That's... That's.. That's Absolutely SCANDALOUS!

standards.
that's what i wanna talk about
and with that sorta start
i wonder if i'll be able to keep on track?
hmm a test on standards for my own blog?
is it lack of assessments as of yet?
or am i just bored?
i think i'll stick with bored....
i dunno why i would willingly take
academic assessments in the first place
(least not for any pointless reason)

==========================================

rain rain rain..
its been raining quite a bit lately
and well within the time frame of a week
2 brella's gone *tear*
now i gotta go find a new one
tho using my sister's for the moment i guess

tho with the rain
and combine that with 2 hour breaks
to walk around a bit
i guess sometimes i can afford a thought or two

tho about thoughts..
a q came mind..
like when you think..
you sorta have your own voice in your head
and it speaks yeah? like mentally
you hear a voice which most would deem
as the conscious or like the state of being conscious
then like...
what would it be like.
if you're deaf or mute?
like we hear ourselves
coz we comprehend what we say as we grew up
learning by associating things and concepts with sounds
like you name and label things..
so what would it be like to be in the mind
of someone who grew up deaf or mute
there are no sounds to associate
you've never heard them
would everything then...
be in the labelling of visuals?
like the thoughts we have
just come up as a series of sentences
inside our minds? sorta like some person
typing way in your line of vision?

and what of those like helen keller?
that are deaf AND blind?
tho for her the case was that it was after fever
but there wouldnt be much recollection
before the damage anyways
so what would it be like?

since the thinking process as we know it
well to be more precise.. as i know it
is basically what you're reading..

==================================================

ok...
so the morning i after i wrote the above..
we were on to thought of children
which is sorta similar
but only slightly..

bleh. time to publish or i'll never start new
or write anything at all.

nite
*hugs*

Every Second, A Step Closer to the Edge.

the whole week's gone by
sometimes you dont realise
how the minor details just flutter away
and you're in a whole new day the very next moment

i was thinking about beliefs
what do you believe in?
in my utter boredom
i decided to crack open my chem lab manual
to take a sneak peek at what's to come on mon's lab
and to my great astonishment (not really)
there lay my answers.
i knew i could always count on chem :P

Believe nothing,
No matter where you readit,
Or who said it,
No matter if I have said it,
Unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense
-Buddha

it could be like my bible equiv to the world..
wow.

well as people know.
resto's up and running again
for the last month nearly
and with the new opening came a review from the post
everything was pretty much rated excellently
cept for the fact that "service" and "ambience"
scored pretty lowly
around 2 or 3 outta 5
esp with being understaffed
im back to help out 2 hours every night
i think? :S not sure yet..

first evening back to work tonight.
nothing speccy i guess..
would have nothing to blog about
all until i got snapped at.
tho i guess its probs mostly me being annoyed
at being snapped at that im writing this
as well as sorta the principle behind it.
maybe she was having a crappy day too..
i dunno. multiple variables

served up a dish.
and well for most people who eat a diff cuisine
they come for something different
yeah makes sense?
its sorta like part of different culture learning yeah?
its like eat chinese with chopsticks
and well western cuisine with knife and fork?
and other ones with just your hands
its just like another element
to eating a different cuisine yeah?
sorta learning and enjoying the experience

so yeah dish served and i was bored
so was scanning around to see if anyone needs help
noticed the dish i served up before
and well they were eating it
separately instead of together
so i walked over
and just excused myself
and suggested the alternative way of consuming it
which is something i've always done back in yr 10
like you learn some new way of eating
its sorta like enhances the experience yeah?
like there's people who learnt back then
and loved it
but i guess its more of feedback
from regular customers

so back to the story
gave my lil suggestion
and all i got in return was an
"i already understand thanks" snap
you know the cold tone to people's voices?
*sigh*

i dunno maybe its just my view
but if you go to another cuisine
you go for the experience of different foods
and you learn a new way of eating
so why just go eat a different food
and carry across your enthocentric views
otherwise how else will you learn new things?
new style of eating.
im just frustrated at that tho.
but in the end i guess its me
not liking to be snapped at.
but back to my point.
its like the neo-travelling nowadays
where people actually learn the culture
they go into places and learn the lifestyle of places
not to travel just to stay in hotels
where everything is up to international standards
tho then again some people travel just for that...

hmm nothing on beliefs in the end..
well nothing i wanted to write
it was more of a thought of mine after work
so yep getting late
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del

The Little World of Voices in My Head.

do i really have a world of voices in my head?
no i highly doubt it..
unless that's really what they want me to believe!?
what am i on about?
i have no idea
the voices are making me do it.
maybe its just my multiple consciousness-es
and you wonder.
of all the voices
which ones are the way
and the others just noise?
finding the pathway through the haze

*sigh*
i guess in the end its usually when emotions run high
or at least rise and fall
that i have the greatest amount to write about
least when i have time to reflect
and to have those lil conversations in my mind
that those thoughts bubble together
but in your own mind
how much do you trust those voices?
even tho you know them as your own
for some you as enticing as they are you just wanna believe
and yet there's the pull at the other end
the other voices
and there's those that just sit there and commune

isnt it so easy to believe what you're willing to?
and yet in the end
after it all.. all you're left with
is a sense of empty believe that you were once deluded
that or disillusioned.
wasnt it just easier to turn away from the start?
and what of that, that you still wish to deny?
you turn and walk away and yet it pulls you again.
and again. always there
nagging and grabbing for your attention
and yet there's little way to refuse?

what is the self?
the actual individual within you
that makes the decisions?
what if its wrong?
what is there to fall back on afterward?
who's there to console but the silence?
as the noise fades? and you're left with what?
nothing but the reverberations of the past
of what the bright future had bought
the resonance of the days past
was it really what you wanted?
what you wished for?
the hope for the days to come,
all which came to nil? nada? zilch?

all this while, the around the outside
everything else turns, you stand still
and yet the world revolves
you want it to stop to notice you long enough
for you to get back on to your feet
to be the way you were before your path branched
and you made your choice of the split
amongst all the noise, all the distractions
you dont need the world to revolve around you
but could it not just stop for a few seconds?
reading this.
all you could think would be pathetic?
well what are emotions for you?
if you numb it all off...
is it not the same end?
all minus the knowledge of the moments of delusion
is the fall worth the moments of disillusion?
for those who've known the sweetness
how can they return?
and yet for those who have not known
live as they were previously not knowing
the product, the cost nor its worth
so tell me dear.
which path is it you follow?
can you really hear the melody amongst the noise?

you know?
its has yet to be a full week of uni yet.
and its been pretty good
day after day a new surprise
something that i guess i never thought possible
for mid-year since its sem 2
but day after day has yet to disappoint me
ranging from people who've helped me
to those who are just are are around to spend time with
and of course to those people of the past who've appeared
like OMG Praggie :D
small world after all

getting late now
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del

*Think Think Think*

You know..
someone told me today..
that the more you try to remember something
the less likely you're able to remember it..
is it true?
hmm maybe for things forgotten i guess

what i dont understand tho
is the need for people to put their feet up
in the middle of lectures
on the seats in front of them
i swear i was in h bio sitting there
intently listening then
*THUNK*
i look to my right and there's this foot
right where the seat next to me is
the leg is basically in line with my face
-.-
look back to the front trying not to be distracted
by the thoughts of annoyance bubbling up
but its in the corner of my line of view
so turn around to look at the person
but nope not a glare
look back to the front
ah well let it go
after a while...
thank goodness..
they take their foot away
coz there's a new slide
with lotsa words
so busily scribble away
then
*THUNK*
the leg again
-.-
new slide
*legs removed*
then hoping that finally they finished
*THUNK THUNK*
great.. double thunk..
no not one leg bouncing up n down
BOTH OF THEM
Grrrr...
on the whole least they were wearing shoes

i guess that's something ill never get
public places and putting your feet up.
anyways
ive yet to remember what i wanted to write about
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del

Like No Other... Do You Believe?

Home Sweet Home.
Gone for two-ish weeks and back once again.
But ive nothing to say..
hmm.
maybe i still need more sleep?

==========================================

mm first day back
what happened?
not much really..
class class n more class
i like writing about my thoughts more
more meaningful for me..
but more boringful for whoever chooses to read
bleh MY blog :D

damn i actually had thoughts today too
cant remember them..
bleh lets talk about my two weeks away

i guess one of the more shocking stories
of what i saw..
more of what lina saw
and i sorta just glanced coz i was busy
and lina went to stop it
was that in one of the flooded regions
coz they were living in temp built disaster tents
was that there was this kid who had gotten so hungry
saw that there was a loose nail from a wooden chair
so (s)he pulled the rusty nail
and started sucking and chewing on it

and then there's those other people
who's zippers on teh pants are so broke
and they have no money to buy new clothes
so they use a thin rope
to zig zag sew across the zipper line
and then when the rope reaches the top of the pants
doesnt sew it in
but leaves it open so that they can go to teh bathroom
then pull the top end to close up their pants instead of using zippers

the other was this gentleman
who instead completely sewed up the zipper bit
which i guess assumes the zipper was broken
since they were so big and used a rope to tie around the waist

*sigh*
other than that i dont really remember anything
i remember long bumpy car rides
in cars which smelled like petrol
had leaked into the aircon system
with people who smoked any and everywhere
and not to mention the lovely squat pans
or at times rows of sectioned of tiled trenches
for toilet usage and within them their lovely poo piles

after all i say
i still havent thought of what i thought of this morning
ah wells.
next time maybe
*hugs*
-Del

Migratory Rainfall

its true!!
well not in that way
but well i only just realised today
that rain moves.
*sigh*
and i studied geogs last yr too
i guess with the relativity
i assumed coz it was raining
in this part of the city
the other part of the city would be raining too

so shocked was i
to realise.
that there was rain in the backyard
and none in the front yard.
i ran between the yards to check it out
(within the house that is
dun wanna get caught in the rain)
then in like 3 mins time
the rain in the back yard stopped
and it started raining in the front yard
like WOW!

does this really show you that im bored atm?
hmm either that or simple minded
never thought about rain that much

*hugs*
-Del

Smile.

couldnt help it.
had to log in again to post.

Smile.
something so simple.
but it just could brighten up someone's day
and the fact that its such a basic and simple thing
just a simple face expression
which involves the contraction
of a series of facial muscles
and voila.
an expression of friendliness

a guess a memory i had of when i was younger
was this guy in my class
i was forced to sit next to
guess he coulda been stereotyped the class clown
one thing tho would be that
he could make any body smile
or its just my fuzzy memory.
but lets put let it be that way shall we?
=================================================
anyways
i remember sometimes when i was in a crappy mood
he'd turn around he'd just tease
and say how he could see me smiling over and over again
as much i as i looked away and was feeling crappy
but it would always work
and i'd always be smiling in the end
the point of the memory
ah the good(?) times

i guess is how much i love the fact that
smiles can be so contagious
the word 'smile' or a 'haha'
can sometimes lead straight
to a smile
or a giggle
or a laugh
its like how yawns appear to be so contagious
you see it
and just the stimulus of that yawn
or the thought of a yawn
you cant help but to yawn as well
===============================================
just reminds us that we're such social animals
despite the fact that some such as myself
claim to be antisocial.
we're still social coz you dont see me
living away in my cave
in the darkness growing mushrooms :P
tho a thing i guess i love bout memories
is the further away they are from the present
the less likely you end up remembering the bad times
(or its just me :S
but im pretty sure its most people yeah?)
less you hold major grudges

and with hols starting early this week
well for me since i didnt finish till phil was over
not much to report bout
but a convo reminded me bout the topic of trust
it really amazes me i guess
how easy you are to trust people
the younger you are
guess it goes with the naivety
more eager to believe n such
but talking to someone
i hadnt in years, some person over the internet
i cant believe the details of my own life
that i had told them
somethings these days
im pretty reluctant to say
to just some person i met

want to start new page
tho not sure if it'll get done
-Del

Phil Exam.

Phil exam tomorrow.
and you'd think
i'd be enjoying reading up for revision
but dunno why. dont feel like it.
its really interesting
but dont feel like study
(tho when do i ever feel like studying?)

expression.

it feels so good to express anything
just to let the bottled things up out
but its so hard.
why?
how could something that feels good
and costs you nothing but maybe a bitta energy
to actually say something
or type something
but then you think about it
why burden others with what you think?

'never.'

funny that.
sometimes the things you attach to it
its just you could never imagine it possible
that it would happen
vocalise it. tell someone.
and as much as you believe it'll never happen.
you say it. you forget it.
and later on along the track.
it comes back to slap you across the face.
but i guess.
if you forget it, it creeps that much closer.
you put it out of your mind
coz obviously 'it'd never happent to me'

reasons.

always reasons for something
reasons coming from rationale.
rofl. i remember in yr 8 when most yr 8s
bought their "route nationale" to S+E.
guess some people didnt crack open the book
before they took it to class.
but who would? me.
a FRENCH book to S+E
ah well. mistakes i guess
just by judging by the cover.
or more of by the title.

return.

by how far can you return to what you were?
"how can you turn back after seeing the world?"
opportunities always arise
whether or not we take them
whether or not we're prepared to take them
is a whole nother thing
to risk it?
to walk through a new door?
to climb through another window?
and when you wanna stop
to turn back
is it really the same?
when you're coming back
drawing with you memories of your gamble
is it possible to come back the same?
time puts us through tests
and what we go through can change us
but will it always?
some things never change
whilst others may
will we always learn?
or do we just not realise it?
or maybe we just dont realise a change at all?
getting back to square one
does the game board look the same as it did
when you first started?
does the perception change?
personally.
i dont know.

went to pick up lina the other day.
and was sitting in the car.
n saw the yr 12s and was like.
what the? i dont remember them being that small?
i miss having uniforms.
as much as i complained back then
i rememeber complaining at the end of yr 12
about having to wear free dress everyday.
how would i ever manage!?
but i guess i've lasted a sem
but i do miss the yr 12 uniform.
the rest of it i dont miss.
just the yr 12 one.

ok.
i think i've wasted enough time
on this yet again
*hugs*
-Del

Sinking back into emo life

Since I feel the need to spam Adella's lovely blog with my useless blogposts, I shall. :P

Anyhow. NO I HAVE NOT FINISHED EXAMS. Why not?

Dear student

I am writing to inform you of circumstances relating to the examination of GENG1001 Introduction to Engineering Mechanics, conducted on the morning of June 14th 2007. It is essential that you read the information below.

Unfortunately, due to a series of unfortunate incidents that took place during the exam, the exam script that you submitted on June 14th cannot be used for assessment within GENG1001. These incidents included the exam solutions being handed out during the exam itself, the exam solutions being handed to students as they left the venue while other students were still sitting the exam, and the very large number of queries that arose during the exam which I understand caused some disruption. We have a responsibility to all students to ensure that no student/s experience an unfair advantage or disadvantage during an examination, and unfortunately the examination held on June 14th did not meet this standard.

You will therefore be required to re-sit the GENG1001 exam during the first week of second semester, on Wednesday July 25th at 2pm, in Winthrop Hall. The exam will have the same format and duration (3 hr 10 min) as the June 14 exam.

I acknowledge that re-sitting the exam is highly undesirable for all of you, and I have not taken this action lightly. This is the first time in our Faculty''s history that such action has been taken.

In order to minimise disruption to your other studies, we will cancel any lectures and laboratories in Engineering and Maths units, that would be scheduled for the afternoon of July 25th. We will also ensure that no Engineering and Mathematics assignments will be due in that first week of Semester. We will also be happy to provide letters requesting special consideration to coordinators of units taught outside our Faculty where there are lectures/laboratories scheduled for that afternoon or assignments due around that time.

Please note that any student who has been granted a deferred exam for GENG1001, will be required to sit the exam on July 25th at 2pm in Winthrop Hall, with the rest of the GENG1001 cohort.

I sincerely apologize for this situation, and hope that you understand that we are working towards an equitable outcome for all of you.

Prof. Mark Bush
Dean
Faculty of Engineering, Computing andMathematics
University of Western Australia, M017
35 Stirling Hwy, Crawley
Western Australia 6009

Resit the GENG1001 exam? Oh great.. So technically when Adella has her last exam tomorrow. I STILL HAVE ONE MORE EXAM. *sigh* UWA is so dodge.

Just stopping by.

Tradition is something
that shouldnt be broken if possible no?
so here's the usual follow up post from me :P
not that really i have any particular
reason for blogging atm
dont have any pressing thoughts at hand.
tho dear scar is now officially on hols
like many other people
so congrats for that!!
no need to spare another thought
on exams for another few months..
well other than checking up results.

sleep calls.
*hugs*
-del

Guest appearance

Since I'm the crappest friend there is, I have no idea whatsoever whether Adella has one or two more exams to go. :P Despite that, I intend to send forth a blessing to dearest Deli, and wish her all the best.

All things bright and beautiful, all creature great and small
All things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all.

Lol, personally I have no idea why I'm quoting a hymn on a Buddhist's blog, but nevertheless, don't you agree that this's a nice hymn? *guilty look* I had to bellow sing belt out sing the whole chorus out to myself to remember the lyrics. I'm sure the neighbours never want to hear me sing ever again. :(

Lately Adella has fallen under the stroke of exams, and found countless things such as the sun wondrously beautiful, and made it a duty to be on MSN during exam period more than during study period. I am impressed Deli, and I'ld say it takes effort and motivation to do that.

Best of luck to anyone else who still has exams! (Frankly, I think it's just Deli and I left)

Wish upon a star.

do you still wish on stars?
apparently lina saw a falling star today.

(8) catch a falling star
and put it in your pocket
save it for a rainy day...(8)

remembering back to the days :P
tho i think about my life atm
and im like wow! so lucky.
how many people have been
to the places ive been to?
well probs a lot of people
but of the people who've ever existed..
not really that many people
(despite population boom n such
point: i AM lucky
*trying not to be contradictory*)

like seriously
who's had so many holidays?
(probs really rich people who travel all the time)
but there's a lotta people
who've never even been overseas.
tho i do admit i've yet to go to rotto.
(or so i choose to believe.
not sure if its true)

suddenly i feel like this is pointless post
cant even remember my main point anymore.
the luckiness was meant to lead up to some point
but forgot that
ah well
leave it here. next time maybe.
-Del

Del-ology

Courtesy of Vina off friendster.
well friendster once again basically.

- FOODOLOGY -
Q. What is your salad dressing?
French.

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Nandos. Cept not really sure if its fast :P

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Dear resto. miss it so much. :(

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
if i state more than one then i can interchange?
bound to get sick of something sooner or later
but if i had to choose.
chocolate.

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Bacon n pineapple. or pepperoni

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
jam?

Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
typical mint?

- TECHNOLOGY -

Q. Number of contacts in your cellphone?
97

Q. Number of contacts in your email address book?
160

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
a negative of two puppies.
they're BLUE puppies ^^

- BIOLOGY -

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right-y

Q. Do you like your smile?
don't hate it. so why not?

Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
doesnt 'heaviest' suggest most heavy ever?
and yet you add 'last' suggest last time?
so multiple most?
confused.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
no.

- MISCOLOGY -

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
if its soon then yeah.
if not DEFINATELY not.

Q. Is love for real?
yep it can be.
not that it always will be.

Q. If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
no idea.

Q. What color do you think you look best in?
blue...?

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
yeah. fly.
ewwwwwwwwww!

Q. Have you ever saved someone's life?
not that i know of.
at least not directly.

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
yes.

- DAREOLOGY -

Q. Would you walk naked down a public street for $100,000?
nope.

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
not for $100 i wouldnt ;P

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A definate N-O

Q. Would you never go on myspace again for $50,000?
easily done.

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
nope.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,500?
my tastebuds arent worth that little.
i'd rather keep my ability to enjoy food thanks

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
no.

Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
yep fine with me.

Q. What is in your left pocket?
nothing. its fake pocket.

Q. How much alcohol did you have this week?
nil.

Q. Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
wood

Q. Do you sit or stand in the shower?
stand.

Q. Could you live with roommates?
yep.

Q. Where were you born?
hospital

Q. Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
none as of yet.

- RANDOMOLOGY -

Q. First place you went this morning?
chinese?

Q. What's the last movie you saw?
cant remember sadly :(

Q. Do you smile often?
hope so.

Q. Are you a friendly person?
i think?

Q. What color shirt are you wearing?
black n blue

hmm.
nother random quiz
least there was question variety a bit ^^

...

yes i said i would stop wasting my time?
damn -.-
-Del

Happy? Stretch? Tension? When Snap?

EXAMS.
tired.
happy.
tired.
sad.
tired.
talk-y.
tired.
silence.
ME SLEEPY.
so why am i blogging?
coz i wanted to last night.
why did i want to last night?
coz i did. and i couldnt sleep.
but why didnt i blog?
coz i couldnt go online coz it was late
so why couldnt i sleep?
coz of music blasting through the wall
from my sister's room
why was that happening?
coz she wasnt happy.
why wasnt she happy?
coz she wanted something
that she may not possibly get.

somewhere along the lines...
i heard that us western-raised kids
are highly susceptible to depression.
so is it that we're all throwing things outta proportion?
or that we're all plain spoilt brats?
or that we've all developed an inner emo?
or that we're all taking what we have for granted?
or that we're ignorant bitches?
or... or... or...
ive probs overlapped somewhere along the way?
i agree to that at least :)

but isnt it true?
something old - get a new one
something wrong - get a new one
something needed - get a new one
something outdated - get a new one
something promised - MUST GET

well yeah. good to keep promises
but everything asked has to be covered by promise?
and if not throw a tantrum?
if not. demand it?
if not. just go extremely polar
and be bitter over it
saying you didnt want it in the first place?

sometimes you just wonder
what goes on in people's minds
tho truthfully do we really wanna know?
i dont.
i just think about how people think
why they do the things they do
why dont they do this?
why did they do this?
is it true that everything is based
down to the stereotypes of pursuit
of one thing to the other?
but without that.
what's the point? if there is no goal?
just leaves us at random choice huh?
but random choice eventually has patterns
so what are the patterns?
why this pattern?
why do we question at all? -.-

happy.
what is it MEAN to be happy?
happy is to smile coz you feel like it?
happy is to slap on a smile
everytime you walk out the door?
happy is feeling this warm fuzzy feeling inside?
happy is just feeling free?
happy is doing what you wanna?
happy is making sure everyone else is happy?
happy is feeling safe and secure?
happy is feeling content?
happy is feeling in the first place?
happy is having healthy bank account?
happy is full from good meal?
happy is just knowing someone cares?
happy is saying what you wanna?
happy is seeing someone smile so you smile too?
happy is enjoying everything around you?
happy is holiday time?
happy is tipsy? :P
happy is money?
happy is promise kept and fulfilled?
happy is winning bet?
happy is day off work?
happy is going to work?
happy is material things?
happy is tranquility?
happy is calm?
happy is charity?
happy is giving?
happy is knowing someone remembered you?
happy is reflection of the golden days?
happy is homework done?
happy is success?
happy is simplicity?
happy is catching up with old friends?
happy is a life lived well?
happy is taking risks?
happy is sharing jokes?
happy is phone call?
happy is self-analysis?
happy is reward?
happy is mix of chemicals
moving around in your brain?
happy is relative.
the last one is all i know.
happy is relative.
which is it for you?

what i wanted to be blogged
only been partially blogged.
other stuff is random crap.
hmm like most of what i write
but that's besides the point.
can you tell which it is?
which is closer to the point
n the other is crap?

know me.

funny.
sometimes that's what i want
and others its what i fear.
hard to trust anyone
to let em in that easily

frustration.

mmm i love repeatition these days
that and the lack of word usage.
contradictory?
ah well.
but it sorta looks pretty.
noticed?
maybe. maybe not.

confuzzled.

when i say things.
do i really mean it?
for some its a definate.
no change there
others. i wonder
if im even lying to myself

listen. hear.

do i even make anything clear?
me me me me me me
its all about me
well since its my place
to write whatever i want

place. relativity

things go round
and round and round
and on and on and on
and then there's the merry-go-round
my lil karmic circle
if not mine then something im part of
to be part of
to be within
to belong?

purpose.

so much to do.
so little time.
i care. i have reason.
i have. i have. i have.
but we came with nothing
and thus we return
so is it but nothing in the end?

hide.

snippets of my conscious
but am i consciously editing in my mind?
bad-faith exists afterall.
id, ego, superego.
reason, spirit and [insert last of plato's soul]
(damn i need to learn my phil)

truths.

is that not what some search for?
and yet others turn away from?
is it something we deserve to know?
science can only tell us so much
and for other things
its up to our individual selves to deduce.
for all we see is our own perception
and an outsider's insight to a whole nother
can someone really understand anything from text?
are we even capable of comprehending anything at all
to the entire fullest extent?

should del really be directing
her time at doing something else?
atm and looking at the time
im thinking yes.
should be study
and up-ing my organisational skills
ok. will do [soon i hope?]
sleep first now :)
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del

Pride in the Bubble World

charity dinner last night
happy with the amount raised
sad tho. that half the room was empty
by like halfway into the night :(

its about 7 hours and 15 mins till econs exam
what am i up to?
thinking about bubble worlds and pride.
gees.. im such an economical thinker... -.-
not stressed over this exam at all
just feeling foggy headed and sick

anyways bubbles.
and bubble worlds
i live in a bubble world... dont you?
i sorta love the lil analogy.
is it even considered one?
:S bleh


(yes its off the net.. but its pretty)

there's many sizes and ways of seeing it
well least i can sorta see two main ones.
a)the bubble world is everything you relate to
basically your world revolves around you

===============================================

yes.
i eventually did get study done.
well supposed study
the hours were ticking away
and yet i only felt the stress
when i got to the exam room.
with the lots and lots and lots of people
over and done with
now on to the next.

===============================================

back to my bubble worldly thoughts.
so there's the bubble world you exist in
its your lil world, the world revolves around you
neat and tightly packaged in the lil sphere.
(why is it planets are spherical?)
and someone looks at it from the outside
and its all pretty and rainbow-y
and swirly mass surrounding air
but the air outside's no diff from the air inside right?
well maybe different in composition
but its air none the same?
so its not really anything speccy yeah?
but for any outsider
to look in, through the gloss n glam
it seems life for the other seems
'oh that much better'
but in reality.. is it?

maybe. maybe not.
up to anyone?
what they want and expect from life?
familiar answers?
what about what the actual things they want?
fame? power? money? sex? pride? love? simplicity?
and what about another way of seeing the bubble world?
is there another way of seeing? or did i just talk of 2?

anyways coz its a bubble
and im studying for my dear chem exam
which im most likely to fail
lets talk of:
the properties of bubbles!
not that i know any.
just making em up coz i dont wanna study
but can put my limited knowledge to practise

on the molecular level
imagine you're a lil atom(s) within a bubble
a particle of the air
so all around you there's other particles
all spaced out and such

================================================

everyone belonging to their own lil unit
and then you see the boundaries of hte bubble
just more and more others
a whole bunch of faces in the crowd
and there's different types of atoms
and you run around bouncing off each other

then you know when you play with bubbles
put one in your hand and if you carefully
pull them away from each other
you get two new ones
just somethings pull your world apart
and yet if you're careful enough
you can put two together again
if not? they burst.
and well that's the end
nothing more to it.

tho pride.
that was my main point originally.
till started thinking about bubbles
there's so many things that we want
and there's so many reasons for doing a thing
or for not doing a thing
but is it not true that they say
its easy to get rich after you're famous
but hard to get famous after you're rich?
well unless maybe you're super rich
(am i refering to pride or fame now?
i myself am confused.
dunno bout anyone else possibly reading this
it was a whole week ago i thought of it)
but anyways
when you complete a task
could it not be for the
actual acknowledgement of the accomplishment?
if it is that you charge no external cost?
but in the end
would the gain be but for your own name?
but the usage of anonymous-y
does it encourage any other to try an attempt it
if no one else has yet accomplished something?

bleh.
not caring about this much anymore
next topic
*hugs*
-Del

Four Down. Two To Go.

Hmm..
Almost sounds like TEE all over again.
what with six exams and high weightings.
cept now im competing go STAY in uni!?
hmm well more of not repeat a unit hopefully

exam this morning.
still sleepy from waking up earlier to cram
strange tho.
i didnt stress at all this morning
till AFTER the exam
i mean who stress AFTER what's gone n done?
no chance to change it now.
del does. :(

exam again tomorrow morning
im in deep shit.

============================================

that was thurs night.
now?
now is sat night
officially the title is correct for current time
in a way im relieved its anth and phil
cept for the time constraints of phil ><
TWO hours. THREE essays.

wish me luck :)
-Del

Simple things.

dont you love those small gestures
that just brighten the day?
just to know that there are people out there
who arent usually around
to look out for you
but reach out a hand anyway
just coz they happen to pass by?
just to know someone cares

i'm happy.
well at least for the moment
exam study?
doesnt seem to happen much after lunch
strange. post lunch is always distractive
maybe should wake up earlier to study then

walked home today
and i LOVED the sun
seriously. like how everything it shone upon
just glowed and shined. all warm n earthy

g2g
*hugs*
-Del

Opportunity Cost..?

What is study...?
truthfully.
what is it? just this neverending thing
that's supposed to be done
that's endlessly procratted
till you realise 'oh shit.'
better cram coz the exam's tomorrow..
or in my case.. in a few hours

i set out to study yesterday
got just about an hours worth done
home for lunch
and in the end got dragged out shopping with mum
(an unusual occurance actually pretty surprised)
and me studying in a group?
i think im more distractive than study
and i seriously think the epitomy of boredom
is seriously reached when you decide
either scrap it entirely
or get told to shut up by others

went to listen to the dalai lama today
wasnt really expecting much
but curious about how a single person could inspire
or provoke so many people to follow or listen to him
so.
(maybe having a movie about your life might be one reason)
sitting down we came in a bit late
and i was just basically overwhelmed by the mass of people
apparently 35,000 already signed up to attend
and well that's over 2 sessions
so approx 17,500 people were there
(is my maths out?)
and somehow.. not to be disrespectful or anything
he reminded me of a blend between
some cheery old grandpa and yoda.
tho mind you this is coming from someone who's only
EVER seen one ep of star wars. so not much to go on.
cute tho.

tho one thing that surprised me was that
apparently to have dinner in the same room as him
cost $800
that coulda bought me 4 times the dress i liked.
which is about $200 if i had bought it
an opportunity cost of time for study
insteada actually shopping
but i doubt i woulda studied much in the end anyways

his holiness' talk lasted about an hour
with half an hours worth of Q&A at the end
not quite sure if they really were Qs
or that they were already preprepared
who knows.

tho one thing i loved watching
was how his holiness kept cutting his translator off
he just talked and talked..
and talked over the suggested word usage
or the rephrasing the translator tried to translate

tho cant say much for the people around me
either side of me people were asleep
one coulda been accounted for coz they couldnt fully
understand english coz i came with them
but the other i was pretty surprised

ah well
i should sleep now
i said i would an hour ago
exam tomorrow
good luck to everyone else
*hugs*
-Del

Hope. When Darkness Turns To Light.

to what degree do you believe in coincidence?
are there forces which particularly
guide us in specific directions?
taking into account of my lil belief
of the mix of the whole determinism
with free will and the law of causality
(gees ive lost count of the number
of times ive seen, said, heard, typed
the term "law of causality"
this last month >.<)

is it that we're destined to do somethings
with signs that shine and blare "THAT WAY"
and well your own choice to pursue
to leave be or to completely go opposite direction
or is it that we exist parallel to a spiritual world
of souls which wonder around with us
watching, whispering and listening to everything
to what we think, speak, do
and for their lil entertainment
grant us what we want or bring to us
the worst imaginable senarios?
or like the lil cartoon expression of
the struggle between good and bad
with the lil angel and devil
sitting on our shoulders
ushering us, appealing to us
and what of our thoughts?
our dreams? are they truly ours?
are the private onto to us and only us?

Hope.
its that last thing within pandora's box
according to the Greek myths
that tried to escape,
yet in the light of all the evil
and bad things that were set free
it was the hope to continue that was left
trapped within the box just as they managed
to get it closed.
or so i remember back from the times of yr 8
when we studied Greek mythology

the light at the end of the tunnel?
both the solution and the end
that through all that darkness
there is still a pinpoint route for escape
and escape? escape from what?
the vague darkness that's around us?
that encompasses our lives when we're lost
with no particular idea which way to turn
but does this not suggest that we
have to place our faith in our only hope
that this bespecklement of existence
would be the way through it all?
this really in a way takes into assumption
that well the path is only unilineal?
that of our options we're guided towards one
and there seems to be none but the one

day in day out
procrat, stress, thoughts, obligations
thinking just wanna block out the thinking
but there's so much out there
or is it just there coz you wanna believe it?

happy, sad, up, down, on, off
preoccupy, its ok, everything's fine,
no its not, stop, go, stress, stress, STRESS.

i'm happy.
i'm good.
i'm normal.
i'm stressed.
i'm depressed.
am i a freaking light switch?
a rollercoaster?

i think that im really an act then reflect person
gees it happens so often
but you know what hurts?
the self-inflicted pain
it goes on and on and on and on
round and round and round and round
and yet i get by the days in the end.. as happy

coz you know?
its easy to get through the day
and just let the inner emo out when you're alone
just believe that no one cares
or that they understand
but the belief that they wont understand
or just cant at all
means that they dont understand you
and for that.
forgive them that they have no idea who you really are
or will ever be able to comprehend what you live through

what the hell am i on about?
(truthfully i have no damned clue)
im damn lucky to be where i am
to have what i have
and for that i should appreciate it
but it remains the same
that you're either numb or you feel

you know what?
inspiration.
inspiration to write, talk, think, express
where does it come from but from your environment?
does it then not make sense that
the greatest artists ever
were either screwed up in the mind
or that they were on drugs?
passion, a compulsion to manifest
a feeling, desire, expression into any form
where else would you find such a drive?
to be passionate about anything would drive you far enough
to strive for that, to accomplish, to succeed

we are but people.
but to believe in anything and to have faith
to hope and to cherish it brings us closer
(and yet again im lost on what i was on about 3 seconds ago :S
but when i typed it, it felt good :P)

anyways
point being?
im confuzzled.
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del

Sweet Charade..

Sem's officially over!

and that's as far as i got
in the time frame of about 2 hours
gees.

hmm just realised.
if that's one sem.
its one down and seven to go
and judging by how fast this sem went by
uni's gonna be over pretty soon
ah well
just another face in the crowd

exams coming up
and so's the charity dinner
and the dalai lama's coming
and it just seems like im busy for no reason

ah well
sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
nite nite
*hugs*
-Del