Hope. When Darkness Turns To Light.

to what degree do you believe in coincidence?
are there forces which particularly
guide us in specific directions?
taking into account of my lil belief
of the mix of the whole determinism
with free will and the law of causality
(gees ive lost count of the number
of times ive seen, said, heard, typed
the term "law of causality"
this last month >.<)

is it that we're destined to do somethings
with signs that shine and blare "THAT WAY"
and well your own choice to pursue
to leave be or to completely go opposite direction
or is it that we exist parallel to a spiritual world
of souls which wonder around with us
watching, whispering and listening to everything
to what we think, speak, do
and for their lil entertainment
grant us what we want or bring to us
the worst imaginable senarios?
or like the lil cartoon expression of
the struggle between good and bad
with the lil angel and devil
sitting on our shoulders
ushering us, appealing to us
and what of our thoughts?
our dreams? are they truly ours?
are the private onto to us and only us?

Hope.
its that last thing within pandora's box
according to the Greek myths
that tried to escape,
yet in the light of all the evil
and bad things that were set free
it was the hope to continue that was left
trapped within the box just as they managed
to get it closed.
or so i remember back from the times of yr 8
when we studied Greek mythology

the light at the end of the tunnel?
both the solution and the end
that through all that darkness
there is still a pinpoint route for escape
and escape? escape from what?
the vague darkness that's around us?
that encompasses our lives when we're lost
with no particular idea which way to turn
but does this not suggest that we
have to place our faith in our only hope
that this bespecklement of existence
would be the way through it all?
this really in a way takes into assumption
that well the path is only unilineal?
that of our options we're guided towards one
and there seems to be none but the one

day in day out
procrat, stress, thoughts, obligations
thinking just wanna block out the thinking
but there's so much out there
or is it just there coz you wanna believe it?

happy, sad, up, down, on, off
preoccupy, its ok, everything's fine,
no its not, stop, go, stress, stress, STRESS.

i'm happy.
i'm good.
i'm normal.
i'm stressed.
i'm depressed.
am i a freaking light switch?
a rollercoaster?

i think that im really an act then reflect person
gees it happens so often
but you know what hurts?
the self-inflicted pain
it goes on and on and on and on
round and round and round and round
and yet i get by the days in the end.. as happy

coz you know?
its easy to get through the day
and just let the inner emo out when you're alone
just believe that no one cares
or that they understand
but the belief that they wont understand
or just cant at all
means that they dont understand you
and for that.
forgive them that they have no idea who you really are
or will ever be able to comprehend what you live through

what the hell am i on about?
(truthfully i have no damned clue)
im damn lucky to be where i am
to have what i have
and for that i should appreciate it
but it remains the same
that you're either numb or you feel

you know what?
inspiration.
inspiration to write, talk, think, express
where does it come from but from your environment?
does it then not make sense that
the greatest artists ever
were either screwed up in the mind
or that they were on drugs?
passion, a compulsion to manifest
a feeling, desire, expression into any form
where else would you find such a drive?
to be passionate about anything would drive you far enough
to strive for that, to accomplish, to succeed

we are but people.
but to believe in anything and to have faith
to hope and to cherish it brings us closer
(and yet again im lost on what i was on about 3 seconds ago :S
but when i typed it, it felt good :P)

anyways
point being?
im confuzzled.
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del