Oke...
wat happened 2 day?
umm....
nuffin realli...
i want 2 go shopping!!!!
oh well...
betta not spend money on clothez....
but then mi sista keepz stealin mi new clothez....
wen eva i get new clothez...
she stealz em...
agghhh...

2 daiz till skool....
*sigh*
-shit-
i totalli 4got bout tha hw i wz meant 2 do durin tha holz...
-.-"

hmm...
i got most of mi room cleaned up 2day..
but still got heapz 2 do... -.-"

ugh...
i have nothin 2 talk bout...
y???

hmm...
i spent last nite cryin...
mi dad practicalli screamed at me 4 mi room...
but then mi room is messy i do admit miself...
but ye...
and then tha next mornin mi dad came home early...
and we jus had a nice heart 2 heart...
coz he felt guilty wen he heard 4m mi sista that i had cried...
and now hez bak 2 tha attempt of bribin me 2 clean mi room..
and tha house...
but ye....
i havent talked 2 him in agez...
so i guezz it wz quite good...

aghh... i betta go b4 mi mum scoldz again..

nite nite
*hugz

few daiz 2 end of holz...

llalallalallala...

i wonder wen dia will be bak???

welcome bak 2 susan hmm...

i've had quite a good day despite a few downz....

i went rollerbladin thiz arvo...

and i fell 5 timez...

-.-"

i realli wonder where mi sense of balance iz....

i mean it...

tha first time i tried i fell 3 timez and it wz wet...

but 2 day wz perfectly fine and i fell 5 timez...

-.-"

and on top of tha 5 timez...

i hit smak in2 tha pillar which holdz tha gate up at mi house...

so i got a nice white streak down mi jumper before i left tha house...

-_-"

bad bad...

i realli need 2 learn how 2 break...

everytime i try to even break it doeznt work...

i jus lose wat lil balance i got all 2 getha...

oh well...

need practise...

practise away 4m public view...

i mean realli...

so embarressing...

 

wat else???

agghh...

these daiz have nothin 2 say...

*think think think*

 

hmmm...

i got notha 2 blank smsz...

on top of tha 3 random 1z i got durin tha last week of skool...

i wonder whoz sendin em 2 me..

dey're all 4m tha same number...

oh well...

prob some random who keepz makin mistakez wit tha fone number...

oh well...

 

agghh...

mi fone outta credit already???

 -_-"

 

bout 4 daiz till skool...

:( i dont wanna go bak 2 all that hard work...

but then therez pplz i can see!!!

4daiz 2 catch up wit hw...

and clean mi room...

wat else???

catch up wit music practise... (if i can be bothad)

 

so repeatative....

thatz life i guezz....

i betta go..

nite nite  

hmmm....
i wz cookin lunch 4 lina 2 day...
and i wz jus thinkin...
bout some of tha convoz i've had wit pplz...
in tha last few weekz...
and i thought of how in one particular convo...
i had said 'itz not mi place'
thinkin bout that particular one...
i realised wen i think bout pplz and how i and otha pplz relate 2 each otha....
i sorta think of social rankz and classes...
but i dont mean of it as in how rich they are or how they look...
but how they relate 2 othaz....
sorta like social groupz....
eg. one person is in tha middle of a circle...
and then their closest friend or friendz would be in a ring around them...
and then the next closest few and so and so on...

and one of the more interesting facts is that i seem to put miself on the outer....
i wonder....
could it jus be me being antisocial and deliberately putting miself on the outer?
or would it be me perceiving that i'm less wanted as a friend????
or am i afraid of reaching out and trying to make friends...
and bein afraid of rejection???
or am i jus alwaiz down lookin mi self and jus thinkin that i'm a loser...
and no 1 wanna be mi friend...
hmmm....  *think think think*
oh well...

and then durin tha course..
i realised that pplz do have many sidez...
i mean mi room mate had tha side which she wz wit me...
and then a side wen she wz in a group..
and then a side wen she wz round guyz...

and it realli got me thinkin....
i finalli realised pplz react diff in diff situationz...
diff pplz..
diff placez..
diff moodz...

i mean wen ure round diff pplz of diff agez...
and wen ure round pplz of diff racez....
i mean i dont wanna be racist...
but i realised i do react diff wit auzziez...
to wen i wit aznz...
not sayin that i treat em diff but i seem 2 act diff...
they're all mi friendz but i act diff round each of em...
and then wit tha agez...
i act more immature wen i'm wit tha girlz at tha guidez...
and diff at cadetz and skool...
and then at home...
diff environmentz....

and wen pplz say

'be ureself''

i dont see how it could be....
2 me it seemz there is no single me...
therez liek a combination of me...
me is a collective word for all tha pplz i am...

and then there iz tha side i sometimez want pplz 2 see...
i put on an act and they think wat they see iz me....
but i may be completely opposite....
i guezz itz impossible 2 tell bout pplz....
they may react diff 2 u if u were a diff age..
or maybe diff race...
even if u are tha same person on tha inside...
but then they may not....

*sigh*
i realli think i've got relationship probz....
oh well...
i'll try and change...

but some pplz dont eva change...
but heapza pplz change heapz...
in a time frame of an hour a person may change....
i mean i changed quite a bit ova 10 daiz on JNCO...
i found i got so stressed...
i had increased mi amont of swearin by at least 400%
i mean i wz sayin fuk at least 15 timez a day....
oh well....

and then...
time goez past so quickly....
chancez a lost so quickly...
opportunitiez gone...
some which may neva be available again...
*sigh*

but then again...
some chances come and go....
again and again...
and then one day they no longer r available...

and then..
i started thinkin bout goalz....
i think 4 cadetz....
i'll jus aim 4 cwoff...
i doubt cuo would suit me would it???
then maybe if i had time i could try out for cuo...
but i think shoutin at pplz on tha drill square would be fun!!!
:D
hehe

i guezz...
study medicine first...
if i get a high tee score that iz...
oh well...
MUST STUDY!!!!

aggghh...
so much stuff due in afta holz....
and so much happenin...

but then there r family thingz on as well....

hmmm....
wat happened b4 jnco???
oh ye....
i 4got  2 say....
we had buffer nite on fri...
we watched shrek and shrek 2....
and ate pizza....
tha cuo's bought like 60 pizzaz...
there wz HEAPZ!!!!
i couldnt believe it...
wat else???
o i went rollerbladin...
coz mi dad brought em 4 me on tha last day of term...
wat else????
o...
wen i went 2 go buy em...
i saw laurence watz...
lolz
so much taller!!!
oh well...
pplz i cant believe i'm seein these pplz...
last time i saw em wz in yr 7...
time fliez...
been 3 yrz....

oh well...
betta stop sittin at tha comp...
g2g and unpak mi stuffz...
*hugz
bye

holz...

lalala... holz... nothin 2 do now.... mona said she mite be free this fri... maybe go harbour town and help her find clothes 4 social??? and jus go round lookin at stuffz? maybe i mite find some more clothez as well....   dia wen u comin bak????   wat i did 2 day???? i went rollerbladin 4 tha first time!!!!! i fell on mi arse at least 3 timez tho.... -_-" oh well... but then it started rainin whilst i wz outside... and we were goin down hill... bad bad bad time 2 be outside rollerbladin 4 tha first time.... so slippery...   wat else???? thatz mainly it...   oh i remember.... lolz i wz workin out at tha shop and i saw this guy 4m mi primary skool... i think hiz name wz simon jonkiz or somethink like that... lolz... but i did remember his face... and then wen i asked if that wz all... and he replied... i wz so shocked!!! lolz his voice wz so bloody high....   i mean thiz is gettin weird... bak a few monthz i remember seein a guy 4m mi primary skool... his voice wz so bloody LOW and now thiz guyz voice is bloody HIGH lolz...   i guezz thatz all that happened 2 day.. cant remember ne thin else... oh well.... nite nite *hugz

JNCO recap

JNCO IZ OVA!!!!!!! an i PASSED wit a CREDIT!!!!! YAY!!!! ne waiz... i realli cant believe itz ova... it wz like tha best and worst daiz of mi life... it wz SO much fun!!! i cant believe itz ova.... ::tear:: now i wish it were a bit longer... aggghhhhh yet durin tha course i wanted it 2 finish ASAP but now i want 2 still be there.... *sigh* oh well...   at least i'm happi wit mi credit!!!!! i mean i thought tha higest i'd get wz pass... oh well... and then there is tha fact... that i'm kinda pissed at miself 4 not tryin that hard... i mean if i'd tried i may have gotten a distinction... -_-" i got mi report 2 day and i saw tha score ... and mi CO said... i missed out on distrinction by a bit... -_-"   oh well... nuff bout mi score... bout tha daiz.. hmmm.. i cant believe they passed so quickly... i cant believe i lasted so long wit out tha net... oh well...   tha first day... i went up 2 tha east perth station like mosta tha metro cadetz... then formed up and got on tha bus 2 leave... saw LCDT scott 4m GST... and LCDT Naarstig 4m tha wing parade...   got 2 pearce... got allocated in2 our flightz... i wz in A Flight... pplz in A Flight - LCDT Amis (jazz!!! i miss her!!) LCDT Coccaro LCDT Cook (same flight as dia in gst i think?) LCDT Cvianovic (in mi sqn and on same flight as me in gst...) LCDT Falconer-West LCDT Hewit LCDT Hotz (703 sqn) LCDT Kaps (miss her a lil...) LCDT Naarstig (703 sqn)(miss her)  LCDT Pratten LCDT Ruck (aka dobby) LCDT Scherini LCDT Scott (wz in mi flight 4 gst) (miss her) LCDT Shearman (left for personal reasons) LCDT Skinner LCDT Southhall LCDT Steenstra LCDT Urquhart   ye... and there wz one more... but she wz moved 2 anotha flight coz we had most pplz... at tha start of tha course we had 75 pplz on tha course at tha end we had 69.... oh well... so many pplz left..   ne waiz... we spent tha first day stuffin round wit team building exercises...   then 4 tha next few daiz we spent workin... herez our timetable...   0600 - Get up 0645 - Form up 2 go 2 brekky 0700 - brekky 0815 - 0840 - Daily Parade 0845 - 0925 - Period 1 0930 - 1010 - Period 2 1015 - 1055 - Period 3 1100 - 1145 - Period 4 1245 - Lunch 1330 - 1420 - Period 5 1415 - 1455 - Period 6 1500 - 1540 - Period 7 1545 - 1625 - Period 8 1630 - 1700 - Period 9 1800 - Dinner 1900 - 1940 - Period 10 1945 - 2025 - Period 11 2100 - Block Curfew 2200 - Lights out   but ye.. that wz tha timetable.. 4 our flight we had 2 DIs... CWOFF Walters and CWOFF Collins.... so luckki us.... wat else....   LCDT Scott and one of tha DI fell in love... wat else happend? i got distinction 4 instructional technique ( IT ) !!! LCDT Amis claimed she had no diaphragm.... lolz.... tha highest i kept gettin 4 mi room tidyness wz 5.75 outta 10 >.< oh well...   went shootin on tues... we got 30 roundz.. i mean i wz luckki went first coz tha next detail only got 28 roundz... but ye... mi first time i went shootin.... we shot wit 0.22 calibre riflez... i got a score of 117!!! i'm so proud!!! it wz SO much fun!!!   wat else??? oh... we also had fieldcraft... i jus bearly passed 4 tha fieldcraft prac... i'm so crap at it...   wit mi IT pracz.... mi first lesson wz supposed 2 last 5 minz... i ended up talkin for bout 2 minz 30 secondz... -_-" and then... for mi 8 min lesson... i wz forced 2 stop coz i went up to 10 minz.... and i wznt even finished... so ye.... i didnt get 2 ask questionz 4 taht 1... -_-"   wat else??? oh... we had leadership / team building exercises... in total we did 5 exercises... for 2 of those exercises i wz carried ova ropez and stuffz... y? coz in mi group there 5 pplz... me and 4 guyz... so dia.. that ratio wz accurate.... it iz tru... even on tha course... for every gal there were at least 4 guyz... so ye... cadets iz male dominant... yet a female duxed... go galz!!!! it wz LCDT Radford i think....   OMG... i had grad parade this morning... and everythin wz fine... i wz standin in tha front rank between naarstig and pratten... until i heard this sound.... and i turned mi head 2wardz tha source of tha sound... and saw Hotz freeze up rigid and faint bakwardz... OMG it wz tha worst sight eva.. i got so bloody scared... Naarstig who wz next 2 me broke in2 tearz... and pratten started sorta swayin... naarstig wz walked away 2 calm her down... and pratten wz dragged off tha drill square in case he fainted... and i wz left standin there... i stood in time 2 hear that bannister got 3rd (congratz 2 her!!!) wetton got 2nd.. and then i sorta felt dizzy so i went down on mi knee... and wz taken 2 admin area...   i saw naarstig.. we sat round 4 a while... and went 2 visit hotz... he wz actualli fine... all he had wz some minor injuriez on his thumbz...   wat else? i still cant believe i survived tha course... oh kaps... she got so annoyin.. and not onli her but steenstra i also found a lil annoyin.. both of em 2 me seemed like couldnt stop wingein... i had tha worst time wit kaps... i mean i wanted 2 be nice but sometimes she jus realli got on mi nerves... she was always on about how unpopular she was... and how she couldn't call her mum and step dad... -_-" and once she had called em she wouldnt stop goin on bout her pets... -_-" and how she kept jumping down pplz throatz... and wen pplz did tha same 2 her she'd get all pissed... and say there wz no need 2 jump down her throat... and then she wouldnt stop askin pplz 2 do thingz 4 her... i mean she'd go and ask pplz 2 do her bed... and hold stuff 4 her... and help her wit her jumper.. i mean realli.. i can put on tha jumper by miself... she on tha otha hand needz at least 4 otha femalez 2 help... and she wouldnt stop talkin bout... how this guy onli asked her out 2 get her in2 bed... i mean who carez ne more??? thatz part of her past...   and then some pplz did this head bobbing thing... after she saw it... she spent tha whole course doin it... i mean itz ok 2 do it but it jus got annoyin coz it started makin me dizzy... and then there were that timez wen i wz realli stressed... and she'd come 2 me and ask me 2 do somethin... i mean she even came in wen i wz tryin 2 change 2 ask if i could do her hair.... -_-" i mean cant she do ne thin herself? i understand that some pplz are dependent on their parentz.. so on thiz course ure meant 2 learn 2 adapt to independance... i mean even amis learnt how 2 do her hair.... amis alwaiz had her mum 2 do her hair.. so she asked me 2 do her hair.. then afta that she learnt and worked it out herself... oh well... itz jus some pplz i gues...   i cant remember ne more major eventz... oh well... thatz tha gist of mi last 10 daiz... i gonna go rest now... *hugz bye

IT again...
LAST DAY OF SKOOL!!!
agggghhh!!!!
JNCO...
-_-"
and i'm so sleepy...
we jus had tha author of lookin 4 alabrandi come in and speak 2 us...
i mean it wz interestin but i'm SO tired...
AND SO hungry...
i missed out on breakfast.... -_-"
and i had no dinner last nite..

should i go 2 buffer nite???
i wz meant 2 spend last nite pakkin..
-_-"
2 bad...
didnt even start...
oh well...
that'd mean i have bout 2 hourz 2 pakk wen i get home...
and then go 2 buffer nite if i wanna....
OR stay at home and pak all nite...
and then sleep bit earlier...

hmmm...

end of class..
bye

aghh...
lost mi last post..
and i cant remember wat i rote last time..

hmmm...
distracted 4m pakkin 4 JNCO..
ugh...

oh well...
wat happened 2 day???
hmmm..
had s+e, mathz, health, science and IT

s+e...
well did nothin realli...
wat could i expect???
i got mr oxnam...
mainly spent that time...
teachin jayne how 2 do chem coz she had a chem test comin up...

then had mathz...
-no comment-
and ms bayley made us each answer a q each b4 we were allowed 2 leave class at tha end... -_-"
ended up leavin class late...
lost a bitta mi recess time...

then i had health...
we talked bout sexual and non sexual relationshipz...
-_-"
wit ms hughz...*shrudderz*
and then...
we had 2 make listz...
of tha qualitiez which we'd like our 'perfect partner' 2 have....
and i sorta realised i havent thought bout that much..
i mean wat sorta guy would i end up bein wit???
well..
hmmm..
he'd at least have 2 luv me...
that iz quite obvious...
oh well...
till then...

science wz ok...
and then IT i spent stuffin round...

hmm...
wat else???
oh ye..
next term...
on tha thurz that we come bak..
we have tha mathz comp and tha chem quiz thingy...
which meanz period 1 and 2 are taken up 4 tha mathz comp...
and then period 5 is taken up by tha chem quiz...
which leavez tha 3rd and 4th period...
hmm...
i have voice at 11:30...
which meanz half of english...
DAMN
i hav 2 change tha harp lesson...
that would mean i'd have 2 change 2 either durin english...
and miss tha whole period and a bitta recess...
or miss out on most of s+e...

hmm... hard choice...
lolz

so much stress these daiz...
i mean at least we spent this lunch laughin...
i havent laughed like that in agez...

i mizz year 8 now...
so good bak then...

*sigh*
time realli fliez...

hmm...
every1z offline now...
i betta go sleep 2...
betta go...
nite nite
*hugz

IT

In IT now...
anotha lesson spent sittin round...
i mean i hate this work...
i dunno y but i find it hard and annoyin sometimez 2 try and be creative...
i mean i dunno y i jus realli dislike creativity...
itz as if itz a total competition...
2 competative 4 me...

hmmm... now i'm sorta wonderin y i took IT in tha first place...
i jus sit and waste time..
and i still got half a year of it 2 go..

plz dont rain 2 moro!!!
i realli don wanna have career ed... or french...

damn end of lesson
g2g
bye

had skool 2 day...
all feelin betta..

we had tha learning styles seminar 2day...
it wz so funny...
i guess audience interaction wz tha main key...
tha fact that pplz could participate and sorta understand...

hmmm....
i don wanna remind mi self...
but i have 2 face tha fact that JNCO...
is comin up in a few daiz...
>,<
i dont wanna go...
all alone...
agghh...
no dia wit me....

*sigh*
oh well...
one thing i'll noe..
if i do stuff up tha lecture pplz wont remember it...
coz we'd probly be divided up...
in2 diff flights so i doubt there'd be ne 1 i noe...

i'll prob fail...
oh well...
i could alwaiz repeat...

oh shit...
i still havent packed...
bad bad...
but i realli cant be stuffed...

yesterday i had p.e....
we played soccer and basketball..
and then wen i wz tryin 2 catch tha rebound....
of tha ball 4m tha bakboard..
mi earring got caught on some1z clothes and it killed like hell...

and then 2 day...
wen we had house act...
we played olympia...
there were like 8 olympian playerz 4 basketball...
for our 4 pplz coz stupid troy pplz 4got their uniform...
we had depleted number in our teamz...
whilst we played... olympians switched playerz on and off...
and sometimez they had 5 playerz some timez 4...
but didnt make a differance at all...
we got thrashed...
tha score wz like triple of ourz...
and then mi earring got caught on janez sleeve...
and practically wz ripped outta mi ear...
luckily tha bak gave way and it fell 2 tha ground...
but still i wz in pain...

oh well..
at least i found tha earring again...

wat else happend?
or is gonna happen???

hmm...
house athletics comin up!!!
tho there is like nothing 2 be enthused bout...
coz troy is gonna lose ne waiz...
but realli i cant believe mr lee is makin us march up...
agghhh...
i mean realli...
itz not liek some formal thing...
house athletics is meant 2 be fun!!!
not so formal...
a day off!!!
and plz dont let it rain...
othawise we'll have skool...

SHIT..
still gotta polish mi GP boots...
uh oh...

oh well...
i'll see if i can get out of paradin in em...

wat elsey...
damn..
have hw in tha holz... -_-"

hmm...
tha socialz comin up...
yet i dunno y i bother mentioning it...
itz on tha side thingy ne waiz...

oh well..
i betta go...
or else i'll be stayin up 2 late..
nite nite
*hugz

role reversal

i wonder sometimez...
who iz older me or mi sista...

i mean shez tha 1 that suitz tha whole stereotype of a teenager...
itz like a total role reversal...
i mean linaz alwaiz on tha phone and on tha net..
yet i still get tha lecturez bout all tha usual teenage topix..
weird..

i ended up in tearz again last nite...
:'(
y?
i dunno realli..
it could jus anger and jealousy i guess...
i dunno y...
itz not like i disliek mi parentz..
but i find it so bad these daiz...
restrictionz on everyhin..
and yet mi sistaz tha 1 on tha phone all tha time..
and then therz tha net restrictionz...
i mean apparently i'm not allowed 2 chat on msn ne more...
not that i've stopped..
but still...
i dont talk on tha phone..
i dont sms..
i dont spend that much time out of tha house..
y restrict tha net?!?!?!?!
and wen i talk bout otha pplz...
mi mumz like: y u alwaiz comparin ure self 2 tha otha pplz in ure skool??? y not compare ure self 2 tha less fortunate????
like wen i wz 13 i wz lookin afta tha family coz mi mum had died...
and ure dad wz helpin out at tha age of 7...(blah blah blah)
i mean itz not like i dont respect mi parentz..
itz jus that i want some time 2 talk 2 pplz..
even if itz on tha net...

i mean wen they were that young did they have most of their aftanoonz off??? yez... wat bout me??? me i've got all these thingz on...
they had a choice... they were so bored hey decided 2 help..
me i'm so bz i feel like collapzin and jus sleep on tha floor...

*sigh* and then jus wen mi parentz came home..
they went straight 2 mi sistaz room and all praise her..
and then walkz ova 2 tha connectin door...
and then give me thiz huge lecture bout tha stuff blockin tha way..

tha thing is that tha door in between doenzt have onli mi stuffz...
itz also mi sistaz...
i mean i did try quite hard 2 clean mi room...
whilst mi sista on tha hand half heartedly...
goin online and jus playin whilst cleanin...
yet i get bloody lectured 4 mi effort...
i mean realli sometimez i wonder...
and mi sista jus lovez rubbin it in mi face...
wat iz it???
life at home jus feelz like thiz huge competition 4 mi parentz attention and love....
i wonder....
iz that y i seek so much attention sometimez at skool...
but still..
itz jus not fair...
and mi parentz are so bloody leniant 2wardz her... -_-"

and i've been taught 2 alwaiz be nice 2 her... -_-"
i mean i ALWAIZ have 2 let her have her way...
y wont she grow up????
y cant she stay at home and look afta herself???
y does seh have 2 follow me round?!?!?!?
i mean there are such thingz as babysitterz...
but mi paretnz prob prefer tha cheaper alternative...
plus they have practicalli a spy watchin me...
one who bloody spreadz exaggerated rumorz... -_-"

aggghhh
and i cant do ne thing bout it...
i'm expected 2 be old enough 2 look afta mi self...
and not complain...
and have 2 look afta her...
but if it doeznt go 4 her she callz up mi parentz and compainz...
mi life so hard...
stuk between prob between mi sista and mi mum..
and wen i try 2 be a good sista...
i jus have a hard time....
and wen mi sista doez somthin well itz all praize...
cept wen i get stuffz done itz like who carez?
itz her job...
-_-"
mi sista getz one of those merit certificatez...
and itz a cause 4 celebration.....
me get high d itz like meh....
oh well...
life goez on...

spent mi day cleanin again..
i sorted out all tha clothez...
in total mi mum went thru bout 4 loadz of washin...
so much!!!!

these daiz itz so weird...
itz not like i'm havin immediate mood swingz...
but i sorta go 4m extreme happy as if i'm on a sugar high...
to sad down in tha dumpz...
but itz like on an extended time..
and itz thiz continual cycle...
itz realli gettin 2 me..
i've found that itz mainly wen mi parentz come home...
i go sad 4 all tha lecturez...
but i noe i'm rong...
and yet i dont change coz i wanna talk 2 ppl....
and then i answer bak bout how i wanna talk 2 pplz bout stuffz..
and i get told off...
itz getttin worse and worse...
itz like tha familyz got all thiz tension between us...
and i go on and on...
as if itz not gonna stop...
as if there is no such thing as rest...
all except sleep...
but i dont wanna sleep...
at nite i dont wanna sleep...
i wanna talk 2 pplz..
and in tha mornin i regret it all..
regret stayin up that late...
wishin i could have some more hours of sleep...

oh well...
betta get 2 bed..
nite nite
*hugz

harp recital

ugh...
had tha harp recital 2day...
i guess i did alright...
but then...
i heard tha othaz...
-_-"

i mean they were round tha same level as me...
then..
this asian dude came in..
he wz late...
and he set up hiz harp..
then started playin coz he had 2 leave early..
and then he started playin and i wz like 0.o...
he played so well!!!!
prob he either practise heapz or he learnt 4 agez..
thing is he wz like between tha age of 6-8....
*sigh*
y pplz so talented?!?!?!?!?!
tha onli factor i can think of...
iz that i dont practise that much...
i guess thatz prob y..
but then he played so well!!!!

and then..
next person who played...
i think wz some ccgz guy...
i dunno...
he played..
and i wz..
damn...
how long is that song???
it wz so long and complicated...
and then he played...
beauty and tha beast..
damn it...
y cant i learn fun songz like that...
that have an actual tune i noe (that isnt danny boi)
-_-"

btw...
all tha ppl that played had tha same teacha..
oh well..

hmm...
jus noticed..
i didnt rite bout tha otha container lady incedent...
we were eatin in tha bak of tha resto eatin..
then she bursts in... *shock horror*
and sitz down...
and startz talkin...
how rude is that???
and then..
stopz mi grandma 4m eatin...
turnz her chair aroudn so she can talk 2 her...
mi grandma getz bit pissed coz she cant eat now..
and keepz talkin..
me tryin 2 avoid her saiz i g2g...
and u noe wat she saiz????
she: goin so quickly??? where u goin??
me: home...
she: y not come home wit me??? u'll love it!!!
me: (thinkin in head) WAT THA F***?!?!?!?! AS IF!!!!

i mean realli... -_-"
and guess wat??
it happend tha same day...
that scar and i were talkin bout her in mathz...
i wonder...
did u curse me scar??!??!?!?!?

even if she meanz it as a joke itz gettin realli old now...
and so bloody annoyin....
pluz...
that remindz me..
thiz time last yr...
i dunno if i said thiz..
there wz that china sale thingy..
and mi dad invited her along..
and i had -_-" 2 walk round wit her...
(she wz draggin me along by tha arm)
and one of tha stall ownerz go..
stall owner:is that ure daughter?
she:no.. but soon 2 be...
me:(thinkin) AGGGHHHH let go of me!!! stop makin these thingz up!!!

god...
tha less i see her tha betta

wat elsey i can talk bout????
(oh btw tryin 2 make thiz long as posible...
coz atm bloggin is tha...
onli valid reason i have 2 go on tha net)

i mean realli...
she'z totalli against chattin
oh well..

wat i need 2 do 2moro???
*buy dark purple wool...
*find collared shirtz... make sure enough 4 jnco...
*pak 4 jnco
*study 4 jnco
*fini mi attempt at cleanin room

cant think of ne else...
oh well...
gettin late...
g2g
nite nite

hmm..

bak 4m cadetz

bak 4m cadetz...
seriously...
tha total number of pplz at cadetz is decreasin rapidly...
i mean they even went 2 tha extreme of askin us wat would appeal 2 our age...
so ye...
they realli desperate now...

i mean they need stuffz 2 say 2 appeal 2 pplz...
-_-"

hmmm..
if mrs porter wznt bz...
i would be at tha aquinus college gym atm...
oh well...
2 bad...

wat else???
gl 2 dia for tha rowing!!!

umm...
oh well..
nite nite

hmm...
i RELLI SICK of studyin now..
i gonna quickly type thiz coz i feel like talkin...
mi mum at home...

2 day we had tha mock electionz 2day....
we lost...
i mean it wz practicalli a popularity contest...
every1 practcalli knew that...
itz alwaiz been that way wen teacherz do electionz and stuffz...

i dunno y...
these daiz i feel like talkin ...
yet there is no subject 2 talk bout..
so strange..

nothin comez 2 mind..
there are no topix..
so sometimez tha same convo repeatz again and agian..
*sigh*

well
i g2g
nite nite
*hugz

recess

hmmm...
agez since i posted...

i wz gonna post last nite but i couldnt be stuffed....
itz so BLOODY cold outside...
wat wz up wit tha weather...
it wz forcasted 2 rain...
oh well....
at least i'm not gettin wet...

wat else???
i cant remember watz happend this week..
these daiz i'm jus totalli out of it..
i cant remember a thing...
i totalli 4got 2 day wz thurzday even...
(i thought it wz mon)
-_-"

monaz sittin bside me lookin at those hk actorz and actresses again...
-_-"

JNCO (junior non commition officer course thingy)
[specificalli ritten 4 mona] commin up..
y doez aaron have 2 keep remindin me???
*sigh*
i think i've sorta decided on wat 2 lecture on 4 tha free topic...
i think i'll jus lecture on memory skillz...
i'll jus teach em tha way pplz learn and how 2 do word trainz..
that'll do..
by tha time they've started tha word train 10 minz would be up...
hehehe..
but then...
should i teach em???
if i do then...
hmm...
i mean mi parentz did pay alot 2 send me 2 that memory skillz course...
but then...
itz not like i use it 2 studdy...
but tehn....
itz somethin that i can do... or noe bit of...
or quite well..
otha than that i dunno wat i could teach...
god..
so annoyin..
wehere gonna get a topic????
if i do teach em memory skillz...

(con't at home)
i'll have 2 make up all these word listz and stuffz...
and give em stuff 2 memorise..
damn...
oh well..
it'll do until i think of somethin else..

SHIT
dia...
we got fieldcraft exam 2moro...
since we not goin 2 sleep ova..
shit..
i didnt study..
and now i have 2 study 4 mi mathz...
finish mi notez 4 bio..
and jus check thru mi fieldcraft notez 4 tha exam...
-_-"
and ontop of htat i have choir 2moro..
and i havent learnt mi part yet...
aggghhhh!!!!
oh well..

i think me and scar are gonna be 2 of tha 4pplz
that are gonna move down a class...
damn it...
mi dad gonna be so pissed...
and mi mumz prob gonna find me anotha tutor...
-_-"

oh well..
gotta stop wastin mi onli time left...
i'll try and study..
(i still dunno how 2)
-_-"
oh well..
bye
*hugz

fini chinese skoolz 4 tha term 2day...
and got reportz bak...
*sigh*

mi sistaz gigglin and typin at tha same time
at her comp again...
i wonder wat she rote thiz time...
betta not be like last time...
-_-"

i got mi chinese resultz bak...
all a's execpt for 2 b's...
*sigh*
i'm gettin worse...
time wz i used 2 get some a+'s...
oh well..
i did skip some classes...
but then...
i doubt they'd of done that much durin that itme...
oh well..
y do i care?

we had class 1st period...
then spent 2nd period singin...
3rd period we had a mini party...
thanx 2 tha teacher who paid...
and raymond who went and bought tha stuffz...
but then no point ritin it here is it???
oh well..

so ye..
we sat outside..
listenin 2 music and jus eatin junk food...

then aftawardz...
bout 1pm...
mum picked us up.... (1 hour late)
oh well... she bz...
and we went 2 harbour town...
walked round bit...
then went home at 5pm...

interestin tho that we didnt have 2 pay tha parkin fee...
tha parkin pplz gave us these otha ticketz...
and we didnt have 2 pay...
do they usualli do that?
oh well...
life goez on...

i bought anotha bag...
and guess wat colour??
bluuuuuu!!!!

hmm...
wat else happendz?

damn..
g2g sleepz..
nite nite
*hugz

these daiz i think i think bout life 2 much..
some timez life is so bad...

so many thingz happenz...
i mean soon time upz...
and fini high skool...
i mean itz already end of semester 1 ...
so FAST!!!!

and then on top of that...
coz mi parentz so bz..
i have 2 look afta mi sista as well...
i ask her 2 do thingz..
and she jus ignorez..
for me it jus getz realli hard..
i mean mi mum tellz me 2 make sure i look afta her...
and stuffz...
and then i ask her mi self and she ignorez it completely..
and then i ask her again...
and again...
and again..
and by then i'm realli pissed off..
so i end up shoutin...
and she thinks i'm bein mean 2 her on purpose...
-_-"
and then on top of that...
mi mum comez home...
ask me y not ready or wateva...
and then i cant say ne thing...
MI resposibility...
bla bla bla...
and so mi mum start 2 lecture...
and then wen lecture...
i start gettin annoyed...
on tha fact that i have 2 keep tellin mi sista off...
and then i end up shoutin sometimez at mi mum...
or most of tha time...
i end up sighin repeatedly...
and then mi mum startz believin i'm pissed at her..
and startz off on a lecture how i cant be pissed at her..
and mi sista totalli getz forgotten...
no trouble 4 her...
jus me...
y alwaiz me??!?!??!??!?!
and then tha whole family practicalli getz pissed..
so much tension at home...
-_-"

and then somtimez wen i'm out at tha resto...
and this sorta thing happenz..
i get an extra set of lecturez...
-_-"
mi grandma hearz tha lecturez and joinz in...
and wat can i say?
i jus have 2 listen...
listen and say ok...
so much...
i jus cant take it ne morez...
gettin 2 much...

damn..
run outta time 2 fini wat i wanna rite wat i say again...
i gotta stop chattin whist ritin mi posts...
-_-"
nite nite

ugh...
feel so bad...
i jus got bak 4m swimmin at beatty park....
*sigh*
now mi eyez have gone fuzzie..
i can bearly see...
i think there wz 2 much chlorine in tha water....
and plus on top of that mi sinuses are blocked
and i'm developin a headache...
god i feel sick...

omg i've had such a bad day...
i mean i wz practicalli fine until english...
i wz sittin there...
and then got so bored...
i started thinkin bout watz comin up and everythin as well as mi life atm...
then i thought bout how much time i've got...
and then slowly it jus got 2 much 4 me...
i dunno...
i started gettin so stressed...
and then i started hyperventalatin... ?.?
and then there wz like this full on panik attack...
at least i got betta...
but ye..

and then afta skool i practicalli burst in2 tearz...
2 much pressure i guess...
i mean i'm practicalli bz every aftanoon...
and i jus cant be stuffed wit hw ne morez...
coz it jus pile upz...
and i jus want some free time 2 mi self...
jus 2 maybe go outside for a walk or somethin..
itz jus 2 much stuffz goin on at tha same time
and i find that i end up jus practicalli fallin apart..

or it coulda jus been pms...
but i dunno...
itz jus 2 much pressure and expectationz..
no fun at all realli...
but i guess that for once i spoke openly 2 mi mum
since agez...
she 2 bz...
and ye...
afta her many suggestionz of me not eatin properly
or not sleepin rite..
but then...
how could that relate 2 me feelin like there are 2 much expectationz???
oh well..
ne waiz
afta heapza talkin...
finally made a conclusion of quittin tutorin...
YAY!!!!
i mean itz not like i need it that much...
so ye..
have 1 afternoon off now that aint weekend!!!
so happi!!

i wz gonna say happi b'day 2 scar...
but she wz complainin how i wz turnin in2 kat
so... no happi b'day 4 her..

watz happened tha last few daiz..?
doin role play election in class 4 s+e...
and tha votes are gonna be counted by tha electoral commision...
4 mi class i'm in tha national party...

well...
i g2g
mi dad brought pizza home
(damn gettin fatter and fatter every day...)
nite nite
*hugz

hmm...
i typed this realli long post but it accedentalli got deleted..
-_-"
oh well..

damn...
mum..
g2g
nite nite
*hugz

*sigh*
there are so many unanswered questions in tha world...

and yet so few answers....

y is mi sista so different 4m me? and yet so similar?
(damn i talkin bout mi sista again..)
i mean she's SO literate...
she takes thingz so literaly..
do i do that???
hmmm...
but on tha outside we're so similar...
i mean she's catchin up on me...
she's nearly tha same height...
and now there is only 1 SIZE DIFFERENCE between our shoe sizes...
(hmm did i say that last time????)
oh well...

y are pplz either so paranoid, obssessed and/or scared?!?!?!?
i mean mi uncle is obssessed bout cleanliness as well as bein paranoid bout bein robbed and stuff bein stolen... (well.. guess since he is a tour guide he prob had 2 many experience of bein robbed)
scar obssessed bout constipation atm... or so it seemz...
pplz have a word obssessions....
there is fear everywhere...
and there is stress..
and embarressment...
*sigh*
there are all these emotionz round...
everywhere different experiences...
but y?
pplz react differently in each situationz i noe that but y?
would it be part of their personality or would it be affected but past experiencez???
y do certain pplz make certain decisionz?

and wen parentz say itz 4 ure own good sometimez i wonder...
wat good???
are they bein ova protective?
or do they already noe tha possible resultz coz they've experienced it???

but then...
mi parentz jus have recently become paranoid bout tha net...
but then itz not like they use it that much...
could it be they forbid thingz coz they fear it or becoz they judge accordin 2 wat they noe or hear? or experiencez?

?.?

oh well...
some parentz explain...
othaz dont...
different pplz learn and teach in different waiz...
still i wonder...
y is there fear??
are we taught to fear or do we develop it???
y are we against some moralz???
are we taught 2 or do we decide such thingz???
are we different coz we have wat we think as an education which teachez wats 'rite'????
are we that gullible? do we take info that is given 2 us and jus believe it???

i mean in some countriez itz normal 4 violence and 2 kill anmialz etc..
but pplz ova here in our western society are different...
we are against cruety 2 animalz...
do we decide that ourselvez?...
or we are told that...??
there is violence against women also....
yet again...
if tha pplz who commit violence against women were educated against violence against women would they do wat they do now??? would it depend...
but then there is also hypocritz....
preach and dont act...
covered up truth...
nothin is known....

is ne thing permanent?
to us personally i guess there are memoriez...
memoriez of happiness...
but then that eventualli maybe forgotten...
or we may die...
but then wat of structures?
concrete thingz...
do they last?
or do they break down slowly???

wat of love?
would that last?
hmm... i dunno...
but then there are alwaiz obstaclez...
probz...
but would it last?
even if 1 of tha parnerz were dead?
would it continue?
is that perminant??
wat does last forever?
there is a balance i do believe...
would that mean that nothing lasts?
there is the construction and the equal distruction...
beginnin and end...
happiness and sadness...
all opposites...
are there oppositez 4 everythin in tha world? if there are are they equal???

there are upz and downz in life...
but are there timez wen there seemz to only be upz?
wen everything is good???
would that be followed by an equalli long time of bad thingz???
*sigh*

wat would happen wen tha world endz???
would it eva end???
how would it end???
by destruction... caused by humankind???
becoz of our stupidity????
our ignorance???
or a natural disaster????
how would i end???
of old age????
of sickness???
all by miself???
or die wit some1 like in a car crash????

deep thoughtz...
some questionz could be answered some wouldnt...
wz our world created by some super bein???
for in this world wen i dare to look around i see...
delicate patterns of work...
a rose for example...
so pretty..
yet...
has thorns...
smells so sweet...
but still there are the thorns...
painful...

and each other plant and animal...
so unique...
so special and different in their own way...
did some1 plan and design it all???
or was it all a product of evolution???
or maybe both???
were there realli iceagez???
were there actualli dinosaurz???
can science actualli support these theoriez?
wat about chem???
about atomic and valence structures?
all theoriez...
is there a truth out there???
how about another place where there is life???
wat will happen afta our time????

damn...
mi mum callin...
i g2g...
nite nite..
*hugz
(i guess this is the end of this post....)

hmm.. jus got bak 4m cadets...
i'm sorta considerin changin templates again..
but then tha 1 i decided 2 had 2 much blak
in mi opinion so i jus loaded tha pic jus like scar told me 2....
hmmm... got chinese 2moro...
i havent gone in like 3 weeks...
hope they aint angry...
but then i dont realli care...
i'm in tha 'adults' class and there's like 4 pplz...
and we had this class room but since tha numbers have grown in tha otha classes we've been kikd in2 tha meditation room...
-_-"
i mean realli.... there are not tables in there and all we get 2 sitt on is this hard coushion thingy...
no point realli...
mite as well sit and meditate...
but wit those seats there is no bakin so mi bak starts 2 ache...
-_-"
so bad...
oh well....
maybe i'll quit...
but not ne use coz mi mum and dad are gonna find some otha
skool which'll prob be twice as hard.. -_-"
...
hmm..
gettin late..
betta go...
nite nite
*hugz