Emotional Weekend..

GOD...
what is up with me..?
im going from crappy to being closed to f***** up..
with total random fluctuations of crappy moods..
to nearing happy to crappily ALL OVER AGAIN...

WARNING..
emotional out burst session..
does not neseccarily mean ill be in the same mood by the end..
hopefully all this ends up with me finishing happy :D
and back to crappy hw..
and for any **** if you really choose to..
in ure reading insert a vulgar term you know of..
may be more fun for your reading or wahtever..
i dont bloody give a damn..

now where to ...... start...
my main point?
im going bloody insane at home..
on the upside i spent practically the whole w/e
playing mahjong..
on the down side im practically going insane..
i reapeat insane...!!
there is absolutely NO one to talk to..

yeah there's msn.
yeah there's the fone..
but its not the bloody same..
STILL trapped in the same bloody surroundings..
OH and the fucking fact that
i COMPLETELY HATE talking on the FUCKING fone..

HMM..
and my bloody shitty sister..
my great crappy good-ness..
dont you bloody get the fact that
yes i take what you bloody say to heart?
and seriously it HURTS like F-ing hell when you say things?
yeah i like to hear the truth..
yeah i prefer honesty..
but sometimes..
you dont bloody understand do you???
couse you dont..
your so much younger..
so god forsakenly arrogant and selfcentred.
dont even bloody to take into account what you do actually say
it FING cuts some times

oh and the bloody fact that ..
SINCE YOUR my bloody sister..
that you dont seem to be able to get into your head..
that what you say
PPL TEND TO TAKE SERIOUSLY
why?
coz ure my bloody sister..
some ppl dont take into the account the fact that ure joking ...
coz of the fact that ure a KID
and the fact taht ure my sister..
they bloody fuking believe it..

oh waht else???

hmm.. NOT every BLOODY SIDE of me that you see.
IS ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF ME..
what do you want me to do?
completly turn???
i have my limits to..
everyone has em..
and there is a certain degree of everything ppl can take..
and take at a certain amount of time..

just coz i dun do this at home..
jus coz i dont do that..
just coz YOU dont seem or hear me doing something.
does not mean that i may or may not do or say it..
god damnit!!

why is it that everyone seems to bind some kind of bloody FUCKING
ideal to every bloody person????
i mean i openly admit i have quite a few fucking sides..
and really
i know some others who have confided in me
that they themselves have more than one side..
now why cant everyone i bloody know accept that i DO
yes indeed i HAVE more than ONE FREAKING side..
i have EMOTIONS TOO!!!
i have the right to bloody react in whatever i choose like doing
i dont want to bloody fit the fucking constraints
of ideals you have of me coz thats only what you fucking see

and what of all the bloody *********** ********* and **********
who bloody stare..
what the bloody hell is wrong with you?
what is bloody wrong with me???
i walk past..
who bloody cares?
look at whatever you like..
but where the fuck is the need for total open staring?
i dont belong in some bloody zoo where ppl pay to come in
and openly stare and gasp at..
i aint trapped and confined to some bloody cage..
so leave me the well alone..

i wear what i choose so what the fuck is wrong with you?
this is a free country..
i wear what i like..
and really i dont bloody give a damn
if what i wear is totally out of fashion
and for the record..
i was NOT wearing anything skimpy..
just a simple tank top and jeans..
so what the hell is wrong?!?!

piss off and keep ure bloody eyes to ure self..

i really shouldnt be fucking aiming my vent at my sister..
but most of it is..
centred that way..
dont you bloody see that what you do really matters to me???

dont you bloody get the fucking stresses and pressures i get?
i seriously dont need shit from you as well!!

dont you bloody ppl see?
that yes..
it seems so much easier just to smile..
than to go thru anything and explain..
just as K's msn nick states???

and of everything..
how bloody easy it is just forget and ignore..
but still when you get home..
the problems will still rise..
if they are problems that seem to slightly come up at home
tho really they arent anything major..
totally minor..
yet why the hell do they bloody affect me like this?

yesterday..
i asked my mum...
if i could work out in the resto..
during the holz..
coz i was going insane at home..
and the only reply i got..
was ill talk to ure dad..

last nite..
was told by my dad
"you dont need friends
you should be concentrating on study
reaching the aims and goals.."

UGH..
i NEED OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE
the HOUSE is driving me insane..
ive been stuck in these bloody fucking walls for so bloody long..
the only settings i only bloody ever see is either school or home
and occasionally
if im lucky the shop or resto...
this literally is TOO MUCH
im SICK OF IT..
i NEED OUT-AGE..

oh..
and then
"if you need to talk to any one..
talk to mum or your sister..
im sure they'll listen"

hmm..
i dont mind but HELLO!!
mum nearly NEVER at home..
and my sister?
sometimes the bloody cause of things..
yeah great that talk that'll end up being...
PLUS the fact that even if i tell her anything?
she'll either twist it totally out of shape and broadcast it..
OR
broadcast it and use it as blackmail for something or the other..

yep..
my dad SO understands the conditions of how much i can talk to ppl..

on the question
WHY THE FCUKING hell am i writing this up?
getting bit too personal..
but *sigh*
i think ill leave it at this..
a part vent is better than none..

nite