of my current life..
but the point if it was to be typed would be that
K n Albie are over.. as Scar has so kindly proclaimed
huge bunch of thanx to scar!!
anyways..
to my current thought post...
god i havent had one for a while
maybe due to the number of random blanks im getting...
ok starting...
====================================================
actually never got round to starting..
K and Albie are both home...
well Albie's off Snow-something-ing
meanwhile K's at school...
but "home" emough i guess..
====================================================
ok that's in the hols..
and lets see if i can pick up the original point of this post
n drag it thru till i sorta feel like its finished..
WARNING: Long wind-ed and Mood Dampening post...
may be fatalistic to your own happy mood at the current moment..
mmm
like the titles says
"Why is it ALWAYS the quiet ones?"
well obviously not always since its a generalisation
but like if you think about it.
doesnt it just sorta make sense..
well being a generalisation it doesnt apply
to EVERYONE who seems quiet..
but still..
the reason(s) for a particular person being quiet..
hmm make list :D
(hmm the E with the eyes sorta looks more like fangs
if you have no idea bout what im talking bout..
check out panda's tagboard that may explain it)
(since they have the patience to wait till someone comes)
etc..
i guess i was stretching the reasons..
and well some of the reasons i would know from
both experience and 2nd hand knowledge..
but ah well
some maybe viable others may not..
but all in all quietness i guess we conclude
doesnt always lead to being sociable
they ask why it is the quiet ones that may just turn out violent?
but are they even noticed at all before hand?
i mean seriously?
ok on the note of attention seeking,
some may just be successful and get some sorta may not..
but the silent ones that turn violent?
think bout all those ppl out there..
who believe violence is the only way they'll be heard..
im thinkin its a similar thing...
well that is for some.. NOT all..
you wonder why they're violent and get away with it?
coz its not like they're noticed in anyways..
there's always the academics...
the artisically talented..
the physically able..
mentions..
always mentions.. under public eye n scrutiny..
whether its communal or just peer like in school..
if they do anything.. its sorta scandalous..
what they do what they say is in one way or another heard of..
but the participants..?
sometimes just the ones just too quiet..
just to shy..
dont take part..
but when they work up the nerve to actually do or say something?
just overshadowed..
coz there's always the everpresence of others..
or so it may seem..
feeling like you're not heard just brings your self esteem way down.
just think bout it..
no matter what you say..
no matter if you open your mouth to shout.
sometimes it just feels like no one cares..
and thinkin bout it
once you're in that spiral..
all you can do is fall further and further down..
that depression and numbness.
just just doesn't help at all..
but if you see an opening..
just that opportunity..
whether or not you can grab on to it.
n hold it..
that's when you have that lil chance to pull yourself out..
in away redemption in you own eyes..
that light at the end of the tunnel..
that hope..
that someone has finally heard...?
that's all good if you reach that end..
but what if you just happent to F it up?
the only slight bit of hope..
that ray of light
that in your darkest moments you didnt even dare to imagine existed..
came into existance..
but in the same few moments later..
has flickered out
it just seems as all is lost..
there really barely seems to be any other possible comparison
to possibly explain that feeling..
just that endless pitch black inhabited wasteland of your mind..
where your confidence and esteem exists in sub-zero..
and everything seems to have been locked up..
just the total lock up and dead set belief that..
your once and only chance..
where you DARED to even hope..
DARED to dream again..
for those few moments..
GONE..
where you took a chance..
in total fear you reached out..
and yet you failed
and nothing seems to be ahead..
not possible.
never coming back..
never dare to try to reach
never can touch without remembering..
but by forgetting..
all you do is hide n run away..
run back to a yesterday..
a time before you even bothered to try.
bothered to reach out..
until.
until they realise..
a way to both end the pain..
to both leave their mark and at the same time..
end it all..
never have to bear the pain again
For those out there..
who have dragged tehmselves away
from this spiral of low, sad, depression like state
congrats.
for those who havent..
*hugz* i wish you well
and that you may have the courage to reach out..
but in a form other than violence or any self harm or suicide..
-Del
