What is study...?
truthfully.
what is it? just this neverending thing
that's supposed to be done
that's endlessly procratted
till you realise 'oh shit.'
better cram coz the exam's tomorrow..
or in my case.. in a few hours
i set out to study yesterday
got just about an hours worth done
home for lunch
and in the end got dragged out shopping with mum
(an unusual occurance actually pretty surprised)
and me studying in a group?
i think im more distractive than study
and i seriously think the epitomy of boredom
is seriously reached when you decide
either scrap it entirely
or get told to shut up by others
went to listen to the dalai lama today
wasnt really expecting much
but curious about how a single person could inspire
or provoke so many people to follow or listen to him
so.
(maybe having a movie about your life might be one reason)
sitting down we came in a bit late
and i was just basically overwhelmed by the mass of people
apparently 35,000 already signed up to attend
and well that's over 2 sessions
so approx 17,500 people were there
(is my maths out?)
and somehow.. not to be disrespectful or anything
he reminded me of a blend between
some cheery old grandpa and yoda.
tho mind you this is coming from someone who's only
EVER seen one ep of star wars. so not much to go on.
cute tho.
tho one thing that surprised me was that
apparently to have dinner in the same room as him
cost $800
that coulda bought me 4 times the dress i liked.
which is about $200 if i had bought it
an opportunity cost of time for study
insteada actually shopping
but i doubt i woulda studied much in the end anyways
his holiness' talk lasted about an hour
with half an hours worth of Q&A at the end
not quite sure if they really were Qs
or that they were already preprepared
who knows.
tho one thing i loved watching
was how his holiness kept cutting his translator off
he just talked and talked..
and talked over the suggested word usage
or the rephrasing the translator tried to translate
tho cant say much for the people around me
either side of me people were asleep
one coulda been accounted for coz they couldnt fully
understand english coz i came with them
but the other i was pretty surprised
ah well
i should sleep now
i said i would an hour ago
exam tomorrow
good luck to everyone else
*hugs*
-Del
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Monday, June 04, 2007
Hope. When Darkness Turns To Light.
to what degree do you believe in coincidence?
are there forces which particularly
guide us in specific directions?
taking into account of my lil belief
of the mix of the whole determinism
with free will and the law of causality
(gees ive lost count of the number
of times ive seen, said, heard, typed
the term "law of causality"
this last month >.<)
is it that we're destined to do somethings
with signs that shine and blare "THAT WAY"
and well your own choice to pursue
to leave be or to completely go opposite direction
or is it that we exist parallel to a spiritual world
of souls which wonder around with us
watching, whispering and listening to everything
to what we think, speak, do
and for their lil entertainment
grant us what we want or bring to us
the worst imaginable senarios?
or like the lil cartoon expression of
the struggle between good and bad
with the lil angel and devil
sitting on our shoulders
ushering us, appealing to us
and what of our thoughts?
our dreams? are they truly ours?
are the private onto to us and only us?
Hope.
its that last thing within pandora's box
according to the Greek myths
that tried to escape,
yet in the light of all the evil
and bad things that were set free
it was the hope to continue that was left
trapped within the box just as they managed
to get it closed.
or so i remember back from the times of yr 8
when we studied Greek mythology
the light at the end of the tunnel?
both the solution and the end
that through all that darkness
there is still a pinpoint route for escape
and escape? escape from what?
the vague darkness that's around us?
that encompasses our lives when we're lost
with no particular idea which way to turn
but does this not suggest that we
have to place our faith in our only hope
that this bespecklement of existence
would be the way through it all?
this really in a way takes into assumption
that well the path is only unilineal?
that of our options we're guided towards one
and there seems to be none but the one
day in day out
procrat, stress, thoughts, obligations
thinking just wanna block out the thinking
but there's so much out there
or is it just there coz you wanna believe it?
happy, sad, up, down, on, off
preoccupy, its ok, everything's fine,
no its not, stop, go, stress, stress, STRESS.
i'm happy.
i'm good.
i'm normal.
i'm stressed.
i'm depressed.
am i a freaking light switch?
a rollercoaster?
i think that im really an act then reflect person
gees it happens so often
but you know what hurts?
the self-inflicted pain
it goes on and on and on and on
round and round and round and round
and yet i get by the days in the end.. as happy
coz you know?
its easy to get through the day
and just let the inner emo out when you're alone
just believe that no one cares
or that they understand
but the belief that they wont understand
or just cant at all
means that they dont understand you
and for that.
forgive them that they have no idea who you really are
or will ever be able to comprehend what you live through
what the hell am i on about?
(truthfully i have no damned clue)
im damn lucky to be where i am
to have what i have
and for that i should appreciate it
but it remains the same
that you're either numb or you feel
you know what?
inspiration.
inspiration to write, talk, think, express
where does it come from but from your environment?
does it then not make sense that
the greatest artists ever
were either screwed up in the mind
or that they were on drugs?
passion, a compulsion to manifest
a feeling, desire, expression into any form
where else would you find such a drive?
to be passionate about anything would drive you far enough
to strive for that, to accomplish, to succeed
we are but people.
but to believe in anything and to have faith
to hope and to cherish it brings us closer
(and yet again im lost on what i was on about 3 seconds ago :S
but when i typed it, it felt good :P)
anyways
point being?
im confuzzled.
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del
are there forces which particularly
guide us in specific directions?
taking into account of my lil belief
of the mix of the whole determinism
with free will and the law of causality
(gees ive lost count of the number
of times ive seen, said, heard, typed
the term "law of causality"
this last month >.<)
is it that we're destined to do somethings
with signs that shine and blare "THAT WAY"
and well your own choice to pursue
to leave be or to completely go opposite direction
or is it that we exist parallel to a spiritual world
of souls which wonder around with us
watching, whispering and listening to everything
to what we think, speak, do
and for their lil entertainment
grant us what we want or bring to us
the worst imaginable senarios?
or like the lil cartoon expression of
the struggle between good and bad
with the lil angel and devil
sitting on our shoulders
ushering us, appealing to us
and what of our thoughts?
our dreams? are they truly ours?
are the private onto to us and only us?
Hope.
its that last thing within pandora's box
according to the Greek myths
that tried to escape,
yet in the light of all the evil
and bad things that were set free
it was the hope to continue that was left
trapped within the box just as they managed
to get it closed.
or so i remember back from the times of yr 8
when we studied Greek mythology
the light at the end of the tunnel?
both the solution and the end
that through all that darkness
there is still a pinpoint route for escape
and escape? escape from what?
the vague darkness that's around us?
that encompasses our lives when we're lost
with no particular idea which way to turn
but does this not suggest that we
have to place our faith in our only hope
that this bespecklement of existence
would be the way through it all?
this really in a way takes into assumption
that well the path is only unilineal?
that of our options we're guided towards one
and there seems to be none but the one
day in day out
procrat, stress, thoughts, obligations
thinking just wanna block out the thinking
but there's so much out there
or is it just there coz you wanna believe it?
happy, sad, up, down, on, off
preoccupy, its ok, everything's fine,
no its not, stop, go, stress, stress, STRESS.
i'm happy.
i'm good.
i'm normal.
i'm stressed.
i'm depressed.
am i a freaking light switch?
a rollercoaster?
i think that im really an act then reflect person
gees it happens so often
but you know what hurts?
the self-inflicted pain
it goes on and on and on and on
round and round and round and round
and yet i get by the days in the end.. as happy
coz you know?
its easy to get through the day
and just let the inner emo out when you're alone
just believe that no one cares
or that they understand
but the belief that they wont understand
or just cant at all
means that they dont understand you
and for that.
forgive them that they have no idea who you really are
or will ever be able to comprehend what you live through
what the hell am i on about?
(truthfully i have no damned clue)
im damn lucky to be where i am
to have what i have
and for that i should appreciate it
but it remains the same
that you're either numb or you feel
you know what?
inspiration.
inspiration to write, talk, think, express
where does it come from but from your environment?
does it then not make sense that
the greatest artists ever
were either screwed up in the mind
or that they were on drugs?
passion, a compulsion to manifest
a feeling, desire, expression into any form
where else would you find such a drive?
to be passionate about anything would drive you far enough
to strive for that, to accomplish, to succeed
we are but people.
but to believe in anything and to have faith
to hope and to cherish it brings us closer
(and yet again im lost on what i was on about 3 seconds ago :S
but when i typed it, it felt good :P)
anyways
point being?
im confuzzled.
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Sweet Charade..
Sem's officially over!
and that's as far as i got
in the time frame of about 2 hours
gees.
hmm just realised.
if that's one sem.
its one down and seven to go
and judging by how fast this sem went by
uni's gonna be over pretty soon
ah well
just another face in the crowd
exams coming up
and so's the charity dinner
and the dalai lama's coming
and it just seems like im busy for no reason
ah well
sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del
and that's as far as i got
in the time frame of about 2 hours
gees.
hmm just realised.
if that's one sem.
its one down and seven to go
and judging by how fast this sem went by
uni's gonna be over pretty soon
ah well
just another face in the crowd
exams coming up
and so's the charity dinner
and the dalai lama's coming
and it just seems like im busy for no reason
ah well
sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Lost In The Melody
you know.
as time passes im slowly beginning to
learn to enjoy those buddhist talks
i guess wit the upcoming end to them
its sorta a might as well hear the rest
whilst i have a chance since the ven.
travelled so far to talk her talk
but its also the content of it
(and i think the point i was meant to make
from the other day's ramble
on my anth assign mark was related
to whether its the appearances
that define us
which would be the intro n conc of my essay
or the actual content in the body part of the essay
that the person inside that counts
tho it sorta seems obvious the answer)
but anyways
the content of her talks
really are resonating with me
could also be the fact that i gotta recap it
on sats at the start that makes me pay more attention
but anyways
i guess the main thing i've learnt
is this more angled perspective to things
or at least i had at the time of hearing it
not quite sure if its always applied
if i havent yet gained a whole new perspective i guess
sometimes swapping between views
it just throws your thoughts right outta balance
i guess from thinking one way one moment
to the next
its just the constant change
constant change
mm paradoxal but makes sense
of the consistency of change
and when it stops.
what is there left but the constant?
constants
i like constants
but without the change
how would the constant come to be?
a constant
always there
would it not be taken for granted?
and so a value of it would not be placed
until you realise that change arrived
to yet again take it away
but to have change all the time
fluctuating
there is no certainty
but in the lack of certainty
and predictability
there would be no excitement
no spontaneity
makes me think of music really
you hold a note, or silence
and it goes on
but then it changes
playing on and on and on
not that ive thought of anything
to write about with this
just came to me just then
but bleh
getting late
and im still sick-ish
on the road to recovery
*hugs*
nite nite
-Del
as time passes im slowly beginning to
learn to enjoy those buddhist talks
i guess wit the upcoming end to them
its sorta a might as well hear the rest
whilst i have a chance since the ven.
travelled so far to talk her talk
but its also the content of it
(and i think the point i was meant to make
from the other day's ramble
on my anth assign mark was related
to whether its the appearances
that define us
which would be the intro n conc of my essay
or the actual content in the body part of the essay
that the person inside that counts
tho it sorta seems obvious the answer)
but anyways
the content of her talks
really are resonating with me
could also be the fact that i gotta recap it
on sats at the start that makes me pay more attention
but anyways
i guess the main thing i've learnt
is this more angled perspective to things
or at least i had at the time of hearing it
not quite sure if its always applied
if i havent yet gained a whole new perspective i guess
sometimes swapping between views
it just throws your thoughts right outta balance
i guess from thinking one way one moment
to the next
its just the constant change
constant change
mm paradoxal but makes sense
of the consistency of change
and when it stops.
what is there left but the constant?
constants
i like constants
but without the change
how would the constant come to be?
a constant
always there
would it not be taken for granted?
and so a value of it would not be placed
until you realise that change arrived
to yet again take it away
but to have change all the time
fluctuating
there is no certainty
but in the lack of certainty
and predictability
there would be no excitement
no spontaneity
makes me think of music really
you hold a note, or silence
and it goes on
but then it changes
playing on and on and on
not that ive thought of anything
to write about with this
just came to me just then
but bleh
getting late
and im still sick-ish
on the road to recovery
*hugs*
nite nite
-Del
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Define. Me.
was thinking again.
well i guess you can do a whole lotta that
esp when you're sick and at home
and should be resting cept you cant sleep
i was thinking about what defines YOU?
what defines us.
like some may say to judge people
by not who they are around you
but by their friends.
others its the actual person themselves
irrespective of who they spend time with
what makes a person who they are?
their experiences?
their opinions?
what they choose to do?
their background?
their family?
their restrictions?
their freedom?
all the small things they do?
the big decisions they make?
and intermix that with the free will idea
that i swear i probs failed with
its worse than my darwin one ><
(gah. i didnt even mention darwin
IN my darwin essay.. pointless ne?)
anyways since im on essays.
got my anth essay back yesterday.
and i swear
seriously anth really doesnt do any good
towards my attempts at breaking
my bad procratting habits
i wrote it the day before/night/morning
it was due
and that includes continuous procrat
and sleep between those times
but anyways
on 1 and half hour sleep
the result?
and unbelieveable grade and comment
HD and a comment that basically says
that my intro and conclusion
argues a different point
from the point my body essay argues
and my last body para is under supported.
i dunno but from all those comments
i woulda placed a lower mark
anyways
so how would you really discriminate
to judge something its worth
but worth n value in itself
is soemthing that's entirely relative?
mm i think im a pretty relativistic person
depends. depends. depends.
everything seems to depend
but then again it has its pluses
and minuses (mainly indecisiveness)
but back to the main topic
true that worth or value is relative
and well then what of self view?
that would be different to others see
and what of the view of other's
affecting your own self view?
like the whole "being-for-others"
thing from sartre.
where freedom is lost on the opinion of others
where we objectify ourselves
that what we choose to do is affected
by another
and i remember saying this before i think?
so are we what we define ourselves to be?
but in that sake it leads us to put our own limits
or that our limits are external
that would mean we're not free to act
as we choose to as we're constrained
to what we're expected to be
and to be disappointed
would suggest a prior expectation
and not having it fulfilled
and to question
to wonder, testing limits
does it not it put things at risk
to risk is but to gamble
on the possibile outcomes
im tired
why do we sleep?
ive slept all day
to recharge
to recover
to escape
to enjoy
to be lazy
to waste time
nite
*hugs*
-Del
well i guess you can do a whole lotta that
esp when you're sick and at home
and should be resting cept you cant sleep
i was thinking about what defines YOU?
what defines us.
like some may say to judge people
by not who they are around you
but by their friends.
others its the actual person themselves
irrespective of who they spend time with
what makes a person who they are?
their experiences?
their opinions?
what they choose to do?
their background?
their family?
their restrictions?
their freedom?
all the small things they do?
the big decisions they make?
and intermix that with the free will idea
that i swear i probs failed with
its worse than my darwin one ><
(gah. i didnt even mention darwin
IN my darwin essay.. pointless ne?)
anyways since im on essays.
got my anth essay back yesterday.
and i swear
seriously anth really doesnt do any good
towards my attempts at breaking
my bad procratting habits
i wrote it the day before/night/morning
it was due
and that includes continuous procrat
and sleep between those times
but anyways
on 1 and half hour sleep
the result?
and unbelieveable grade and comment
HD and a comment that basically says
that my intro and conclusion
argues a different point
from the point my body essay argues
and my last body para is under supported.
i dunno but from all those comments
i woulda placed a lower mark
anyways
so how would you really discriminate
to judge something its worth
but worth n value in itself
is soemthing that's entirely relative?
mm i think im a pretty relativistic person
depends. depends. depends.
everything seems to depend
but then again it has its pluses
and minuses (mainly indecisiveness)
but back to the main topic
true that worth or value is relative
and well then what of self view?
that would be different to others see
and what of the view of other's
affecting your own self view?
like the whole "being-for-others"
thing from sartre.
where freedom is lost on the opinion of others
where we objectify ourselves
that what we choose to do is affected
by another
and i remember saying this before i think?
so are we what we define ourselves to be?
but in that sake it leads us to put our own limits
or that our limits are external
that would mean we're not free to act
as we choose to as we're constrained
to what we're expected to be
and to be disappointed
would suggest a prior expectation
and not having it fulfilled
and to question
to wonder, testing limits
does it not it put things at risk
to risk is but to gamble
on the possibile outcomes
im tired
why do we sleep?
ive slept all day
to recharge
to recover
to escape
to enjoy
to be lazy
to waste time
nite
*hugs*
-Del
Still sick
With the last week of semester left
time has really flown
and you know?
i just really realised that
some of the people i met over the semster
i may just not see around anymore
what with different courses n all
anthropology for example
since im not continuing on with that
is gonna be one where
unless i choose to take it next sem
or that people ive met
are taking similar other units
im not gonna see em in lectures again
after this week
sorta in a way reminds me a bit of last year i guess
what with the last yr of high school n all
cept we're all staying on the same campus
and we're bound to see each other again some way or another
just that the time was so much shorter in comparison
and i guess with my degree it doesnt help much either
since there is no first yr health sci units
its not like i have that many common units
where as for some faces i know
i definately will see.
just coz of the simple fact that well
i know that they take health sci
just that i dont talk to em
or i havent had the chance to
ah well..
getting headache-y
think im gonna go rest a bit more
back to uni tomoz i think
*hugs*
-Del
time has really flown
and you know?
i just really realised that
some of the people i met over the semster
i may just not see around anymore
what with different courses n all
anthropology for example
since im not continuing on with that
is gonna be one where
unless i choose to take it next sem
or that people ive met
are taking similar other units
im not gonna see em in lectures again
after this week
sorta in a way reminds me a bit of last year i guess
what with the last yr of high school n all
cept we're all staying on the same campus
and we're bound to see each other again some way or another
just that the time was so much shorter in comparison
and i guess with my degree it doesnt help much either
since there is no first yr health sci units
its not like i have that many common units
where as for some faces i know
i definately will see.
just coz of the simple fact that well
i know that they take health sci
just that i dont talk to em
or i havent had the chance to
ah well..
getting headache-y
think im gonna go rest a bit more
back to uni tomoz i think
*hugs*
-Del
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Voice... Gone?!
being sick
you know that yeah
you're not gonna get better over night
but who'd think
that fine one day where you can sing fine
and the next morning
you cant even whisper?
annoying.
and as frustrating as it is
i really thank god im pretty much normal
human functioning wise and all
lucky me
can run, talk, see, smell, taste
do mostly what i want
its like they say
when you look up above you,
you feel so sorry for yourself
but its not till you look below
that you understand how lucky you are..
well not exactly word for word
but that's basically the gist.
tho lately
i cant help but feel like
a giant walking advertisement
not that its really such a new thing
with word of mouth and all
but you know
lately it just seems that much more pronounced
probs with the whole charity thing
always trying to think of ways
to talk, to encourage people to buy a ticket
to get people to donate
to share it along to others
but its taking a bitta time
and it seems as if its getting a bit much
talked to faye about someone else
you just realise
that even over time
yet again. even for geographical distances
somethings will just never change
or for that person,
there is no incentive for a particular characteristic
to be changed and so it remains
and time goes, and they come back
and it may just be as if no time's passed at all
that even in an entirely different environment
its still the same
and its to those people that you realise
that you feel as if you've known em for so long
coz its just something that wont change that easily
for the people you've grown to be with
you've survived something together
and it links you
to know someone on such a level
is something to be cherished
its really special
i hope that i'm lucky enough
to meet more people like that
to be optimisitic
sometimes is a very pessimistic view
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del
you know that yeah
you're not gonna get better over night
but who'd think
that fine one day where you can sing fine
and the next morning
you cant even whisper?
annoying.
and as frustrating as it is
i really thank god im pretty much normal
human functioning wise and all
lucky me
can run, talk, see, smell, taste
do mostly what i want
its like they say
when you look up above you,
you feel so sorry for yourself
but its not till you look below
that you understand how lucky you are..
well not exactly word for word
but that's basically the gist.
tho lately
i cant help but feel like
a giant walking advertisement
not that its really such a new thing
with word of mouth and all
but you know
lately it just seems that much more pronounced
probs with the whole charity thing
always trying to think of ways
to talk, to encourage people to buy a ticket
to get people to donate
to share it along to others
but its taking a bitta time
and it seems as if its getting a bit much
talked to faye about someone else
you just realise
that even over time
yet again. even for geographical distances
somethings will just never change
or for that person,
there is no incentive for a particular characteristic
to be changed and so it remains
and time goes, and they come back
and it may just be as if no time's passed at all
that even in an entirely different environment
its still the same
and its to those people that you realise
that you feel as if you've known em for so long
coz its just something that wont change that easily
for the people you've grown to be with
you've survived something together
and it links you
to know someone on such a level
is something to be cherished
its really special
i hope that i'm lucky enough
to meet more people like that
to be optimisitic
sometimes is a very pessimistic view
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del
Friday, May 25, 2007
Exams to come...
phil essay over.
h bio online test forfeited.
1 and half week till my first exam
and im dead tired already -.-
damnit why am i sick now?
gah..
anyways.
wed night
i didnt get to sleep till like 2am.
reason? getting stuff ready for thurs
anyways
was trying to get a donation box done
and 3 opinions were stated
for how big the slit was to be
hearing them it reminded me once again
bout how differently people can think
opinion one:
Make the slit wider,
that way more people can make donations at the same time
(note: this was coming from someone who
places the value on things based on
the number of eyes she can save with a certain
amount of money)
opinion two:
Don't make it too wide,
then people will be able to see into the box
opinion three:
if its too big someone will be able to put their arm into it
of the three i pretty much laughed at the third
well mentally that is
until i really thought about it
and well
all i thought of was
a)i have a really naive view of the world
and never thought someone would be low enough
to ever steal from a donations box
b)the person who stated the third considered
stealing from a donations box before coz the slit was too big
c)the person has been watching a donations box before
and witnessed someone stealing from a donations box
its a worry really to believe
but if c ever happened.
all i could think is why would someone stoop so low?
there must have been some reason behind why someone would try
and well
sometimes the main reasons behind things
is due to the state of the society which they live in
or what they grew up listening to or learning
and.
well as the title says
yep exams are coming..
and i dunno yet again what to say
so night
*hugs*
-Del
h bio online test forfeited.
1 and half week till my first exam
and im dead tired already -.-
damnit why am i sick now?
gah..
anyways.
wed night
i didnt get to sleep till like 2am.
reason? getting stuff ready for thurs
anyways
was trying to get a donation box done
and 3 opinions were stated
for how big the slit was to be
hearing them it reminded me once again
bout how differently people can think
opinion one:
Make the slit wider,
that way more people can make donations at the same time
(note: this was coming from someone who
places the value on things based on
the number of eyes she can save with a certain
amount of money)
opinion two:
Don't make it too wide,
then people will be able to see into the box
opinion three:
if its too big someone will be able to put their arm into it
of the three i pretty much laughed at the third
well mentally that is
until i really thought about it
and well
all i thought of was
a)i have a really naive view of the world
and never thought someone would be low enough
to ever steal from a donations box
b)the person who stated the third considered
stealing from a donations box before coz the slit was too big
c)the person has been watching a donations box before
and witnessed someone stealing from a donations box
its a worry really to believe
but if c ever happened.
all i could think is why would someone stoop so low?
there must have been some reason behind why someone would try
and well
sometimes the main reasons behind things
is due to the state of the society which they live in
or what they grew up listening to or learning
and.
well as the title says
yep exams are coming..
and i dunno yet again what to say
so night
*hugs*
-Del
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Phil Procrat - Phil n Religious Ramble
*Started about 12 days ago
and now continued...*
Week by week...
time flies by..
bleh..
its sat already
and when i had got home today i'd thought it was mon
gees..
so a busily filled sat tomoz
and i can barely remember today..
like alotta the days lately..
which is something which aint too good
anyways
with phil and religion once again
with the two seeming to intertwine a bit..
what with the description and prescription
on the way of life and such..
well that is there's similarity between the two
in some phils and some religions
bleh generalisations
but my phil essay?
due this fri
and its basically on freedom
whether there's predeterminism or radical freedom
and then atm in the talks..
the topic's up to the punshiments for certain deeds
like approx that is.. im depending my dwindling memory..
how the measure of badness
of owning ten sesame seed oil producing factories
is equivalent to owning one brothel
and ten brothels is to one alcohol selling place
and ten alcohol selling places is equiv to committing
one of the biggest no-nos
mm something of the like..
but you sorta see like a ranking of evil deeds
so everything is in a way a collective measurement
of how you're life or your next life is gonna be predetermined.
so then.. karma which is put to the law of causality
or sartre the philosophy where we're "condemned to be free"
(i love that phrase: condemned to be free.
its so beautiful in like a paradoxal way..)
i guess somewhere along the lines i believe in a half way
that we're not entirely free and at the same time
there's the slight workings of fate
sorta like the idea that we in our own actions
no matter how small collectively in the effect
a predestined outcome, that our supposed fate is changeable by us
not sure how i can really justify my beliefs
but they're mine so you can't do anything about it
HAH!
well maybe other than persuade me otherwise..
but the more you think about it the more likely
it seems to just go around in circles..
like the fact that you say that you're free
to believe what you believe. but yet
it could just be the fact that you're predetermined to believe that
that it's programmed in to you
that you have this in built need to believe that
you have control and have an affect on what you choose to do
yet in the end you choose the thing which you're destined to choose
and then looking in to bits of sartre tute..
how our choices are completely random events
that its sorta random chance that we pick a particular path
but somewhere along the way you look at the choices you've made
and all that comes about is
a tendency towards a particular type of choice.
and then looking at the pattern.
does that not show that we are not free..?
for our supposed free choice must be in some way
affected so that we lean towards a particular type of decision
also
i guess this is mainly stemming from the fact that well
this is basically what im paying most attetion to these days
yay!
i have thoughts again :P
well that is phil n the buddhist talks.
and well last week it was downstairs
of one of the uni halls that some artwork was under exhibition
and well i guess the freedom to express what you believe
whether it is a particular religion
philosophy of life
or just a wish for freedom of expression
its something which i agree shouldnt be impeded
but i guess its really saddening
that there are many places in the world
where this just isnt true
just because it happens to be your point of
geographical location
that you're just not as lucky as others
not to be able
to say, think, practise, and go and do whatever
you choose to believe
tho in the same way, that's placing a view
on a place where i dont reside and dont entirely understand
no matter how i may wish to
or think that i have a slight understanding of
i guess what im saying is in away sort of vague
but at the same time.
is it not for fear of who reads what i write
affecting what details i omit?
oh look its sartre! being-for-others
but its sorta true.
that what you do is affected by another
although not in the sense of a specific other at the current moment
but the fact the fear of another's conscious view on myself
but anyways
back to the artwork on display
looking at it just reminded me of how once again
art can evoke such a greater emotion from a person
than for say a pamphlet that's being handed out
tho on that..
the usage of confusing language may
just sometimes get you no where on a pamphlet
eg. the global warming is a fraud newspapers
that are being held at uni that i keep walking past
of which if i took one everytime i walked by
i might as well start distributing for em
since i dont want em and my attempt at reading it
from curiosity has just left me in complete confusion
and i give up on trying to understand what they're trying to say
ok..
so after all that..
am i happy bout ive said everything?
no.
i wanna say more
but i dunno lost the point
AGAIN.
so anyways publish! :)
*hugs*
-Del
and now continued...*
Week by week...
time flies by..
bleh..
its sat already
and when i had got home today i'd thought it was mon
gees..
so a busily filled sat tomoz
and i can barely remember today..
like alotta the days lately..
which is something which aint too good
anyways
with phil and religion once again
with the two seeming to intertwine a bit..
what with the description and prescription
on the way of life and such..
well that is there's similarity between the two
in some phils and some religions
bleh generalisations
but my phil essay?
due this fri
and its basically on freedom
whether there's predeterminism or radical freedom
and then atm in the talks..
the topic's up to the punshiments for certain deeds
like approx that is.. im depending my dwindling memory..
how the measure of badness
of owning ten sesame seed oil producing factories
is equivalent to owning one brothel
and ten brothels is to one alcohol selling place
and ten alcohol selling places is equiv to committing
one of the biggest no-nos
mm something of the like..
but you sorta see like a ranking of evil deeds
so everything is in a way a collective measurement
of how you're life or your next life is gonna be predetermined.
so then.. karma which is put to the law of causality
or sartre the philosophy where we're "condemned to be free"
(i love that phrase: condemned to be free.
its so beautiful in like a paradoxal way..)
i guess somewhere along the lines i believe in a half way
that we're not entirely free and at the same time
there's the slight workings of fate
sorta like the idea that we in our own actions
no matter how small collectively in the effect
a predestined outcome, that our supposed fate is changeable by us
not sure how i can really justify my beliefs
but they're mine so you can't do anything about it
HAH!
well maybe other than persuade me otherwise..
but the more you think about it the more likely
it seems to just go around in circles..
like the fact that you say that you're free
to believe what you believe. but yet
it could just be the fact that you're predetermined to believe that
that it's programmed in to you
that you have this in built need to believe that
you have control and have an affect on what you choose to do
yet in the end you choose the thing which you're destined to choose
and then looking in to bits of sartre tute..
how our choices are completely random events
that its sorta random chance that we pick a particular path
but somewhere along the way you look at the choices you've made
and all that comes about is
a tendency towards a particular type of choice.
and then looking at the pattern.
does that not show that we are not free..?
for our supposed free choice must be in some way
affected so that we lean towards a particular type of decision
also
i guess this is mainly stemming from the fact that well
this is basically what im paying most attetion to these days
yay!
i have thoughts again :P
well that is phil n the buddhist talks.
and well last week it was downstairs
of one of the uni halls that some artwork was under exhibition
and well i guess the freedom to express what you believe
whether it is a particular religion
philosophy of life
or just a wish for freedom of expression
its something which i agree shouldnt be impeded
but i guess its really saddening
that there are many places in the world
where this just isnt true
just because it happens to be your point of
geographical location
that you're just not as lucky as others
not to be able
to say, think, practise, and go and do whatever
you choose to believe
tho in the same way, that's placing a view
on a place where i dont reside and dont entirely understand
no matter how i may wish to
or think that i have a slight understanding of
i guess what im saying is in away sort of vague
but at the same time.
is it not for fear of who reads what i write
affecting what details i omit?
oh look its sartre! being-for-others
but its sorta true.
that what you do is affected by another
although not in the sense of a specific other at the current moment
but the fact the fear of another's conscious view on myself
but anyways
back to the artwork on display
looking at it just reminded me of how once again
art can evoke such a greater emotion from a person
than for say a pamphlet that's being handed out
tho on that..
the usage of confusing language may
just sometimes get you no where on a pamphlet
eg. the global warming is a fraud newspapers
that are being held at uni that i keep walking past
of which if i took one everytime i walked by
i might as well start distributing for em
since i dont want em and my attempt at reading it
from curiosity has just left me in complete confusion
and i give up on trying to understand what they're trying to say
ok..
so after all that..
am i happy bout ive said everything?
no.
i wanna say more
but i dunno lost the point
AGAIN.
so anyways publish! :)
*hugs*
-Del
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Secrets.. Phil.. & Outbursts
in the reid atm
and well
supposedly doing phil..
have declared today as non-lecture day
except for econs coz my econs mid-sem is next week
so yep
supposedly typing away at my phil
and what do i get.
remembering what i wanted to blog yesterday
===============================================
yep so "yesterday's" thing i wanted to blog about
has sorta become the day before
but you know.. that's actually a plus
it means that i probs got some work done
and at the same point
================================================
i left it to another week
*sigh*
so easy to procrat things these days :P
esp when there's so many alternative things
that you could be doing
midsems are over
mm i only had one.. :P
and my mass assessment day (mon)
is over..
now its just constant assessment
but spread out a bit more
like before..
thank goodness
mm i had a phil post before
but it got deleted :(
so all gone-y gone..
now we're basically on to Sartre
and thank god..
lecturer change!
yaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
i never thought i'd ever complain about
one single person talking so much..
well actually i may have complained that much
esp in the case of forma
but that's besides the point.
phil is like the only lecture i fall asleep in
funny huh ?
i find the stuff interesting
i just keep falling asleep in them :P
tho lecturer change
conditions are gettting better
and Sartre is interesting
cept for the fact that
you know for our first phil tute
discussing Sartre.
it reminded me too much of this one yr 11 GnT lesson
where fate vs. free will
was argued..
So Sartre:
"We are condemned to be free"
and from his play No Exit
Garcin: Hell is other people!
two suggested topics already
*sigh*
with freewill its something that i guess
thinking about it just makes your head run in circles
think i'll leave it at that
my brain isnt thinking atm
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del
and well
supposedly doing phil..
have declared today as non-lecture day
except for econs coz my econs mid-sem is next week
so yep
supposedly typing away at my phil
and what do i get.
remembering what i wanted to blog yesterday
===============================================
yep so "yesterday's" thing i wanted to blog about
has sorta become the day before
but you know.. that's actually a plus
it means that i probs got some work done
and at the same point
================================================
i left it to another week
*sigh*
so easy to procrat things these days :P
esp when there's so many alternative things
that you could be doing
midsems are over
mm i only had one.. :P
and my mass assessment day (mon)
is over..
now its just constant assessment
but spread out a bit more
like before..
thank goodness
mm i had a phil post before
but it got deleted :(
so all gone-y gone..
now we're basically on to Sartre
and thank god..
lecturer change!
yaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
i never thought i'd ever complain about
one single person talking so much..
well actually i may have complained that much
esp in the case of forma
but that's besides the point.
phil is like the only lecture i fall asleep in
funny huh ?
i find the stuff interesting
i just keep falling asleep in them :P
tho lecturer change
conditions are gettting better
and Sartre is interesting
cept for the fact that
you know for our first phil tute
discussing Sartre.
it reminded me too much of this one yr 11 GnT lesson
where fate vs. free will
was argued..
So Sartre:
"We are condemned to be free"
and from his play No Exit
Garcin: Hell is other people!
two suggested topics already
*sigh*
with freewill its something that i guess
thinking about it just makes your head run in circles
think i'll leave it at that
my brain isnt thinking atm
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del
100 Truths.. Or So It May Seem...
Compliments to Vina and Friendster
(well friendster as per usual anyways
its always either that or chain mail)
1. Real name: Adela
2. Nickname: Del
3. Status: It's Complicated
4. Zodiac sign: Aquarius
5. Male or Female: Female
6. Elementary: Hollywood Primary School
7. Highschool: Methodist Ladies' College
8. College: UWA
10. Hair color: Black
11. Long or short : Long-ish?
15. Are you health freak? Nuh
16. Height: 160 cm
17. Do you like someone: may.. just.. be..
18. Do you like yourself: Yep.
19. Piercings: The norm, one per ear.
20. Tattoos: None. At the current moment.
21. Righty or lefty: Righty.
22. First surgery: Pericision
23. First piercing: Ears.
24. First best friend: Does it matter anymore?
25. First award: Art in year 1 for my rainbow fish.
i wonder where the heck it ended up? i never got it back :(
26. First sport you joined: Hockey
27. First pet: German Shepherd called Missy
28. First vacation: As a lil kid.. Europe i think?
29. First concert: Some viet one :S
30. First crush: Bleh.
CURRENTLY
49. Eating: Last ate curry.
50. Drinking: Water
52. I'm about to: Fall asleep at the computer
55. Waiting for: people to come home.
YOUR FUTURE
58. Want kids?: Yep.
59. Want to get married?: Definately
60. Careers in mind: Some kinda Health profession.
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
68. Lips or eyes: Eyes
69. Hugs or kisses: Both :P
70. Shorter or taller: Taller
72. Romantic or spontaneous: Both?
73. Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach
74. Sensitive or loud: sensitive
75. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
77. Trouble maker or hesitant:Bitta both?
hm. i guess a lil mixture
why have the extremes of either
when you can be in the middle?
HAVE YOU EVER
78. Kissed a stranger: Nope
79. Drank bubbles: Bubbles as in champagne?
or like soapy water? O.o Champagne yes
soapy water no.
80. Lost glasses/contacts: Nope.
81. Ran away from home: Love home too much
84. Broken someone's heart: Pretty sure. Sorry.
85. Been arrested: Nope.
86. Turned someone down: Yes.
87. Cried when someone died: Yes.
88. Liked a friend: Yes.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN
89. Yourself: Always will be times of doubt.
90. Miracles: Depends on how you perceive
but there's always room for belief. so yes.
91. Love at first sight: Highly unlikely?
i cant remember how i met some people.
92. Heaven: Yes.
93. Santa claus: Not any more.
94. Sex on the first date: No.
95. Kiss on the first date: Possibly.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY ~
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yep.
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? Nope.
99. Do you believe in God? Yes
100. Post a 100 Truths about me? Possibly..
(well friendster as per usual anyways
its always either that or chain mail)
1. Real name: Adela
2. Nickname: Del
3. Status: It's Complicated
4. Zodiac sign: Aquarius
5. Male or Female: Female
6. Elementary: Hollywood Primary School
7. Highschool: Methodist Ladies' College
8. College: UWA
10. Hair color: Black
11. Long or short : Long-ish?
15. Are you health freak? Nuh
16. Height: 160 cm
17. Do you like someone: may.. just.. be..
18. Do you like yourself: Yep.
19. Piercings: The norm, one per ear.
20. Tattoos: None. At the current moment.
21. Righty or lefty: Righty.
22. First surgery: Pericision
23. First piercing: Ears.
24. First best friend: Does it matter anymore?
25. First award: Art in year 1 for my rainbow fish.
i wonder where the heck it ended up? i never got it back :(
26. First sport you joined: Hockey
27. First pet: German Shepherd called Missy
28. First vacation: As a lil kid.. Europe i think?
29. First concert: Some viet one :S
30. First crush: Bleh.
CURRENTLY
49. Eating: Last ate curry.
50. Drinking: Water
52. I'm about to: Fall asleep at the computer
55. Waiting for: people to come home.
YOUR FUTURE
58. Want kids?: Yep.
59. Want to get married?: Definately
60. Careers in mind: Some kinda Health profession.
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
68. Lips or eyes: Eyes
69. Hugs or kisses: Both :P
70. Shorter or taller: Taller
72. Romantic or spontaneous: Both?
73. Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach
74. Sensitive or loud: sensitive
75. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
77. Trouble maker or hesitant:Bitta both?
hm. i guess a lil mixture
why have the extremes of either
when you can be in the middle?
HAVE YOU EVER
78. Kissed a stranger: Nope
79. Drank bubbles: Bubbles as in champagne?
or like soapy water? O.o Champagne yes
soapy water no.
80. Lost glasses/contacts: Nope.
81. Ran away from home: Love home too much
84. Broken someone's heart: Pretty sure. Sorry.
85. Been arrested: Nope.
86. Turned someone down: Yes.
87. Cried when someone died: Yes.
88. Liked a friend: Yes.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN
89. Yourself: Always will be times of doubt.
90. Miracles: Depends on how you perceive
but there's always room for belief. so yes.
91. Love at first sight: Highly unlikely?
i cant remember how i met some people.
92. Heaven: Yes.
93. Santa claus: Not any more.
94. Sex on the first date: No.
95. Kiss on the first date: Possibly.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY ~
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yep.
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? Nope.
99. Do you believe in God? Yes
100. Post a 100 Truths about me? Possibly..
Belated 2006 recap
Post-typing Note:
for some of the things
they are actually shorter
than i intended them to be
its basically cos of the fact
i just want this over with
not that reflecting is such a bad thing
but its always stuck as a draft
so yep.
not done in as much detail
as i'd like it to have been.
2006
Yr 12
The Year:
- of the Dog -
Woof!!
- of Balls -
Yep something that i never got round to recap
but now thinking back
i wonder what the supposed hype was really all about?
just something new?
i guess that it's nearing a year since
the actual ball
lol this time last year it was what?
20 DAYS till BALL
and looking for limos and thinking bout afters
as well as the whole big deal
seems like nothing now..
from the deal that "no foreigners"
were going to the year afters
to the questions of parters to bring
to the question of what to eat.
held at the hyatt
from photography
to the dvd recording
you just think and you didnt realise
how much supposed effort went into the organisation
with event after event in our lives
milestone after milestone (Lee, Stephen 2006)
hehe.. couldnt help it..
and well not entirely done properly
but you get the point..
since well cbb with a bibliography at the end :P
you just realise that the time passes
and there's nothing you cna do about it
but enjoy the moment
work hard for what's coming
from the night
i guess despite the differences
from the stereotpyes of a ball
and whatever may have happened
the basic idea was still present
looking at the pictures the memories
of the smiles and happiness is caught
in the flash of a smile to the sound triggers of music
every little bit that created
the string of emotions of such an enchanted night
(hmm what i seem to be saying seems
like an over romanticised view but oh well :P
it makes it sound so much prettier)
everything's what you make of it
and for the first ball
well all you can say is its special
its another passing of a rite
and well all got through it
and love you guys..
everyone was just as beautiful
if not more
both on the inside and the out :D
- The Odessy -
the first play i guess i saw in this home town of mine
i'd probs have a pic off this from gar
BUT.. well due to the whole
"no pix allowed at all and delete the one you just took"
we sorta have no pix
really just watched this for lit
part of the international arts festival
yep..
interesting..
- Interhouse Swimming Carival -
once again..
not exactly a troy victory
but we were well along on our way..
- IGGSA Swimming Carnival -
Sometimes you question
why the heck would i give up my fri night
that i coulda spent doing something
other than attending a swimming carnival
that i didnt have to go to.. cheerleading?
school spirit?
mm well
thinking back
i think it was worth it
sorta miss the school spirit..
- Interhouse Singing, Drama and Mime Day -
the last interhouse singin drama n mime..
too bad we didnt get into the finals
but for me..
the actual day was one that was pretty enjoyable
memorable.. im not quite sure
i can barely remember it
but with a victory this year (as my sister told me)
im pretty proud of it
go troy!
- Buddha's B'day Festival -
this year
was luckily excempt from
the annual buddha's bday performance
this would be because there were two people
willing to perform alternatively to me doing anything
so in a way i was happy
didnt have to perform
or get people to perform
i dont mind performing
i still love to sing
and well dance..
as long as there's a choreographer
thats not me
but..
like altho they asked em to sing the song
i guess in the end i chose against it
coz no offence to their performance
the actual content i personally felt
was just inappropriate for the actual event
for them..
congrats on their dance
im just pretty glad
i wasnt part of it for this one
- Exams -
Exams were exams
stressful.. or lack there of
- Promeathians -
promeathians.
a special year 12 thing
that's available for students of scotch and mlc
where each fornight
a guest speaker is invited to talk
and issues are dicussed
overall i went to a number of these
they were somethign i really enjoyed
until well
i realised h bio tests
had a tendency to be on thurs
and promeathians were on wed nites -.-
ah well
an enjoyable experience all the same
- Bonding Night -
yr 12 bonding night
a night of fun n games just to enhance the bonds
a reminder of what everyone's been through
a last chance to get to know new people from the year
a night i cant remember much from...
- Charity Dinner -
well last year woulda been the year
i got the most volunteer work done EVER
starting with this first one.
or the earliest memory i have of volunteer work
that was fully official..
a fully vegetarian dinner
and auctioning of items
where the money was all donated
to performing eye surgery in nepal
in the end 10,000 was raised..
for the sale of the auction items alone
i was so proud ^^
tho all that me n my sister did was do the whole
parade around the resto with the auction items
- Panda's Visit -
PANDA, PANDA, PANDA!!!
miss panda soooo much ^.^
and so panda came to visit
well for like a weekend
but a visit none the less
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
too bad couldnt stay longer :(
but im happy that he came
and was able to look at the supposed hole of our town
wasnt that bad now was it?
ok..
aside from the lack of things to do
but SUSHI!! :P
food food n more food
and you gotta come eat at our place too
so that's a plus
come again some time soon yeah?
- Getting a Job -
yep
this would go under volunteer
but not the whole useful type
not that it wasnt useful
just not directly helpful
sorta was working in sir charlies gift shop
once a month
so not much work
tho the profits went back to the hospital
so its a good thing
they didnt have to pay for the staff-ing
- Lit Conference -
nothing speccy
conference at uni
supposedly helpful to lit
but in the end not really
i dont remember actually learning much
ah well too bad..
- K & Albie come to Visit -
Another major event of the year..
well panda coming over was one ..
this was another
highly anticipated as was the previous one^^
but K was staying at my place
so all the more reason to be happy
both staying for a week
it was one intense week of outings
and well for me..
a new movement out of my at the time current boundaries
so what was this that was coming?
a new parential leniencey developing
which was a new and a great plus :D
Going from bowling, bumming around to iceskating
AND MASSES of singing K :P
it was seriously a series of last min.. lets go there!
Basically recapped under the video below
created by lina in her spare time..
- City to Surf -
A whole 12km of jogging/running
i basically put back under
"things i did in my last year of highschool"
an acheivement i guess..
well for someone who doesnt do
sport outside of house acts n PE
- Geog Camp -
Ah..
good ol' geog camp
the last camp i'll be going to anytime soon
and well
living in lil chalets
i guess it wasnt exactly camping.
but it was still just as DAMNED COLD
housed up by groups of 8 (i thinketh?)
we basically lived bout a weekend
up in wellington mills
where we travelled from hamlets to cities
learning demographic details
as well as morphologies and functions of the places
and well
im proud to say i was one of the few
who assisted in the population boom
of a small hamlet from 2 to 45 in the time frame of a few mins
tho then the bus left
and the population returned once again to 2.
pictures above?
we managed to visit GNOMESVILLE!!
yay!!
i swear i've never seen so many gnomes
all at once
- Multifaith Fest -
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarmonise!
mm.. well yet another chinese class oriented activity
mind you i travelled so far
- Last Stocking Day -
- Exams -
Exams Exams and more Exams..
what can i say?
- The Show -
The continuance of the tradition
yep..
5 years of going to the show with scar
and guess what?
FIRST time we've won something :P
all by our ownselves
- Moon Cake Fest -
FKS activity...
performance once again
thank god i had an english part..
minimal rehersing needed..
problem?
i only found out about it ON THAT NIGHT
-.-
major stress..
esp after a whole day worth of TEE total
- Grandma -
R.I.P. Grandma.
A big thing i learnt
cherish the moments you have with everyone
for all you know it could be
the last memories you make with them
someone i hadnt seen in two years
of the chances that i could have
i didnt.
from one reason to another
two years...
- Beach Day -
Yep.
the day that MLC made it
onto BBC online world pictures :P
well fun and traditional event
the beginning of the series of leavers activities
all in leavers week...
- Class PARTIES -
I swear we had the highest possible number
of consecutive class parties in one day..
*Geog - Note: Twas the day before the last day*
*Tute Breaky*
*Physics*
*H Bio*
*Lit*
*House Farewell*
*Chem*
*Applic/Calc*
- "Fun Day" -
As it was no longer viable to have a muck up day
as it was claimed that it mentally affected some
our day of terrorising the school
got deminished to our dear "fun morning" of "fun day"
ranging from the dunking thingy
where mr lee got dunked
to the slide thing
and the mad cow
i swear.. mr lee on the mad cow is an image
that is permanently stained into my mind..
not a good thing might i add.
the satirical was something that was much enjoyed
and our dear head of year, dear lawson
left the school with us
*tear*
and finally
the much awaited formal assembly
where..
we despite the prior instructions
to leave gracefully
continued the tradition
SCREAMING AND RUNNING OUT OF HADLEY!
woot!
- Valedictory -
Not even sure if that's how its spelt
but anyways
the end of highshool.
A Delightful evening..
from a formal assembly for graduation
tho there were a number of laughs over photography
(they decided to hire a photographer)
and well troubles was with coordination
of picture taking and receiving stuffs
and then dinner
held on ccgs oval with a tent and as you see
in the pic above.. the school emblem
projected onto the top of the dinner tent.
- TEE -
Oh.. the.. stress...
- Singapore -
our leavers
held in singapore
many thanks to nat
who provided the lovely host
as well as her friends tab, kenneth n elson
a weeks worth of time spending and bonding
and well attempts at forgetting about the week before
- Albie's Second Visit -
Yep.
Albie's second trip over
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
tho this time i think he stayed for a shorter time..
i think?
my memory's going but check earlier posts
would be more accurate
see day distinctions begin to blend together
esp in the times when you have fun
the separations between the days sorta disappear
and time just FLIES!
tho if memory serves correct
Albie came over on business trip
so yep less time for fun
but got to see Albie was the main point!
- Last Ever Speech Nite -
Back from leavers and a lil rest after
it was speech night
the last ever
tho truthfully i never went to my first one till yr9
and that was coz i was in the choir
so i guess
first and last yrs of highschool?
not in choir
and despite what we thought when we left
we stood corrected..
THIS was the very last time we wore uniform
ah.. the dear uniform
truthfully i actually miss it
the yr 12 uniform that is
i actually liked that uniform
*Connor me n Kim*
*James n Ben*
*ED!*
*Kim Loves Josh*
*Ants and Tash*
*Connor n BUBBLES~!*
*Liss Angel n Tash*
- Hale Sony -
Four days worth..
well five including the meet up the day before
of volunteer work as a form of respite to the parents
- Down South -
A whole 24+ hours in the car..
over a total of 2 days
*sigh* A LOT of car sitting if you ask me..
Perth
Mandurah
Bunbury
Busselton
Nannup
Bridgetown
Manjimup
Mt Barker
Albany
Albany
Denmark
Walpole
Pemberton
Manjimup
Bridgetown
Bunbury
Mandurah
Perth
Yep.
2006.
The last yr of highschool.
Pictures speak louder than words
so i hope.. with those included
it may say something
tho from the pictures its nothing but interpretation
so i hope it is the correct message being sent across.
For a lovely and memorable year
thank you.
Missing everyone
and with the new year
that we are currently
livign away second by second
being cast into our memories
i hope for the best
and well keep in touch
love y'all
*hugs*
-Del
for some of the things
they are actually shorter
than i intended them to be
its basically cos of the fact
i just want this over with
not that reflecting is such a bad thing
but its always stuck as a draft
so yep.
not done in as much detail
as i'd like it to have been.
2006
Yr 12
The Year:
- of the Dog -
Woof!!
- of Balls -
Yep something that i never got round to recap
but now thinking back
i wonder what the supposed hype was really all about?
just something new?
i guess that it's nearing a year since
the actual ball
lol this time last year it was what?
20 DAYS till BALL
and looking for limos and thinking bout afters
as well as the whole big deal
seems like nothing now..
from the deal that "no foreigners"
were going to the year afters
to the questions of parters to bring
to the question of what to eat.
held at the hyatt
from photography
to the dvd recording
you just think and you didnt realise
how much supposed effort went into the organisation
with event after event in our lives
milestone after milestone (Lee, Stephen 2006)
hehe.. couldnt help it..
and well not entirely done properly
but you get the point..
since well cbb with a bibliography at the end :P
you just realise that the time passes
and there's nothing you cna do about it
but enjoy the moment
work hard for what's coming
from the night
i guess despite the differences
from the stereotpyes of a ball
and whatever may have happened
the basic idea was still present
looking at the pictures the memories
of the smiles and happiness is caught
in the flash of a smile to the sound triggers of music
every little bit that created
the string of emotions of such an enchanted night
(hmm what i seem to be saying seems
like an over romanticised view but oh well :P
it makes it sound so much prettier)
everything's what you make of it
and for the first ball
well all you can say is its special
its another passing of a rite
and well all got through it
and love you guys..
everyone was just as beautiful
if not more
both on the inside and the out :D
- The Odessy -
the first play i guess i saw in this home town of mine
i'd probs have a pic off this from gar
BUT.. well due to the whole
"no pix allowed at all and delete the one you just took"
we sorta have no pix
really just watched this for lit
part of the international arts festival
yep..
interesting..
- Interhouse Swimming Carival -
once again..
not exactly a troy victory
but we were well along on our way..
- IGGSA Swimming Carnival -
Sometimes you question
why the heck would i give up my fri night
that i coulda spent doing something
other than attending a swimming carnival
that i didnt have to go to.. cheerleading?
school spirit?
mm well
thinking back
i think it was worth it
sorta miss the school spirit..
- Interhouse Singing, Drama and Mime Day -
the last interhouse singin drama n mime..
too bad we didnt get into the finals
but for me..
the actual day was one that was pretty enjoyable
memorable.. im not quite sure
i can barely remember it
but with a victory this year (as my sister told me)
im pretty proud of it
go troy!
- Buddha's B'day Festival -
this year
was luckily excempt from
the annual buddha's bday performance
this would be because there were two people
willing to perform alternatively to me doing anything
so in a way i was happy
didnt have to perform
or get people to perform
i dont mind performing
i still love to sing
and well dance..
as long as there's a choreographer
thats not me
but..
like altho they asked em to sing the song
i guess in the end i chose against it
coz no offence to their performance
the actual content i personally felt
was just inappropriate for the actual event
for them..
congrats on their dance
im just pretty glad
i wasnt part of it for this one
- Exams -
Exams were exams
stressful.. or lack there of
- Promeathians -
promeathians.
a special year 12 thing
that's available for students of scotch and mlc
where each fornight
a guest speaker is invited to talk
and issues are dicussed
overall i went to a number of these
they were somethign i really enjoyed
until well
i realised h bio tests
had a tendency to be on thurs
and promeathians were on wed nites -.-
ah well
an enjoyable experience all the same
- Bonding Night -
yr 12 bonding night
a night of fun n games just to enhance the bonds
a reminder of what everyone's been through
a last chance to get to know new people from the year
a night i cant remember much from...
- Charity Dinner -
well last year woulda been the year
i got the most volunteer work done EVER
starting with this first one.
or the earliest memory i have of volunteer work
that was fully official..
a fully vegetarian dinner
and auctioning of items
where the money was all donated
to performing eye surgery in nepal
in the end 10,000 was raised..
for the sale of the auction items alone
i was so proud ^^
tho all that me n my sister did was do the whole
parade around the resto with the auction items
- Panda's Visit -
PANDA, PANDA, PANDA!!!
miss panda soooo much ^.^
and so panda came to visit
well for like a weekend
but a visit none the less
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
too bad couldnt stay longer :(
but im happy that he came
and was able to look at the supposed hole of our town
wasnt that bad now was it?
ok..
aside from the lack of things to do
but SUSHI!! :P
food food n more food
and you gotta come eat at our place too
so that's a plus
come again some time soon yeah?
- Getting a Job -
yep
this would go under volunteer
but not the whole useful type
not that it wasnt useful
just not directly helpful
sorta was working in sir charlies gift shop
once a month
so not much work
tho the profits went back to the hospital
so its a good thing
they didnt have to pay for the staff-ing
- Lit Conference -
nothing speccy
conference at uni
supposedly helpful to lit
but in the end not really
i dont remember actually learning much
ah well too bad..
- K & Albie come to Visit -
Another major event of the year..
well panda coming over was one ..
this was another
highly anticipated as was the previous one^^
but K was staying at my place
so all the more reason to be happy
both staying for a week
it was one intense week of outings
and well for me..
a new movement out of my at the time current boundaries
so what was this that was coming?
a new parential leniencey developing
which was a new and a great plus :D
Going from bowling, bumming around to iceskating
AND MASSES of singing K :P
it was seriously a series of last min.. lets go there!
Basically recapped under the video below
created by lina in her spare time..
- City to Surf -
A whole 12km of jogging/running
i basically put back under
"things i did in my last year of highschool"
an acheivement i guess..
well for someone who doesnt do
sport outside of house acts n PE
- Geog Camp -
Ah..
good ol' geog camp
the last camp i'll be going to anytime soon
and well
living in lil chalets
i guess it wasnt exactly camping.
but it was still just as DAMNED COLD
housed up by groups of 8 (i thinketh?)
we basically lived bout a weekend
up in wellington mills
where we travelled from hamlets to cities
learning demographic details
as well as morphologies and functions of the places
and well
im proud to say i was one of the few
who assisted in the population boom
of a small hamlet from 2 to 45 in the time frame of a few mins
tho then the bus left
and the population returned once again to 2.
pictures above?
we managed to visit GNOMESVILLE!!
yay!!
i swear i've never seen so many gnomes
all at once
- Multifaith Fest -
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarmonise!
mm.. well yet another chinese class oriented activity
mind you i travelled so far
- Last Stocking Day -
- Exams -
Exams Exams and more Exams..
what can i say?
- The Show -
The continuance of the tradition
yep..
5 years of going to the show with scar
and guess what?
FIRST time we've won something :P
all by our ownselves
- Moon Cake Fest -
FKS activity...
performance once again
thank god i had an english part..
minimal rehersing needed..
problem?
i only found out about it ON THAT NIGHT
-.-
major stress..
esp after a whole day worth of TEE total
- Grandma -
R.I.P. Grandma.
A big thing i learnt
cherish the moments you have with everyone
for all you know it could be
the last memories you make with them
someone i hadnt seen in two years
of the chances that i could have
i didnt.
from one reason to another
two years...
- Beach Day -
Yep.
the day that MLC made it
onto BBC online world pictures :P
well fun and traditional event
the beginning of the series of leavers activities
all in leavers week...
- Class PARTIES -
I swear we had the highest possible number
of consecutive class parties in one day..
- "Fun Day" -
As it was no longer viable to have a muck up day
as it was claimed that it mentally affected some
our day of terrorising the school
got deminished to our dear "fun morning" of "fun day"
ranging from the dunking thingy
where mr lee got dunked
to the slide thing
and the mad cow
i swear.. mr lee on the mad cow is an image
that is permanently stained into my mind..
not a good thing might i add.
the satirical was something that was much enjoyed
and our dear head of year, dear lawson
left the school with us
*tear*
and finally
the much awaited formal assembly
where..
we despite the prior instructions
to leave gracefully
continued the tradition
SCREAMING AND RUNNING OUT OF HADLEY!
woot!
- Valedictory -
Not even sure if that's how its spelt
but anyways
the end of highshool.
A Delightful evening..
from a formal assembly for graduation
tho there were a number of laughs over photography
(they decided to hire a photographer)
and well troubles was with coordination
of picture taking and receiving stuffs
and then dinner
held on ccgs oval with a tent and as you see
in the pic above.. the school emblem
projected onto the top of the dinner tent.
- TEE -
Oh.. the.. stress...
- Singapore -
our leavers
held in singapore
many thanks to nat
who provided the lovely host
as well as her friends tab, kenneth n elson
a weeks worth of time spending and bonding
and well attempts at forgetting about the week before
- Albie's Second Visit -
Yep.
Albie's second trip over
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
tho this time i think he stayed for a shorter time..
i think?
my memory's going but check earlier posts
would be more accurate
see day distinctions begin to blend together
esp in the times when you have fun
the separations between the days sorta disappear
and time just FLIES!
tho if memory serves correct
Albie came over on business trip
so yep less time for fun
but got to see Albie was the main point!
- Last Ever Speech Nite -
Back from leavers and a lil rest after
it was speech night
the last ever
tho truthfully i never went to my first one till yr9
and that was coz i was in the choir
so i guess
first and last yrs of highschool?
not in choir
and despite what we thought when we left
we stood corrected..
THIS was the very last time we wore uniform
ah.. the dear uniform
truthfully i actually miss it
the yr 12 uniform that is
i actually liked that uniform
- Hale Sony -
Four days worth..
well five including the meet up the day before
of volunteer work as a form of respite to the parents
- Down South -
A whole 24+ hours in the car..
over a total of 2 days
*sigh* A LOT of car sitting if you ask me..
Perth
Mandurah
Bunbury
Busselton
Nannup
Bridgetown
Manjimup
Mt Barker
Albany
Albany
Denmark
Walpole
Pemberton
Manjimup
Bridgetown
Bunbury
Mandurah
Perth
Yep.
2006.
The last yr of highschool.
Pictures speak louder than words
so i hope.. with those included
it may say something
tho from the pictures its nothing but interpretation
so i hope it is the correct message being sent across.
For a lovely and memorable year
thank you.
Missing everyone
and with the new year
that we are currently
livign away second by second
being cast into our memories
i hope for the best
and well keep in touch
love y'all
*hugs*
-Del
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Smile for me please?
a forward from my dear cousin
and couldnt help it but share..
so smile... please?
Think about them one at a time
BEFORE going on to the next one...
IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD,
especially the thought at the end.
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake.. (or vanilla or strawberry!)
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke.
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to
sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36 . Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing
that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the _____expression on someone's face
as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and
being grateful
for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing,
no matter what other people think.
*hugs*
-del
and couldnt help it but share..
so smile... please?
Think about them one at a time
BEFORE going on to the next one...
IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD,
especially the thought at the end.
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake.. (or vanilla or strawberry!)
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke.
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to
sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36 . Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing
that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the _____expression on someone's face
as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and
being grateful
for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing,
no matter what other people think.
*hugs*
-del
Monday, April 16, 2007
MASS...Psychotic-it-i-ness..? [Religion]
why is it..
that when i actually have a thought to blog
i realise that oh i have something due soon
or just get side tracked.
tried blogging
then get barely anything done
so in the end
the point is forgone??
ah well..
tho today
after that mini intro bit
i managed to remember my thought of well.. thought
with a full on weekend of religion-ful-ness
ranging from the bright summery weather on sat
to the entire DOWNPOUR on sun
with the beginning of the weekend being fri night
i sat in for a 'religious gathering'
an example of a religious universal
among the Nailartsua people
anth.. :P
in hours..
we had sat learning to chant in...
wait for it...
TIBETIAN!!
yep.. so i learnt a new language..
of which i dont get a word of what it means
but still.. :D
and well the sat n sun..
buddha's festival was being held in the city
gees.. usual large spending
sat morning?
boat trip..
relating to a ritual to pray for no natural disasters
well at least no water related natural disasters..
so yep
on boat..
sitting there.. listening to chanting
and everyone chanting together
then reach a far out enough place
the boat stopped
and basically it was drifting..
and more chanting
then praying to the dragon lord of the sea
we threw these vase things
filled with herbs n gems n what not filled inside
into the water..
ritualistically
with the flowers
mind plastic was kept on board
[pollution was kept to a ritualistic minimum
well as low as possible to still allow for the
ritual to actually occur]
then turned back
i spent most of that time sleeping
early morning ><
vegetarian lunch..
then off to city for the buddha festival
sunny summery day
off ta kareoke
but then.. had to leave early :(
sunday?
day of stress n rain
tho i guess i jokingly noted
that well..
the offerings polluted the river
so the dragon king got angry
and decided to make it a down pour :P
ah well..
sat was meant to be described as rainy..
but turned out not..
so maybe what? accumulation of pent up repressed rain?
so yep
sang
off stage
off to place where
we were gonna get the 'fo gong' done
basically it was a mini bonfire
where herbs, samples of hair, nails, clothes
and a bunch of chanting happened
then everyone took pix of it
as many as possible
and supposedly with the pictures on the camera
we were meant to see beams of light from above
supernatural beings and/or a dragon come down
or out of the fire or the smoke
not quite sure of which
so everyone was frantically shutterbug-ing
hoping to get a pic then to look at the pic
to look for the possibilities that its true
and then this lady screams out
OMG I GOT IT..! look its rays of light
and there! there's guan yin
i see guan yin in the fire in my picture
EVERYONE get down n pray
and that was it..
everyone was down on their knees
either taking pix
or just there praying
with the continual chanting
the heat of the flames
the smell of the smoke rising up
the atmosphere was such an amazing thing
there was this lovely sense of belonging
that there was this sense of belonging
everyone placed down equally low
on the same level in servitude to this higher being
[tho mind i may be using incorrect language
blogging for me after all is the first word i think of
like a mind stream so it can be incorrectly
interpreted unintentionally
coz i actually take no possible thought
to other readings to the one i mean
in the first place]
basically
it just reminds me about how much
a sense of community and communal wellbeing
can sort of in a simple ritual
brings together a group of people
its just this sense that transcends description
tho you stop.
and you think about it
and for the seconds that you believed
they after sometime
are potentially tinted with skepticism
as you try to rationalise
to understand
to put into your own terms in relation to your experiences
the belief that once again you may have possibly been deceived
that this it was all an illusion
but at the time was so real
for the seconds you believed
that for once you let go to feel
and yet in an instant can be dashed away
but that's where trust and faith come in
it is but through your own trust and faith
that you fully believe
it leaves you vunerable
to trust, to believe, to have faith in
you have to leave your judgements
if you believe
you're left there defenceless
against possible deception
to open completely once again
just as dependant as any infant would be
and you wonder
like is it just that single lady
who claimed what she saw
could just be coincidential?
that the shower of rain left a droplet of water
and the reflection of a flash could just leave
the illusion.. an illusion that lead a-many
from this single claim,
so many people just were on their knees
they were praying and chanting
all lead by one
and you think about it
and then on religion
the thought that hit me on my way along uni today
was a poster that said "Why doesn't God Prove Himself?"
or something of the like..
my memory is fuzzy by now
but i was looking at it
and i was thinking..
why should God have to prove himself?
and what about religion?
is it but a social construct
just to satisfy the wants of the believers
that it just exists to give life a meaning
because in reality there is nothing
do we believe to give ourselves a reason..
to give ourselves a purpose
like the thoughts of plato..
is what we perceive really what is present?
is it really what it seems?
despite what i read on the impressions of people on others
where what is perceived is given as reality
you wander
what about those who are mentally different
those we label as "mad" "insane"
is it that they perceive the world differently from us?
well quite likely
and what of those who seem to
live in a whole world of their own?
is that what is really there?
just like suggested in Buffy..
[oh god im referencing Buffy]
how it was the mentally "deficient"
were those who could see Dawn
for what she really was..
they saw the reality
so why doesnt God prove himself?
what i question is..
why is there a need for God to prove himself?
if he really exists..
does he really in his self need to be revered?
coz if you think about it
is it not he reason he would choose to prove himself
was the fact he wishes to be acknowledged
but in the assumption that he wishes to be acknowledged
does that not place him on the same level as us?
basically a creator but at the same time personified
in human form?
then what actually places him above us?
afterall it is stated that
God wants to have a relationship with us
but in that fact it is not one of equality
he is still higher and it is more like that of
that of the Lord as a Shepherd
guiding us sheep along in our masses
so we're not equal..
is it not a social construct then?
that we wish for him to prove himself?
that to satisfy and consolidate our beliefs
we in our ownselves seek out proof
to justify to ourselves that our own
social structure and personal beliefs and values
are ones that are correct
that the lives we are living are "good"?
"good" that is..
on our own terms
whether it be for the one of satisfaction of desire
or "good" for the general population
for the greater "good"
but who is it to deem what is to be for the "greater good"?
so in our own seeking of the truth
do we not just grasp onto the first possible
sign that shows the possibility
and treat it as the most likely answer?
for what else is denial?
but the rejection of that which does not please us?
denial allows you to hide
to run away
and yet it makes it so much easier to deal with
then there is no actual need for the supposed acceptance
you can just try to run for as long as possible
just not to take what you wish not to happen
and that which you want
as they say..
say it often enough and it may come true
you sort of in a way trance yourself into belief
to make yourself believe what you want
and in the end what comes of it?
sooner or later you'll still gotta deal
even if you wish you could stay
in that particular dream for so long
so..
what do i do?
turn escapism
to sleep i go :P
nite nite
*hugs*
-del
that when i actually have a thought to blog
i realise that oh i have something due soon
or just get side tracked.
tried blogging
then get barely anything done
so in the end
the point is forgone??
ah well..
tho today
after that mini intro bit
i managed to remember my thought of well.. thought
with a full on weekend of religion-ful-ness
ranging from the bright summery weather on sat
to the entire DOWNPOUR on sun
with the beginning of the weekend being fri night
i sat in for a 'religious gathering'
an example of a religious universal
among the Nailartsua people
anth.. :P
in hours..
we had sat learning to chant in...
wait for it...
TIBETIAN!!
yep.. so i learnt a new language..
of which i dont get a word of what it means
but still.. :D
and well the sat n sun..
buddha's festival was being held in the city
gees.. usual large spending
sat morning?
boat trip..
relating to a ritual to pray for no natural disasters
well at least no water related natural disasters..
so yep
on boat..
sitting there.. listening to chanting
and everyone chanting together
then reach a far out enough place
the boat stopped
and basically it was drifting..
and more chanting
then praying to the dragon lord of the sea
we threw these vase things
filled with herbs n gems n what not filled inside
into the water..
ritualistically
with the flowers
mind plastic was kept on board
[pollution was kept to a ritualistic minimum
well as low as possible to still allow for the
ritual to actually occur]
then turned back
i spent most of that time sleeping
early morning ><
vegetarian lunch..
then off to city for the buddha festival
sunny summery day
off ta kareoke
but then.. had to leave early :(
sunday?
day of stress n rain
tho i guess i jokingly noted
that well..
the offerings polluted the river
so the dragon king got angry
and decided to make it a down pour :P
ah well..
sat was meant to be described as rainy..
but turned out not..
so maybe what? accumulation of pent up repressed rain?
so yep
sang
off stage
off to place where
we were gonna get the 'fo gong' done
basically it was a mini bonfire
where herbs, samples of hair, nails, clothes
and a bunch of chanting happened
then everyone took pix of it
as many as possible
and supposedly with the pictures on the camera
we were meant to see beams of light from above
supernatural beings and/or a dragon come down
or out of the fire or the smoke
not quite sure of which
so everyone was frantically shutterbug-ing
hoping to get a pic then to look at the pic
to look for the possibilities that its true
and then this lady screams out
OMG I GOT IT..! look its rays of light
and there! there's guan yin
i see guan yin in the fire in my picture
EVERYONE get down n pray
and that was it..
everyone was down on their knees
either taking pix
or just there praying
with the continual chanting
the heat of the flames
the smell of the smoke rising up
the atmosphere was such an amazing thing
there was this lovely sense of belonging
that there was this sense of belonging
everyone placed down equally low
on the same level in servitude to this higher being
[tho mind i may be using incorrect language
blogging for me after all is the first word i think of
like a mind stream so it can be incorrectly
interpreted unintentionally
coz i actually take no possible thought
to other readings to the one i mean
in the first place]
basically
it just reminds me about how much
a sense of community and communal wellbeing
can sort of in a simple ritual
brings together a group of people
its just this sense that transcends description
tho you stop.
and you think about it
and for the seconds that you believed
they after sometime
are potentially tinted with skepticism
as you try to rationalise
to understand
to put into your own terms in relation to your experiences
the belief that once again you may have possibly been deceived
that this it was all an illusion
but at the time was so real
for the seconds you believed
that for once you let go to feel
and yet in an instant can be dashed away
but that's where trust and faith come in
it is but through your own trust and faith
that you fully believe
it leaves you vunerable
to trust, to believe, to have faith in
you have to leave your judgements
if you believe
you're left there defenceless
against possible deception
to open completely once again
just as dependant as any infant would be
and you wonder
like is it just that single lady
who claimed what she saw
could just be coincidential?
that the shower of rain left a droplet of water
and the reflection of a flash could just leave
the illusion.. an illusion that lead a-many
from this single claim,
so many people just were on their knees
they were praying and chanting
all lead by one
and you think about it
and then on religion
the thought that hit me on my way along uni today
was a poster that said "Why doesn't God Prove Himself?"
or something of the like..
my memory is fuzzy by now
but i was looking at it
and i was thinking..
why should God have to prove himself?
and what about religion?
is it but a social construct
just to satisfy the wants of the believers
that it just exists to give life a meaning
because in reality there is nothing
do we believe to give ourselves a reason..
to give ourselves a purpose
like the thoughts of plato..
is what we perceive really what is present?
is it really what it seems?
despite what i read on the impressions of people on others
where what is perceived is given as reality
you wander
what about those who are mentally different
those we label as "mad" "insane"
is it that they perceive the world differently from us?
well quite likely
and what of those who seem to
live in a whole world of their own?
is that what is really there?
just like suggested in Buffy..
[oh god im referencing Buffy]
how it was the mentally "deficient"
were those who could see Dawn
for what she really was..
they saw the reality
so why doesnt God prove himself?
what i question is..
why is there a need for God to prove himself?
if he really exists..
does he really in his self need to be revered?
coz if you think about it
is it not he reason he would choose to prove himself
was the fact he wishes to be acknowledged
but in the assumption that he wishes to be acknowledged
does that not place him on the same level as us?
basically a creator but at the same time personified
in human form?
then what actually places him above us?
afterall it is stated that
God wants to have a relationship with us
but in that fact it is not one of equality
he is still higher and it is more like that of
that of the Lord as a Shepherd
guiding us sheep along in our masses
so we're not equal..
is it not a social construct then?
that we wish for him to prove himself?
that to satisfy and consolidate our beliefs
we in our ownselves seek out proof
to justify to ourselves that our own
social structure and personal beliefs and values
are ones that are correct
that the lives we are living are "good"?
"good" that is..
on our own terms
whether it be for the one of satisfaction of desire
or "good" for the general population
for the greater "good"
but who is it to deem what is to be for the "greater good"?
so in our own seeking of the truth
do we not just grasp onto the first possible
sign that shows the possibility
and treat it as the most likely answer?
for what else is denial?
but the rejection of that which does not please us?
denial allows you to hide
to run away
and yet it makes it so much easier to deal with
then there is no actual need for the supposed acceptance
you can just try to run for as long as possible
just not to take what you wish not to happen
and that which you want
as they say..
say it often enough and it may come true
you sort of in a way trance yourself into belief
to make yourself believe what you want
and in the end what comes of it?
sooner or later you'll still gotta deal
even if you wish you could stay
in that particular dream for so long
so..
what do i do?
turn escapism
to sleep i go :P
nite nite
*hugs*
-del
Gradual Death
you know..
was talking with my grandpa the other day
and well the topic of memory loss came up
and he was asking me for the "learn-ed" response
and i was gonna explain how the brain cells cant rejuvinate
or what not
and was trying to figure how to explain cells
when it hit me..
non literally
but like isnt it one of the reasons you dont remember things
is just the fact that as time goes by
the things you forget is due to damage
and the death of cells in your brain?
coz after all i think its that they cant be reproduced
as in they dont undergo mitosis...
hehe.. my h bio online
anyways
so they are gone
and they disappear
and then i thought back and remembered mr forma
ahh dear mr forma
think it was one of the facts that
in the time frame of about 12-14 years
(cant remember the exact value anymore)
that all the cells in your body has been replaced
from when you were like first "created"
so basically you're a whole new person
what's the point of that?
i have no idea
:S
ah well
[had a point
cant remember it anymore
shall leave it here]
-Del
was talking with my grandpa the other day
and well the topic of memory loss came up
and he was asking me for the "learn-ed" response
and i was gonna explain how the brain cells cant rejuvinate
or what not
and was trying to figure how to explain cells
when it hit me..
non literally
but like isnt it one of the reasons you dont remember things
is just the fact that as time goes by
the things you forget is due to damage
and the death of cells in your brain?
coz after all i think its that they cant be reproduced
as in they dont undergo mitosis...
hehe.. my h bio online
anyways
so they are gone
and they disappear
and then i thought back and remembered mr forma
ahh dear mr forma
think it was one of the facts that
in the time frame of about 12-14 years
(cant remember the exact value anymore)
that all the cells in your body has been replaced
from when you were like first "created"
so basically you're a whole new person
what's the point of that?
i have no idea
:S
ah well
[had a point
cant remember it anymore
shall leave it here]
-Del
Early Morning...
It's 5:40 am..
and i just spent the last hour away..
procrat
damn anth ><
tho at least im not asleep yet
(i got up at 3:40)
so well..
if i slept again..
next time i'll wake up'll probs be 9
and then i'll be late n what not
(hmm i've picked up the usage of 'what not'?)
anyways
i cant believe
yet again
how it is so easy to be sucked into myspace
-.-
stupid thing?
went n clicked on the topics forum for school
well ex-school now
and all i saw was the basic bitching
i just cant believe i read 3 pages worth of it..
esp since it was either repetitive or counteracting
but basically the same gist..
haih...
and all of this just coz i clicked to view a comment
and i only found this out coz i got sent an email
-.-
i wanna talk about the actual content of the whinging
but i dunno
in a sense it sorta stoops me as low as them..
actually could just be on equal levels
i bitch on the net too :P
cept on a different site n what not
i still basically bitch
tho it'd be funny if ms whats-her-name
made herself a myspace account
to add to her already present friendster account
that she made.. nth years ago
in response to realising the students had blogs n friendster
ah well back to assign..
damnit its so boring..
why the hell did i take freaking anth?!
*sigh*
and i just spent the last hour away..
procrat
damn anth ><
tho at least im not asleep yet
(i got up at 3:40)
so well..
if i slept again..
next time i'll wake up'll probs be 9
and then i'll be late n what not
(hmm i've picked up the usage of 'what not'?)
anyways
i cant believe
yet again
how it is so easy to be sucked into myspace
-.-
stupid thing?
went n clicked on the topics forum for school
well ex-school now
and all i saw was the basic bitching
i just cant believe i read 3 pages worth of it..
esp since it was either repetitive or counteracting
but basically the same gist..
haih...
and all of this just coz i clicked to view a comment
and i only found this out coz i got sent an email
-.-
i wanna talk about the actual content of the whinging
but i dunno
in a sense it sorta stoops me as low as them..
actually could just be on equal levels
i bitch on the net too :P
cept on a different site n what not
i still basically bitch
tho it'd be funny if ms whats-her-name
made herself a myspace account
to add to her already present friendster account
that she made.. nth years ago
in response to realising the students had blogs n friendster
ah well back to assign..
damnit its so boring..
why the hell did i take freaking anth?!
*sigh*
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Shall we gather at the river... where bright angel-feet have trod...
well you know..
as much as i dislike to admit it
i was setting up the dinner for tonight
for mum's bday
i suddenly thought of cloudstreet
as much as i said i may have hated it then
i guess its sorta grown on me
well not that i like the entire book
or the fact that the whole book sorta seems very plotless
(the reconciliation of two families over 20 years in one house)
but some of the lines in there are so pretty
no point to this but yep
nite
-del
as much as i dislike to admit it
i was setting up the dinner for tonight
for mum's bday
i suddenly thought of cloudstreet
"because, look, even the
missing are there, the gone and the taken
are with them in the shade pools of the peppermints
by the beautiful, the beautiful the river."
"the river of faces from before,
the dark and the light, the forgotten,
the silent, the missing who watch"
as much as i said i may have hated it then
i guess its sorta grown on me
well not that i like the entire book
or the fact that the whole book sorta seems very plotless
(the reconciliation of two families over 20 years in one house)
but some of the lines in there are so pretty
no point to this but yep
nite
-del
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Must. Do. Econs. Essay...
Hmm...
equiv of "pre-exam bitch"
but.. for an essay
make this one worse than the last
its about what? 9 hours till my essay deadline
i have 1,155 words for my essay..
of the word limit that is 1,250
2 diagrams
and no opinion whatsoever
kidneys?
right now i dont give a damn
why did the essay have to be about kidneys?
kidneys kidneys kidneys
hmph
readings?
i feel like they were utterly pointless
hm well one or two were ok
but still
and in the end?
i finished reading them all
and i still think
kaplut
i dont care
you dont care cos you dont encounter
and you dont have to deal
haha.. people are out proshing atm
guess in the end i wouldn'ta had time anyways
by the looks of what's happening
im awkae at 4 am typign away at an essay
ok back to essay again
damned essay -.-
-del
equiv of "pre-exam bitch"
but.. for an essay
make this one worse than the last
its about what? 9 hours till my essay deadline
i have 1,155 words for my essay..
of the word limit that is 1,250
2 diagrams
and no opinion whatsoever
kidneys?
right now i dont give a damn
why did the essay have to be about kidneys?
kidneys kidneys kidneys
hmph
readings?
i feel like they were utterly pointless
hm well one or two were ok
but still
and in the end?
i finished reading them all
and i still think
kaplut
i dont care
you dont care cos you dont encounter
and you dont have to deal
haha.. people are out proshing atm
guess in the end i wouldn'ta had time anyways
by the looks of what's happening
im awkae at 4 am typign away at an essay
ok back to essay again
damned essay -.-
-del
Monday, April 02, 2007
Wonders of the World...
was just looking at the msn contact list before
and well what i found rather intruiging
was the fact that under the ninemsn videos bits
was this lil one where it says
"two otters holding hands whilst taking a nap
at [insert name of city] zoo"
i dunno
looking at it and all i thought of straight away was
why is this so amazing that it was recorded
and put up?
seriously.. is it really such an amazing thing?
the fact that whatever comes up in daily life
we usually in our own minds put a predicted judgement to
whether or not we'll cast our interest in that direction
we have our expectations
and from what we've experiences we change our expectations
so that our lil view through the window to our world
makse sense to us
we generalise to classify.. a human universal
things we generally internalise so we dont spend like what?
6 hours on deciding whether or not we need to brush out teeth?
hmm eg. of expectation?
phil will be dead boring AGAIN
if i have the exact same freud lecturer for phil
solution:
bring the text book in and write notes from textbook
therefore using time wisely
though why is it then..?
that we choose to put ourselves above animals
other than our desired belief to be superior to them?
we ARE one of them
i dont see big news flashes just cos a couple are holding hands
why should there be for otters?
cos... i dont care
i dont find it amazing
but at the same time i didnt belittle my expectations of them
to such that the possible chance of them doing such a thing
is like zilch..
so that in the case of the event occuring im not standing there
making a video of them actually in the act
and broadcasting it across the net
why am i actually blogging this?
coz im highly irratable atm
despite the bright outlook for the week
i cant believe im actually grim and annoyed
well with a sprinkling of happys here and there
namely being at uni..
tho im not quite sure why..
maybe coz there's people around ^^
hmm strangely i feel a need to go buy earrings :S
and you'd think i have enough
guess with accessories.. there can never be enough :P
mm worse is still to continually lose them
i cant believe i lost another earring
damnit.. now have another weird loner earring
with having to be up early over the weekend
supposedly up early this morning
( i gave up and went back to sleep.. stuff chem)
i have to be up early again tomoz
bright an early for another round of lectures
at least there's no phil for the current moment
i cant believe the number of people attending the lectures
like fell 50% nearly after the lecturer change
mm i need to work on my attention span
and staying awake to listen to lecture techniques
whist he my just need to brush up on keeping audience attention
and at that my attention is going
since i really think i need the sleep
nite nite
*hugs*
-del
and well what i found rather intruiging
was the fact that under the ninemsn videos bits
was this lil one where it says
"two otters holding hands whilst taking a nap
at [insert name of city] zoo"
i dunno
looking at it and all i thought of straight away was
why is this so amazing that it was recorded
and put up?
seriously.. is it really such an amazing thing?
the fact that whatever comes up in daily life
we usually in our own minds put a predicted judgement to
whether or not we'll cast our interest in that direction
we have our expectations
and from what we've experiences we change our expectations
so that our lil view through the window to our world
makse sense to us
we generalise to classify.. a human universal
things we generally internalise so we dont spend like what?
6 hours on deciding whether or not we need to brush out teeth?
hmm eg. of expectation?
phil will be dead boring AGAIN
if i have the exact same freud lecturer for phil
solution:
bring the text book in and write notes from textbook
therefore using time wisely
though why is it then..?
that we choose to put ourselves above animals
other than our desired belief to be superior to them?
we ARE one of them
i dont see big news flashes just cos a couple are holding hands
why should there be for otters?
cos... i dont care
i dont find it amazing
but at the same time i didnt belittle my expectations of them
to such that the possible chance of them doing such a thing
is like zilch..
so that in the case of the event occuring im not standing there
making a video of them actually in the act
and broadcasting it across the net
why am i actually blogging this?
coz im highly irratable atm
despite the bright outlook for the week
i cant believe im actually grim and annoyed
well with a sprinkling of happys here and there
namely being at uni..
tho im not quite sure why..
maybe coz there's people around ^^
hmm strangely i feel a need to go buy earrings :S
and you'd think i have enough
guess with accessories.. there can never be enough :P
mm worse is still to continually lose them
i cant believe i lost another earring
damnit.. now have another weird loner earring
with having to be up early over the weekend
supposedly up early this morning
( i gave up and went back to sleep.. stuff chem)
i have to be up early again tomoz
bright an early for another round of lectures
at least there's no phil for the current moment
i cant believe the number of people attending the lectures
like fell 50% nearly after the lecturer change
mm i need to work on my attention span
and staying awake to listen to lecture techniques
whist he my just need to brush up on keeping audience attention
and at that my attention is going
since i really think i need the sleep
nite nite
*hugs*
-del
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Blogging Urge...
Potential blog roll again?
yeah..
couldnt help it
tho i cant remember any more
just as i opened up the typing bit
damnit..
phil tho today?
mm i like talking about phil
could just be coz i dont TALK in phil
its a random comment here and there
you'd think
with the whole like feel free to say whatever you want
well within limits of the whole tutor guidance
that it'd be easy to say what you think
but it just aint always that way i guess
esp with the when you say a single word..
EVERYONE just suddenly turns their head towards you
its like sudden spot light
thrown into limelight
tho since one of the main contributors to the tute
changed to another tute
you'd think that this tute'd be like hella quiet
but predictions can be wrong
it turned out ok
what with a few random silences speckled here and there
tho thinking about the content of the actual tute
based on both morals and alturism
i wondered whether or not it was just general talk
or the fact that i havent read enough of the course content
but from my own understandings of it
it seemed sorta in a way completely contradictory
basically?
i dont say anything cos i may be wrong?
despite the fact that what they're saying
doesnt in its own ways match the line up
hmm that's a not good on my behalf
but tho then again
dont think after hours worth
i could really be bothered arguing against
a particular individual just cos
they tend to be highly opinionated
point of this?
zero again
just cos i felt like typing
sleep time
chem tomoz
*hugs*
-Del
yeah..
couldnt help it
tho i cant remember any more
just as i opened up the typing bit
damnit..
phil tho today?
mm i like talking about phil
could just be coz i dont TALK in phil
its a random comment here and there
you'd think
with the whole like feel free to say whatever you want
well within limits of the whole tutor guidance
that it'd be easy to say what you think
but it just aint always that way i guess
esp with the when you say a single word..
EVERYONE just suddenly turns their head towards you
its like sudden spot light
thrown into limelight
tho since one of the main contributors to the tute
changed to another tute
you'd think that this tute'd be like hella quiet
but predictions can be wrong
it turned out ok
what with a few random silences speckled here and there
tho thinking about the content of the actual tute
based on both morals and alturism
i wondered whether or not it was just general talk
or the fact that i havent read enough of the course content
but from my own understandings of it
it seemed sorta in a way completely contradictory
basically?
i dont say anything cos i may be wrong?
despite the fact that what they're saying
doesnt in its own ways match the line up
hmm that's a not good on my behalf
but tho then again
dont think after hours worth
i could really be bothered arguing against
a particular individual just cos
they tend to be highly opinionated
point of this?
zero again
just cos i felt like typing
sleep time
chem tomoz
*hugs*
-Del