Let Me Go... Lost To Me...True Blue..

you know
i blogging is just so therapudic
(spelling? dunno sorta looks funny)
yep now that's been restated..

memories..
(sound familiar?
dw reason behind this one SHOULD be different
actually the reason for this post is completely different
so its ok.. but a lotta the content will/may possibly
be similar to previous material
so if you've lotsa study to do. its ok :D
and im not intending for this stuff
to be entirely understood so yep if its fuzzy strange?
its ok its just my thoughts atm)

the current..
the present
everyday flicks and flitters away from us
the second moments ago already gone
hmm just like a fast trackked clock
or those movies where the days of a desk top calendar
just tear of and float away
disassociate!!
-.-

what's new.. whatever seems to stay
day after day turns towards a predictability
predictability you know what's gonna happen
and in terms of time.. it soon becomes always there
a constant..
somethign that you begin to internalise
no longer new but then again always there
somethign you know you turn away from
and turn back and you assume to still be there
it neutralises
and you internalise it as a norm
its normal
its everyday
you feel as if it'll be everpresent
changing but still in its basic self
it should still be there
changing but at the same time constant
somethign that you know that will be stable
you suppose.. no matter what
you can think even
of the future with this constant still present
everpresent that it'll keep going on
you just cant think of an alternative
that there's possibilities
that there are alternative endings
from the forever ongoing days shall work out the same

and then
the inevitable
tho you choose not to think about it
your norm is no longer there
that for some reason
or the other
its not going to be possible
either sacrificed
or something else

for anything lost
its either by sacrifice for another thing
as a choice as we cant commit any longer
or you just realise..
its no longer there..
for some other external reason
nothing seems to be able to remain forever
otherwise we just wouldnt be able to appreciate it
but then again
of the things we already have
what do we take for granted?
too many god damned things
and you just dont realise it
not until its lost
lost to you
out of your reach
and the only way you can find it again?
seek comfort in familiarity?
or just plain pulling out of memories
the memories with their faded edges
where details have become hazy

and even as you seek
the familiarity
the memories
the most vivid
will still be tarnished
and of the vivid
you pull em out and you realise
that they would be the closest to the most recent
or the most cherished memories you have
for the most cherished you revisit more often
the memory is well maintained
you bring it up and you dust off the haze
the dust on the memories and once again
its closer to new than the older ones
and the most recent?
you just made it..
the time has yet to lay its hands on it..

and so..?
changing a 5 year constant
something that's been there
for so long?
its too much to actually have to think about
an absence of somethign that you thought you would always
think that would be there
or something more?
what of the last 13 years?
that's basically most of my existence
taking that way
thats just well
something thats inconceivable
and you think
that for something that you had no choice in
for so long
that you felt a lil dislike for
just because of its presence
it was the root of your problems
the root of restrictions..
taken away
what does it leave you with?

what is there left?
what you base everything aruond
or at least
somethign that you identify yourself with
gone..
poof..
vamoosh...
GONE

oh the choices
the chances
the changes
opportunity lost
can rarely be regained
so is this what you want?
is this what i want?
do i even have a choice at all?
of course!!!
NOT..
i have no hand in this
and so i just sit
sit and watch
as the world goes by
as my constant is taken away
but at the same time
in its absence
what is there to do?
but search for new?
to take the other matter into your own hands?
just take it
change what you can
leave what you cant
and deal with what is within your own limits
for thats as much as you can really do

pointless?
yes
helpful?
yes
del shall do it again some other time?
mm as usual.. blogging is good
so YES

nite nite
*hugs*