role reversal

i wonder sometimez...
who iz older me or mi sista...

i mean shez tha 1 that suitz tha whole stereotype of a teenager...
itz like a total role reversal...
i mean linaz alwaiz on tha phone and on tha net..
yet i still get tha lecturez bout all tha usual teenage topix..
weird..

i ended up in tearz again last nite...
:'(
y?
i dunno realli..
it could jus anger and jealousy i guess...
i dunno y...
itz not like i disliek mi parentz..
but i find it so bad these daiz...
restrictionz on everyhin..
and yet mi sistaz tha 1 on tha phone all tha time..
and then therz tha net restrictionz...
i mean apparently i'm not allowed 2 chat on msn ne more...
not that i've stopped..
but still...
i dont talk on tha phone..
i dont sms..
i dont spend that much time out of tha house..
y restrict tha net?!?!?!?!
and wen i talk bout otha pplz...
mi mumz like: y u alwaiz comparin ure self 2 tha otha pplz in ure skool??? y not compare ure self 2 tha less fortunate????
like wen i wz 13 i wz lookin afta tha family coz mi mum had died...
and ure dad wz helpin out at tha age of 7...(blah blah blah)
i mean itz not like i dont respect mi parentz..
itz jus that i want some time 2 talk 2 pplz..
even if itz on tha net...

i mean wen they were that young did they have most of their aftanoonz off??? yez... wat bout me??? me i've got all these thingz on...
they had a choice... they were so bored hey decided 2 help..
me i'm so bz i feel like collapzin and jus sleep on tha floor...

*sigh* and then jus wen mi parentz came home..
they went straight 2 mi sistaz room and all praise her..
and then walkz ova 2 tha connectin door...
and then give me thiz huge lecture bout tha stuff blockin tha way..

tha thing is that tha door in between doenzt have onli mi stuffz...
itz also mi sistaz...
i mean i did try quite hard 2 clean mi room...
whilst mi sista on tha hand half heartedly...
goin online and jus playin whilst cleanin...
yet i get bloody lectured 4 mi effort...
i mean realli sometimez i wonder...
and mi sista jus lovez rubbin it in mi face...
wat iz it???
life at home jus feelz like thiz huge competition 4 mi parentz attention and love....
i wonder....
iz that y i seek so much attention sometimez at skool...
but still..
itz jus not fair...
and mi parentz are so bloody leniant 2wardz her... -_-"

and i've been taught 2 alwaiz be nice 2 her... -_-"
i mean i ALWAIZ have 2 let her have her way...
y wont she grow up????
y cant she stay at home and look afta herself???
y does seh have 2 follow me round?!?!?!?
i mean there are such thingz as babysitterz...
but mi paretnz prob prefer tha cheaper alternative...
plus they have practicalli a spy watchin me...
one who bloody spreadz exaggerated rumorz... -_-"

aggghhh
and i cant do ne thing bout it...
i'm expected 2 be old enough 2 look afta mi self...
and not complain...
and have 2 look afta her...
but if it doeznt go 4 her she callz up mi parentz and compainz...
mi life so hard...
stuk between prob between mi sista and mi mum..
and wen i try 2 be a good sista...
i jus have a hard time....
and wen mi sista doez somthin well itz all praize...
cept wen i get stuffz done itz like who carez?
itz her job...
-_-"
mi sista getz one of those merit certificatez...
and itz a cause 4 celebration.....
me get high d itz like meh....
oh well...
life goez on...

spent mi day cleanin again..
i sorted out all tha clothez...
in total mi mum went thru bout 4 loadz of washin...
so much!!!!

these daiz itz so weird...
itz not like i'm havin immediate mood swingz...
but i sorta go 4m extreme happy as if i'm on a sugar high...
to sad down in tha dumpz...
but itz like on an extended time..
and itz thiz continual cycle...
itz realli gettin 2 me..
i've found that itz mainly wen mi parentz come home...
i go sad 4 all tha lecturez...
but i noe i'm rong...
and yet i dont change coz i wanna talk 2 ppl....
and then i answer bak bout how i wanna talk 2 pplz bout stuffz..
and i get told off...
itz getttin worse and worse...
itz like tha familyz got all thiz tension between us...
and i go on and on...
as if itz not gonna stop...
as if there is no such thing as rest...
all except sleep...
but i dont wanna sleep...
at nite i dont wanna sleep...
i wanna talk 2 pplz..
and in tha mornin i regret it all..
regret stayin up that late...
wishin i could have some more hours of sleep...

oh well...
betta get 2 bed..
nite nite
*hugz