Hey,
So I haven't written lately.
I haven't written coz I was sad.
I lost a post that I couldn't remember how to rewrite, and there's no possible way of even getting close to recreating the words and emotions expressed on it; so I wasn't going to even try, any attempt would have been a pitiful mockery of a single moment in time that can't be retrieved.
You know I read an article recently about the freedom and options we have today...
And how with all these options that in order to feel like we achieve something, we jump from one task to another so quickly that we don't take the chance to put sufficient effort in and even less time on stopping to celebrate and reflect.
Without taking a break, disappointment mixes in as we keep hovering from one thing to another. It makes so much sense tho, personally I feel like it really applies. Pre-exam period I'm already signing up for things in the summer break, always jumping at opportunities. It's almost scary now tha I think of it; how much enjoyment and excitement I get from combing through classifieds for job openings and career opportunities when looking at the current, it's completely unfeasible. I'm completely disorganised and have next to no time of my own (unless I'm preoccupied with the Internet, the state of my room can atest to that).
But yes it's so true the amount of disappointment I have with my life from throwing my mind too far forward coz I'm not satsfied with the now.
But my question really is why do I keep doing so whilst at the same time complaining I need a good decent holiday rest? is it a fear of having nothing to do? Or that there's a sense of self insufficiency, that I need to catch up and get ahead whilst I still can?
There's so much I wanna do but I also shy away from. I know i'm great at being non-commital, often convincing myself out of doing things I really want to achieve. Is it the fear of commuting? Or that I'm always waiting for something bigger, a chance of a lifetime to shock my world into a worthy existence.
But where can I go if I don't put myself out there? There will be no open doors or windows to fly through if you don't even dare taking a peep of the outside, coz then when the opportunity is presented, would I take the plunge?
*hugs* & love
-Del
Posted using BlogPress
