Comprehension... Can You Read Betwen The Lines?

To identfy.
To comprehend.
To completely understand.

is it that anyone can understand?
through everything
the communcation of painted concepts
between one to another.
mmm i love writing these posts
when i end up getting the time to
but lately.. the first few lines
sorta seem similar styled
but bah.. whatever

but to shape a meaning
or to carve a concept
could the product really match up
or even compare to the initial intent?
sometimes...
it would seem that its all up to the creator to know
but is the image portrayed whole nother story?
the interpretation of any expression
is altered by the inference
the placing of boundaries around a meaning
to fit it into your own bubble world
by placing your own boundaries
you create your own inference
but is it still the same?
has it taken on a whole other form?
for abstract to some
is completely dependantly concrete to others

so could meaning be lost?
the exclusion of detail
or inclusion of excess sidechains
the net total can obviously change
you cant always see what you've made by hand
for the perspective is different
and thus we study the background of artists
in literature and the arts
to gain a wider possible scope
but even assuming another's position
the unimaginable to your own circumstance
wont arise due to your own limiting mindset

for what you cannot see primarily
you'll have to seek through secondary sources
but at the same time
the account of any piece of information
can still be tainted
to find a truth takes a long time
time consumed you wonder if it could be better spent
but in the questioning
yet again time slips through your hands
it stops for none

so here i write
a fiction of my own
a signal from my mind
taking its own form in my words
the weaving of strands together
winding and turning
slowly binding and streaming through my fingers
to the screen transmitted by the keyboard
and the electric impulses.. change from the constant
delivering a word letter by letter
from each action collaborating to form something

something that may mean nothing to some
but every value to another
the vocalisation or written expression
could it be enough?
but where to start?
is it but inconsiderate?
can there be any guidance?
but to follow?
what will that lead to ?
to choose a path
the phrasing can either be
aidful or just down dragging
to place one against another
does it get you anywhere just to
converse alone?
the results would be close to what you expect
but that reality cannot always be
but then the chance is always there for it to arise
for all the luck in the world your dreams come true

so optimist or pessimist?
which shall it be?
the realist says it can be either way
but you will never know
not unless you see
and to see?
to see would be to know
to have been before and the past?
it is irretreivable
so how can it be what there is to know?
to make a choice now
it is affected by your past
and what your past says
forms a habit a habit by which you
either change through learning
or you continue onwards

onwards marching brave soldier
this is all i say
for what i write is what i think
think of the now my moment right here
this second that is gone
just like any other..
irretrievable to me and you
you.. the yous of the world
the world of my bubble and yet
the world that connects us all

this is what this is for isnt it?
the crap that spews out of my mind
anything... from that that i dont mean
what i am restricted from saying and doing
to that of which i feel
but can you really distinguish which is of which?
you think you may..
and yet you may not
the doubt you have
may just be correct, spot on
but then again.. it is but a doubt
a doubt which may infact be what it exists for..
a falsality

mm dear bloggie
i miss writing here so
where things i string together
link together
thinkn together
are placed aside
correspondingly or adjacently
forming a 180 or 360
completely opposing or supporting
running from circle to circle
or could that be a square..
some quadrangle or something
that is completely unidentifiable
but a shape is a shape
it is stil labelled for we like
to name, to classify, to place in order

if all is closed and accounted for
then tell me..
where else would the spontaneity come from?
in the disarray
the change and adaptation
to run from one place to another
the world spins again
the way you want it
time after time
but to expect for it to do so
you habitualise
you deem when it is to be so
the chaos brings out options
well for me this is so
my indecision leaves for options
and at the same time

it has its pitfalls
the confusion and insecurity
of possibilities of things falling through
but is that not what change is for?
to open you a window when the door closes in your face?
a plan is a plan
but not everythign follows
for those living in the uncertainty
what use is there for them?
when hope after hope comes crashing down
what can you do about your expectations?
how can you expect the unexpected
if what you expect is bound within those walls?
the view that is limited
means you reject what may come

but structured can be good
it leads to a life of certainty
or so it should
but it can also bring the risk
of empty promises
what is the use of promising
that which can never take form?
the possibility cannot ensure the definate
and when you question?
the question can only either
be answered or avoided
or even somewhere in between
but the reason?
sometimes it will forever remain the same

and 'forever' it can be but a belief
for each time you step forward
and are knocked back
the sight for a brigher future
for difference of an ending
becomes dimmed and tainted
the patience put in
it begins to fray
the frustration that remains
can it leave or be purged?
can things just flutter away?
or flutter-by?
:P

and an image?
an image of what?
the image of the self?
that one places on both themselves
and the world around them
but there's not only your own
that of those around you
to want to fit in and belong
that is natural
but at the same time
it forms a constriction
what is expected
and in the society of ours?
where individualism is promoted?
a place where even in primary school
we are shown our differences
our own uniqueness where we are asked our interests
a task i strongly detested
a time where you must fit in by being individual
it was not ok to be nothing
where you dont understand you arent individual
where you have no preference.. that is not natural
but how is there to be a preference
when there was no exposure at all?
is it not ok not to express an interest?
how can it be so
that one has an interest in something
that they do not themselves know exists?
you can apply the teaching to the majority
but the individual may not always understand

you think that all are the norm
and talk to those with disregard to what they had or were
but in the knowledge of their background
suddenly topics become so sensitive
no disrespect is meant
but in the same place
the avoidance of an issue
brings about no direct addressing of the topic

like the talk of the lonely child in school
the one where the parents are too busy
to pick them up on time
and in any discussion of childhood uprearing
child negligence is a bad thing
but then in the knowledge of it happening to
a single participant within the discussion
despite the pain felt
sometimes it seems to have become the unspeakable
that pain caused in the past brought up again
should be a big no
that it is suddenly a sensitive issue
well that it is
but does there seem to be a need for restriction of talk?
mm yes and no
it all digs down to the communication between the people
it is always dependant
on both the approach and the structure of words

so what i say.
is it truly what i think?
i take a side
but it travels on its own
a mini journey each time i open up
mentally once again i travel
exploring the flow of words
the thoughts that come to me
for that moment in time
recorded down

mmm
damn its late
nite nite
*hugs*

Purging of the Soul

To clean..
To clear..
To rid..
To purge..

but does anything really leave you?
can anything ever leave you?
they say time heals
sometimes i really believe it
and yet other times you really question it
but to rid or to purge
something must have been there
in the first place..
to rid would accept an existence
a presence of something
to be dusted away
something to be eliminated
to end something
just for some closure

and for the surface tension..
the separation of either side
but with the fluidity...
that somethigns may pass
and yet with selectivity
not all goes just as well
not all digests and passes just the same

its like going through some filter.
where some things may be left
and others continue to pass
or that things are all stuck
and then it loses its use
or that the filter has no use
and there you go..
everything continues without hindrance

Deleting messages
why does it feel so liberating?
it sorta brings about a good feeling
or.. sometimes no feeling at all
with the mass amount of spam lately
there's been plenty to kill

mmm
bout time to end this one..
its been sitting around for too long
so there you go.
time to start a new one..
*hugs*

And My World Resumes Spinning......... Uni-fy!

mm feb's nearly over..
what with it being a leap year this year
its a whole extra day but bleh.
looking forward to uni and everything
falling just back into place
just the way they were last year

=========================================

and yet so i thought...
time can always bring new things
and at the same time
history repeats itself

=========================================

yep..
so nearly a month has passed
since uni started again

==========================================

mhmm...
shall nearly be going into week 6 of uni
and what have i got blogwise to show for it?
the above lines...
not much basically
just scrap words..
which dont really form a post
but yep..
despite differences
once again.. yep like the title says
'my world resumes spinning'
things seem to be going right again
well.. 'right' isnt really teh correct term..
more of.. more like they were
study sessions are back.. in the bio library
falling behind in readings..
and waking up early to make up for finishing touches on assigns..
hmm more of FINISHING the assigns..
but yeah..
and well today...
daylights turned back..
and suddenly.. all these major changes
they just dont seem to phase me much..
im not sitting there..
complaining about how..
'omg have to readjust all over again'
it just happened and meh

just like last year..
never before have i walked in the rain without a grumble
and yet...
i managed the feat
and walked all the way to a bus stop
then from the city all the way up william st
in the rain
without any cover.. just due to lack of umbrella
i just let it pour on me
and i dunno.. its either i hit a point
where i didnt care enough to complain
or i just accepted that
yeah i had to take this shit from the rain

but on the same time
ive lost my patience with other things
what were once tolerable..
just dont seem the same anymore
they get slightly aggrevating
they itch and annoy
mmm

i think i'll leave it now
i dont have a topic
and its just wasting time
ive forgotten..
or possibly forgiven what irritated..
nite nite

*hugs*

Public Health and Tibetian Truths

As you can see..
its been ages since ive written a thing
tho at this hour.. 11:49pm
what am i up to?
why... youtubing..

tho no im not watching anime nor tv dramas..
so what is it?
its the recent uprise in news of the tibetian protests..
so what is it about this thing that has got me
watching youtube of all places for information?

well first of all.. its normal yeah?
that most people will take a greater interest
in that which has some or any impact on themselves
or anything that may be related to themselves
or even anything that involves people around them
we all like to be 'in the know'
we want to know what's happening around us
what potential social situations that may arise due to occurences
we wanna be informed
there's the thirst for knowledge
and well.. its MAJOR news.. supposedly..
its media.. the news companies wanna sell it

ok. so some how it has some relation to me?
well.. lets look:
(a) i'm chinese.
(b) i'm an overseas chinese.
(c) exposure to tibetian buddhism last year (i have an interest)
(d) im currently studying public health
(huh? well im studying socioeconomic determinants of health..
but yeah to do with income and social standing and influence..
and how it affects health..
but still.. socioeconomics :P)

ok.. still.
why am i watching youtube then?
coz of wow.. i love watching all these video claims of THE "truth"

where they range from:
- "Western Media Feeding Propoganda"
- "Truth of Tibet"
- "The Dalai Lama: does he have ulterior motives?"
- "Tibet is better under Chinese Rule: Tibet Prior 1950"
- "Tibet has always been and ALWAYS WILL BE a part of China"
- "Free Tibet from what?"


the statement that the average life expectancy
of tibetians was 35
and infant mortality was 43%
prior to chinese communist rule..
wow! well hello prior to chinese rule
it was NINETEEN FIFTIES
the conditions were much more different
its incomparable to the data nowadays
and please.. talking about data?
methodology? accuracy?

and below the poverty line?
think again how many other countries
were above it at that time?
was there even a poverty line that existed?

mm and the claim of "preservation" of tibetian culture
that i love a lot... the fact that...
buddhism is a very deep part of the culture
but due to communist atheism it seems to be trying to stamp it out
what with the destruction of many temples in the past
and with modernisation, social and economic development
through mining in the sacred mountain to the Tibetians

in the provision of infrastructure?
the 2006 completion of railway line to Lhasa
brought an influx of Chinese
and increased tension leading to greater protest
as living costs increased
due to higher demand in basic commodities
how do these improvements improve the livelihood of the Tibetian
where they are now a minority in their own country
feeling as second class citizens..
and for propoganda..?
why would protests occur unless a group of people
feel that they are being treated unfairly?

on the religious front..
the 2007 legislation deeming the reincarnation
of lamas to become "living buddhas"
as illegal unless with government permission
that is something that sounds completely RIDICULOUS
what right do they have in dabbling in another's religion...
let alone one they dont believe in..

education? that of "patriotic education"
where the people learn chinese..
but not their own language..
so where is the maintenance of traditions and beliefs?
if they cant learn their own language
isnt that an integral part of their culture and beliefs?
and religion? isnt that where
traditions and beliefs may also stem from?
where is the "maintenance" when
there are allegations that even lamas are
coerced to denounce the Dalai Lama
their own religious leader?

and last of all mixing politics with sport?
when you arent even allowed to choose
which country you wish to represent..
when they arent allowed to participate
under their own country
true.. the indiginous of Australia
dont participate as another country
but.. at the same time
what of the controversy when Cathay Freeman
ran her victory lap with the Aboriginal Flag?
it was an expression of her patriotism to her own country
(my point for this point?
i have not really any idea..
not that much interest in sport personally
tho i loved how the protesters
attempted to stage their own torch lighting
and their own relay..
that was cool.. too bad they didnt get to finish it
damnit.. i wanna see them have their own relay
just coz they cant participate!!)

and the comments?
oh i love reading them..
seeing how eagerly people then either extrememly agree
or strongly disagree
(but then again..
looking at what ive written..
its pretty much similar..?)
then a heated discussion errupts over a video
and how people state the video
they just watch "proved" something
and that they are the absoulte "truths"
by these "facts" presented to them
in a 3 or 4 minute video clip which edit
by cutting parts of speeches by political leaders
and pasting them together at particular times
to create juxtapositions to suit the claim

but yes..
after much reading...
that's about the belief ive taken..
after watching MANY of those clips..
and before that..
read up on a large number of news articles

hmmm..
now come to think of it...
where are those avian influenza notes?
oops..was meant to read them instead
got presentation on that coming up actually
for public health T.T
so yep..
till later
*hugs*

Fools Rush In.. Where Angels Fear To Tread.

i'm a fool..
that's pretty much a given
or more of..
most people probs realised that by now

but..
somewhere along the line..
ive realised that..
hmm
i like the concept of being misjudged
then after that..
loving the complaining and venting
for something to be able to vent about :P
and then on top of that
having the ability to disprove them
maybe i just like being right..
or i like disproving other's judgement
or..
i just hate being wrong.

late now..
nite nite
*hugs*

Not Again -.-

family dinner tonight..
family dinner?
get hyped up meeting n talking to people
get hyped up...
hyped up means random talk
random talk means.. lots of talk
lots of talk..
lots of talk means think through talk
think through talk means...
irreversible talk
irreversible talk means.
ah shit..
un-thought out sentences..

OR

sentences stated without consideration
of the world outside the current bubble im in
that im conversing with the other person.
people sitting right next to me get cut out
out of the lil sphere of focus..
and..
what does that lead to?
the potential to offend...
family? no worries..
they've hopefully realised its a bad habit
close friends?
try to save yourself digging a hole..
friend?
well.. still hole digging..
but a laugh anyways...
aquaintence!?
AH SHIT T.T
SHIT
SHIT
SHIT..
*sigh*

dinner tonight?
meet some cousin's current partners.
first impression.. *cries*

i really need to learn to think before i speak
or at least..
stop spewing random crap that i dont mean
that in reality in a normal convo
i wouldnt say coz its not what i usually think
its just words that come right out
that dont actually represent my point of view at all
just that it happened to cross my mind that way
at that particular moment..
possibly because of some particular
suppressed bitchy thought i may have had
to particular individuals over times in my life...

speak is speak..
un-re-eatable.. cant take them back as easily
my resolution i guess then for this year?
definately.. to LEARN TO THINK BEFORE I SPEAK..
if not.. then at least to keep my mouth shut
least about particular issues.

late now..
dinner n such.. -.-
nite nite
*hugs*
-Guilt-ridden Del

...

boredom..
it drives people to do a lotta strange things..
or.. just doing pointless things.

myself? i clearly remember in taiwan..
complaining about how bored i was one evening..
that i went to the extent of
attempting to write an essay in chinese..
about learning chinese..
thinking back i wonder if
i just missed blogging in general
the fact that i can write whatever the hell i like

meanwhilst..
im annoyed coz i lost
the new memory card i bought for my phone -.-
damnit.. and it took like 3 hours to find a decent price
for it too. after much discussion with stalls etc.
*sigh*
hopefully its somewhere in the house..
like tucked away in the corner of my bag or something
otherwise.. well guess someone in the room
i moved into on the last day has a new memory card
ah wells..

Home?

hmmm..
back home again.
and *bam* bout 2 weeks has gone by..
new years day flew by yesterday
but at the same time
it feels as if time isnt going fast enough for me.
i want uni to start again.
probs coz i dun wanna work anymore
its starting to get repetitive
like a lotta things
just like uni will turn out to be soon enough
but i just wanna go out i guess..

and on top of it all..
it's sorta bad that i see the customers day after day
for like a month plus and still..
completely have no idea who they are..
or.. have some idea but then call em the wrong name
-.-

sososo...
ever since i got back?
lol these days when get the chance to sit n think to myself
im pretty surprised to hear a bitta mando put in here n there.
but at the same time i guess its not that surprising.
sorta coz im not surrounded by chinese anymore
but im pretty sure that time'll change things
back to the way they were pretty soon
afterall...
give things a lil time and they adjust in time..
how else would you survive?

mm late now
nite nite
*hugs*

Quizzical.

*edit* yep finished it ^^
so my cousin's answers are no longer
the other half of the quiz

Yay! havent done one of these in ages..
and this time.. stolen off my cousin off facebook..
hmm looks like im moving forwards..
if more of these pop up there.
i wont have to look at friendster for any. :P

ok here i go :)

- Spell your name without vowels -
DL

- Whats your favorite number? -
6

- What color do you wear most? -
BLUE!! or.. black.

- Least favorite color? -
Green.

- Are you happy with your life right now? -
its pretty good.. despite the amount i complain :P

- Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity? -
mm yep.. some taiwanese one i think?
but lina looks more like her than i do

- What is your favorite class in school? -
well it was...
society n environment think it was..yep

- Do you shop at Hollister/Abercrombie/AE? -
no?

- How do you make money? -
i dont...

- Are you outgoing? -
potentially? but not usually

- One word to describe you? -
at the current moment?
sleepy. or complainy.

- Favorite pair of shoes? -
gotta say heels..
cept they're bad for you.

- Where are you right now? -
my room

- Where do you wish you were right now? -
asleep far far away in dream land.
but i cant be coz i just woke up

THE CANS:
- Can you blow a bubble? -
blow a bubble how?
liek with bubble mixture? or like gum?
well no to gum :(

- Can you dance? -
uh.. pretty much no..
just has some fun is enough :)

- Can you do a cart wheel? -
yep.

- Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth? -
um. doubt it.. ive never tried.

- Can you touch your toes? -
yep. tho it also depends on how im feeling
some days its easier... somedays not.

- Can you whistle? -
sorta. one note.. not songs tho.. cant change the pitch

- Can you wiggle your ears? -
Nope.

- Can you wiggle your nose? -
um sorta? like up n down yeah :D

THE DIDS:
- Did you ever get into a fist fight at school? -
No.

- Did you ever run away from home? -
No.

- Did you ever want to be a doctor? -
Yep.

- Did you ever want to be a fire fighter? -
Nope.

THE DOS:
- Do you know how to swim? -
mm yep. sorta a given here for most people

- Do you like roller coasters? -
YES! screaming condor all the way!!

- Do you own a bike? -
Yes. tho its sorta getting old.

- Do you think you could handle the stuff
they eat on those reality shows? -
uhhh.. probably not.

THE DOES:
- Does hair loss run through your family? -
hmm not quite sure bout that one.. :S

- Does your car get good gas mileage -
no i-dea.

- Does your family have family picnics? - mm well not really..
tho we do those bbqs once every once in a while...
ah miss those days so bad ^^

THE HAVES:
- Have you ever been on a plane? -
Yep.

- Have you ever been asked out by someone? -
Yes.

- Have you ever been to the ocean? -
Yes.

- Have you ever gone fishing? -
once when i was little.. but i cant remember anymore
i do clearly remember going crabbing a few times tho ;P

- Have you ever painted your nails? -
yes. something i do pretty often nowadays..
when i can be bothered to

THE HOWS:
- How tall are you? -
im a midget. let's leave it at that :D

- How much cash do you have on you right now? -
$0.01 mhmm :P

THE LASTS:
- Last thing you said out loud? -
mhmm.. yep.

- Last thing someone said to you? -
Go to sleep.

=======================

THE WHATS:
- What are you listening to? -
the whirr-ing of my computer..
hmm maybe i should put some music on...

- What is the temperature outside? -
somewhere in the high twenties?

- What radio station do you listen to? -
used to listen to nova.

- What was the last restaurant you ate at? -
pancake house!!

- What was the last thing you bought? -
food? oh! tiramisu

- What was the last thing you had to drink? -
Sarsparilla. mmm ^^

- What was the last thing on TV you watched? -
a snippet of 'so you think you can dance' ? :S not sure..
just walked past when lina was watching.

CRYING SECTION:
- Ever really cried your heart out? -
probs a yes.

- Ever cried yourself to sleep? -
happened before.

- Ever cried on your friend's shoulder? -
yep. that was a messy job.

- Ever cried over the opposite sex? -
that'd have to be a no.

- Do you cry when you get an injury? -
nope?

- Do certain songs make you cry? -
nope but some can make me feel sad. :(

- Do certain movies make you cry? -
yep. but love those movies ^^... not for the crying tho

HAPPY SECTION:
- Are you a happy person? -
i think so.. at times :)

- What can make you happy? -
family. (belle's included in family :P)
friends.
food.
fun.
mmm..
HUGS!

- Do you wish you were happier? -
isnt being happy sorta up to you?
mm im happy with now..
but nothing wrong with being happier
lol as long as it doesnt mean having bigger lows :P

- Is being happy overrated? -
no..? i dun think? :S

- Can music make you happy? -
HELL YES! :P

LOVE SECTION:
- How many times have you had your heart broken? -
hmmm... no comment :)

- Have you ever loved someone
so much that you'd die for them? -
um.. probs not.. as of yet

- Has anyone besides your friends
and family ever said 'I love you' to you? -
yes. ^^

HATE SECTION:
- Do you actually hate anyone? -
mm possibly... im still trying to decide
whether its a strong dislike..
or a total loathing...
somehow i read the latter.. so then. yes. sadly.

- Ever made a hate list? -
nope. i dont think i have
enough people to make a proper list

SELF ESTEEM SECTION:
- Is your self-esteem extremely low? -
i wouldnt say extremely low
but. it does dip downwards sometimes

- Do you believe in yourself? -
on those random days when
i wake up on the right side of the bed
yep :D

- Are you good looking? -
mmm.. i'd say average? :)

- Do you wish you could be someone else? -
no. but i wouldnt mind if somethings of the past
didnt happen the way they did.

LOOK AT ME:
What is your current hair?
black.. and BLUE!!

- Piercings? -
ears.

- Have any tattoos? -
nope. i do think bout the possibilities sometimes
but dunno bout it.

HAVE YOU EVER:
- Hugged someone? -
yep. love hugs ^^

- Been on the phone until the sun came up? -
on the fone for ages? yep.
tho not till sun came up..

- Laughed so hard you peed in your pants? -
mmm.. no.

- Laughed so hard you cried? -
yes.

- Got in a fight with someone? -
yes. when i was little..
and yes. with my sister :S
but not violence fighting.. no.

THE LAST:
- Person you talked to in person? -
My mummy :)

- Person you talked to online? -
Li-Ming.

- Person you talked to on the phone? -
mummy. again.

- Person you hugged? -
my grandpa.

- Time you had a shower? -
this morning.

RANDOM.
- What kind of shampoo do you use? -
some strange tea tree one atm. :S
think its called st. alberto or something?

- Do you get along with your parents? -
i'd say so yep. for most of the time..
tho me n mum in the car isnt a good combo

- Do you have mental breakdowns? -
mm not exactly tho i'd say i was somewhere near that
way back in yr 12

- Did you ever tell your parents you didn't feel good
so you didn't have to go to school? -
mm.. yes.
tho back in primary school...
my parents would just decide
on somedays that i should have a day off
so they just didnt wake me up in the morning
ah.. those were the days :P
tho sometimes i wonder nowadays
if it was just coz they cbb sending me to school :S

CURRENT:
- Current mood -
bleck?

- Current music -
nothing as of yet..

- Current hair style -
hair down...?

- Current crush -
- no comment -

- Current windows open -
itunes - bout to pick a song..
msn - who's online?
facebook - -.-

- Current desktop picture? -
inverse colour of toy puppies..
mm i took that pic ages ago..
back when i was obsessed with them
coz i bought em from the volunteer place i was working at

- Current book -
dont read much anymores..
but i started the jane austen - mansfield park
a while ago..
yet to continue..

Home Sweet Home.

Finally typing from a place where
i can flush tissue down the toilet :P
im happy to be home again ^^

BUT..

missing everyone heaps

Taiwan-ing

ok.
so this title was started ages ago
with the thing benig blank for weeks on end.
supposedly i was gonna post during my time here
but then again time flew too quickly

========================================
and so around this time if i were back home
i would be trying to rush an attempt at a yearly recap
of which.. not likely to happen since i am where i am
so what have i gotten up to?
a large range of things..
well in the end if you recap it all.. the gist would be...
not very much

bleh.

so once again i seem to have something
that i should be doing. and here i am typing.
i need to pack. but what do i need to pack?
other than clothes n toiletries stuffs?
hmm cant think of anything else.. i is stuck.

n im also sitting here on msn
and i think about it. but was it always like this?
i always sit here waiting for someone to talk to?
since i first started using msn?
back how long ago would that have been?
yr 8? that makes it 6ish years?
that ive like whittled away time just sitting in a spot
not thinking about anything in particular
just jumpin from page to page
waiting waiting waiting
for someone to turn their thoughts this way..
but in the same thought.
why not just reach out through the dark..?

meanwhilst..
Christmas is nearly here..
and another year gone round.
this time last yr what was it?
but the anxious nerves about how i'd went
wondering where my exam results would take me
whether my educational side of life
would end? would detour? or just continue on?
just another milestone or feather to the cap?

times just go by

=============================================

well that's it then i guess
typing from a whole nother country..
its like a split post..
meh.
leave it here so i can start a fresh

Muted Glory.

so how's my post examic life?
other than the rantful post time before.
life has pretty much been quiet
many more rants. but its exhausting to type.
with work. then home. food making. chat n anime then sleep.
to be up again the next day to repeat the cycle all over again
there goes 2 weeks of my hols.
by the end of the day
i wonder 'when are the hols gonna start?'
to realise im supposedly living em now.

======================================================

so.
by now exam results are out.
for those of us willing to know
about how our academic year went.
so yep. and with that marks the complete end
of an entire uni year. results are out.
n what's left but to enrol?
or apply for graduation?
but. for me that's years yet to come.

and yet i cant believe it.
this time last yr was bout the time
when i suggested that there's nothing left to blog about.
well yeah in a way sometimes it feels like its true
other times you realise that once again you're thrust
into yet another new situation.
or more of one just like before.
but seemingly much more complex
or just the same cept for once
you're considering and exploring
more possible sides to the same coin...

so yes. usually bloggings of mine
occur when im procratting for something
well either that or im feeling bit on the emotional side.
n what is it now? its supposed to be packing.
yep im jetsetting away overseas in a few days.
mm something like in 2ish days?

mm end of my first year of uni
n its around this time.
when we're nearing the end of the year
that with the reflexions you'd think
there'd the be possibilities of highlights
n recaps. i wanna do that. but.
with the amount of time i have at the moment
it doesnt exactly look that likely.
and somehow.. along the way.
there seems to be the feeling of leaving the past
for whatever it just is. as you move forward
on to the next day, in the new rising of the sun
that there will be time n hope yet to change
the course we've taken in the past.

but how is it that you can choose wisely
without reflecting? its the experience we gain
that guide us along. as well as the adivise of peers
which give us direction. if we choose to heed.

to excite takes effort.
but in the highs of euphoria.
there will come a time of a fall
is it better to live the constant?
or to rise n fall?
in the end the interweaving of choices
that both we and those that exist in our world
that shape what will occur in the end
as you may tangle threads
to a form which in an abstract form
which could be beautiful beyond expression
in the same breath break apart
just cut it at some point or unwind
and the entire form may crumble
(hmm somehow a tangle of threads dont exactly
form a pretty picture in my mind.
but maybe its just
my un-arty un-abstracty appreciative mind
unless its sorta like a spiderweb or something)

why is it..
that are minds can become so focused on negatives?
that despite the possibly overwhelming praises over time
for all that believe and support.
that the words of one.
who shouldn't even matter
seem to be able to affect so harshly?
is it that our beliefs are possibly threatened?
in my days where the majority of comments
are predominantly positive.
how is it..
how can it just be that
words of what should be insignificant
have such a greater blow n effect?
is it not just in the mind?
so why the focus there despite
the unwillingness to believe
those nonsensical words in the first place?
is it that despite what i choose to believe
that im among those of today.
who were raised in the cottonball world?

i mean really...
sesame street rated for 'adults-only'
-.- gees.
yes. its true that some of the possible readings
may give the child viewers bad social influence
such as the 'mean-ness' of oscar the grouch
but should the child not be able to learn
in their time to be able
to distinguish the good from the bad?
instead of the cushioning of viewing restrictions
and ernie and bert sleeping the same bed
suggesting homosexuality...?
cmon they're kids.
is this not suggesting that the minds of those rating these
may possibly either have gutter minds
and disapprove of homosexuality?
or just the fact that they're so old
that they've lost the ability
to think from an innocent point of view
OR. im just underestimating the minds of the young these days

can it be..
that also in the rush-rush world we live in now
that the only company children have anymore
stems from their friends and the tv?
that if isolated from the friends.
that in the end you just end up being isolated
and for those who experience this alienation
and ostricisation to an extreme
curl up in the deepest dankest corners of our rooms
lock ourselves there and cry to sleep?
where is the interaction once you lose the friends?
espcially now with possibilities opening up
such as the ability to drop children off
at earlier ages such as 2 or 3 at private schools
at 6:45 - 7am where they have the facilities
and not pick them up till 6pm coz its just too busy at work.

where.
there give a language barrier
the lack of individual attention
competition for food, toys and whatever other items
you have instant clingy child
that suddenly has no ability to socialise
without the parents around and even at that
with the insecure attachment cry
everytime a stranger enters the room and looks at them

anyways
its late.
and for what i thought was the end of work for the year
became a call in for work for morning shift tomorrow
i shall call it a night
nite nite
*hugs*

Service with a Smile...?

if you've nothing nice to say.
don't say anything at all.
(least not in front of that person)

if you're really determined to 'constructively' critisize
don't even try to unless you
at least have some first have some understanding of the person

grr.
annoying person

*edit: annoying customer to be more exact.

Only Coz I Have To... *sigh*

sometimes i wonder
is it really that the simple tasks i expect
is it really true that some simple tasks
are really that hard or complex to complete?
but.
as it is things are easy to say
but not as easy to do

work work work.
with the majority of my days taken up with work as of late
so my highlight of the week or so?

A FLUTTERBY!!

no. i mean a butterfly
but flutterby sounds nice too ^^
not like one of those cabbage moths
but like the orange n black coloured ones
so pretty ^^
n it was flying around in the shop

A 26-inch LCD tv!

it came in the mail O.o
and was addressed to my dad
wow :)
we now have a nice tv for the lounge

and..
i cant remember anything else.
cept the down points..

i feel like a parrot
repeating the same words over n over again
i could change i guess
but that would have to mean
i have to scavenge for some creative brain cell
and to get it working..
which is too much effort.
esp when it seems like
the people just wanna pay n get outta there asap
coz they've got better stuff to be doing than to talk to me.

the amazing ability of customers
to arrive in bursts of people at a time
and all decide to queue up at the same time..
it couldnt just be like some constant flow of people?
no.
it has to be those rush hour peak traffic jams.
and with two counters
and only me working.
yes ONE staff and no one else able to talk english
or work the freaking machines.
the line gets damned long.

grumpy customers.
what am i doing on a beautiful sunday arvo
the day before?
stuck in the shop whilst my mum, dad n sister
go out somewhere -.-
so as usual random burst of people
but.. you know usually everyone's in a hurry
so when you see a customer with like a truck load of stuff
and everyone else wiht like one or two items
and mind you once again
there is no such thing as 'express lane'
as im the only person working.
you'd kindly ask if you could put the other people through first?
but NO. what do i get?
snapped at by the freakign person
complaining that 'they waited AGES already'
oh ok fine. i'll just put your truckload of stuff through
and let people with one or two items suffer
n wait just as you did.
or.. after waiting all that time..
is it really such a bad thing to wait for 3 or 4 people
being bettwen 3-8 items put through just before you?
ah well.. fine take it that they're in a hurry

everything goes through
n time passes by.
and you know what? what do i find later that day?
in the span of 5 hours..
i see the person at least TWO more times
seriously... if you were in such a rush
have they NOTHING better to do
than spend their time BROWSING
not picking something up coz 'oops they forgot'
but BROWSING LEISURELY in the store
to buy another few truckload of groceries
gees.. coulda just let me put the people's items through
instead of holding an entire queue up to let people build up.

queues building up.
you know i had an entire line of people today
where EVERY SINGLE PERSON just paid by card..
that's actually interesting you know?
like how much more cards are used these days
and then you see the utter frustration
when they realise there's the minimum spending for eftpos
and that holds up queues too

and money?
omg. what amazes me most about that
is the customer's continual ability to sprout 50 notes.
ok it makes sense if you buy like round 48 dollars worth of stuff
but when its like a carton of milk
which is like around $1.80
and you give a 50 note.. its liek O.o
i have to give change for THAT?!
and lunch?
yeah its like all i see is 50 notes then
and what is it? usually around $5
so its always 40+ change
*sigh*
and the funny thing is?
its the same people over and over and over again
what do they do? withdraw money everyday?
or is it like payday everyday? :P
sad thing is with all the 50 notes
looking in the till you think
'wow so much money today'
but then you think about all the times
that you had to give out change of all those twenties
its just like.. oh. that was like. nothing
its just a whole bunch of change i had before i started anyways.
ah well.

the vegie guy.
the vegie guy is getting on my nerves.
with the walls of a language barrier present
in his broken english and his habits
ive grown for a reasonable disliking of him.
he is driving me insane.
what with the vocab of 'give me...'
and the need of toilet training
and the translation of the smoking law to him
i feel like i cant work in these conditions
thank god he works at the back
n me out the front.
otherwise id be on the verge of quitting
no. probably not. i could probs bear it
and im just exaggerating
but please.
is there really a need to smoke whilst indoors
whilst you're working
despite the fact that hello it's also currently illegal.
least i think it is by now isnt it?
and toilet training?
oh im not even gonna go there
but let's just leave it to the fact that
i dont even go near the work toilet anymore
not like i could since then
there's no one there to work otherwise
*sigh*

but guess what?
ITS MANGO SEASON!
yummy!
buuuutttt.. you already knew that didnt you :P
gotta love summer for that
a lady came in today
to by her second 10kg box of mangoes.
last time i saw her was last week
O.o she's bought 20kg of manges in 2 weeks
sheeet!

anyways
nite nite
*hugs*

Footprints on the Earth...

you know what that reminds me of?
that quiz thing..
bout being enviro friendly.
but.
no that's not what i was thinking about.

i was thinking about the impact one has on others
on the people around you
and their effect on you.
in a matter of words
or the lack thereof.
may either person's world as they know it
may disappear
or lay beneath their feet as they're on top of the world

and what more?
the fact that alot of what may be said now
can be through just the words
the message conveyed is only transmitted through technology
these shaped symbols that create represent something
these letters which form words which form texts.

simple as that
sent in some way or the other.
in a moment of emotion the sender clicks send
and the receipient receives

what is sent is rarely revised and reread
yet for the reader.
the same few lines are read over and over again
trying to apprehend the overall intended meaning

was that what they literally meant?
was it just figuratively speaking?
was that just drenched and dripping with sarcastic venom?

believe what you want to believe
but in the writing. all can be read vertabim
over and over and over again.
exactly as they may have
carelessly strung together the sentence.

so just a word.
despite the many precautions given
despite the repetition
despite the fact that we know it is so
we still commit the crime
at least i know i do.
ive never been a wordsmith
never been one to craft my speech
or carefully chosen my vocab

but being the receipent
im reminded again..
time and time again.

it hurts.

mm that's it for now
nite nite
*hugs*

A Rose By Any Other Name Would Smell Just As Sweet.

BUT..
money n cigarrettes just stink.

mm yes its at work
tho then again.
everytime a customer buys mangoes
im reminded once again of the smell of mangoes
as a thought is thrown in that direction
mm mangoes ^^

anyways.
that's it for now.
nite nite.

Wanderlust... Wandering Lust? Or Lust for Wandering..?

Free At LAST!!
As usual.
post exam brings great relief :)
im so happy! not another thought about uni.
well till the week before exam results are released..
gotta worry bout re-enrolement and results ><
till then I HAVE TIME!

of which. Wanderlust - the love of travel ^^
hmm more correctly the 'lust' for travel.
i like to travel
fun!! but at the same time..
the people that are left back home
hmmm coulda spent that time with them instead?
opportunity cost!!
somehow that's the only thing i remember from econs
:S

dum di dum.
why blank now?
:(

hmm people say that don't write down
what you dont want the world to know..
lol oh well somehow i've a feeling
this is gonna turn around and bite me
in the butt sooner or later.
but still i like to blog :)

yay i found another blogskin i wouldnt mind using
too bad. like the first one
when i place it in the text positioning is screwed up -.-
ah well. i think ive managed work out why
now i just gotta edit it till it fits.
work in progress...

out i go
c ya later
*hugs*

Exam...?!?

ONE MORE FREAKING EXAM LEFT! :)
hmm
that means that:

a) i survived consecutive days of attempted early morning crams

b) random sleep times when i wanted to study
and wanting to study when i should be sleeping

c) walking around in sunshine again !!
well actually started
when i had to get to uni to TAKE the exams

d) still have to cram for tomorrow's -.-

e) am utterly gonna fail tomorrow's
coz unlike the previous three..
i actually had background so study sorta made sense
and if it wasnt enough i spent more time on it
-.- MBC...
where as this is total memorisation of shapes
n lines. and then an arrow. then more lines O.o
and some how work out the short answers..
which means.. either i know it or.. FAIL *sigh*

f) im waiting for songs
but in amongst lecture slide downloading
of the freaking chem site.. coz of anti-webCT-ing lecturer
is taking forever. as it seems to be
even if IM THE ONLY ONE AT HOME
the fastest possible rate of loading is like 10kb/s
*sigh*
ive read half a book today waiting for lecture slides to load
but now i cant put the book down ><

g) ive started dreaming again.
since i havent had to stress about waking up early
and just spending the precious time in Non-REM sleep.
anyways. yes dreams plaguing me atm >< not good
mayhap i'll talk bout them later??

h) my eating patterns are finally
starting to resemble one of a normal person
unlike at least the last week or more where i sorta became
some bottomless-pit-where-food-disappears-into

and all that
for just a 3 day break from the last exams
hmmm

bleh its late and i need sleep to
wake up early tomorrow morning for another round
of early morning cram ><

nite nite
*hugs*

A Walk Down Old Drafts' Lane...

Warning: EXTREMELY LONG POST

ok.
was considering blogging
but then thinking about it..
i was like

'since i dont have a point
i wont actually get an actual post done
and then in that case..
it'll probs save as a draft..
and like a number of drafts of mine.
it'll just rot away to eternity
coz by the time too much time passes
i wont even remember the reasoning behind
what i was writing about..'

and it was at that moment.
that i thought about all the draft posts i ever had
and thought..
bout time to fix it up huh?
why not 'write' that wrong? :P
(yes sad n lame. but i need reasons to be happy ok?)

so here it is..
ALL the draft posts that have been sitting away
in my 'dashboard' awaiting some TLC.
well more of ive only chosen the ones
that were in at least some substantial length..
2 lines woulda been just too pointless...
so yep. here it is..
cant really say 'enjoy' but more of..

'for your procratty behaviour..
now i present to you....
A Walk Down Old Draft's Lane'

hmmm -.- is someone avoiding chem study or what?
meanwhilst do mind that some of these were written
AGES ago. so some opinions expressed
MAY or MAY NOT reflect what i think now :)

Long W/E
19 May 2005 @ 23:27
long w/e and exams are coming up so quick..
and thanx 2 gar who reminded me practicalli..
tho u do sorta understand there are things that i choose 2 do in an attempt 2 get mi mind OFF exams..
tho good point both waiz..

i cant remember bout last week..
but i wanna rite bout it >.<
oh well..
i can bearly remember tha w/e...

there wz that pipe thingy that burst near tha freeway..
so liek tha drive 4m tha ct 2 freo wz like 3 hours...
poor ppl stuck in traffic...
and it also meant 4 me that same fri nite wen i had tha music concert..
and afta an hour in tha traffic onli got like 1/4 of tha way 2 skool..
and like our performance wz like 3rd..
so didnt make it on time...
so turned tha car round and drove 2 ct...
went shopping 4 mi mum..
found her a nice suit thingy ^^

next day wz tha wedding thing..
seriously in mi whole life..
i conclude i havent been 2 a wedding thats been LESS organised -.-"
it seemed like there wz no expense or thought put in...
tho that coulda been jus a lil ceremony thing that they didnt care bout..
but i guess i grew up learning that wedding is a whole BIG day..
and like its a day that should be remembered 4 tha couple..

tha expense side i couldnt realli comment on since like ppl have different financial statuses.. but i mean they were SO disorganised.. -.-"

and one of tha funniest thingz in tha morning wz like coz they were so disorganised they didnt have liek those red pin on tags on them that like say in chinese "bride" or "groom" or like "mother in law" etc.. wen mi dad came..
(he wz MC btw) and since hez realli serious wen it comes 2 customs and stuff..
so he goes 2 them go buy them coz like it would help 2 identify who is who...

so they send some1 off 2 buy em..
wen they come bak afta a huge rush and give it 2 tha ppl..
mi dad looks at em and is like stunned and i go ova 2 look at watz so weird
and i cracked up..
they had bought 2 "groom" name things lol..
i mean u get a "bride" and "groom" not 2 "grooms"
unless they were gay..
but not tha case at this wedding

=====================================
continuation Sat 25 June..
k.. i cant remember tha fine details of that wedding ne more...
let alone most of tha stuff in that w/e..
but.. ill jus do it off tha top of mi head..
umm..
the groom wz then late...
we all went 2 bride's house..
had a lil talk thingy..
then went bak 2 tha groom's house..
where they had invited a priest 2 do tah ceremony at tha house..

afta there were some char siu buns passed round..
and i think a realli rude thing wz...
like coz tha bride's side wz christian..
and tha groom's side wz...
umm dunno but they had tah whole kitchen god.. and land god etc..
dunno wat 2 call religion..

ne waiz...
tha bride's maids.. since they were bz all morning..
so once they saw tha plate of buns..
they like started 2 grab em..
then jus b4 ne of them ate 1..
one of tha bride's maids said:

"wait.. i think they mite have been offered [as in 2 tha kitchen god etc]"

and straight away..
they jus like dropped tha buns bak on tha plate...
-.-"

i mean it wz offered 4 u 2 eat..
and its jus a suspicion..
ok i understand that yeah itz your religionz n what not
but cmon ure hungry and itz food.
you BIT it ALREADY too late huh?!
haiz food gone to waste

The Visiting of My Muse...
7 September 2005 @ 21:35
well my muse visited me..
and i now have somethin 2 vent bout..
tho personally its NOT such a good thing..

i mean..
i have found..
well not exactly found since i didnt discover it..
but more of i have concluded that...
my parent's alternative to the tv..
and internet (well not that they use it)
would be...
THE...
RADIO
not really surprisin i noe...
since tvs and radios and the net are VV new...

but im really not talkin bout the normal radio..
and the radio stations at that..
but of the lil black 1 my mum recently got..
its like an A5 sized black box with an extended antenna
and it is portble as well..
pretty old you think..?

well the main thing..
is that it broadcasts vietnamese TWENTY-FOUR/SEVEN
...
which means its on at home..
its on when my mum's at work..
its ALSO on in the car...

well my mum is enjoyin it heaps..
since she keeps listenin to it...
and lately theres sorta been less scoldings..
less comments on stuff...
good eh...?
uh uh..
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
couldnt ever be more wrong..
now its like "later on adela"
-.-"
eg..

after school today..
*mum picks me up..
radio is on in the car..*
me: afternoon mum
mum: good afternoon della
me:how was your day?
mum:shh della im listening..
ask me later
*later on*
me:mum, can i..?
mum: SHHH! the radio! its important
me: -.- *thinks: again still?*

[Untitled]
27 April 2006 @ 22:54
hmm
waht to say?
wanted to post so yeah..
here it is..
well not really since theres nothing actually posted..

mm what're the thoughts on those mobile/child GPS ?!
well the deal is..
designed by some mobile company i think it was..
its a combination of a GPS and a mobile..
the parent gets a fone and the child gets a fone..

pro: child gets fone living in the materialistic world we are in..

and then..
whenever the parent choses..
they can look up where their child is by assuming that's where their fone is..

you know what's crappy?!?
having any form of conscience....
it can really screw your mind up..
esp when you think too much..
OR.
you live in a world where you cannot sleep..
coz all you can bloody do is lie round thinking..
what if this...? what if that...?
its this god damn bloody .... cloud of doubt..
just this thing..
taht bloody keeps me up..
and if its not one thing its another..
*sigh*

====================================
yet again a leftover post..
from like 4 days ago..
school starts tomoz..
and yeah i wanna see my friends..
no i havent gotten any work done yet -.-
and exams in 3 weeks ><
of whichi i dont even know what i have due in tomoz
since i lost my diary -.-
mm and the fact that my ipod's frozen
and my sister just left this morning :(
no not lina, Julia

on that note..
its a wonder why my parents wont let me learn to drive yet..
well not really
since i know a major factor is the fact that
they believe if you let kids learn to drive to early..
they'll have more freedom to go off anytime they like..

TROY Story...
2 July 2006 @ 17:16
With a spark of creativity..
prob an absence of del's personal voice..
and just a hint of prcrasintation..
(well lets just say my last lil fun bit
before i get into a week of endless stress)

i present to you..
a recount of Friday in...

*drum rolls*

Troy Story!!

Once upon a time...
in a land far away..
the female kingdom of MLC
all migrated to a great stadium for a day of "fun and games"

Divided into 6 different teams according to each one's characteristics..
the population including its supervisors

and one strange particular individual..
who will remain un-named.. :P
(shown below)



barracked for all of the teams in a bid to feel happy
no matter who won..

she belonged to the tribe of Troy



and it is today that we unravel the story of the Troy Tribe..

*starting from here on is an official continuation..
of a masterpiece.. minus the master that was started bout 2 or 3 weeks ago*

on this particular year,
there were a number of particular themes

Shades of Grey...
19 September 2006 @ 17:13
You know..
really on the ending weeks of term 3 classes..
i found it strange that i was feeling skeptical
n sentimental over things during H BIO...
well its just so strange being h bio that i even felt that way..

disillusioned...
ever think back n reflect..
where the memories of the past..
what seemed so happy back then seems
all suddenly like a bunch of falseness?

I Sound Like.. WHO!?!
9 March 2007 @ 07:20
with the supposed belief
that girls like guys who are like their dads
and guys like girls who are like their mums
some complex or the other..
i was thinking about it and realised
is it really suprising we sooner or later
end up taking up things from either of our parents?

if you think about it
what you choose to do is reflective
of either similar to what your parents believed
and taught to you
the complete opposite
or a mixture of both
coz like what are the other possible choices?
me for one
i never realised there are those characteristics
until i stopped.. and actually thought
why the heck did i do that?!
or
why the heck did i say that?!

=============================

the above being written about 14 days ago..
OMG about what? only two weeks ago?
jeez time flies > <
i cant even remember 2 weeks ago
seems sorta too normalised

guess im really enjoying uni then
not really any other explaination to it otherwise

=============================

and on to the above add yet another 3 days

mmhmm yep.
that's the load of it.
tho some of them sorta ended really abruptly
hmm 'abruptly' i dont like that word..
i have like pronounciation difficulties with it
i guess it sorta feels better now that they're published
or least going to be published
but still cant erase the whole 'drafts' words from my list
coz i just copied n pasted
n not actually pressed publish for each one
hmm maybe i should go back n delete them?
then it'll look all pretty again
coz then the list of posts shall not have this bright
ORANGE standing out word that reminds me of business left undone.
tho really why does that bother me..
i do have a lotta unfinished business in general..
hmm a lot of it to do with studies too :S
ah well.
it suggests that i enjoy blogging more than study maybe?
i think so *nods*

you know.
i got up this morning..
and realised something.
the further along i get with my exam cram
the more books that start appearing on my bed
so far for every exam finished..
another textbook appears on my bed..
lol i think it was more of
'get outta my sight now that i'm done with you' :P
but yeah.. that meant that there was SO much space
on my desk this morning
i was like whoa!!
then looked at my bed and sorta.. yeah
sorta explained to me why my desk is near empty.

somehow.
im still amazed at how
a few hours before each exam i've had
i just sit there eager for the exam to start
its not like i know the stuff.
ive just crammed it..
so the likelihood of getting a satisfying mark for it
is like super low
but i actually couldnt wait for exams TO start.
and funny that.
im dreading the end of exams coz it means work...
huh.. how am i gonna deal with work after study?
if i am already dreading working now
and looking forwards to exams?
i think my brain has been scrambled..
dont you??

dum di dum.
im waiting for my chem lecture slides to load.
coz there's no such thing as ilecture for chem unit
damnit.
but on the plus at least i have the textbook to read outta
lol last time i was studying chem (mid sems)
my mum came in and looked at what i was studying
and goes 'how bout i test you on your unit k?'
surprised that my mum said that im like 'oh ok sure'
she closed my book
picked it up..
pointed at the picture of the flower on the cover of my textbook
and asked me...

'what type of flower is that?'

-.-"
i seriously stood there dumbfounded.
flower yes prettiful
flower name.. no idea?
studying chem. dont care bout flower
yes?
flower name not going to be tested..
somehow after that i decided
i think she was meaning to cheer me up
not actually help me with study...
ah well..

Black, Black Heart.
that's the song that's stuck in my head atm.
oh thinking about blackness.
i found a layout im happy with already..
actually two
BUT. the annoying thing..
is one is the clicky 4 box type
where you have to click them to go to different things
liek tagbox n the actual posts
n i dont like em so that one's out
and the other one..
which should actually be no problem with
im having troubles applying
coz everytime i do
the text just covers each other
and that's just from copying
and pasting the template over..
so i gotta work that out first
*sigh* troublesome.
but its pretty ^^
so until i find an alternative
ill just have to solve the prob
which is most likely to take forever..
damnit..
but then again
im also considering just why not use an old layout?
something from before?
but hmmm.. :S
not happy with anything just yet

thinking about it
after this chem exam.
its *poof* end of first yr uni.
its like whoa.
mm i still wanna get one of those uni hoodies tho..
i didnt actually end up getting round to buying one
lol i remember back in highschool seeing them
and wanting one..
and now i have the chance to.. i guess
just yet to take it.

hmm
why is it and how is it..
that people can bitch bout others so easily sometimes
i'd say i hate it like most people
and in the same breath i guess i do have to admit it that
yes i do commit the very same sin
and sometimes
i wonder how i end up coming across to others
like how i appear.. in what i do
coz for all i know
it could be aloof, friendly, closed in or just plain bitchy
n i wouldnt know.
but sometimes
when you sit down n chat in places busy with people
rushing or walking casually past
you can see.. in their air n posture
the goal oriented
the confidence
the relaxed
the happy
the sad
the sloth-like
just making their way along
just coz they have to. or coz they want to
and it just seems to roll off them in waves

sometimes its just the confidence in someone's stride
that makes you think that they're having the best of their time
enjoying what they're doing and getting along with their life
but in the same thought. i think about..
is that really what's happening? is that their entire life
encapsulated and summarised in a single walking style?
what's on their mind atm?
is it coz of their thoughts that they walk that way?
or is it another thing? is there a particular reason behind it?

and in the sight of meeting someone
from the past all over again
is it time that changes the person?
or the actual perception that's changed?
did their opinion change?
was it just the memory that's rough around the edges
or the fixedness of the memory of the person
being projected onto the person as an ideal
of what they're meant to do n say..
what's the predicted response and such
so have i really changed? or was it just you?
did you ever even know me for who i am?
that this me that's still here's the same
yet the different setting gives you the different perception?
or dont you remember me at all?
the fact that what you supposed to think i was
wasnt that at all and the memory created
is just another ideal that's fused with memory?
or the assumption that with the passing of time
ive just been stereotyped into a whole new category..
or..
could it just be the reaction to the person in general
for sometimes what you think you know
just may not be as major as you thought i was
nothing but a miniscule detail
just as you scratch the surface of something
its then that you realise
that maybe. you dont know a damned thing at all
or the fact that in the end
the conclusion came to oh so long ago
really was right
that the reason for association
was just one of convenience?

hmm
listening to music these days
i realised that along with the onset of exams
i miss my voice lessons
the day in which i looked foward to the hour arvo session
where i actually worked on a piece of music
actually take it seriously
ensuring i sang each note correctly
working on getting the expression right
not like higgledy piggledy nowadays
a random one off shot
but repeating and refining

oh guess what?
its rememberance day too.
hmm i totally forgot bout any
special days anymores
since i dont keep track with a diary
i look at reasonably constantly or what not
so yeah..
a min's silence *looks down in silence*
tho it sorta was a bit late
since its no longer the 11th hour.
ah well the thought that counts *nods*

i think that's it for now.
enjoy the day..
*hugs*