the dusttracks of my life
thats something that really dont want
and something im not willingly intentionally doing
but its seems as if that's what's really happening
tho with uni being this large
you can just sit back. look around
and sooner or later see someone you know
unless you're me and the number of people you know
is so limited that you have to call people up
to find out where they are to find someone to spend time with

============================================================

atm.
trying to get study done
or more of the actual pre-tute/labs
then after that study for tests..
tho i really gotta get these
done so i dont end up sitting there in a lab/tute
going what the hell are they on about
meantime i wonder how the heck i got through yr 12
without getting ANY hw done at all?

its surprising really
im actually trying to get work done
well until just now where i just started typing this

tho one thing's for strangely sure..
i love my h bio text book O.o
its all in COLOUR!! :D
well the non-anth related one that is
i seriously never came across so much reading i had to do
hmm... maybe coz i didnt read enough in lit..

getting some organising done
and i also realised.. seems like near no assessments?
but they're worth so god damn MORE -.-
*sigh*

yay!! finished my 7 pages worth of pre-lab
and yet to have done my anth
or study for chem or h bio
gees.. dont i love the work load?!
tho then again.. partly is my fault
leaving to so late..
and lately sleeping so much too
wel that is.. the supposed study time
i was meant to have but spent sleeping
since i was dead tired

ok
nite nite
*hugs*
(i personally am thinking unfinished post
BUT.. no post in ages.. so shall leave it here)