Sweet Charade..

Sem's officially over!

and that's as far as i got
in the time frame of about 2 hours
gees.

hmm just realised.
if that's one sem.
its one down and seven to go
and judging by how fast this sem went by
uni's gonna be over pretty soon
ah well
just another face in the crowd

exams coming up
and so's the charity dinner
and the dalai lama's coming
and it just seems like im busy for no reason

ah well
sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del

Lost In The Melody

you know.
as time passes im slowly beginning to
learn to enjoy those buddhist talks
i guess wit the upcoming end to them
its sorta a might as well hear the rest
whilst i have a chance since the ven.
travelled so far to talk her talk

but its also the content of it
(and i think the point i was meant to make
from the other day's ramble
on my anth assign mark was related
to whether its the appearances
that define us
which would be the intro n conc of my essay
or the actual content in the body part of the essay
that the person inside that counts
tho it sorta seems obvious the answer)

but anyways
the content of her talks
really are resonating with me
could also be the fact that i gotta recap it
on sats at the start that makes me pay more attention
but anyways

i guess the main thing i've learnt
is this more angled perspective to things
or at least i had at the time of hearing it
not quite sure if its always applied
if i havent yet gained a whole new perspective i guess
sometimes swapping between views
it just throws your thoughts right outta balance
i guess from thinking one way one moment
to the next
its just the constant change

constant change
mm paradoxal but makes sense
of the consistency of change
and when it stops.
what is there left but the constant?
constants
i like constants
but without the change
how would the constant come to be?
a constant
always there
would it not be taken for granted?
and so a value of it would not be placed
until you realise that change arrived
to yet again take it away
but to have change all the time
fluctuating
there is no certainty
but in the lack of certainty
and predictability
there would be no excitement
no spontaneity

makes me think of music really
you hold a note, or silence
and it goes on
but then it changes
playing on and on and on
not that ive thought of anything
to write about with this
just came to me just then
but bleh

getting late
and im still sick-ish
on the road to recovery
*hugs*
nite nite
-Del

Define. Me.

was thinking again.
well i guess you can do a whole lotta that
esp when you're sick and at home
and should be resting cept you cant sleep

i was thinking about what defines YOU?
what defines us.
like some may say to judge people
by not who they are around you
but by their friends.
others its the actual person themselves
irrespective of who they spend time with

what makes a person who they are?
their experiences?
their opinions?
what they choose to do?
their background?
their family?
their restrictions?
their freedom?
all the small things they do?
the big decisions they make?

and intermix that with the free will idea
that i swear i probs failed with
its worse than my darwin one ><
(gah. i didnt even mention darwin
IN my darwin essay.. pointless ne?)

anyways since im on essays.
got my anth essay back yesterday.
and i swear
seriously anth really doesnt do any good
towards my attempts at breaking
my bad procratting habits
i wrote it the day before/night/morning
it was due
and that includes continuous procrat
and sleep between those times
but anyways
on 1 and half hour sleep
the result?
and unbelieveable grade and comment
HD and a comment that basically says
that my intro and conclusion
argues a different point
from the point my body essay argues
and my last body para is under supported.
i dunno but from all those comments
i woulda placed a lower mark

anyways
so how would you really discriminate
to judge something its worth
but worth n value in itself
is soemthing that's entirely relative?
mm i think im a pretty relativistic person
depends. depends. depends.
everything seems to depend
but then again it has its pluses
and minuses (mainly indecisiveness)

but back to the main topic
true that worth or value is relative
and well then what of self view?
that would be different to others see
and what of the view of other's
affecting your own self view?
like the whole "being-for-others"
thing from sartre.
where freedom is lost on the opinion of others
where we objectify ourselves
that what we choose to do is affected
by another
and i remember saying this before i think?

so are we what we define ourselves to be?
but in that sake it leads us to put our own limits
or that our limits are external
that would mean we're not free to act
as we choose to as we're constrained
to what we're expected to be
and to be disappointed
would suggest a prior expectation
and not having it fulfilled

and to question
to wonder, testing limits
does it not it put things at risk
to risk is but to gamble
on the possibile outcomes

im tired
why do we sleep?
ive slept all day
to recharge
to recover
to escape
to enjoy
to be lazy
to waste time

nite
*hugs*
-Del

Still sick

With the last week of semester left
time has really flown
and you know?
i just really realised that
some of the people i met over the semster
i may just not see around anymore
what with different courses n all
anthropology for example
since im not continuing on with that
is gonna be one where
unless i choose to take it next sem
or that people ive met
are taking similar other units
im not gonna see em in lectures again
after this week
sorta in a way reminds me a bit of last year i guess
what with the last yr of high school n all
cept we're all staying on the same campus

and we're bound to see each other again some way or another
just that the time was so much shorter in comparison
and i guess with my degree it doesnt help much either
since there is no first yr health sci units
its not like i have that many common units
where as for some faces i know
i definately will see.
just coz of the simple fact that well
i know that they take health sci
just that i dont talk to em
or i havent had the chance to

ah well..
getting headache-y
think im gonna go rest a bit more
back to uni tomoz i think
*hugs*
-Del

Voice... Gone?!

being sick
you know that yeah
you're not gonna get better over night
but who'd think
that fine one day where you can sing fine
and the next morning
you cant even whisper?
annoying.

and as frustrating as it is
i really thank god im pretty much normal
human functioning wise and all
lucky me
can run, talk, see, smell, taste
do mostly what i want
its like they say

when you look up above you,
you feel so sorry for yourself
but its not till you look below
that you understand how lucky you are..

well not exactly word for word
but that's basically the gist.

tho lately
i cant help but feel like
a giant walking advertisement
not that its really such a new thing
with word of mouth and all
but you know
lately it just seems that much more pronounced
probs with the whole charity thing
always trying to think of ways
to talk, to encourage people to buy a ticket
to get people to donate
to share it along to others
but its taking a bitta time
and it seems as if its getting a bit much

talked to faye about someone else
you just realise
that even over time
yet again. even for geographical distances
somethings will just never change
or for that person,
there is no incentive for a particular characteristic
to be changed and so it remains
and time goes, and they come back
and it may just be as if no time's passed at all
that even in an entirely different environment
its still the same
and its to those people that you realise
that you feel as if you've known em for so long
coz its just something that wont change that easily
for the people you've grown to be with
you've survived something together
and it links you
to know someone on such a level
is something to be cherished
its really special
i hope that i'm lucky enough
to meet more people like that

to be optimisitic
sometimes is a very pessimistic view

nite nite
*hugs*
-Del