bout 2 weekz since mi last post...
mi apologiez...
coz i sorta wz sick and then afta that...
i kept gettin distracted by msn...
so by tha end of tha post bein ritten there wz like onli 3 linez ritten...
so no point in publishin...
and then afta that i sorta had a time of loss of internet connection due to some random reason...
which seemed totalli horrible 4 me...
since i jus realised how much i depend on tah net and how much time i spend on it...

hmm...
watz happend since mi last post...?
semester 2 music concert - our choir sounded as if there wz no sound produced...

voice recital - it went ok i guezz i stuffed up a few timez... mi teacha said i did well tho ^^

muck up day - got drenched >.< and covered in shaving cream or shampoo wat eva it wz... but not as bad as some pplz i guezz...

heather lamont - well they cancelled tha house dance >.< so didnt get 2 watch that...
umm... i entered 3 catergories... french play... textiles and craft (tha tute skirt)... and tha cake which i guess wz falling apart but i guezz it tasted good and we had fun ^^ tho i think now im prob double size of wat i wz b4 i shared tha cake wit scar ^^"

and thatz bout it...
how borin is mi life...?
oh wellz...
i got friendz and family 2 talk 2
so all iz good ^^

tha otha day durin re...
we were talkin bout if there wz an existance of god...
and ms raston wz like givin this hand out bout some evidence 2 support tha existance of A god...
or at least some creator...
and tha otha day i wz standin ..
and again i noticed all tah beauty round us...
tha trees whose leaves of so many shades of green dancing in tha wind...
and tha clear blue sky dotted with scatterings of clouds...
and lil buds bout 2 open...
*sigh*
i mean seriously all this beauty must have been created...
how could it have all been accidental...?
but then some of tha stuff could be evolution...
but how could such a "perfect" world be an accident?
i meant therez tha whole balance of tha seasons...
and tha food chain...
and tha whole reproduction thing
which all leads to possible global sustainability...
tho if us humans continue wreckin tha world there may ne world left...

but then im jus sittin here bein hypocritical bout tha destroyin tha world...
coz i am still contributin 2 it -.-"

i wonder...
could it all jus be human nature...?
to both create and destroy all tha things each other owns or loves and cherishes..?
all beginnings have ends...
but y is it that we seem 2 end everything around some1 else...?
with all those wars that happend...?
a struggle for power and resources...
and jus endin lives of pplz and then leave their love ones in pain...
all that grief..?
was it realli worth it?
as a whole...? all that happend?
*sigh*

but tehn i think how mi life'd be if all that didnt happen...
i prob wouldnt be livin here...
wit this access 2 tha net..
and havin such good education...
oh wellz...
shouldnt wonder bout wat could have been now that itz already happend...

sometimez i wonder...
am i realli nice and polite....? or do i act nice and polite?
do i act nice round pplz coz im afraid that pplz wont accept me 4 me...?
but then strangely i can open up and talk 2 some of tha most strange pplz...
and i dunno y i seem 2 trust...
but so far wen eva i have trusted pplz and told em tha ENTIRE truth...
soon rumors start goin round...
and im sick and tired of wat pplz say..
seemz like i usualli end up trustin tha rong pplz...

i dun wanna hear wat pplz tell othas...
im sick of bein tha topic of rumors sometimez...
and then afta pplz start sendin those weird glances...
and quiet giggles...
and talkin bout stuff behind ure bak...

and then therez jus tha pplz who judge by appearance...
whom seem 2 peeve me coz they dont seem 2 understand...
i mean i may sound cliched bout findin tha inner beauty...
and gettin 2 noe tha person and how they've lived their life so far...
how much they've suffered or enjoyed jus by tha way they dress...
or appear...
*sigh*

who am i...?
i wonder that also...
pplz say ure shaped by wat u like and dislike and tha way u act and appear...
yet if i find miself like drifting along in life...
nothin i REALLI like or love or am passionate bout...
nothin im REALLI against... or hate...
tha way i act is jus a result of mi reaction 2 tha pplz around me...
and tha way i appear iz wat mi mum deems as acceptable 2 wear..
since she practicalli buyz mi clothes 4 me wit out me knowin...

maybe i jus want independance...?
i wanna know who i am..
but doesnt everybody..?
2 find a place where they believe they belong...
wen they actualli realise they do..?

i guess itz realli tha nicest feelin wen u lose track of time..
and jus enjoy wat u have and accept ure self 4 who u are...
and jus know ure loved and believed u belong...
i guezz thatz how felt at athletics carnival...
totalli carefree..

but wen i start thinkin...
and tha mind wonders..
and remembers...
everythin that wz covered...
jus seemz 2 reappear..
and i jus get in2 tha most saddening depressions...
as if tha world doesnt care...
and there is no point in your own existance..
as if it wz all a mistake...

tho i hope thatz not tru...
coz every1 wants 2 believe that they're important 2 at least 1 otha person in tha world...

*sigh*

betta go sleep now...
nite nite
*hugz*