ok..
lost my last post..
have to type it up again..
last thurs..
spent the day doing paperwork..
driving around getting this done that done..
and we stopped by the ct..
and we bought a pedometer for dad..
this morning i woke up early..
and found that he had left it so i thought..
hmm let me try it..
(as slightly inaccurate as it will be since its set for my dad)
stayin at home wouldnt really work..
so i decided to help out at the shop..
nothing really to do cept act as a messenger between the shop and resto..
good i guess walking increase pedometer :D
but there seemed so be something i noticed..
i always walked the front way..
that is along the st where there's lots of shops and restos..
and i realised..
many shops = many windows.
many windows = many reflections
AND I COULDNT STOP LOOKIN AT MYSELF IN THE REFLECTIONS
therefore today's question:
am i EXTREMELY self-conscious or jus SELF obssessed in they way i dress?
funny thing tho..
in the morning..
i neva care bout teh way i dress..
well not entirely true..
coz i dun always wanna look like a total hag
but i walk out the house with MINIMUM care of my image
===============================================
THANK god for recover post...
nearly had to restart a third time..
i jus realised that it was there -.-"
===============================================
ok back to waht i was talking bout..
-.-" lost the drift of things..
umm..
oh yah and whilst i was waiting for mum..
wen we were bout to go home..
it was a while before
i realised was staring at the reflection of myself on the car window
-.-"
worrying...
anyways..
since i dun feel like talkin taht anymore..
i just thought bout something
what is up with some ppl and their one tracked minds?
ok ok
there is the female multitasking thing
but hey..
u dun go and NEVER talk to some1..
then out of the blue talk to them
then ignore em after you get the info you want..
maybe i jus cant get over this topic.
but i seriously find it annoying
you dont not talk to some1 then go talk to them jus coz u need help.
ok a person should be helpful and all
but still
isnt it rude?!?!
get what u want..
then after that say bye and start ignoring them all over again?
*sigh*
im going round in circles..
and the blog post that i still havent published taht i spent days on..
since i had to keep starting it ova and ova
coz of the windows closing due to some error or the other..
i dunno what to do with it..
i dun feel like finishing it either..
and its jus gonna sit there..
oo this is my 250th post!!!
happy 250th post..
hmmm saddening my life is isnt it?
what else is there to talk bout..
its 4:21 in tha arvo..
and i bored to death..
my organic chem booklet is only half finished
and its the only subject ive started on..
ooo
heres something to talk of..
I CANT SLEEP
i dunno HUGE problems sleeping these days..
not the whole i cant sleep coz im thinking of some1 prob..
but more of i cant get to sleep
it thinketh that it could partly be stress..
stress of gettin things handed in etc..
not sure if everyone noes..
IM GOING TO TAIWAN!!!!
tho not a perfectly good thing...
since its 6 weeks of study in my SUMMER HOLIDAYS >.<
back to the sleep thing..
its weird coz like i wanna sleep...
and wen i try to sleep i think ...
i think of parents
i think of school
i think of life.
i think of my sister.. :S
i think of music
i think of annabel
i think of resto
i think of jane mann and the whole brain tumour ting
i think of the tragic things on the news
i think of EMBARESSING memories
i think of memories in general
i think of TOO many things..
and then somewhere along the way..
i drift into this random state where im still thinking..
but im also asleep.. but not asleep asleep if u noe wat i mean?
like im still conscious and thinking and all
but rested..
i dunno how to better say it..
then later on
i think of im gonna wake up
i think of no back to sleep
i think of no wake up
i think of back to sleep
i start aguing with myself whether or not to wake up !??!!?!
what tha?
and then if i continue sleeping..
i wake up later on..
still realising i havent really slept slept..
look at the clock and its O.o
FOUR AM
-.-"
and sometimes wen im in tah half thinkin sleeping thing..
my sister kiks the door
(her bed is now blocking the door..
therefore her leg can reach it)
and its this HUGE BOOM
and it wakes me up >.<
at like TWO AM
I CANT SLEEP
AGH!?!?!
and also..
ive noticed..
i sorta tear..
like i dun fully cry and bawl out and everything..
and its not the whole shruddering watery nose thing..
its jus tears that keep falling..
drip drip dripping..
falling
down down down
but i dunno y i cry?
*sigh*
there really isnt anything to cry about really..
nothing i feel emotionally saddened about...
jus this whole numbness when ever i think of things sad..
yet i "cry" wen im trying to sleep
a silent weep if you can call it that..
its a numbing weep..?
im really confused i guess.
and sometiems it feels like theres no1 one
round to talk bout anything to..
could be overall stress..
but i dunno
and i mean thinking too much...
really can literally drive you insane..
like you get all these mixed emotions..
going from one thought to another..
sorta goes from a dull lack of thinking on the computer..
to a numbing flood of thoughts and emotions..
plus the fact taht my sight is gettin worse due to spending my time
in front of the comp this whole hols..
i need a hug :'(
ah well..
like ive told so many
life goes on..
i can do fine by myself..
and jus go on as if nothing happens..
but what does all this end in but drifting??
and where is the drifting me ?
lack of study..
and the belief that ill get good marks even if i dun study..
which nowadays dun work that way..
well ive reached a conclusion i guess..
the source of my not studying..
but how DO you study?
you know?
sometimes thinking of somethings..
jus runs shivers up my back..
there's this cold feeling..
a lacking of something..
this coldness..
this strange alien feeling..
maybe its jus the loneliness.
its not like my sister cares
and dont you just love that quote..?
"you can be in a room full of people and still feel as lonely as ever"
i dunno if i really love it..
but it seems so true..
time passes..
time may change things..
but somethings never change..
some too fast
too fast to grasp..
but what caused the change?
what is the catalyst..
or the peservative?
time keeps turning
but us people caught within the spokes..
may be tossed around
swinging from one personality to another
or stuck at the bottom remaining unchanged at all
and dejavu?
i dream up these things..
and some of them come true.
question is..
if we were reincarnated..
maybe this life has happend before
and we were sent to correct something
is it that our dreams are meant to remind us that something WILL reoccur
or tha something should be prevented from happening?
are things we dream things that should happen or not?
as real as they feel in the dream?
*sigh*
like i said before.
thinking can drive you insane..
and i still..
need a hug...
have a good avo..
*hugz*
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