possession

i past tha audition 2 go 2 tha music tour !!! ^^

jus got bak 4m tha resto...
and i have realised i cant teach...
not that i believed i could in tha first place...
jus that it has been evidently supported now..
well ne waiz..
spent round 3-4 hours in tha ct 2day...
and wen i got home i wz told 2 help out at tha resto 2nite coz therez a new person...
so i wz given tha job of teachin him...
-.-"
it wz okz..
but it felt random tryin 2 teach some1 older than u..
well jus 1 yr older...
he wz 1 of tha employee's son..
so yah..
and his name iz humphery (i dunno y i dun like that name)...
and it felt so awkward...
so i sorta jus didnt say ne thin..
and tha lady (nown 2 chewy as "that bitchy lady")
sorta tried 2 teach him..
and i sorta jus sorta taught by example...
if u can say that...
he jus watch as i did work...
i sorta didnt say much...
so.. i conclude im not a teacher..
i jus sorta lead by example..

and i wz sittin in commerce tha otha day..
playing gamez...
and listenin 2 music..
and a thought sorta hit me...

tha word possession....
do we as humans all strive 4 it...?
i mean we want 2 possess things..
2 own them..
and wen itz in our reach it sorta loses its value...
i dunno y..

and i guess its also tru wit pplz i guess..
like some pplz liek 2 play hard 2 get...
and i guess it sorta seemz 2 raise their "value"...
if u sorta noe wat i mean (i dun seem 2 be makin sense 2 miself -.-")
like u put more effort in..
tha more valueable it seemz...
tho sometiems it realli doeznt seem worht it afta some time has past..
and a new target is set i guezz...

ne waiz....
itz gettin late..
i betta go 2 sleep
nite nite
*hugz*

Happi bday alex !!!
tho i noe he dun read this...
but hey.. it makez me feel good 2 say it ^^
less guilt 4 not gettin him ne thin or sayin ne thin...
tho i dunno how id give it 2 him...

and on tha same note...

Happi bday gar!!!
well 4 2moro that iz...

hmm...
im startin 2 worry bout mi mum and mi daughter motha relationship...
i mean in tha time frame of half an hour...
mi mum and i rose our voices at each otha of a total of 7 timez...
>.<
i mean and that wz at peppermint grove...
and pplz were starin at us -.-"
coz we were shout in at each otha in canto
and apparently accordin 2 lina..
tah guy standin behind me wz laughin
-.-"
watz so funny bout an argument between motha and daughter...?!?!?!?

i guezz life at home is gettin more and more tense...
like there alwaiz seemz 2 be some form of tension..
either between me and mi sista..
or me and mum..
or mum and lina...
or all 3 at tha same time...
thing we can blame it on is hormonal imbalances i guezz....
not good >.<

tired..
gonna go sleep..
nite nite
*hugz*

S+E

cant be bothered searchin bout vietnam again...
but itz due 2day...
>.<
oh wellz...

i have mrs hardy as well...
well maybe she dunno that she has 2 collect it...
coz she said we're supposed 2 be do researchin bout terrorism..!?!??!?!
meh...

and tha lady at tha tech desk refuses 2 give us head fones...
AGAIN
so we playin music out loud...
and mrs hardy wont allow...
so we've found a limit 2 her hearin...
so she cant hear it but we can ^^

i cant get ova tha launch 2day!!!
im so proud
it actualli flew!!!
lolz... coz afta 10 attempts of tryin 2 launch it with no avail...
i thought tha engine wz stuffed like dia said...
but it launched !!!
yay

oh well betta get bak 2 work...
update later 2nite

.~^*^~.,.~^*^~.,.~^*^~. l8r on at home.~^*^~.,.~^*^~.,.~^*^~.

home...
nothin 2 talk bout...
but i guezz have anotha performance 2 practise 4 now
>.<
ummm...
wat else?
spent agez on tha net so cant realli be bothaed 2 think up somehtin 2 rite...

ummm..
dun realli have a topic 2 talk bout..
and no opinion
-.-"
so prob gonna end up as random ramblins...


r we goin out this w/e or not??

if we do...
then wat we gonna do?
since we're gonna spend tue wonderin round tha ct
wat we gonna do this sat...?
or sun?
which 1????
sat or sun!?!?!??!

ne waiz...
gettin late
nite nite
*hugz*

truths...

>.<
i dunno y...
wen i talk 2 pplz...
or wen i try 2 tell em stuff...
2 some pplz i tell tah WHOLE truth..
2 some i tell part truths...
2 some i tell mixed truths wit a lil lie..
and sometimez i jus lie out rite...
*sigh*

but then i sometimez think bout wat ive said 2 diff pplz...

and i feel guilty 4 not tellin everythin...

and tehn later...
wen i wanna clear thingz up...
and tell tha whole truth..
it sometimez endz up like im repeatin mi self...
which i do a lot of tha time
-.-"

well 2day wz a good day i guezz...
dispite tha fact that i had french and wz REALLI tired...
practically a realli easy goin day...
and then had mass choir rehersals afta...
and i wz dizzy and headachey AND had a sore throat afta
>.<

gettin late
nite nite
*hugz*

commerce...

in commerce wit a free period ^^
but dunno wat 2 do..
so make up 4 mi daiz of not ritin wit anotha post..
even tho i bearly have ne thin 2 rite about..
it takes mi mind off things wen i blog sometimez...

>.<
i feel like goin out some where...
ANYWHERE...

.~^*^~.,.~^*^~.,.~^*^~. l8r on at home.~^*^~.,.~^*^~.,.~^*^~.

jus come home afta cadets...
yet again im gonna get outta grad parade ^^
hehe..
i already put in leave so dun have 2 go...
so free next fri afta mass choir rehersal !!!!

there wz a new girl who came 2 cadets 2nite..
funnily enough she bought tha lil doll imitation of a real baby...
u noe those that cry if itz hungry..
and if u abuse em...
and well coz i went on sick...
i helped look afta tha baby..
ure not meant 2 let itz head go bak...
and in total i let his head fall bak 4 timez...
spanked it once unintentionalli...
lolz..
and tha funni thing wz of all nitez..
it had 2 be 2nite..
grad parade practise...
so yah...
we were forced 2 watch...
yet every so often tha silence wz broken by tha babyz wailin..
1 thingz 4 sure...
i aint gonna have a baby 4 AGEZ..
i mean it wz SO much work...
>.<

hmm..
next yr speech nite is on tha same day as tha last day of skool..
i wonder if we get 2 go home early then...?

sleep time...
nite nite
*hugz*

detached

sometimez i wonder...
is it that some pplz closed out 2 me..
or do i miself seem cold and shut pplz out and avoid em..?
i dunno y...
it seemz both waiz sometimez...
i dunno
i jus feel detached...
oh wellz...

dun realli feel like bloggin these daiz...
*hugz*
nite nite

kz..
1/3 typin this
1/3 playin tha commerce game we made and
listenin 2 music at tha same time
-.-"
in debt 4 tha game again..
now itz like up to $95 in debt...
hope it doeznt get as bad as last time wit $565...
oh wellz...

kz..
mi week...
well..
last thur...
cant remember
last fri..
had choir...
then skool ( had 4 substitues 4 tha 5 periodz i had in1 day
-.-" do mi teachaz hate me that much..?)
then cadetz...

then sat..
chinese skool..
mi sista got 2 skip due 2 her wantin 2 avoid tha poem recitin comp and her chinese test...
so she went out 2 wit her friendz...
i had chinese....
wz forced 2 participate in tah poem recitin thingy..
since each class needed 4 representatives and in our class there wz onli 4 pplz there on that day
since our teacha and 3 of tha pplz had exams 4 uni...
i recited tha poem...
and came equal 3rd -.-"
there wz like 1st (some lil 11 yr old girl)
2nd and 3rd there were 3 pplz...

end of class finish later....

.~^*^~.,.~^*^~.,.~^*^~. l8r on at home.~^*^~.,.~^*^~.,.~^*^~.

and then afta chinese...
went 2 tha ct and harbour town wit mi mum...
she wz lookin 4 a new bag...
but couldnt find tha rite 1...
afta bout 3 hourz searchin she found tha perfect 1 in harbour town..
we kept browsin round...
tehn went home..

then wen we got home..
we realised that i must have accidentalli lost it in 1 of tha shopz..
since i wz in charge of holdin tha bagz and everythin else...
so mum wz pissed off at me..

then went bak 2 harbour town on sun..
went bag searchin till we found it again..
spent aht rest of tha day in harbour town...

and then spent tha rest of tha nite doin mi english assignment...
and nothinz realli happend 2day...

>.<
i still cant get ova tha fact that mi mum told me...
that she wouldnt mind wat path or occupation i choose..
as long as im happy...
but thinkin bout it..
it jus makez me think of how i wished she said it earlier..
i mean then i would maybe able 2 make a different decision...
oh wellz...
i mean i grew up bein told that they wanted me 2 be a doctor..
and since i wz round aged 2 or 3 i sorta grew up wit that as mi goal since i wz lil..
well actualli..
it wz more of doin it 2 make mi parentz happi..
and then since thatz wat they wanted 4 me..
id wanted to go 2 that occupation..
but now afta tha otha day..
i dunno wat 2 think..
like should i jus go on wit wat i sorta have half chosen or find somethin else..
it sometimez makez me feel like itz 2 late 2 change..
i dunno y..

regret..
haz ne 1 realli regretted ne thin they've done in their lives so far...?
i mean i spend time thinkin bout wat ive done so far..
and i think bout it and i regrett...
4 not doin somethingz...
4 not seizin tha opportunitiez..
and sometimez i jus regret doin some thingz...
it goez both waiz i guezz...
itz like tha chance of either regret doin somethin outta curiosity..
and then not doin somethingz outta fear..
and sometimez u think bak and there may not be that same opporutinity eva again...
*sigh*
oh wellz..

somethin i found out on sat...
mi mum readz mi sistaz diariez..
which meanz therez a possibility she goez thru mi thingz as well..
tho i have nothin 2 hide thankfully..
mi sista on tha otha hand..
i worry bout her...
and i guezz given tha circumstances..
i understand and it seemz reasonable 4 mi mum 2 read thru mi sistaz diary and look thru her stuff..
coz shez such a closed in person..
i dunno y..
but i feel like therez a total barrier between mi sista and tha rest of tha family..
itz like as if shez alienated herself..
and wen i talk 2 her...
i jus have this realli uncomfortable feelin..
and wen i go in2 her room..
again she closes me out and wen she closes tah door 2 her room..
itz like she closes tha whole family out..
i mean i can also understand how her friendz mite out weigh her family in importance 2 her at this stage...
but there is no reason y she wont talk 2 us bout ne thin of her frienshipz or skool or nethin in general...
oh wellz
hope she get ova it soon
*sigh*

and tha second thing...
mi mum asked me wat tha word "hump" means..
-.-"
and u noe where she read it 4m..?
4m mi sistaz diary...
SERIOUSLY i have no comment..
and then i asked her in return in wat sentence did she read it 4m..
and tha sentence wz " I will HUMP him!"
i mean wat tha?!?!?!?
it makez me wonder wat it wz all bout..
but then i aint gonna go as low as mi sista...
goin thru pplz stuff coz she wz bored..
>.<

i had tha best moment 2day...
i mean it wz afta skool...
and i wz at corylynne...
lyin in tha grassed shady area starin up at tha cloudz..
with a slight breeze...
and it felt like i hadn't a care in tha world..
i jus love those momentz...
i mean just 2 stop ure life and just rest..
and reflect ova watz happend lately...
2 bad not htat many pplz there..
jus felt like talkin 2 some 1 2
>.<
oh wellz

i g2g
nite nite
*hugz*

S+E

in s+e atm...
maybe scar iz rite..
im neva doin tha thing im meant 2 be doin or at tha place im meant 2 be....
i mean seriously...
yet again im listenin 2 music...
and typin away at mi blog instead of actualli researchin "Nam"
i mean i should be a lil interested in tha viet war..
as that iz 1 of tha reasons im actualli here in tha first place...
but i cant be stuffed sortin thru all taht info thatz available on tah net or in bookz...

ugh...
ms fletcher is FULLY supervisin us..
i mean she walkz round and starez and readz watz on each screen...
funnily enough...
wen she wz doin tha roll...
she had me down as away on peer support work...?!?!?!?!?
but im not a peer support leader..
so y...????
oh wellz...

i dunno y some pplz seem 2 annoy me so...
i mean i dun wanna talk bout it or think bout it..
but some pplz DO annoy me...
and itz funny how sometimez i can trust tha strangest pplz...
even if i wouldnt actualli normalli trust them...
wait..
i think i talked bout that a while ago..
cant remember tho..
yet it alwaiz feelz like im repeatin miself all tah time..
and most of tha time itz tru -.-"
soon thiz blog'll be SO borin....
wait...
it already iz...
oh wellz..
some way 4 me jus 2 rite out most of mi thoughtz...

tha teacha iz realli buggin me atm >.<
itz like some random alwaiz tryin 2 find out wat ure doin..
coz i keep seein her at tha corner of mi eye and itz realli freakin me out...

im lookin thru galleriez of pix 4m tha viet war..
itz realli freakin me out..
i mean they had pix of lil boiz out there actin like soldierz..
it scarez me now...
like wat if that wz wat happend 2 1 of mi parentz...???
*shrudderz*
some pix are jus 2 much 2 bear..
i mean realli..
y are there warz...?
is tha consequence of a war realli a worth payin for what tha pplz wanted...???
oh wellz..
itz already ova...

nearly time 4 mathz >.<
i dun wanna do mathz...
i dunno y i dun wanna do ne more skool..
itz like i jus wanna give up on everythin...
just 4get bout education and jus drift along in life

english...

in english

i didnt noe that andrew worked at our resto...!?!?!?!?!?
and he drivez..?
and i alwaiz thought he wz younger than me
-.-"
oh wellz...

ne waiz...
i wz in french b4...
and realised i have 30 cousins and 1 "nephew"
-.-"
how big is mi family...?
and i have no idea how many second couz i have...
*shrudderz*
scarez me that thought realli...
end of class...
maybe type more later

,.-~^*^~-.,.-~^*^~-.,.-~^*^~-. later @ home.-~^*^~-.,.-~^*^~-.,.-~^*^~-.,

-.-"
cant be stuffed thinkin up somethin 2 rite...
i opend this page up like 2 hourz ago..
and went off 2 read....
so ya..
havnet typed ne thin..
ne waiz
nite nite
*hugz*

crappy daiz gettin worse and worse...

-.-"
me in realli BAD mood atm..

okz...
well mi week so far...

well thur - i cant remember...

fri - well i had skool then cadetz... think mi cold got worse... wz loner all nite >.<

sat - well obviously yesterday wz our lovely outin 2 watch bjd2 ^^...
all in all i guezz it worked out quite well
tho i had 2 leave chinese early which i used as a bribe 4 mi sista..
had lunch at oriental inn...
walked round nb...
then watch movie... then went home...

and 2day...
it wz a pretty bad day..
tho i guezz couldnt be that bad compared 2 some pplz...
well i woke up round 10...
did mathz catchup 4 tha time i missed out durin mi trip ova seaz...
got a headache 4m that...
and still didnt get a word of it (i got mathz test 2moro)
then wz told i had bout 10 minz b4 i had 2 work at tha resto...
since one of tha employeez wz gonna be late...
so i went out and helped...
mi mum promised me that i'd be home by 8...

continued workin...
then had thiz pair of guyz apparently watch me most of tha nite...
*shrudderz*
like im not sure if ne 1z had that feelin where u feel as if they're alwaiz beein watched...
then tha LONG winded man came in 4 dinna...
-.-"
which meanz he TALKED so much..
i mean it... but of ALL nitez it had 2 be 2nite -.-"
i tried avoidin his table 2 avoid listenin 2 him talk...
and had 2 serve this otha table..
turned out it wz of tah table of 3 wit 2 guyz that were starin at me -.-"

and then 1 of tha guyz started battin his eyelashes..
and i wz like WAT THA?!?!?!?!
left 2 get more dishez...
then 1 of them asked me " watz that red thing on ure face?"
-.-"
how bout somethin called a cheek..? or a pimple? or an insectbite...?
went of again...
walked past...
and tha otha guy asks me "u seem bz need ne help?"
funnily enough... onli half tha resto wz full...
tha employee that wz gonna be late didnt end up comin...
and didnt even call 2 say she couldnt come...
so i kept workin...

then i cleared tha table 4 tha pplz...
and 1 of tah guyz askz mi 4 mi name...
me thinkin it wz pretty normal jus answered wit mi name..
then tha guy next 2 him asked 4 mi phone number...
-.-"
halloz!?!??! couldnt they see i wz younger than em...!?!?!?!
they were like in their 20z..
and NO i didnt give em mi number...

and then later on on top of all that...
i jus found out that i have a new baby couz AGAIN...
im not sure if i should be happy...
or sad that im LAST 2 noe again
>.<

sometimez i wonder...
y do pplz seek 4 wat they dun have..?
i mean cant pplz jus be happi wit wat they have..?
but then i guezz if ure not satisfied wit wat u have it givez u motivation..
2 go and seek and gain wat u want...
but then therez tha failure..
and wen that doez happen...
it jus makez pplz so depressed...
oh wellz..

itz gettin late..
betta go sleep..
nite nite
*hugz*

home again..

well..
linaz at her dance comp thingy...
good luck 2 her...

hmmm...
u noe 2day mi dad wz meant 2 get a new car 2 replace his old 1 which is like fallin apart....
and he sold tha maxi taxi van a while ago... *sob*
so yah... he wz meant 2 get a new car...
so that he can actualli do some of tha deliveries 4 tha shop..
but guess wat...?!?!?!?
instead... mi grandparents decide they want tha car instead...
-.-"

so wat does mi dad do?
he GIVES tha car 2 mi grandparents...
i mean itz rite and all..
but WAT will mi dad do now...?
still go drivin round in his old tatterd car which is like a road risk...?
and itz not like mi grandparents dun have a car...
cept itz not suitable 2 do tha deliveriez in...
i mean how good is mi dad...?
he jus gives up his new car and keepz drivin tha 1 he has...
which i think is like a hazard coz like bits are fallin off tha car...
*sigh*

but then cant realli change mi dadz mind...
since i dun have a say in ne of this..
oh wellz...
sometimez i wonder if there could be ne 1 nicer than mi dad...
i mean 2 our family hez like perfect son... perfect husband... perfect father...
wat else...?
hmm... dunno bout bro tho...
but then he usualli has otha pplz interests firsts...
i love mi dad ^^

hmm...
i wonder...
do pplz change or do they stay tha same all tha way thru their life...?
i mean obviously therez tha physical change...
and then learnin 4m mistakes i guezz...

doez EVERYTHIN come in pairs...?
i mean think bout it..
pairz could be total opposites or fit 2getha...
i mean wit love therez hate...
male and female obviously...
then black and white...
and with sadness there is happiness...
for the elderly there are the youthful...
there are tall and short pplz...
tha list could go on and on...

but jus coz there are differences...
are there times wen thingz go 2 far..?
like how therez discrimination...
and racism..
and sexism... (discrimination of gender)
and homophobia...
u sometimez hear bout em..
but then do they go 2 far sometimez...
i mean if itz a protest and everythin 4 human rites and stuff..
but do pplz sometimez go ova tha top bout it...?

i mean 4 eg. wit feminism...
girlz can blame and say that they are bein sexist...
jus coz itz not goin tha rite way 4 em...

and 4 eg. racism...
some1 in class could easily say that tha teacha iz racist jus coz they got a low mark...
i mean sometimez tha cases maybe tru..
but in some otha cases...
r pplz abusin tha fact that there are such reasons...?

like wen u go 2 a lil playground...
and u hear kids playin..
u can sometimez ovahear tha ova used term "bully"
i mean a simple joke and act of takin a child's hat could result in cries of " give it bak u bully!"
they've been taught about bullying...
yet...
wat is bullying..?
it is wen a person who KEEPS doing or saying things to have power ova another person
so..? it is ova used..
could all the forms of prejudice be used in this same way..?

i mean all these thingz go under prejudice...
and wat is prejudice but a baised point of view of individual, group, race or class?
but then wit bein against prejudice...
are u ureself not bein exertin ure own pov against pplz who are prejudice...
wen they are doin exactly tha same...?
itz sorta hypocrisy i guezz...
but then bein against tha prejudice...
would u be generalising a group in particular...?

am i gettin 2 tired...
coz it soundz like im randomly ramblin on bout random stuff (again!!!)...
-_-"

oh wellz i betta go sleep...
nite nite
*hugz*

english...

in english atm...
15 minz left of class 4 tha day....
cbb researchin ne morez...
mite as well type a quick post...

yesterday..
had tae bo 4 pe..
and now mi arms kill like hell wen i straighten em out >.<
nm otha than that..
cant remember ne thin...

2day..
nothin either..
got up earli 4 choir..
got rained on...
had mathz - nothin special
commerce - nothin special
house acts - softball
french - last assessment eva !!! i sorta gave up half way thru tha assessment... and started drawin on mi drink bottle....
and english - well meant 2 be free readin period or research.. our choice realli... and well i jus chose 2 do half half cept i cbb doin ne more research

scar...
maybe u r rite..
maybe im thinkin 2 much again these daiz..
well itz more of me typin mi thoughtz i guezz...
i guezz i think that tha reason i liek tha net in general so much..
is coz wen i chat 2 pplz or play gamez...
it sorta clears mi mind..
and i dont think up random thingz..
i mean i can do tha same wit bookz as a form of escapism...
cept tha thing is that im such a picky reader >.<
i get bored of some bookz so easily..
or if i get caught up in a book i wont be able 2 put it down..
tho turnin off tha comp at nite isnt that easi either...

thinkin bout time..
i cnat believe tha net iz onli bout 10 yrz old !!!
i guezz wit pplz our age growin up wit it...
itz as if itz been here 4 us all along..
i mean no wonder mi parents dunno how 2 use tha net that well...

well end of lesson i betta go..
maybe type some more 2 nite wen i get home...
byez
*hugz*

skool - s+e

meant 2 be researchin on the cold war 4 common task..
but im takin a quick break ^^
itz makin me think 2 much and i think im startin 2 develop a headache...

nothin happend ova tha w/e..
lina went 2 anotha sleep ova..
and on sun wen she came bak mi mum, mi sista and i were close to non speaking terms...
coz each person had their own reason 2 be pissed off at some 1 else..
and i nearly burst out in tearz liek 3 timez...
coz mi mum wz worried bout mi sista all nite wen she wz at tha sleepova...
and so she called lina at 12:30 am..
and lina got pissed coz she didnt believe that mum couldnt trust her..
and wen lina got bak she wz pissed off at me 4 not fixin tha prob on her comp
while she wz away so that tha net connection worked..
and so i went 2 do it 4 her and wit out ne wordz...
she jus kiked me outta tha room once it worked fine >.<>.<
i mean realli...? wz that neccessary?
and coz lina wz bein so mean wen mi mum started lecturin me i tried 2 breathe properly and talk in a nice tone (coz if i didnt then i'd end up gettin tha "dont talk 2 me int hat tone of voice" lecture) cept it didnt work..
and mi mum took it as if i raised mi voice at her..
and sounded all hurt..
*sigh*
i didnt mean 2 make her sad and pissed off...
oh wellz..
but i guezz most of itz ova...

end of class fini later..

.~^*^~.,.~^*^~.,.~^*^~. l8r on at home.~^*^~.,.~^*^~.,.~^*^~.

*sigh*
sometimez i think bout pplz and wat they do and think...
and i wonder...
do some pplz do wat they do coz they feel insecure...?
like tha way they act is a result of their own inner fear..?

some pplz seem so proud...
and yet wen u get 2 noe them u find out and realise...
itz all jus a mask... to hide away their own insecurites..
itz as if they feel that by actin tha way they do they make themselvez more superior...
betta than otherz and by doin that makin em seem so "perfect"
i guezz..
like they're all bold and careless of everythin...
and yet..
if u realli think bout pplz...
they build up this whole facade..
jus 2 hide their "imperfections" (if u can sorta call it that)

but then there may jus be pplz who are jus tha way they are..
and there may not be a facade at all...
and most pplz accept that...
but i dunno y wen i see some pplz and later on..
wen i think bak bout em...
tehy all seem 2 have some troubled mind or seomthin...
(or it could jus be mi imagination...)
or maybe i jus like 2 sympathise 4 some pplz...
but then maybe tha world realli isnt that much of a sad place...

iz tha world realli a bad place, good place or a place of balance...?
iz there a "big BAD world out there?"
iz there a good side of tha world...?
iz there both..?
(-.-" i sound like some random naive outsider who's been wrapped up in cotton wool all their life...)

i went out 2 tha resto 2 nite...
and i saw one of tha employee's son's...
and i felt so sad...
like how bad would it be if i were their parent..
(btw he'z aged 5 and seemz 2 be mentalli not disabled but like i dun wanna use tha word but sorta retarded >.< )
i mean hez 5 and all he doez is look at u and drool...
and he smiles and everythin..
but he refuses 2 talk..
either that or he dunno how 2..
and he dun wanna eat...
so his mum has 2 like force feed him
and like he refuses 2 hold ne thin..
and all he does is wonder round and look at u and smile and drool..

like maybe he feelz happi bout his life atm..
but how bad would life be later on..?
would he stay that way 4 eva..
*sigh*

and then i think..
how sad i would feel if that were mi own child...?
i mean itz bad enough 2 be a parent wit some child or teen...
wat bout 1 that wz mentalli disadvantaged..?
how heartbreakin would that be..?
oh wellz...
but then i dun think i wanna have ne kidz wen i grow up...
but then again..
thingz may change ...
till then i guezz ...
dun realli need 2 think bout that...

i wonder sometimez...
bout future....
wat would happen..?
would i stuff up tee..?
would i end up goin 2 uni..?

ugh...
gettin late..
g2g sleep
nite nite
*hugz*

bout 2 weekz since mi last post...
mi apologiez...
coz i sorta wz sick and then afta that...
i kept gettin distracted by msn...
so by tha end of tha post bein ritten there wz like onli 3 linez ritten...
so no point in publishin...
and then afta that i sorta had a time of loss of internet connection due to some random reason...
which seemed totalli horrible 4 me...
since i jus realised how much i depend on tah net and how much time i spend on it...

hmm...
watz happend since mi last post...?
semester 2 music concert - our choir sounded as if there wz no sound produced...

voice recital - it went ok i guezz i stuffed up a few timez... mi teacha said i did well tho ^^

muck up day - got drenched >.< and covered in shaving cream or shampoo wat eva it wz... but not as bad as some pplz i guezz...

heather lamont - well they cancelled tha house dance >.< so didnt get 2 watch that...
umm... i entered 3 catergories... french play... textiles and craft (tha tute skirt)... and tha cake which i guess wz falling apart but i guezz it tasted good and we had fun ^^ tho i think now im prob double size of wat i wz b4 i shared tha cake wit scar ^^"

and thatz bout it...
how borin is mi life...?
oh wellz...
i got friendz and family 2 talk 2
so all iz good ^^

tha otha day durin re...
we were talkin bout if there wz an existance of god...
and ms raston wz like givin this hand out bout some evidence 2 support tha existance of A god...
or at least some creator...
and tha otha day i wz standin ..
and again i noticed all tah beauty round us...
tha trees whose leaves of so many shades of green dancing in tha wind...
and tha clear blue sky dotted with scatterings of clouds...
and lil buds bout 2 open...
*sigh*
i mean seriously all this beauty must have been created...
how could it have all been accidental...?
but then some of tha stuff could be evolution...
but how could such a "perfect" world be an accident?
i meant therez tha whole balance of tha seasons...
and tha food chain...
and tha whole reproduction thing
which all leads to possible global sustainability...
tho if us humans continue wreckin tha world there may ne world left...

but then im jus sittin here bein hypocritical bout tha destroyin tha world...
coz i am still contributin 2 it -.-"

i wonder...
could it all jus be human nature...?
to both create and destroy all tha things each other owns or loves and cherishes..?
all beginnings have ends...
but y is it that we seem 2 end everything around some1 else...?
with all those wars that happend...?
a struggle for power and resources...
and jus endin lives of pplz and then leave their love ones in pain...
all that grief..?
was it realli worth it?
as a whole...? all that happend?
*sigh*

but tehn i think how mi life'd be if all that didnt happen...
i prob wouldnt be livin here...
wit this access 2 tha net..
and havin such good education...
oh wellz...
shouldnt wonder bout wat could have been now that itz already happend...

sometimez i wonder...
am i realli nice and polite....? or do i act nice and polite?
do i act nice round pplz coz im afraid that pplz wont accept me 4 me...?
but then strangely i can open up and talk 2 some of tha most strange pplz...
and i dunno y i seem 2 trust...
but so far wen eva i have trusted pplz and told em tha ENTIRE truth...
soon rumors start goin round...
and im sick and tired of wat pplz say..
seemz like i usualli end up trustin tha rong pplz...

i dun wanna hear wat pplz tell othas...
im sick of bein tha topic of rumors sometimez...
and then afta pplz start sendin those weird glances...
and quiet giggles...
and talkin bout stuff behind ure bak...

and then therez jus tha pplz who judge by appearance...
whom seem 2 peeve me coz they dont seem 2 understand...
i mean i may sound cliched bout findin tha inner beauty...
and gettin 2 noe tha person and how they've lived their life so far...
how much they've suffered or enjoyed jus by tha way they dress...
or appear...
*sigh*

who am i...?
i wonder that also...
pplz say ure shaped by wat u like and dislike and tha way u act and appear...
yet if i find miself like drifting along in life...
nothin i REALLI like or love or am passionate bout...
nothin im REALLI against... or hate...
tha way i act is jus a result of mi reaction 2 tha pplz around me...
and tha way i appear iz wat mi mum deems as acceptable 2 wear..
since she practicalli buyz mi clothes 4 me wit out me knowin...

maybe i jus want independance...?
i wanna know who i am..
but doesnt everybody..?
2 find a place where they believe they belong...
wen they actualli realise they do..?

i guess itz realli tha nicest feelin wen u lose track of time..
and jus enjoy wat u have and accept ure self 4 who u are...
and jus know ure loved and believed u belong...
i guezz thatz how felt at athletics carnival...
totalli carefree..

but wen i start thinkin...
and tha mind wonders..
and remembers...
everythin that wz covered...
jus seemz 2 reappear..
and i jus get in2 tha most saddening depressions...
as if tha world doesnt care...
and there is no point in your own existance..
as if it wz all a mistake...

tho i hope thatz not tru...
coz every1 wants 2 believe that they're important 2 at least 1 otha person in tha world...

*sigh*

betta go sleep now...
nite nite
*hugz*

realisationz...

>.<
sick atm and mi throat killz like hell so i cant realli speak...

and tha music concert iz 2moro nite...
and tah voice recital iz on sun...
not good since mi voice iznt workin atm...
but then it mite turn out that i wont have 2 sing ^.^

i had mi first harp lesson 2day wit tha new harp teacha...
i dun realli like her already...
and onli in 1 lesson...
oh wellz...
at least its gonna be a short term...

u noe these last few daiz ive made a few realisationz....
i jus realised that mi mum actualli iz a lil jealous of tha opportunitez mi sista and i have !!!
thatz actualli quite interestin...
i mean she keepz goin on bout "wen i wz ure age..."
i neva actualli thought taht she would be a lil jealous...
coz she wz talkin bout her childhood again durin tha w/e
then for tha first time i actualli notices a twinge of jealousy...
and a bit of bitterness...
or it could be that she wz jus pmsin...
i dunno... but it sounded like jealousy 2 me...

and i made a few otha realisationz... but i cant remember wat they were...

hmm...
itz 4 hourz afta i opendd thiz window and ive bearly ritten all tha stuff i wz gonna rite...
and now i cant remember -.-"
cbb

nite nite
*hugz*

lazy

hmmm...
these daiz startin 2 get 2 lazy 2 blog...
i mean i do open up tha window and start typin..
but then by tha end of tha nite ive onli ritten a few linez so cbb publishin....
(either 2 distracted by msn or playin gamez...)

afta an extremely long week of 4 daiz...
itz tha weekend at last !!!
seemz like agez ago since skool started...
i got mi french and math resultz bak....
mi french wz round 72%
and mi math wz 63% and ms bayley took tha liberty 2 rank our scores between her 2 classes...
i got ranked 42/51 >.<
and s+e i got 72.5% ( accordin 2 mr o every1 in tha class did betta than their usual except 4 me who got below mi standard -.-")

realli nothin 2 talk bout this week...
had chinese skool 2day 4 first day of term 4...
changed classroomz...
saw andy....
then went 2 airport 2 pick up mi grandparents...
they had jus come bak 4m a 3 week trip 2 India...
then went home and net....

okz
nite nite...
*hugz*

first few daiz bak at skool...

well skoolz started...
and bout 2 daiz till tha weekend ^^

im startin 2 get bak tha resultz 4 mi exams...
their alrite i guezz.. im not totalli devastated...
but then im not that happi bout them...

Chem - 85% (mi mumz askin y i didnt get 100% -.-" but ovall im happi wit it... coz i didnt realli finish tha paper)
Phys - 77% (soso... )
Bio - 72% (not realli carin bout it...)
English - 5b (they didnt give us a mark >.<>.<
wat would happen then? would it be survival of tha richest?
or would we try 2 find a planet 2 live on?

they talk bout how if tha rich pplz gave money 2 tha pplz who are poverty stricken...
maybe there'd be a balance...
but then pplz are greedy...
pplz will do wat eva they can 2 get easi cash $.$
and therez gonna be tha queue jumpin...
and maybe deathz jus 2 get richez...
and who would give money out in tha first place...?
i mean even i admit im materialistic...
and i keep wantin 2 buy new stuffz...
tha old stuff getz given 2 mi sista but who'd want our stuff ne waiz...?
plus i do realise that i dont wanna give it 2 ne1 coz itz MINE
jus so hard i guezz...

hmm...
wen i opend thiz it wz 4:25...
thatz 6 hourz ago...
oh wellz
thatz wat msn doez 2 me i guezz...
cant type post and talk

hmm.. choir 2moro mornin
nite nite
*hugz*
bye

2nd last day of freedom...

*sigh*

2 nite itz like tha most pplz online 4 me in agez...
yet...
no1 2 talk 2 on msn...
and so soon tha holz are ova...
oh wellz...

well tha rest of tha day..
nothin that special....
went out 2 nb wit mi mum 2 buy beansprout coz ran out at resto..
then went 2 help out in tha shop...
well mainly jus sit at tha bak..
but i helped close up since tha person whoez sick didnt turn up 2day...
which caused tha cancellation of mi day wit mi parents...
well i mopped up tha shop 4 tha first time since i wz 7...
so yah i could bearly remember how...
but i rememberd afta a while wat i needed 2 do...

then went ova 2 tha resto..
waitressed 4 bout 5 minz...
then went home...

and yah...
tatz tha rest of mi day...

hmmm..
sudden attack of msg..
me gonna go chat
nite nite
*hugz*

>.<

yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????????????????

ne waiz....
me so bored...
2day wz meant 2 be a day where i spent some more time wit mi family...
which 4 once mi dad wz gonna spend some tiem wit us...
but turnz out tha whole day wz cancelled...
y?
coz julian sick so cant come 2 work >.<
tha onli day in tha holz that i can spend a WHOLE day wit BOTH mi parents AND mi sista
cancelled....
-.-"

so instead mi mum decided 2 drag me and mi sista along 2 some swap meet/flea market place...
and me wz in pissed off mood all tha way...
plus i had thiz swollen eyelid thing so i could bearly see ne thin...
and mi mum started lecturin me on how i should speak more kindly so pplz dont mistaken me 4 bein pissed off...
but tha thing wz i realli wz in a bad mood

and yah thatz been mi day so far 2day...

umm...
wat happend yesterday...?
well mi mum decided 2 go 2 tha ct...
but this time she wanted 2noe wat it would be like 2 take tha train...
-.-"
so we parked in claremont...
took tah train 2 ct...

walked 2 nb...
yum cha...
then saw andy walk 2 tfusion...
ignored him and went 2 ct...

walked round wit mi mum...
saw bonnie and her friend in crazy clark's...
i couldnt recognise her and got scolded by mi mum...
coz she assumed i wznt greetin a realli good friend..
but in fact that i could bearly recognise bonnie...
since i dont realli see her outta uniform
then took train home...

and that wz it realli...
nearly tha end 2 mi holz...
oh wellz...
gonna go find somethin 2 do
*hugz*

holz nearly ova

afta thiz weekend and mon...
it'll be bak 2 skool...
i cant believe how fast tha last 2 weekz have gone past....
i cnat even remember tah examz....

well..
watz happend...
mi sista had her friend ova...
had pizza 4 dinner last nite...
then this mornin took em out 2 tha shop 4 a walk...
came bak...
most of it wz jus mi sista and her friend attached 2 tha computer...
and ann on tha otha comp..
and me on mine...
so nm goin on realli

mi mumz planned 2 spend time wit me and mi sista 4 tha weekend
so everythinz lookin briter ^^
good family time...
but then sadly mi dad wont have ne time 2 spend wit us :(
oh wellz...
im happi that mi mum can spend time wit us still

oh wellz
betta go 2 sleep
nite nite
*hugz*

worried...

well got mi comp bak ^^ !!!

watz happend tha last few daiz???
well on mon didnt do that much as usual...
jus wondered round tha house...
and i cnat rmemeber doin ne thin else....

tue - well scar organised 2 go 2 tha ct...
got there round 930....
sat and waited 4 scar....
walked round lookin at stuff in tha ct...
didnt buy a thing...
then ate sushi 4 lunch...
walked 2 nb...
went 2 timezone...
then went 2 gelare...
lina and scar ate waffles whilst i watched...
sat in tfusion for an hour...
saw andy and jono...
lina and scar ran round wantin 2 take pix of andy and jono...
they managed 2 get a pic of andy...
whom soon got hold of tha cam and worked out how 2 delete it and deleted it..
then walked scar bak 2 tha ct so she could catch her bus...
lina and i took tha train home...

yesterday...
well... um...
i cant remember much but i dont think i did much in tha mornin...
then took lina rollerbladin 2 tha shop...
then went 2 annz house....
picked her up....
and now shez ova on a sleep ova
and we rented some movies out...
and watched lookin 4 alibrandi and a walk 2 remember...
ended up sleepin round 2 in tha mornin >.<

and since ann has a habit of wakin up at 7...
she woke me up >.<
but luckkily i can fall asleep again easily
but poor thing she jus sat round till i woke up 2 find her somethin 2 do...

oh betta go get somethin done...
bye
*hugz*

thoughts...

half tha holz are ova... >.<

ne waiz...
i spent yesterday cleanin tha house...
and i sorta realised how materialistic i am...
and how much i cling 2 tha past...
tho some of it i wanna forget..
and how much i hate throwin stuff out..
i jus cant let go of stuff...

no wonder mi room is such a mess...
itz mainly cluttered up wit random stuff i don wanna throw out...
so i have no where 2 put em...
and i dunno y i wont put it in tha garage...
oh well...
me jus strange...

then afta that i sorta started thinkin...
and sorta realised most pplz confuse me...

like itz either that pplz are complicated...
or i have 2 much of a simple mind 2 understand...

i mean 4 mi grandparents (both sides)
2 them pplz hearts and intentions are complicated...
and that pplz are out 2 plot against em...
but i dunno...
i think itz jus pplz in general confuse me...
oh wellz...
*sigh*

mona came 2 mi resto last nite... ^^

well 4 dia hope u have a safe trip if i dont see u 2moro ^^

wat happend 2day..?
well went 2 tha ct wit mona, dia, sheila and monaz bro
monaz dad drove us 2 harbour town...
let mona eat breakky..
spent bout 20 minz in harbour town...
walked and took tha train 2 ct...
walked round...
met up wit dia...
watched cinderella story whilst steven wz in nb wit his friend...
then went home afta that..

and that wz mi day...
not that interestin...

hmm...
im wonderin now y tha reasons y i like goin on tha net htat much...
i think itz coz it makez me think of wat 2 type..
instead of lettin mi mind wonder bout random stuffs....
like rite now wen im jus typin out mi thoughts...
but therez a difference coz im actually focused on thinkin up wat 2 type...
and also choosin wat 2 reveal bout miself and mi life...
whereas wen im doin wateva i do durin tha day..
mi mind jus wonders freely..
and i jus think up random thoughts bout things in life...

lallala...
dunno wat 2 rite now..
but yet again im usin blogger as a means of stayin online longer...
so if u wanna u can give up readin now coz im jus gonna ramble on bout crap...
wateva comez in2 mi mind....

-.-"
i jus lost mi train of thought...
ugh...
jus wen i decided 2 rite tha first thing that comez in2 mi mind i get a mind blank...
i realli cant think of ne thin 2 rite...
or maybe mi mind is preoccupied wit msn 2 much...
thinkin wat 2 say...
oh stuff it...
cbb tryin 2 stay online ne longer..
mite as well get some sleep

nite nite
*hugz*
bye

7th day of holz

nearly a whole week gone...
thiz week seemz 2 have flown by coz i can barely remember wat happend on mon...
and tha exams seem as if they were done last yr...

ne waiz...
on wed we went 2 tha show..
thur i stayed at home.. then went 2 mirrabooka... then worked in tha resto
and 2day ive mainly spend tha time wonderin round tha house...

okz now talk bout each day in detail... well as much as i can remember...
wed - well wat can i say royal show... it wz a rainy-ish windy day... not a good idea 4 tha show...
but we went ne waiz...
i went wit mi sista...maxy... sheila... and scar...
got there at 9 am...
waited 4 sheila maxy and scar 2 arrive...
then we went 2 look at tha show bags.. went walkin round lookin at tha exhibitions...
like tha dogs.. tha products 4 sale in tha pavilions...
tehn went 2 sideshow alley...
walked round... then went bak 2 tha otha side of tha show 2 buy show bags... bought some caps which u can personalise.. u choose wat u want on it and they rite 4 u... maxy had 'panda', sheila bought 1 4 her friend and lina and i bought 1 sayin 'angel'

and then sheila lina and i got an air brush tattoo... mine on mi bak jus below mi neck.. it wz of a heart wit black and blue wingz... then took a ride on tha chairlifts 2 sideshow alley again..
this time we sat on tha chair lifts... maxy and sheila chose 2 walk...
then met up again at tha ferris wheel...
sheila spent $40 on gamez tryin 2 win tha dice.. 2 later discover it onli cost $25 to buy...
then we sorta wondered round tha show grounds...
in total i think we walked round tha entire show grounds at least 4 timez..
we went on tha rage and splash down... strangely i keep promising miself every yr that ill neva go on tha rage EVA again yet i keep breaking tha promise...
and i think i lost mi hair clip thingy there... *sobs*

then round 6 we stopped down 2 watch tha evening show stuff...
maxy sheila and mi sista jus sat round at tha place...
and scar and i went walking...
coz scar decided 2 buy a morish nuts showbag 4 her mum...
and then we bought some cotton candy/fairy floss... wateva u like 2 call it
on a stick..
scar and i shared 1 then walked bak 2 tha place tha otherz were sittin then gave em anotha stick..
then scar and i went walkin again...
i think tha sugar wz a bit 2 much coz then scar and i got hyper on it..
we sat on a rode side randomly singin 2 wat eva song wz on..
i think it wz a medley consistin of 'watlzing matilda'... 'home among tha gum trees'.... 'i am australian'... ' tie me kangaroo down'.... 'still call australia home' and some otha songs...
then we bought some corn cobs on a stick and ate that and got bak jus in time 2 see tha fireworks at 8:30 especialli on early 4 scar ^^ since she wanted 2 see it that bad...

at tha end of tha fireworks mi sista claimed that she could hear us singing b4 >.<
so i sorta got worried bout how loud i wz singin and off tune...
and maxy and scar went 2 tha train station 2 catch tha train bak..
and sheila went wit me and mi sista since mi mum wz gonna drop her home...

i think i wz bit 2 hyper coz i practically couldnt sleep that nite...
very bad...

on thurs i woke up at 11:30 i think...
2 find mi sista on tha net... eatin ice cream 4 breaky... >.<
i spent tha day doin more cleanin up of tha house...
it wz practicalli spent jus like sat and sun...
me doin tha house work whilst she wz playin on tha net...
and beggin me 2 take her rollerbladin again...
and wen i said no she jus turned bak 2 tha net and kept playin...
not a single bit of help...

and then in tha arvo mi mum took us 2 mirrabooka...
spent an hour there then mi dad called up sayin that pplz called in sick so there'd be no1 workin
so we had 2 go bak 2 tha resto...
i helped out at tha resto whilst mi sista looked afta tha shop..
round 8 it wz close up time 4 tha shop...
and lina still hadnt come 2 tha resto so i had 2 go 2 tha shop 2 chek out y she hadnt come...
2 find that minh and wah wz jus standin at tha front of tha shop...
they saw me and asked if they could close up and i wz like ?.?
wznt lina meant 2 give u tha key and ask u 2 close up?
i went 2 tha bak 2 discover that mi sista had spent her time watchin tv...
i nearly lost it there and then...
i helped close up and went bak 2 tha resto...

closed up tha resto that nite...
and i wz given a lecture on how much mi parents worked wen they were 8 (again)...
i couldnt help it i wz bout 2 scream...
i mean i try 2 get some stuff done..
but wat bout mi sista...???
shez round tha age wen they claimed that they helped their parents...
y wont she get that lecture...???
it jus drives me crazy...
tha fact that ive heard that lecture since i wz in yr 3
and ive tried 2 help where eva i can...
and mi sista has alwaiz been tha exception...
itz like they want me 2 jus drown in guilt...

i guezz they jus see mi sista as still a baby..
i mean i did all this work..
and wen mi paretns come home they jus go...
wat did u do 2day..
i say wat ive done and they say...
well u could've done more...
agghhhhh
itz like a total put down...
and then i hear a lecture...
and mi sistaz still attached 2 her comp..
and then i get told 2 do some chores...
wat bout mi sista!?!?!?!?!
and mi mum repliez
shez still 2 young...
wat tha!?!?!?!?!?

i get tha lectures bout how mi parents helped mi grandparents wen they were 8...
and mi sistaz 2 young!?!?!?!?
shez bloody 11...
and i have 2 still look afta her...

and i cant leave her alone at home....
>.<
y not???
i wz left at home alone at that age...

itz jus realli unfair...
i mean seriously..
everywhere i go i have 2 take her...
i have 2 make sure she eats...
i have 2 cook 4 her 2 eat..
i have 2 keep askin her 2 get off tha net or off tha fone...
i have 2 listen 2 wat she wants...
the neva endin nagging of 'i want this... i want that...'

sometimez it seemz as tho ive become her mother...

and i dont see it as mi TOTAL responsibility 2 look afta her...
i had 2 teach her stuff b4 like manners and stuff wen she wz lil..
but now u'd think she'd have learnt...
and that she would have some slight bit of common sense...
but no...
she has none of it...
AND 2 top it all off...
she wont bloody listen 2 me tha first time wen i ask her..
so i end up repeatin mi self so many times it seems as if itz become a bloody habit....
and wen i do lose it and raise mi voice at her...
seh jus runs 2 her room and pulls her covers ova her head...
OR
calls mum...
and hten i get in bloody trouble again...
*sigh*

im gettin sick and tired of mi life...

im alwaiz on tha receivin end of lectures...
and wen i actualli talk bak...
tha time length of tha lecture increases...
and mi end result is an increase of feelin of guilt
and mi sista gets off free..
not a prob... not a care in tha world... not even a stab of guilt...
no consequence...
*sigh*

sometimez tha stresses is drive me crazy...

and i want time 2 miself...
or jus some time where i dont see ne of mi family...
jus take tha stresses away...
i mean itz eitha tha stress of skool or tha stress of family life >.<
cant seem 2 get away 4m both

i dunno wat 2 do....
oh well...
*sigh*
*hugz*
bye

day 4 of tha holz...

hmm... onli tha 4th day in2 tha holz and i feel so...
i dunno how 2 describe...
oh well....

nothin much has realli happend so far...

sat - sleep... wake up then clean house... got sick of it and went online...
sun - sleep... wake up... clean mi room a bit... took mi sista rollerbladin....
mon - sleep... wake up... went 2 tha showwit mi parents... walked round lookin at tha pavilionz...
mainly looked at wat things those indoor stalls had 2 sell... nothin new... but i saw steph...
im not sure if she recognised me tho... funny she still lookz liek she used2 unliek her pix...
and she wz actualli sellin stuff at tha show... then went on a delivery 2 applecross wit mi
dad... then went 2 send mi grandparents 2 tha airport... sat there 4 bout 3 hours since
they were earli...
2day - sleep and jus recently woke up... wz orginalli goin 2 tha movies but cant coz have no
transport.. so prob a day spent cleanin tha house or watchin movies afta i send this post...

hmmm... thinkin bak ive realli done nothin... but then again ive done more than i have in some ohta holz...

last nite i again found out i have a few more cousins...
im not sure if i should be happi bout it or sad...
or i guess im jus 2 ignorant
or coz i dont talk 2 mi grandparents enough 2 noe bout it....
this thur iz jackson's bday...
tha 1st bday of mi lil nephew ^^
i wz talkin 2 mi grandparents bout it and bout how im so happi i actualli rememberd a bday 4 once...
but then i found out that tha bday party wz already ova...
>.<
it wz liek a week ago...
y dont ppl tell me these thingz...???

and then as we were drivin in tha car 2 tha airport...
i wz yet again shown how therez so much competition in mi family 2 be tha 'good' son or daughter... and i see tha signs of favoritism...
its jus so strange 2 see it between mi dad and mi uncles and aunts instead of between me and mi sista where there iz tha usual rivalry and jealousy 2 be tha betta...

wat happend wz at mi grandparents house...
wen they left they got on2 mi auntz car...
and we started drivin...
dem in front wit tha grandparents and us behind wit tha luggage in tha bak...
and then half way along...
mi uncle calls up says sorri that he's late...
and then tells us 2 pull up and wait 4 him...
so we endup stoppin at a petrol station...
wen he gets there...
mi uncle gets mi grandparents 2 go sit in his car instead of mi aunt's...
i mean wat tha...?
both cars are vehicles... watz tha diff...?
but no since he wz tha youngest uncle and therez favouritism 2 tha son and everythin...
coz they typical chinese pplz... they change car...
i mean how bad would mi aunt hav felt...?
itz jus so mean...
and 2 me it seems like mi uncle wz jus wantin 2 show off...
drove off at like 150 k per hour... leavin both mi auntz car and ourz behind...

*sigh*
y iz there so much competition ova who sendz mi grandparentz 2 tha airport even..?
itz jus a lil trip.. u go there.. wiat till they board tha plane and leave..
watz tha big fuss..?

ne waiz...
got 2 tha airport and mi uncle brings along a baby...
i thought it mite be baby billy...
and guezz wat..?
it wznt... i jus discovered i have anotha cousin whose 4 months old..
and i missed out on her full month celebration thingy...
y...?
coz no 1 told me did they...?
i mean i deserve 2 at least noe i have anotha cousin...
and then afta that i find out mi otha aunt had anotha baby as well!!!
at tha end of last yr...
-.-"
y do i get told last...?
*sigh*

maybe i should go get some work done now...
instead of jus sittin infront of tha comp...
*hugz*
bye

nearly finished wit exams !!!!

exams, exams and more exams... but i guess that its good that soon they'll be ova and holz are here and i can get some rest.... this week has mainly been study and exams... well all except 4 tue which i spent watchin movies a bit... Mon:S+e exam went alrite i guess.. Wed:French and English exam... well tah french i practicalli failed... it wz SO long... and the english exam i think i stuffed up coz i dont think tha essay had ne structure wat so eva... Thur(2day): Science Exam consistin of tha Physics, Bio and Chem... I guess i did ok ova all... but wit tha exams i havenet felt at all stressed... either that or i do feel stressed but cant identify it as stress... math test 2moro... pplz wish me luck.. coz i prob gonna fail... oh well... hmmm... i jus found out that mi sista called me a 3 timer... -.-" 4 wat??? 4 jus usin tha bloody webcam... this is saddenin... wen i dont even go out wit ne guyz or ne thing... i'm sick and tired i guess bout hearin bout relationships al2getha... i mean from jus friends to god noes wat... i jus wann... hmmm... i dunno wat i want... oh well... and lookin bak on some of tha pix 4m america i look so old >.< oh well... well there isnt much 2 talk bout... nothin special happen... coz need concentrate on study... or maybe me jus unobservant... oh well... nite nite

1 week till end of skool

i havent posted in agez it seemz but it wz onli a few daiz ago....

exams start 2moro...
and time is goin by so sluggishly...
i should be studyin but i realli cant be stuffed...
plus i'm not takin s+e next yr ne waiz...

nothin realli happen this week...
im not jetlagged ne more..
but mi sleep pattern is still bit stuffed up....
its like i get home at 5pm..
and instead of gettin changed and studyin...
or doin wateva i have 2 do that day...
i jus fall asleep...
and end up gettin up at 7am tha next mornin...
so barely ne study is gettin done...
and none of mi hw is done either...

so that wz most of mi week...
jus skool... and then tha majority of tha afternoon and evenin sleepin...
and yesterday i managed 2 get up 2 go 2 chinese skool...
nothin much happend...
usual classes...
chinese skool teacha and her family fell ill...
so she wznt in tha class all tha time so it wz bit more slack...

on thur nite tha chinese skool principal specificalli called me..
to inform mi mum, lina and i 2 stay at skool
coz she invited pplz 4m taiwan 2 come and teach us cultural arts stuffz...
it wz gonna start at 1:30 and it wz gonna last till 4:30pm...
thatz round 3 hours long... plus lunch which meant
i would have 2 stay 4 hours and 30 minz longer than usual at tha temple...
so there went mi day of sat studyin...

but wen it wz time 2 start i decided not 2 do tha activities(dancin and arts and craft)...
so instead i hid 4m tha principal and mi mum and mi sista wit andy in tha courtyard area of tha temple...
then later...
went 2 andy's grandparents' house wit raymond and andy...
got 2 see tha shed in tha bak wit all tha lion dancin stuffs, swords and otha stuff...
and den we jus sat round and talked in his room...
watched both of em sleep... lolz
then round 4:20 went bak 2 tha temple...
met up wit mum and lina...
and went home...
got home and fell asleep...

and that wz mi yesterday...
and 2day i've mainly spent doin nothin in particular...
jus sorta wonderin round tha house...
nothin in particular...

so ye dats mi day..
*hugz
bye

first day bak at skool...
and yet again everythin felt like a blur...
next week is exams >.<
and i dunno y but itz like i have moments wen i get realli stressed..
then tha next few moments everythin is fine again...
it feelz so weird...

mi comp in mi room is stuffed up >.<
everytime i log on it logs me off straight away :(
so now i cant access it and itz realli annoyin me...
its like i wanna talk 2 pplz on msn usin mi comp coz itz all nice in there..
but no... now if i wanna use tha comp i have 2 use tha 1 in mi dad's room...

i jus finished reading sixational (aka six appeal) by meg cabot...
coz i wz 2 lazy 2 do study and i couldnt go online due 2 mi comp stuffed up...
itz okz i guezz...

otha than exams not realli ne thin happenin comin up...
there iz tha hols and tha show....
and then afta that is bak 2 skool...

i dunno but ive got a feelin that im gonna fail tha exams...
but as per usual ive found that im not worried that much bout it...
well tha majority of tha time..

ugh... i feel like talkin 2 pplz...
but then pplz i wanna talk 2 not online...
maybe i should jus fone dem..
but then take up fone bill...
plus that fact that as usual i have nothin 2 talk bout...

i keep repeatin mi self... -.-"
oh well... jus me i guess...

itz gettin cold in this room...
and since no1z online im goin...
nite nite
bye
*hugz

bak in aust ^^

hmmm... i'm not sure if i should be celebratin that i'm bak... there are all tha good and bad thingz bout comin bak... and leavin... well... finalli bak in mi house and 2nite i get 2 sleep in mi bed 4 tha first time in like 2 and a half weekz... well i can barely remember a thin 4m minin camp... it feelz like that wz last yr... and mi trip in america feelz like it wz 2 monthz long.... i took all mi filez ova... and didnt do a single bitta study.. every nite i wz either 2 tired or i cbb... *sigh* and tha temperature wz humid and all stuffy... and then there wz tha actual wedding... it wz pretty good i guezz... there wz 450 guests 4 tah dinner... and i had 2 sing again... >.< this time i think i realli sounded crap... plus tha dress i wz wearin seemed a lil short and tha straps bit short... but all in all it wz all good... :) we stayed in los angeles.... first 3 nitez wz spent at disneyland hotel... went 2 disneyland... then tha family hired a 15 person van and went 2 las vegas... stayed in tha stratosphere.... travelled 5 hours by van 2 go c tha grand canyon coz tha adultz wanted 2... all adultz and cousins in their 20s went gamblin and drinkin at nite... which left me in charge of tha kidz... >.< then went bak 2 los angeles... stayed in tha ramada inn... i went swimmin there... and fell ill i ended up vomitin 3 timez thruout tha nite... then tha next day we helped set up 4 tha wedding... mum went shoe shopping... and then wz tha wedding... then afta tha wedding slept 4 tha nite at tha crappy ramada hotel... and flew this mornin... tha plane flights wasted so much time... i mean seriously... it took 24 hours each flight 4m los angeles to perth... with a stop ova at singapore for 3 hours... so that tha main gist of mi hol in america... i guezz it wz realli good 2 meet up wit family again... and cousins... but then mi cousins were either 20+ or 11 or less... so ya... me stuck in tha middle.. >.< but then wit tha meetin up... also came tha family competition... nice 2 find out that mi cousin on 2 her 3rd masters... *sigh* well... ne waiz... i met mi bro-in-law... hez azn... round 30... wearz glasses... doin economics i think... but didnt get 2 talk properly coz he and cousin bz wit wedding preparations... and me and family doin typical tourist thing goin everywhere and takin pix... exams next week... and atm... me feelin jet lagged... zzzzzzzzzZzzzZzzzzzzzZzzzzz so tired... i dunno y i keep noticing that tha 2 main q i keep gettin asked these last 2 weekz wz : 1) "where are u 4m?" OR 2) "do u have a boyfriend?" -.-" wat iz wit pplz... tha second 1 wz mainly asked by relativez... but then as u prob have heard tha trukkie i got 4 tha minin camp asked me that... and some otha pplz but i cant remember who... and then that first 1... mainly asked by friendz of mi cousins... and some pplz i think at tha social... and hank tha trukkie... and some randomz at tha airport... it wz so weird... i mean y do random weird thingz alwaiz happen 2 me!??!!?!?!?!?!? so scary sometimez... worse if u dunno wat they talkin bout... and then therez tha age mistake... i mean some1 asked if i wz in college... which iz like tha equivalent of tafe but then college iz 4 tha pplz who less smart i think... i dunno if college offerz trade appreinteships tho... (how eva u spell) ugh... i so tired... but if i sleep now i may stuff up mi sleepin pattern more... i mean i've spent mi last 2 weekz lacking of sleep... i mean on mining camp it wz waking up early for tha breaky... and 2 get 2 tha shower... got at round 4/5 >.< and in america it wz sleepin late coz wz alwaiz out lookin at stuff coz tha adults felt like it or coz wedding preparations or tha wedding itself... thinkin bak.. interestinly... tha fri nite of tha social wz tha same nite as tha yr 9 social... tha 6/7 social and tha 1 at ccgs thatz y there were that many carz wen i left... i wonder how tha college choir went 4 tha trophy winnerz concert... oh well hope they did well.... hmmm... cant think of ne thin more 2 say so maybe i'll jus publish... bye *hugz

*sigh*

timez passin away... time slowly tickin... as we ourselvez dont notice... friendshipz driftin apart... new 1z beginnin all tha time... hmmm... wat happend 2 day..? well... i guezz we had chinese skool...and i saw andy...and then i went home... and slept.. and i've been online since i woke up... thatz mainly it... these daiz... i dunno y... mi mind and thoughtz seem 2 start wonderin... i mean itz bit strange.. coz usualli.. all that happenz is i stare out.. and mi mind jus focuses on a subject and mi mind goez blank.. but these daiz... itz liek all these thoughtz come in2 mind... itz different.... and sorta strange... oh wellz... wat else 2 talk bout...? umm... i g2g nite nite *hugz [6 daiz 2 go... ]

*sigh*

timez passin away... time slowly tickin... as we ourselvez dont notice... friendshipz driftin apart... new 1z beginnin all tha time... hmmm... wat happend 2 day..? well... i guezz we had chinese skool...and i saw andy...and then i went home... and slept.. and i've been online since i woke up... thatz mainly it... these daiz... i dunno y... mi mind and thoughtz seem 2 start wonderin... i mean itz bit strange.. coz usualli.. all that happenz is i stare out.. and mi mind jus focuses on a subject and mi mind goez blank.. but these daiz... itz liek all these thoughtz come in2 mind... itz different.... and sorta strange... oh wellz... wat else 2 talk bout...? umm... i g2g nite nite *hugz [6 daiz 2 go... ]

s+e...(again)
ne waiz...
jus finish small bzness day...
it went alrite i guezz...
but then we didnt sell everythin...
oh well...

had choir dis mornin...
and then had p1 and 2....
and then recess...
then p 3 i missed most of coz i had small bzness day...
but then it stuffed up coz i ended up bein 1 outta 4 that did tha set up...
coz 2 pplz had inclass essay so thatz okz..
i still meant 2 have melissa toh come down and help me...
but then apparently she 4got...
so i wz standin there by mi self tryin 2 work out how 2 actualli set up wen tha place wz so windy...
and then all tha paper in mi diary flew away across tha great court coz of tha huge wind.... -.-"
oh well...

wat else..?
hmmm... no 1 online... but then u can expect that..

work exp next week... agghh...
i still gotta pack...
and sorri if i snapped at ne1 dis mornin... i realli stressed out atm...

but itz all good that i have small bzness ova so no need 2 worry bout that *phew*
but still gotta make a decision on whether or not 2 perform on tha harp 4 tha music tour 4 vienna...

u realli hate makin decisions....
hmmm... got voice lesson now..
g2g
bye
*hugz*

[8 daiz 2 go....]

s+e

s+e...
nothin 2 do..
small business day 2moro...

itz so quiet.... oh well time 2 relax and reflect i guezz...
come 2 think of it...
these daiz tha onli time i get 2 jus sit and sorta relax at skool iz durin s+e...
not realli taht much work involved since i have mr o...

minin camp next week...
i gonna be so bored on tha bus trip there...
i mean sittin on tha bus for 7 hours!!!
i aint gonna liek it... but oh well..
i'll have dia and scar 2 entertain me :P

now daiz i realli startin 2 reconsider mi choicez 4 subjects next yr...
i dunno if i should change outta human bio in2 some humanitiez subject...
i realli worry bout if i stuff up then it'll go bad...
oh well....

itz artz week...
so every day this week is day x... me so happi!!
but then we've alwaiz got some random thing 2 go 2...
there wz tha talent quest 2 day as well as tha dance fest performance...
thiz year tha talent quest wz so much betta than last yrz...
so funni

half tha lesson 2 go...
and i've gotten a realli big headache...
hmm... i wonder if itz dehydration... or if i'm jus sick....

ugh...
2 much stress this week...
2 much due 2moro....
i've still got mi maths invest 2 work out... all mi pom pom hair ties 2 sew up... mi english journal thatz due... mi bio test...

i dunno if itz me...
or if itz pms... or jus otha pplz....
but these daiz itz as if i cant tolerate ne thin ne morez...
esp it seemz like in tha mornin... i jus am so pissed off...
and then also durin commerce... and some otha classes...
i dont wanna be pissed off but then pplz jus seem 2 get on mi nervez so easily...

oh well...
class is ova...
*hugz
bye

[9 daiz 2 go...]

s+e...
mr o iz jus sittin across tha room and talkin 2 pplz... typical...
nothin 2 do... and no 1 iz on msn...

so ye...
tha mid term break iz ova so quickly...
oh well..
and now i got heapza stuff 2 do coz i didnt do ne hw....
oh well...

well tha second half of tha w/e wz okz...
i went 2 tha temple on sun and had a lovely vegetarian lunch...
and then stayed at home 4 tha rest of tha day...

but now i'm sorta gettin worried bout miself...
i mean i'm not sure if i've developed an eatin disorder or somethin...
i hope not... but then i dont think i've been eatin properly..
wen i feel like eatin... i sorta lose mi appetite no matter
oh well end of class finish later...

========== continued ==========

ne waiz... i think i wz on tha topic of mi eatin habitz...
oh well... i hope it getz betta soon..

well atm... i'm a quarter tryin 2 study 4 2moroz mathz test....
a quarter makin a pom pom 1 quarter typin dis... and 1 quater chattin...
very bad habbit..
oh wellz... it keepz me 4m stressin...
or maybe i should get mi prioritiez straight...

i dunno y... sometimez... life feelz like itz full of deceit..
and liez... and as if therez heapza pplz out there 2 jus trick u and fool u and then laugh...oh well...

and then.. yesterday..
went 2 tha ct... walked round... now i hurt all ova... >.< 2 much walkin i guezz.... mi arms and mi shoulders hurt and mi nose ?.? oh well...
well walked round... met scar and then met andy later on at joy garden.. then lina went off wit her friendz...(4 once!!! but i got told off later on 4 it... -.-") and so scar and i had 2 walk 2 and from tha ct repeatedly... and then scar left and it wz jus me and andy..
we walked round tha ct 4 a while... still havent found a prezzie 4 dad 4 father's day... and then got home round 6 or 7 some time den... and then thatz bout wat happedn 4 mi day yesterday...

mi life seemz so borin...
oh well... betta go finish studyin and then get some harp practise done or mi teachaz gonna kill me...
nite nite
*hugz

[11 daiz 2 go...]

*sigh*

*sigh*hmmm.... happi bday 4 kat 2moro... tho i doubt she readz mi blog... but oh well... itz tha mid term break... so i had fri off and mon also... i spent fri at garden ct... went wit jade and dia.. and met up wit scar dere... had lunch (and breakfast 4 me)... we were gonna go see tha girl next door... but we ended up watchin white chicks coz dia 4got 2 bring her library card 2 verify her age... tha movie wz quite good i guezz... but i dunno y... i'm not sure if i wz sick or ne thin.. but i felt realli sick.. i ended up vomitin a bit in tha bathroom half way thru tha movie... and then.. walked round 4 anotha while... then went home... but then b4 that both scar and dia decided 2 call AND sms andy on mi fone wit out me noein... -.-" and he called bak... lolz so funny... ne waiz... went home 2 get ready 4 cadetz... andy called up again 2 wonderin wat wz up and if it wz urgent... and me sorta in a towel and doin mi hair... so i promised i'd call him bak some otha time... had cadetz... froze 2 death... and got called mrs braidy.. -.-" i mean first house wife.. now somethin specific.. -.-" okz... 2day... had chinese skool... mi teacha decided to invite her friend along 2 class... apparently her friend iz like some famous advertisin actress person... ne waiz... i hated it... then skipped lunch... and wz picked up by mum and dad... went 2 ct wit em 2 get tha plane tickets... went home... then spent bout an hour at home... went out 2 tha resto 2 help coz 1 of tha employees called in sick... worked till round 9... called andy bak 2 clear up everythin... (4 once i could talk on tha phone wit out mi sista interferin..) coz shez at her friendz house... ne waiz... yah... tahtz mi w/e so far... 2moro goin 2 tha temple on money st... prob have lunch there... and then find somethin 2 do.. damn... mum wont lemme go out until afta tha trip... -.-" *sigh* oh well.. gettin late... nite nite *hugz* [14 daiz 2 go....]

Bored Bored.... doin some quizzez... resultz below.. Color Quiz Your Existing situation: Easily affected by her environment and readily moved by the emotions of others. Seeks congenial relationships and an occupation which will promote them. Your Stress Sources Resilience and tenacity have become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand her ground. She feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to her and from which she wants to escape, but she feels unable to make the necessary decision. Your Restrained Characteristics Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity. Circumstances are such that she feels forced to compromise for the time being if she is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation. Your Desired Objective Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature, whether erotically stimulating or otherwise. Wants to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality with an altogether charming and impressive influence on others. Uses tactics skillfully so as to avoid endangering her chances of success or undermining others' confidence in herself Your Actual Problem The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or her reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. She attempts to remedy this by intense activity and by insistence on getting her own way. Faulty self-control can lead to ungovernable displays of anger. Your Actual Problem #2 The fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity. click on a shape Introspective Sensitive Reflective You come to grips more frequently and thoroughly with yourself and your environment than do most people. You detest superficiality; you'd rather be alone than have to suffer through small talk. But your relationships with your friends are very strong, which gives you the inner tranquility and harmony that you require. You do not mind being alone for extended periods of time; you rarely become bored.

colorgenics
You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.

Of late, everything seems to be going so slowly - far slower than you anticipated - and this is causing you much anxiety and frustration. It would appear that there is little you can do about the series of events that now seem to be taking place. In spite of the fact that you feel like 'giving up' - don't. Take a deep breath and start over again and you will find that eventually the expression 'All's well that ends well' will have an extra special meaning for you.

The way things are, you feel that you are stuck in a rut and there is not much you can do about it. You feel frustrated and inhibited but if you can find a way to let yourself go, you may find that things aren't quite so bad as perhaps you thought they were. One consolation is that since you are an extremely emotional individual, with the right person you may be able to release some of that frustration and tension with some mutual tender loving care.

It is said that we are all influenced by our environment and indeed you are no exception. It would seem at this time that even though you may be surrounded by people, you are experiencing an inner loneliness. Fortunately you are sufficiently strong minded to realise that life has a great deal to offer you and that you may miss your share of experiences if you fail to make the best use of every opportunity. You therefore pursue your objectives with a fierce intensity and are prepared to commit yourself deeply and readily. You believe that whatever you would like to do or think 'you can do' - you do! It is because of this attitude that you may be considered by others as arrogant and even conceited, but its fair to say that whatever it is that you really want out of life you will put your heart and soul into it and will not take 'NO' for an answer.

You have so many ideas that you would like to revitalize but you need to realize a stable and peaceful condition to do so. Once you can free yourself from all the aggravation and tension around you, you will make strides that may amaze you. You will not be prevented from achieving all the things you so desire.

The Map
The Map personality is often deeply and intimately involved in the world. This world however is usually inside his/her own mind. Thoughtful to the extreme, this type is often obsessed with perfection and the rules governing their own personal interests. They are generally good-natured people, and are often in areas not important to them very easy-going. Step across the line in regard to something the Map deems important however and you will recognize the wrath of the true believer. Principles to the Map are generally black and white. Their understanding of these principles however are always in question. Because the Map personality believes strongly in justice, it will often question its own perceptions, in fear that a mistake could have disastrous consequences. This prevents the Map personality from becoming too dictatorial or didactic.

ABC
You seem to have a Type B personality. Your personality draws characteristics from each of the other personality types, that is, Type A and Type C. Either you adjust your behavior depending on the situation, or you tend to be moderated in your attitudes. In any case, you are the most balanced of the three personality types.

oh well...
enoughz enoughz..
nite nite
*hugz

stupid math... i realli dislike prob solving.... oh well... i dont realli see tha point of thiz week... i mean they say itz meant 2 be stress less and all... but EVERYTHING is due NEXT WEEK!!!! i mean realli... 4m 1 extreme 2 anotha... and then all followed by work ex... bz bz term.... okz... oh well... sometimez some pplz realli get on mi nervez and annoy me... thinkin bout it... i could say i realli hate them but then tha word hate iz quite strong... but then some pplz i noe... *shakez head* i mean they are hypocritez.. and they dont seem 2 realise... if they do still.... or i could say they jus r 2 harsh wen they make their commentz... (and thiz aint directed at u scar...) i mean even if they aint gonna hear it realli iznt rite of u 2 judge em...

i mean itz practicalli human nature 2 judge everythin in sight...
but still.. even if ure gonna voice it... u realli shouldnt unless u understand their circumstances or situation...


i mean by judgin so quickly.. judgin by name... appearance... and maybe how they act... u dont realli get 2 noe em.. it jus leadz 2 racism and discrimination by judgin 2 quickly... every1 doez it... but then if pplz keep it 2 a minimum.. then everythin'd be fine... if not... at least betta...


but then there are some cases where ure first judgement of tha person realli how they are by appearance...
*sigh*
i talkin round in circlez...
maybe i just talkin in circlez coz therez no1 2 talk 2 atm...
i mean pplz jus not replyin for some reason or otha...
*sigh*
every1 has their own reason...



oh well...
betta sleep now...
nite nite
*hugz
[still 17 daiz 2 go...]

stupid math... i realli dislike prob solving.... oh well... i dont realli see tha point of thiz week... i mean they say itz meant 2 be stress less and all... but EVERYTHING is due NEXT WEEK!!!! i mean realli... 4m 1 extreme 2 anotha... and then all followed by work ex... bz bz term.... okz... oh well... sometimez some pplz realli get on mi nervez and annoy me... thinkin bout it... i could say i realli hate them but then tha word hate iz quite strong... but then some pplz i noe... *shakez head* i mean they are hypocritez.. and they dont seem 2 realise... if they do still.... or i could say they jus r 2 harsh wen they make their commentz... (and thiz aint directed at u scar...) i mean even if they aint gonna hear it realli iznt rite of u 2 judge em...

i mean itz practicalli human nature 2 judge everythin in sight...
but still.. even if ure gonna voice it... u realli shouldnt unless u understand their circumstances or situation...


i mean by judgin so quickly.. judgin by name... appearance... and maybe how they act... u dont realli get 2 noe em.. it jus leadz 2 racism and discrimination by judgin 2 quickly... every1 doez it... but then if pplz keep it 2 a minimum.. then everythin'd be fine... if not... at least betta...


but then there are some cases where ure first judgement of tha person realli how they are by appearance...
*sigh*
i talkin round in circlez...
maybe i just talkin in circlez coz therez no1 2 talk 2 atm...
i mean pplz jus not replyin for some reason or otha...
*sigh*
every1 has their own reason...



oh well...
betta sleep now...
nite nite
*hugz
[still 17 daiz 2 go...]

commerce

commerce atm...

meant 2 be doin prof and loss statement..

but then i dont understand wat 2 do...

so now i got somethin 2 do...

or it seemz like i'm doin somethin...

lianz actualli gettin tha work done as usual....

joanne iz at a music lesson..

melissaz jus on friendster (again..)



nothin 2 do...

tha net connectionz stuffed up...

and melissaz askin me y it not workin..

-.-"

i mean i cant help it...

so ye...

i jus half type and half make a pom pom...



hmm... got house act next.. then stupid french and english...

oh well.. at least i'll get 2 jus lie down and read 4 english..

but tha english jounal due soon... >.<



hmm...

wat 2 do now???

so bored....



tha teacha doeznt noe wat shez teachin... i mean she keepz correctin herself...
watz tha point in that????
i prefer ms stein so much more...
pluz commerce iz so borin 4 me...
i guezz i wont be an accountant so bloody borin...
and tha funni thing iz that atm...
everytime i see a relative itz all bout askin wat i subjectz i choosin and wat i wanna be...
i mean i've still got time...
stop buggin me...


in mathz b4...
ms bayly yet again turned on hymnz 2 listen 2...
-.-"
cept thiz time they were those lil kiddee happi 1z that can get so annoyin....
she event tried 2 get us 2 learn 1 of em...
tara got tha 1st verse...
thatz prob y she noez tha namez of tha bookz of tha first testament off by heart....


got bout 5 minz left of class...
bye
*hugz
[17 daiz 2 go...]

*sigh*

s+e... got tha s+e excursion later on 2day... hmm... got commerce next... and then science afta... i guezz tha daiz gonna be okz... theze daiz i dunno y... i keep typin posts but i neva actualli end up publishin em... i mean i may even jus feel like typin 1 up... then by tah time tah screen actualli loadz... i jus sitt and stare at tha screen find somethin else 2 do and then i wont end up postin ne thing.. *sigh* hmm... i noticed... mondayz i also usualli jus go 2 tha shop..... grab heapza junkfood... and then spend monday evenin bingin on food.. me jus gett fatter and fatter.... oh well.. i wonder sometimez... i mean i think of mi life as full of responsibilitiez.. but i wonder if they realli r there... i mean... i noe i've got mi lil sister 2 worry bout.... but do i jus mother her and try 2 do 2 much??? do i jus choose 2 have thiz responsibility??? i mean like gar said i could alwaiz refuse it... so do i choose 2 actualli take on tha reponisibilitiez... or r they actualli there... do i realli hav a choice in it all??? *sigh* and then... therez mi skool work... i noe that i do hav 2 do it... but y dont i??? do i hav mi prioritiez ordered in tha rong way??? wat do i value??? wat do i actualli think iz important??? *think think think* ugh... itz rainin again... see??? so easily distracted... oh well... must concentrate more... but then i'm distracted 4m mi class work by typin thiz post... oh well... time iz tickin away... time time time... how i hate it sometimez... "time iz a precious resource" sayz mr o... -.-" i guezz every1z runnin outta it... i handed in mi science subject form in thiz mornin... i doubt i'd get mi choicez tho... hmmm.. i wonder... y dont pplz think.... some pplz i guezz jus get along in life.. jus havin fun... dont stop 2 think or read tha fine linez... i mean i'm not directin thiz at ne 1 in particular... but still... there are pplz who jus waste time.... and get good resultz... and there r those who work so hard... and still dont achieve their goal... and those who work very hard and finalli do... i mean... eg. there are some pplz in mi science class... they r in tha top class.. yet they jus dont do ne thing... they fool round... and therez like lian.. who workz so hard... i wonder... am i 1 of those pplz who realli waste time??? i prob am.. but itz not like mi markz are that good... maybe i realli should get mi act 2 getha and get bak on trak.. come 2 think of it... i spent most of last yr slackin off in s+e and english... maybe thatz y i got pretty bad class... i mean i have practicalli no consistancy in ne of mi work... i dont even remember a time of workin hard... lalalalalala... nearly end of class... i need somethin 2 do... gar.. i'll put up tha metaphorz 2nite prob 4 u kz??? um... wat else 2 say in tha last 2 minz??? oh well... betta publish tha post... thiz time i aint gonna jus close it.. bye *hugz [18 daiz 2 go...]

i realli give up... tha middle of thiz blog iz realli stuffed up... i spent most of last nite tryin 2 fix it 2 later realise it wz tha layoutz of each individual post... so i deleted some of tha stuffed up onez...
so ye... therez some posts missin...

okz...
yesterday wz pretty borin... and so wz tha day b4... tha drill comp iz comin up next w/e... i'll prob have 2 go... coz i dont have a reason not 2 go... pluz i'm stuck on tha cheer sqd... i mean it wz that or i'd have 2 do tha air rec thingy... i mean i'm REALLI crap at air rec...so ye..

therez tha fieldcraft camp at bindoon comin up as well...
*sigh* jus lookin at mi diary... therez so much comin up!!!
ugh... i mean therez all thiz stuff...so bz!!!

hmm... jus realised... next week'll be 1 yr since i first rote in thiz current blog... i cant believe itz been onli 1 yr...
seemz like agez ago...

oh well...
betta get mi hw done...
maybe post again 2 nite...